the world in which he exists

No matter how confused I am, I can't escape my cram school.

I have heard about Cen Xili's parents' attitude towards Cen Xili's incident. They think there is something wrong with their son.In the office, I also heard Cen Xili's mother scold him, and Lao Chen helped Cen Xili speak, but I didn't.

I stood aside indifferently like someone who was liked by Cen Xili but didn't like him.

I spent the first half of the summer vacation regretting why I didn't express my own feelings, why I didn't admit my liking, why I dragged Cen Xili into this situation, and put myself above him.

In the first half of the summer vacation, I regretted so much that I was going crazy, I couldn't concentrate, and I was always thinking about Cen Xili.The teacher asked me to go home and rest for a while, but it was raining heavily outside the window.

Braving the torrential rain, I went home alone with an umbrella.I didn't ask my mother to pick me up, so I got on the bus alone.

"Choose b for the last multiple-choice question in mathematics. I asked the teacher." On the bus, I held the bracelet and sent a message to my classmates in the cram school with one hand.

As soon as I looked up, I realized that the heavy rain had stopped. Unfortunately, I was already wet, and my trouser legs were still dripping. Fortunately, my upper body was still dry, so I didn’t feel so uncomfortable.

The car started, and I chatted with my friends in the cram school.The car stopped, and I raised my head again. On the street where the heavy rain stopped outside the window, Cen Xili was standing on the edge of the station, looking at me in the car.

His hair was fluffed up, and his body was soaked, still dripping slowly.He looked at me with wet eyes, maybe because his whole body was wet, his amber eyes were like glass marbles falling into the lake.

Clear and white water.

The bus had already started, and Cen Xili's figure slowly moved backwards.

Holding the ring in my hand, I was stunned for a while, and suddenly shouted to the driver: "I want to get off."

"What car did you get off, didn't you get off just now?" the driver said impatiently, and didn't stop.

"Stop the car, I want to get off." I shouted again anxiously, and everyone in the car looked at me.

"Don't play with your mobile phone, let me stop after passing the stop." The driver's tone was a little unhappy, but he stopped the car and opened the door after I emphasized it for the third time.

The car was not far away, I grabbed my phone and jumped out of the car, saw Cen Xili was still there, and ran towards him.

Cen Xili raised his head when he heard footsteps, saw me running towards him, and immediately ran in the opposite direction.

I don't know what Cen Xili went through, but I guess it has something to do with his parents, and the reason why his loving parents forced him to come out in the rain, I think I'm the only one.

Following Cen Xili into an aisle I didn't know, and turned a few more aisles, I felt a little hot in my body, surrounded by streets and shops I didn't know.

"Xili!" I chased after him with a panting voice.

"You stop."

"what happened to you?"

I turned into a road I didn't know, and I couldn't remember exactly where it was, where it came from, and which street I ran.

I am not familiar with this area. This is no longer the main street, but a miscellaneous small street with various shops lined up along the roadside.

Small restaurants, tailor shops... and a small bookstore hidden among them.

Where is this?I didn't catch up with Cen Xili, so I looked around at the unfamiliar streets and wandered around for a while.

I didn't dare to go too far, I just wandered around the shops along the street.

Cen Xili ran away, and I lost track of him too.

"Silly?"

I called his name softly, so as not to disturb the people in the nearby shops.

"Silly?"

"Silly?"

After shouting a few times, I was sure that he was not here. I looked at the sky, fearing that it would rain again, and prepared to go home.

I didn't know that at this moment, Cen Xili was standing on the second floor of the bookstore behind me, looking at me looking for my way outside.

The owner of the bookstore was an old man with white hair and a thick book in his hand. He didn't say anything when he saw Cen Xili rushing up to the second floor.

"Your partner doesn't seem to know his way around. Are you really going to throw him outside?" the old man said suddenly.

Cen Xili glanced down, and the grandfather also looked at him, but Cen Xili didn't answer.

The old man looked at him and then at me outside, looked away, and turned a page of the book.

Cen Xili stared at my confused back outside the bookstore, sighed deeply, and went downstairs following the sound of the old man turning pages.

When Cen Xili came over, I was squatting on the side of the road and scrolling on my phone.

Cen Xili asked me as normal as possible: "Why are you here?"

It was like meeting me on the street by chance.

I saw him and stood up with some concern.

Cen Xili walked up to me and said, "I'll take you back."

I didn't ask him why he ran, I just walked beside him and followed him the way he came back.

I took off my dry coat and handed it to him.

Cen Xili glanced at my hands, then at my face, and finally took off his wet coat and put it on again.

It's finally getting warmer.

Cen Xili led me out of the street with seven turns and eight turns, and walked to the station. I finally saw the familiar road. I didn't leave, and sat at the station and waited for the bus with Cen Xili.

I touched Cen Xili's forehead, fearing that he might catch a cold and have a fever.Feeling the warmth of my palm, Cen Xili backed away slightly, and my hand immediately pressed against it again.

After touching his forehead, I touched Cen Xili's hand again.

My hands are warm, so warm that Cen Xili's hands are very cold.

I asked him if he was feeling well, and Cen Xili just shook his head.

The bus came, and the later the night, the more people there were. Cen Xili and I squeezed the bus together wearing wet pants.

"I'll stop right there in front." I said to Cen Xili.

Cen Xili wanted to take off his coat and return it to me, but I shook my head, "No need."

I don't know what happened to Cen Xili that day. If Cen Xili didn't tell me when he was in college, I would never know that he quarreled with his family that day to protect me and protect me from being scolded by his mother.

After Cen Xili and his mother had quarreled, he ran out. When he ran out, he caught up with the heavy rain and got wet all over, and he happened to meet me who was coming home.

I didn't know the whole story until I was in college, but I didn't know how inferior Cen Xili felt when he walked to the station and suddenly saw me on the bus stopped by the roadside, swiping his phone.

When you like someone, no matter what he is doing, it is good-looking and attracts you.Even if he is just swiping his phone normally, it is still exciting, and even if he just casually raises his eyes, it still makes you unable to move your eyes away.

When you like someone, his beauty multiplies and multiplies, and your own unbearableness is directly proportional to his beauty.My unbearableness is constantly magnifying, magnifying, and magnifying to swallow myself.

It's too unbearable, myself, Cen Xili thought as he ran.

The sticky clothes on his body wrapped him like spider mucus.

There is wind blowing by the ear, and the body feels the temperature of the wind.

I chased after him. I didn't know why Cen Xili ran, so I could only keep chasing.

I don't seem to know a lot of things. I don't know that after returning home, Cen Xili was cared by his family, who scolded him while caring.

I didn't know that Cen Xili went home and changed into dry and comfortable clothes, turned around and saw the coat I gave him on the bed.

Cen Xili sat on the edge of the bed, slowly stroking my coat with his fingers.With a smile on his lips, he touched the cuff of his coat, where I used to press the test paper.Touch the collar of my upper coat, where it touched the nape of my neck and the ends of my hair.Cen Xili picked up the coat, and stroked the place where the letter logo was printed on the upper left corner, which was close to my heart.

A sudden bell rang in the bedroom that was so quiet that only Cen Xili's breathing could be heard.

I was the one who called, and Cen Xili answered the phone.The familiar voice on the other end of the phone made my hand holding the phone stiff for a moment, and my heart froze for a beat, then continued to beat violently.

"Hey?"

Cen Xili didn't answer.

Worried that something might happen, I asked again: "Hello? Xi Li?"

Cen Xili swallowed, suppressed the blood rushing to his head, and said in a cold tone, "Yes."

"Are you home yet?"

"Ah."

"It's good when we get home."

"What's the matter with you?"

The sudden silence lasted for almost a minute, and I couldn't help but say: "It's easy to catch a cold on such a day, remember to take the temperature, I'm fine, so I hang up first."

I was about to hang up when Cen Xili said, "Wait a minute".

"What's wrong? Is there anything else?"

"That... thank you for today."

Cen Xili's words were only a few short words, but they broke through many barriers in his heart, and he had to go back and forth in his stomach before voicing them out of his mouth.

Before Cen Xili opened his mouth, he was still afraid that he would accidentally say the other three words.

I didn't expect him to say this, and it took me a few seconds to say, "It's okay, are you okay?"

"Ah."

"Then I hang up?"

"it is good."

From then on, I went to the science department, and Cen Xili stayed in the second class. Compared with the daily meeting in the first year of high school, the chances of us meeting were pitifully few.

Not long after the second year of high school started, I heard someone in the class say that Cen Xili from class two seemed to have gone to the infirmary with Gu Chaoming, and the paper in his hand was covered in blood.

They didn't explain it clearly. I thought Cen Xili was injured, so I lied to the teacher and said I wanted to go to the bathroom, but ran to the infirmary.

Pushing open the door and taking a quick glance, I was just looking to see if Cen Xili was injured, but in that situation, everything seemed to have changed.

When the doctor asked me if it was a man or a woman who was sick, I deliberately said it was a girl, and went to see Cen Xili's reaction, and the result was very satisfactory.

I use such a despicable method that I hate to test whether he still likes me.

When I got out of the infirmary, I threw the medicine into the trash can, and was accidentally seen by Su Bing. Su Bing looked at me with the eyes of "Are you sick?"

I was always put in a dilemma by myself because of my lack of seed.

Looking at Cen Xili's eyes, there was something that was obviously not there, but also took on a different color with the lowered eyes.My eyes are obviously plain, but because of the large height difference, I have a bit of contempt.

Seeing Cen Xili pulling Gu Chaoming and Su Bing away again and again, I realized how much I love Cen Xili.

When I found myself falling in love with Cen Xili, I had reached the point where I couldn't extricate myself.

It was a real accident that I didn't find that I liked you before, but the encounter after I found that I liked you was a deliberate accident.

I started to go to the liberal arts class when I had nothing to do, and went to the liberal arts class if I had nothing to do, just hoping to see Cen Xili at the window of the second class.

There are many people around me, but I lack you.

There are many people around me, but I only have you.

I can't seem to be like you with others...

friend?

This word is vetoed by me.

Like is not a difficult thing for me to say, but after I like you, it will be.

I kept following Cen Xili's movements. I saw Cen Xili studying with Gu Chaoming and the others from the second class. There was a new student in their class opposite Gu Chaoming.

I know they'll talk about me again.

At the sports meeting, I was forced to start long-distance running by Chen Haiyang.

On the day of the game, I was going crazy. Not only did I lose the game, but I was also looked down upon by Su Bing and the others. Cen Xili’s water was even given to Gu Chaoming.

Hmph, tell you not to buy it for me!I leave angrily.

I was still angry and ran to the canteen to buy water by myself.

If you don't give it to me, I will buy it myself.

Now that I think about it, it's a little too childish.

Besides, it was especially after school on the evening of the sports meeting. I peeked upstairs at Cen Xili touching the kitten. The water bottle in my hand just dropped accidentally. Byung almost charged me with murder.

Being scolded and beaten, I wanted to fight back, but when I saw the look in Cen Xili's eyes, I panicked again, and ran away without knowing what to say.

There are things that make me angry, and there are things that make me happy.

I touched Cen Xili's back in the cafeteria on purpose, who made Cen Xili chat with them so happily.

One day, Chen Haiyang asked for leave and didn't come. I was alone, and I saw Cen Xili alone.

Cen Xili is always surrounded by others, especially Gu Chaoming and Su Bing, rarely alone.I walked towards him, apprehensive and excited.

Cen Xili didn't know that my excitement was no less than his.

Cen Xili smiled at me, I haven't seen him smile at me for a long time, I couldn't help but froze.

Many encounters are actually created by me, I don't remember when, anyway, that man seems to be Gu Chaoming's father?

A few people stood in the school, and I took Cen Xili to go first. I just said "Don't get too close to Gu Chaoming and the others" on the way, and Cen Xili came back.

When Cen Xili left me and rode away, I realized that what I said was too much.

I consciously gave Cen Xili breakfast, and I picked Cen Xili's favorite Xiaolongbao.

I was so protective of the steamed bun that Gu Chaoming brought it up to the table. I deliberately went to find the class monitor of the second class and pretended to have something to do. Bing stare.

Maybe I'm not innocent, but it's my own fault.

Wanting to call Cen Xili to wish him a happy New Year during the Chinese New Year is also very ups and downs, ups and downs to death.

I just want to hear his voice, holding the phone, looking at the string of phone numbers for a whole day before I dare to press it.

"Happy New Year."

A firework happened to explode in the sky, and the electric current carried the wind and sent him the sound of the firework. I don't know if that person heard it.

In the new year, I am still the one who didn't grow.Sometimes I feel that I am a vase, just a container. I am what my parents put in it, and I have no choice.

In some ways, I myself felt cowardly, but the kiss after the chorus competition made me feel like I was saved a little bit.

As long as you don't tell others, only tell yourself, I admit that I am jealous.

Because of this awkward relationship between me and Cen Xili, my source of jealousy has never been cut off.

Maybe I like Cen Xili more than I realize, Su Bing put Cen Xili on the shoulder, I want to tear off Su Bing's hand, not to mention Guan Hui who popped out suddenly.

The life I thought would go on like this was completely disrupted by Guan Hui.

Guan Hui always sticks to Cen Xili's side, and the red light of crisis is always on.

I started my misleading behavior again.I took Cen Xili away in front of Guan Hui, and I showed off in front of Guan Hui that I knew that Cen Xili would not come today, but I didn't express my intentions, and I seemed to make people feel even more scumbag.

At the same time as a rival in love, I also had a fight with my family.The reason is that You Hao's score is higher than mine this time, and my father was not going well in business, so he scolded me when he saw my score.

I endured his scolding for no reason, and finally I couldn't help but fight back.

I yelled at my dad with all my strength, it was the first time I lost my composure, and it was also the first time my dad saw me like this, he was frightened by me, and I was also frightened by myself.

Noticing that I was out of control, I ran back to the room after yelling.

I was in a very bad mood, so I called Cen Xili and asked Cen Xili to come out and accompany me.

At that time, Cen Xili was traveling with Gu Chaoming and the others.

I know that what I did was scumbag to the extreme, but I still made that call and got Cen Xili's consent.

I asked You Hao to help me, lied that I went to tutoring, and asked him to ask for leave for me.My life was almost overwhelmed by tutoring, and I couldn't breathe.

You Hao and I rode to the appointed place together. When Cen Xili saw You Hao, You Hao greeted him very friendly.

When I introduced You Hao to Cen Xili, Cen Xili seemed surprised: "You still have a younger brother?"

I smiled: "My cousin."

Every Chinese New Year, my parents and my uncle are always comparing each other, and You Hao and I play games behind closed doors.

The matter between me and Cen Xili inevitably spread to my uncle's house. My uncle thought it was a scandal, and my parents also felt that I was embarrassing them. Chen Haiyang and Wu Shan were not afraid of big things. Only You Hao supported me.

He specially ran to my house to ask me, one day I was so angry by Guan Hui, You Hao came to my house to see me.

Mother opened the door, and You Hao and his mother went upstairs after some politeness. When they saw me sitting by the bed, they got angry and asked me, "What's wrong?"

I said it's all right, I don't want to talk about You Hao and don't ask.

You Hao is not as well-behaved as he appears on the surface. He lied to my mother, took me out to drink to relieve my worries, and then sneaked back with me.

That can be regarded as a very extreme thing in my youth.

In my non-painful youth, apart from Cen Xili, there seemed to be no other major issues.All my life is filled with studies. When I was about to graduate, I was shocked to hear about Gu Chaoming.

I thought I was going to be useless for the rest of my life, maybe because of the experience of the cold war with my dad since that quarrel, I helped Gu Chaoming.

I don't want what happened to Cen Xili to repeat itself, and I don't want to be useless anymore.

It was the first time I expressed my opinion in the crowd, condemning their gossip, and I also condemned myself for my lack of seed.

All of us, including me, are hurting Cen Xili.I don't want to be useless anymore, I'm already in my third year of high school, and I want to take control of my life.

The paved road at home is naturally comfortable, but I don't want to be a doll, I want to break through with my own strength.

On the day of graduation photo shoot, I was taking pictures with other students, but I saw Cen Xili trying to persuade Lin Jianfan, so I raised my phone.

I don't know which cramp I have, calling out Cen Xili's name, maybe it's the graduation photo reminding me that we are about to separate.

The reminder of the graduation photo is not enough, I have not felt that Cen Xili who turned his head on the phone is going to leave me.

I didn't really feel the separation from Cen Xili until I had dinner with my old friends who were about to say goodbye after graduation.

They were reminiscing about high school, when suddenly someone mentioned Cen Xili, saying: "That kid is also persistent, he has liked us You Xin for so many years, hahaha, after graduation, we will never have to see him again."

When I heard the words "never see him again", I really realized that the separation was going on.

It is no longer imminent, but ongoing.By the time I get to college, I really might never see him again.

Even though there is a lot of excitement around me, I still feel empty.

I suddenly panicked, the college entrance examination was over, and we were about to go to the next destination. I was afraid that I could only become the former classmate that Cen Xili said.

I'm afraid that when he talks about me to his future boyfriend, he will say: "I used to like someone very much, but ah, I gave up."

I called him in a panic, trying to tell him that I like him, but my liking sounded so forced to Cen Xili's ears.

I even cried.

Rather than waiting for you, I would rather hear someone say "don't move, I'll come over", only Cen Xili said this to me

It must have been Goddess of Luck who favored me, Cen Xili came to pick me up, and he promised me.

A person is an individual and can never empathize.Everyone grew up in a different environment, experienced different things, met different people, and heard different words from childhood to adulthood. Even standing in the same place blowing the same gust of wind, listening to the same sound of leaves, the feelings are also different. Yes, it's like you tell me you know I love you, I love you as much as you do, but you don't know how much I love you.

Cen Xili will never know how much I like him, I can only let him know in the days to come.

I was not in the same university as Cen Xili, but our university is very close.In order to make up for my high school injury, I also took care of him while taking care of my studies.

He always said that I was too jealous, and a boy in their class who liked to touch him touched him and I pushed him away.

God doesn't know how much I hate that boy, he is obviously interested in Cen Xili, and Cen Xili still believes his words, saying that he is just friends with him.

"Bah, do you believe him?"

Cen Xili looked at me: "Why do you feel that the more you live, the more childish you are?"

I:"………"

Fortunately, that boy left Cen Xili under my threat.

After finally graduating and working, we have our own small family.

Cen Xili framed the group photo I gave him after the sports meeting and placed it on the bedside table in the bedroom so that he could see it every day.

At that time, the sun was just right and the green leaves were luxuriant, and now the boy is still by his side.

Both Cen Xili and I are not good at cooking. After living together, cooking has become a big problem.I just started to learn how to cook, and in the end we still ate takeaway, but I especially like the feeling of buying vegetables with Cen Xili and returning to their home.

In late autumn, on the road, Cen Xili was carrying a bag of snacks, and I was carrying a bag of vegetables and a carton of milk.

The maple leaves on the side of the road fell, and there was no one around. Cen Xili was still counting how much money we spent. Cen Xili looked at me tenderly, and I smiled at him with the corners of my mouth raised.

Cen Xili also smiled like a child.

I held the vegetables and milk in one hand and held his hand. Cen Xili was stunned for a moment, his smile was replaced by surprise, and his cheerful words stopped suddenly, so I just smiled.

When we got home, Cen Xili and I cooked together. Cen Xili usually looked organized, but he was frizzy when cooking.Accidentally smashed a bowl in the pool, he wanted to pick it up, I was afraid I would cut off my hands and not let him pick it up, but Cen Xili insisted that he come.

Cen Xili was disobedient, so I could only hug him under the armpit, lift it up for him, lift it aside, and pick it up by myself.

Cen Xili couldn't help but blushed, with a slight smile on his face.

As if we made an agreement, whoever comes back first will watch from the balcony to see if the other party has come back.Seeing the other party walking on the road full of maple trees, I feel very relieved.

Sometimes I saw Cen Xili walking on the road on the balcony, and Cen Xili held up the plastic bag in his hand to show me, which contained the things we needed at home and our favorite snacks.

The autumn wind stained the boy's eyebrows, so it was blown away gently.

When I was in high school, I felt that I was too tall, and the height gap between Cen Xili and Cen Xili was too big. I was troubled by this and hoped that I would not grow any longer. Being so tall was not what I wanted.

It wasn't until I was with Cen Xili that I learned to use the height difference between us correctly.

After taking a shower, I went back to the bedroom to get ready for bed. I saw Cen Xili lying on his side on the bed listening to music with headphones on, but he didn't notice my arrival.

I stood behind him, and he hadn't posted yet.

I approached him, lay down on the bed and took off an earphone to put on myself, and he looked up at me.

I took advantage of the situation and hugged him from behind. Cen Xili was so tall that he was hugged like a small animal, which really made me really like it.

As the New Year approaches, I have not been home for the New Year for several years.I had a quarrel with my father in high school. Although it was resolved, it did not mean reconciliation.I still have nothing to say to him.

Cen Xili encouraged me to go home for the New Year, and I was on my way home.

Going home was just another quarrel with my father. I angrily rushed out of the house regardless of my mother's obstruction.Ever since I had an argument with my father in high school, I don't seem to be the same person I used to be. I don't know if I'm getting better or worse, but I've come this far, so be it.

Walking on the cold streets in the Spring Festival, I called Cen Xili.

When Cen Xili went back to his hometown, I heard him making a lot of noise, and the dialect blocked my ears.

He must be chatting with his family. I think of sneaking and calling him when I was young during the Chinese New Year, and wanting to listen to the sound of fireworks for him.At that time, it seemed that we could be together after hearing the same sound of fireworks. I couldn't help laughing at myself on the street.

I said to Cen Xili, "Happy New Year."

Cen Xili looked at the fireworks outside the window and said, "Well, happy new year"

I heard the excitement around him, I heard him laughing.

The author has something to say: The extra episode is over!So far, the book "The World Where He Exists" has officially come to an end.It happens to be Children's Day on June [-]st. I wish all the little angels a happy Children's Day!

Thank you little angels for your company.Your company is very important, it is the motivation for me to persevere, thank you again ('-'*)

Every time I receive your comments, I am very happy as a little transparent author (I already remember your names)

I hope to see you again in future articles, the next book "Aoyo" (look at my waving hands)

"False Love Rival" will also be updated!

Next is my rambling (cover face)

From January [-]th when the article was published to today’s June [-]st, almost five months, half a year, I still remember that day I learned how to make a cover, learned how to post articles, and learned how to use Jinjiang (dbq, I didn’t know until posting articles) , until now I can finally mark the end of my first work, and I am still not used to it, because this book has been with me for a long time, from posting to writing, I conceive every day, and I go to Jinjiang to have a look.

When I was conceiving the idea, I didn’t think it was difficult for Gu Chaoming and Lin Jianfan’s personalities to confess and fall in love. After seeing your comments urging me to get them together quickly, I realized that one of them is introverted, and the other seems to be introverted. Extroverts are actually very timid about emotional matters, it is a bit difficult to pierce that piece of paper.

In fact, when you urged them to be together, I was also a little anxious, but I still didn't speed up, because I felt that they should be like this.A child who is fond of emotions thinks that he should be responsible for saying that sentence.Gu Chaoming is such a person, because of family reasons.

As for Lin Jianfan, I actually think he is braver than Gu Chaoming.After all, he dared to rush forward and confess his love, which is different from Gu Chaoming's conservative look.He yearns for and loves, so he is willing to pierce that layer of window paper.

I remember I replied to a comment at the beginning, saying that they are two pieces of ice melting each other in the sun, melting into the same pool of water, not two pieces of fire, melting into one ball.I didn't mean to procrastinate, it just felt like it was who they were, enough to go with the flow.

Regarding Liu Yi, Fang Niya, two characters who may not have much in the text, is not just a formality in my conception. The existence of Liu Yi makes Gu Chaoming's childhood more sunny than his mother, After all, Gu Chaoming's life is too difficult.

The life that was too difficult for a child since he was a child led to Gu Chaoming's sensitive and inferior character. He buried the blood in his heart deeply, thinking that he was rotten and different from others.But when he thought so himself, a small gesture still made Faniya fall in love with him.

Maybe you think you're bad, but there's always someone who sees you as a place of peace in her heart.

He was rescued by Jian Fan, and so was the man who later confessed to him at the university.

As for Guan Hui, some people say that he has written too little about the process of falling in love with Cen Xili, very little. His love for Cen Xili seems to be very sudden and unreasonable.

He is just an immature child, he doesn't understand why he likes him, and he doesn't understand how much he likes him. He even uses the wrong method to pursue Cen Xili, which doesn't work at all, so he said to Guan Hui's comment : "Waiting for a ship at the airport." Guan Hui is like this, he saw the ship, wanted, wanted to pull the ship directly into the airport, but it must have ended in failure in the end, and the port where Xili has been docking is especially important. Xin, he is indeed a coward, hahaha, but he has improved since then.

There is a lot of rambling, but thank you for your company.

If you like the book, that's my happiest thing.

grateful(?????)