the world in which he exists

I have never had the right to choose by myself, everything was arranged for me by them, and the road was paved for me by them. I just need to walk step by step according to the life they prepared for me, but you happened to be on the road, mess up my life.

I am willing to resist all impositions for you - You Xin

My name is You Xin, especially You, Xin of three golds.

I have a younger brother named You Hao, not a real brother, but a child of my uncle's family.My uncle's house is next door to ours. Before I was born, my dad had a relationship with my uncle. It was the kind of relationship between two brothers who had been at odds for many years.

Although our two families had feuds, they still maintained peace on the surface, but You Hao and I suffered.

My dad and my uncle are both born in the same mother, even if there is Liang Zi, they have to go home together for the New Year.After returning home for the Chinese New Year, we began to compete against each other, secretly competing, and the two of us naturally became tools for their competition.

My parents are very strict with me. My uncle lives next door. Even if You Hao High School and I are not in the same school, as long as the scores are obtained, everyone will know.As long as I am one point less than You Hao, I will definitely be scolded.

Such hostile parents did not turn You Hao and I into enemies, but into partners who sympathized and cherished each other.We played together since childhood, and You Hao and I had similar grades, which also allowed me to breathe a sigh of relief.

I think I am definitely the one who is valued the most by my family in school, and my classmates must think so too.Because arts and sciences are divided into subjects, my parents have to choose the school for me, and I have no choice at all.

I have been walking on the paved road at home, and the only person I want to surpass is You Hao.

I used to accept such a stable life, but as I grew up, met more people, and saw a wider world, I felt more and more that this stable life was a bondage and a shackle. I want to break free, but even if I want to break free in the face of my parents, I can't do anything.

I still listened to my parents quietly, and I was still the boy who couldn't choose volleyball.

You Hao and I both liked playing volleyball when we were young, and we both had a great time catching a ball together.The two of us often go to the gymnasium to play, and we have a good time with the uncles, aunts, sisters and brothers who play volleyball there.They also boasted that we would come to their team in the future.

The two of us ran home excitedly and told our parents, but the parents vetoed it outright and asked me to concentrate on my studies and not to engage in such nonsense.

My volleyball dream was shattered like this, and I dare not mention it again, but after repeated requests from You Hao, his family allowed him to learn to play volleyball, so I could only secretly go to see him after cram school.

The junior high school does not have a volleyball hall, but the newly promoted high school does.After I found out, before school started, I went to the school volleyball hall to play volleyball alone.

After playing volleyball happily and fulfilling my school's dream of having a volleyball hall, I went to the teaching building to visit the classrooms.

That was the first time I met Cen Xili.

There is a little breeze in the air, blowing the breath of summer, and a few leaves in the distance are falling into the soil.

The school corridor is very long, and there are empty classrooms next to it. The doors and windows are closed. From the windows, you can see the gentle sunlight through the glass to outline the shape of the window frame.

Every classroom you pass seems to be the same.

I just want to take a normal look at the classroom and there is nothing special about it, but it is this ordinary look that makes me unable to look away.

A boy in a simple white shirt, his light hair was blown slightly by the fan above his head.Maybe because he noticed my shadow, he turned his head and met my eyes.

The boy suddenly smiled at me and greeted me with a smile.

I couldn't hear through the glass, but I could tell he was saying hello from his mouth.

I didn't expect that he would be in the same class as me. I used my pretended enthusiasm in the class and quickly became good friends with many classmates.

The newly formed classroom is noisy, and those who are not familiar with each other are divided into several groups to get to know each other.They were talking and laughing, but I found that he was the only one sitting quietly by the window.

The window was open, and the wind was blowing in. Cen Xili lowered his head slightly, and there was a textbook spread out on the table.From a distance, the man seemed rather quiet, or dull.

No one spoke to him, so he just sat there without saying a word.He seemed to be concentrating on looking at the textbooks on the table, but his hands neatly placed on the table revealed his inattention.

His left hand kept picking and touching the fingers of his right hand, as if such a small movement could help him find something to do, and not make his quietness stand out so much

Perhaps my gaze was too obvious, Cen Xili's eyes met mine across the classroom.

I don't know what image I was in Cen Xili's eyes at that time, maybe it was the classmate I met yesterday and had a few words with him, maybe it was the popular king who got a lot of conversations from his class as soon as he came to class.

This is just an illusion I put on.

I have been paying attention to him, because Cen Xili always sits there alone, and then I found out that he also has a very good friend, and he is also the person who called me You Sanjin in the later years of high school-Gu Chaoming and Su Bing.

At the beginning, I still didn't get into any fights with them, and I still learned from them that Cen Xili had studied painting.

Curiously, I walked to the studio they called after school one day.I suddenly opened the studio door, startling him.

Cen Xili turned his head and saw me, I smiled and said, "You are indeed here."

I saw Cen Xili's drawing hand stop, I closed the door with the snacks I bought to avoid embarrassment, went in and pulled a chair to sit beside him.

He was the only one in the studio, and Cen Xili kept staring at me, with his arms still stretched out, and the nib of his pen resting on the drawing board.

Cen Xili said to me: "It is best not to eat in the studio."

Even persuasion is so gentle.

For the next few days, I went to the studio after school to watch him paint.

I do my homework in the studio, and sometimes I stand by the window and watch the trainees train on the playground.I know Cen Xili likes to look at my back when I watch people training on the playground.I felt it all, so I often stood by the window when I had nothing to do.

I painted with him, and as a gift, I invited him to play in the school volleyball hall.

I taught him to play volleyball, but volleyball seems to be particularly unfriendly to Cen Xili, or all balls are.

Cen Xili was hit by a volleyball once in the face, and it was the ball I hit.I laughed out loud at the other end of the block, and then ran over to see him.

That was the first time I saw Cen Xili with tears in his eyes but not falling. He looked at me, obviously about to cry but still said: "It's okay, let's continue."

I didn't follow, but let him sit aside and rest.

The volleyball court is empty, and the sound of hitting the ball echoes on the high ceiling.Sunlight streams in from windows high up in the wall, framing the window frames.There was plenty of sunshine that day, and where the sun shines, you can clearly see the dust floating in the air.

The net cuts the field in half and I stand in the sun tossing the ball, jumping, hitting it.

Cen Xili sat aside and looked at me quietly.

I imagined that I was a flying eagle in the sun, jumping up vigorously, spreading my wings, and shooting the ball down.

The sound of hitting the ball echoed in the volleyball hall.

You Hao and I got in touch with volleyball very early.In the vague memory of my childhood, the volleyball hall was the guidance of the aunt who seemed benevolent but strict to the players, and it was the jumping figure of my brothers and sisters who were tall to me at the time.

They jumped perfectly on the volleyball court, glistening sweat ran down their cheeks, and they slapped the volleyball hard with their broad palms.

With a bang, it exploded in the air.

Hey, hey, hey.

This bursting sound always echoed in my childhood day after day.

At that time, I was very envious, and even more envious of You Hao who could play volleyball, but I was already in high school, even if the school had a volleyball hall, I still followed my parents' wishes and joined the basketball team.

The basketball team is my only activity after studying, and Cen Xili has always been with me in this activity.

At that time, I didn't realize my secret love for him.

At that time, I was busy studying, and I studied at a high level and played volleyball.When he came out of the volleyball court, Cen Xili pointed at my face and said, "Turn your face around."

I slowly looked at him suspiciously, and turned my face slightly.

He pointed to my mouth and said, "Your mouth seems to be chapped and bleeding. You should drink more water in this weather, otherwise your mouth will dry out easily."

I touched my lips, and sure enough, my fingers were slightly stained with blood.

A white tissue appeared in front of my eyes, opposite to the blood red on my finger.

"Wipe it off." Cen Xili took out a tissue and handed it to me.

I looked at the clean tissue and followed Cen Xili's fingers to look at Cen Xili's face.

Cen Xili smiled slightly, with the corners of his mouth raised to just the right arc. His hair was a little messy after playing volleyball, and his body still exuded the smell of exercise.

At that time, I was distressed because You Hao exceeded my score, and I used volleyball to vent my dissatisfaction with the intensive study.

Cen Xili's eyes were full of stars, reflecting the light and shadow of the world.His pure eyes contained healing power, which made my heart extremely soft, but at the same time made me feel my heart beating violently.

The most terrible thing is that I clearly felt that when I met Cen Xili's eyes filled with galaxies and universes, my heart suddenly left and stopped.

That moment may only be [-] seconds, but I really feel it.

It was just an ordinary action of handing a tissue, and I didn't know why my heart stopped. At that time, I didn't know what it meant.

I haven't figured out what the heartbeat at that time represented, or I didn't think about what it was at all, and the sports meeting came soon after.

Athletes sway their youthful sweat on the field and feel their youthful time.

As the photographer of our class, I ran around the playground with a camera, my eyes looking for Cen Xili's figure in the chaotic crowd.

found him.

At the end of the playground.

At that time, I didn't realize that he was so shining in my eyes, allowing me to see him at a glance in the cluttered crowd.

Cen Xili seemed to have seen me too, and I waved at him.

I watched him run towards me, and I didn't know what I was thinking at that moment.

How novel is that feeling, like the end of the night, the waves hitting the reef, like the beginning of the morning, the first bird song in the empty valley.

He ran towards me, I took the camera and immediately took a picture of him, Cen Xili saw me pick up the camera and quickly dodged.

"Don't hide." I said to him with a smile.

In winter, my brain, which was so dull that I didn't realize my feelings for Cen Xili, woke up a little in the winter snow surprisingly.

I was only in the first year of high school, and my winter vacation tutoring accounted for more than half of it.

It happened to be my birthday on the day the tutoring ended. Even though I had been tutoring all day, I still asked Cen Xili to go out at night.

During the winter vacation, I didn’t see many other people except my classmates from the tutoring office. My life was still arranged by my parents.

I can't wait for the day's tutoring to end soon, and I can't wait to see Cen Xili.

As long as there is hope, you are not alone.

It was dark after class, I ran downstairs quickly, and he was waiting for me downstairs.

That was the first time I realized how hard it is to wait, and it was also the first time I realized how happy it is to meet the person I want to see.

He is waiting for me downstairs.

Before I went downstairs, I looked upstairs and downstairs, and saw him standing by the street lamp downstairs, and the warm yellow light of the street lamp covered him.

It was a cold winter night, but when I saw him, I felt my heart was burning.

When you like or love someone, you will be endowed with a special magical power by the God of Love.No matter how far away he is, he can be seen at a glance, and no matter how many people are around him, his eyes can follow him closely like radar.

The noise around you and the distance in the world have nothing to do with you.

I ran to him in the crowd in the cram school. I haven't seen him for half a month, but he still smiled so warmly.

His warmth overflowed from his smile, flooding my neck, nose and eyes like a tide, making me unable to breathe.

"This is for you." He handed me a paper bag.

"Birthday present," he said, "I thought you'd like it so I bought it."

"Thank you."

After I got home, I opened the gift Cen Xili gave me, and remembered what Cen Xili said.

"I think you should like it and buy it."

I do like it.

I looked at the presents on the table, picked up my phone and sent a message to Cen Xili.

"I love so much."

"what?"

"birthday present."

And you.

Like Cen Xili, I ride to school every day. I ride slowly and be extra careful, hoping to meet Cen Xili, but many times I don't.

The closer to the school, the more students on the road. I felt that the scene in front of me was boring, but suddenly I caught a glimpse of a school uniform appearing in front of the road.

He stepped on the pedals, his open clothes were blown up by the wind, and his hair was blown by the wind.I have a telescope in my heart, and I saw the dimples when he laughed.

I even secretly watch him in class.

The boy's neck was long and slender, and the sun gave him a velvet glow.I looked at him and felt that the boy seemed to have stopped time and the wind.

Cen Xili was still sitting by the window at that time, but later changed seats to sit with Gu Chaoming.The days when I sit by the window are the days when I peek the most.

His hair is a little curled today, it seems that he didn't sleep well yesterday.The breeze ran in openly through the open window and blew the pages of his book, and he had to hold his arm down to keep the pages from moving.

I look at his hands.Cen Xili's fingers were long, with nails trimmed to the edges.His slender fingers gripped the barrel of the pen and rubbed it against the textbook.

We are already very good friends, but I still peek at him every day. This kind of behavior makes me feel a little abnormal, but I still can't help but always walk with him.

I would accompany him to feed the school cats.

The school cats used to be very skinny, but now they are being fed fat.It was a tiny one when we met it.

Cen Xili and I were eating bread on the steps behind the school together at noon, when a cat meowed at the end of the steps.

Cen Xili stopped to eat bread, and looked towards the place where the meowing came from, a little milk cat.

It hid at the very end of the stairs, staring at Cen Xili with a pair of big eyes, but it didn't dare to get close, it only dared to make "meow" and "meow".

I was probably hungry, so when I saw Cen Xili and I sitting here eating bread, I ran out to ask for something to eat.

Cen Xili looked at the kitten in the corner who didn't dare to come over, tore off a small piece of bread, stretched out his hand, trying to lure it over.

Cen Xili meowed like a cat, stretching out his hand and meowing for a while.I didn't look at the cute kitten, I stared at Cen Xili's neck that turned away.

The kitten seemed to want to come over but didn't dare, hesitating on the spot and screaming.

Cen Xili saw that this was not going to work, so he was tired from raising his hands, and tried to throw the bread on the steps not far from it, and then ate the bread in his hand.

The kitten moved while staring at the bread Cen Xili dropped, and then barked a few more times.Cen Xili was eating bread when he heard its barking and glanced.

The kitten ran to the bread dropped by Cen Xili and ate it by itself.

Cen Xili thought it would finish the bread in a peaceful manner, but unexpectedly the kitten took a few mouthfuls, bit the bread and ran back to the corner just now.

After eating, it called "meow" and "meow", and Cen Xili tore off another piece for it. This time the kitten ran over without hesitation, bit the bread in Cen Xili's hand, and sat down beside him to eat.

Cen Xili ate the bread by himself while watching it eat.The kitten ate slowly, and Cen Xili even put some milk in a milk cap beside it.

Cen Xili looked at the kitten, while I sat aside and watched him silently.

The kitten ate the bread and drank the milk, and barked at Cen Xili a few times.

Cen Xili tried to touch it with his hand, but he didn't dare to touch it directly. He only gently tapped the kitten's head with his index finger, and only reached out to touch other places after getting its permission.

The sunlight fell on him through the window in the stairwell, and Cen Xili gently stroked the kitten, and I saw the smile on the corner of his mouth.

Before that, my life was flat and boring. I studied every day to surpass You Hao and win glory for my family. I couldn't resist this kind of life, but I enjoyed the convenience my parents had paved the way for me.I don't have to think about anything, I just need to study hard.

I thought my life would always be so flat and boring, and I got a little happiness by talking with Cen Xili, but all the happiness was broken by my good friend Chen Haiyang in one video.

It was his video that let me know that Cen Xili had the same feelings as me.

I'm not alone.

I don't know whether Chen Haiyang intentionally or unintentionally put the video of Cen Xili secretly kissing me and being discovered by them into the class commemorative video.He told me that it wasn't intentional at that time, but later he provoked Cen Xili, I knew he did it on purpose.

Even if I knew that I didn't quarrel with him, didn't break up with him, it seemed like nothing happened, which is why Gu Chaoming and Su Bing scolded me so much, and I kept silent.

I don't know why I didn't help Cen Xili, because I don't know how to do it. I only get angry secretly, but I never quarrel with others.

The fight with Chen Haiyang was delayed until the third year of high school.

As we were divided into classes, I had less and less contact with Cen Xili. At the beginning, Chen Haiyang was still in the mood to find fault with Cen Xili, and I just followed behind.As time passed, Chen Haiyang also had his own affairs, so he was not in such a mood to go to Cen Xili to make fun of him.

The third year of high school and Chen Haiyang broke up because they had dinner with some friends, Chen Haiyang couldn't keep his mouth shut, he talked about Cen Xili, and made fun of Cen Xili in front of everyone as a bus.

I stopped him once, but he had a second sentence. I couldn't bear it anymore and I threw my chopsticks to my feet. I almost got into a fight with him, and then we broke up officially.

When I was in the third year of high school, I knew that I owed Cen Xili a lot. Because of my innocence, he was persecuted by rumors and rumors, and he was hurt by Chen Haiyang.

I was present at many times when Chen Haiyang was hurt, but I didn't stop it. Gu Chaoming and Su Bing were so angry, and I could understand it. I could only drag Chen Haiyang away quickly.

At that time, I didn't dare to break up with my friends, and I didn't dare to disobey my parents.My parents went to school to deal with me and Cen Xili. The rumors in the school put me at the top because I was popular.They put Cen Xili at the bottom because the video showed his love for me, but I didn't respond.

When Lao Chen asked me in the office, I didn't have any answer.I didn't see my heart clearly, and I didn't have the courage to say those words, and I didn't want to make Cen Xili sad.

Once, twice, each time I was silent, no answer.

I can not.

Gu Chaoming swung the stool to break my arm, and I didn't complain at all, but felt a little more at ease, as if my sins were redeemed in the broken arm.

During that period of time, I didn't dare to look at Cen Xili, and I was flustered just by looking at each other.I was afraid that Cen Xili would see my secretly hidden thoughts and the sins in my heart from my eyes.

I have nothing to do to make Cen Xili sink to the bottom of the gossip. I watched Cen Xili become more and more depressed and talk less and less, but I couldn't comfort him.

During the summer vacation during the first year of high school and the second year of high school, I was at a loss as to what to do, so I separated from Cen Xili.

I'm going to science class.