the world in which he exists

A few days after waking up from the dream, Lin Jianfan did something he had never done willfully in his four years in college.

lie.

He got two days off shortly after returning to school by lying.He did nothing during the two-day holiday and bought a ticket to go home.

He has always wanted to do this since he heard the song sung by his lovelorn roommate with an inch head in KTV, and he didn't realize it until today.

Summer has not gone, and every day after returning to school is a sunny day.

Every sunny day when he returned to school, Lin Jianfan thought about Gu Chaoming all the time.

Woke up and turned on the phone to see Gu Chaoming on the wallpaper.Sitting at the desk studying, I saw Gu Chaoming in the photo frame on the desk.When eating, he imagined that in a few years, he would be able to eat with Gu Chaoming, and he would bring Gu Chaoming to the place where he lived and introduce his favorite dishes.

When he was waiting for someone under the school's ginkgo tree, he would imagine that it would be Gu Chaoming who came up to him and called his name.Passing the school basketball court and seeing people playing in sportswear, he wished he could turn around and see Gu Chaoming shoot a basket and score a three-pointer. Gu Chaoming happily smiled at him outside the block.

How he wished that Gu Chaoming was by his side.

Gu Chaoming seemed to be beside him, in the world he imagined.

On a sunny day, Lin Jianfan couldn't take it anymore.He missed Gu Chaoming very much, he had only returned to school not long ago, and he had just met Gu Chaoming before returning to school.

Abandoning what he was going to do, he asked for leave and bought a ticket willfully. Lin Jianfan ran to the seaside where Gu Chaoming took him on his birthday.

He was running, as if there was a driving force driving him and attracting him. As he ran all the way, Gu Chaoming's smile, Gu Zhaoming's words, and Gu Chaoming who gave up on him kept flashing in his mind...

Looking at the street scene by the side of the road, recalling the road that Gu Chaoming took him before, thinking of their youth, he suddenly wanted to cry.

He ran to the beach, only to find his belongings.

The waves are rushing, sparkling under the sunshine.The sun was very bright and the sun was very warm, but he cried very sadly. The tears in the corners of his eyes finally couldn't help seeing the familiar sea.

Gu Chaoming told him that and told him to give up.After waiting for so long, he was alone and very tired. He knew that Gu Chaoming was also tired, but he didn't want to give up, but Gu Chaoming said to give up first.

He was really tired, tired, and the tiredness he thought he could bear was doubled because of Gu Chaoming's words.

He was really afraid that one day he would give up just like that, without waiting for him, he was not afraid that Gu Chaoming would not love him anymore, he was afraid that he would give up on him.

He remembered that on the car back from his previous school, he asked Gu Chaoming: "Will life get better?"

Gu Chaoming answered him like this - yes.

Life will get better, will it?

Does it really happen?

Life is not the same bitterness now, but in a different way.

He suddenly put his hands to his mouth and shouted towards the sea: "Gu Chaoming, will life get better? Will it?"

He kept asking, he yelled to the waves, he yelled to the mountains and rivers, he yelled to the wind.

No one answered him, only heard the turbulent waves and the chirping of birds, but Lin Jianfan seemed to have got the answer.

Yes, it will get better, even if life is changed to a painful way, it will be different after all.Because he has someone to wait for, he has the expectation of waiting, he is only afraid that that person will give up, he is afraid.

Lin Jianfan figured it out, and after he figured it out, he looked around and felt that he was a bit hypocritical. He looked to see if there was anyone on the side of the road, wiped away his tears, and Lin Jianfan immediately fled the beach.

After escaping from the beach, Lin Jianfan bought some things on the way home.After ringing the doorbell, his mother opened the door for him, and seeing Lin Jianfan who was carrying his things home, his mother's surprise was within Lin Jianfan's expectation.

He hugged his mother and said, "I love you, Mom."

Mother Lin hugged him back, she felt something was wrong with Lin Jianfan.Lin Jianfan didn't come back suddenly, nor would he express his love like this.

She asked, "What's wrong with your child?"

Seeing that Fan let go of her mother, took her hand, looked directly at her, and said to her without flinching, "Mom, I have something to say to you."

At the house where only mother was alone, Lin Jianfan handed over the bought things to her mother, and Lin Jianfan also made her favorite tea for her mother.

He told his mother to just sit on the sofa and wait for him in peace.He was making tea by himself, and when he came over with the tea tray and saw his mother staring at him, Lin Jianfan swallowed nervously, and tried to hold the tea tray steady to calm himself down.

He sat down on the sofa with a tea tray and put the tea tray on the coffee table.

Lin Jianfan did the whole process of making tea, and handed the teacup to his mother. The mother asked why it was so formal to drink it by herself at home, but Lin Jianfan just wanted it to be more formal.

Make what he says next more formal.

He didn't just talk, and he didn't want his mother to think he was just talking.

The tea was steaming, Lin Jianfan picked up his teacup and found a tea stalk standing upside down in the tea.

The inverted tea stem is a symbol of good luck.

Lin Jianfan smiled slightly, and the upside-down tea stalk gave him great courage. He took a sip of tea, raised his head and put down the tea cup facing his mother.

"Mom, I have something to tell you."

Lin's mother wanted to ask him what he wanted to say, but she seemed to have guessed it, after all, she said some cruel things to Gu Chaoming even as a mother.

Gu Chaoming listened to it, but Lin Jianfan always chose to avoid it.

Lin Jianfan signaled his mother not to interrupt him.

"What I'm going to say next is not casual, nor is it impulsive. You also know that I am not an impulsive person. What I will say next may be difficult for you to accept, but I still have to say it, because I know I am It's the last thing to say."

"Mom," Lin Jianfan got closer to his mother, grabbed her hand, looked into her eyes, "I must wait for him."

Lin Jian saw who Fan was talking about, and the two people in the living room knew it well.

Mama Lin knew that her son had been waiting for him, and she tried to persuade Lin Jianfan to give up, but he couldn't tell her son, but she told someone else's son.

Said those cruel things.

After the incident, she also went to get to know Gu Chaoming, and she knew what Gu Chaoming had hidden from her.

Gu Tao's death, Gu Tao's violence, Qu Yingyi's new family, and Qu Yingyi's new husband felt a little uncomfortable for Gu Chaoming after the accident...

Gu Chaoming definitely couldn't go to the mother's house that couldn't accommodate him, Gu Tao also left, he had nowhere to go, no home to return to.Even Lin's mother felt that Lin Jianfan's waiting was his only expectation, but she still said it, for her own child.

"Mom, Gu Chaoming and I...we..."

Mama Lin interrupted him: "I know."

The heat of the tea in her hand slowly dissipated, she said, "Have you thought about it yet?"

Seeing Fan nod her head, Lin's mother said, "Just do it after you think about it."

Lin Jianfan looked at his mother's face, Lin's mother hugged Lin Jianfan and patted him on the back, holding back tears with her eyes wide open, she said to the poor child in her heart, "I'm sorry."

She shouldn't have been so selfish in saying those things to him.

I am sorry.

On the day of returning to school, his mother sent Lin Jianfan to the station, and Lin Jianfan kissed his mother's cheek for the first time when they were separated.

He's really happy, super happy.

He couldn't imagine that his relationship with Gu Chaoming had his mother's approval.

Mother was frightened by his sudden kiss: "He is such a big man, others are watching."

Although she said so, Lin's mother smiled when she saw Lin Jianfan's face under the sunlight at the station, and he felt that his son had finally returned.

She watched her son get into the car and waved to him at the station. The moving car carried Lin Jianfan away, and Lin's mother stood there waiting for him and Gu Chaoming to come back together.

She doesn't have high demands on Lin Jianfan's other half, as long as she treats Lin Jianfan well and Lin Jianfan likes him, that's enough.

Gu Chaoming did both of these things very well.

She wants to have an understanding and filial family like Gu Chaoming - Lin Jianfan must be very happy.

Sitting on the high-speed train on the way back, Lin Jianfan looked out the window, watching the rapidly receding scenery outside the window, the sunlight fell on his body through the window.

Lin saw Fan laughing.

He made his next decision, he wanted to move out of the school dormitory and find a house to live in by himself, to fulfill Gu Chaoming's promise to him, and when Gu Chaoming came out, they could have their own home.

Nine years, but nine years, he can wait, and he can afford to wait.

Looking at the scenery outside the window, he talked to Gu Chaoming alone.

"Before you told me that when we were admitted to the same university, we would rent a house outside the school, so when I was preparing for the third year of high school, I couldn't help thinking that our rental house must have a sunny Windows, there will be enough sunshine when it is sunny, and you will not be afraid of humidity in rainy days. The curtains must be blackout, and the bed must be soft, so that you can sleep comfortably and you will not be disturbed when you sleep. "

"I even think about those things. I think the height of the table must be suitable, and the carpet must be soft, so that it will be comfortable and not hurt the body."

"You wouldn't have thought that I would think so much. At that time, I felt that the review days were so long every day, and the questions would never be finished. The beautiful imagination and the exhaustion of the review made me want to move into that rental house as soon as possible. When I woke up, I was sleeping on the soft bed in the rental house."

"I was too urgent, so I was always flustered, and the days passed more slowly, but at that time, Lao Chen talked to us, and I immediately felt that time was back on track, not as slow as before, which made me anxious .”

"Old Chen said: 'Maybe you feel that life is going slowly and hard, and you have endless homework and questions every day, but when you go through these days and look back, you will feel that the original Time flies so fast."

"Time is always fair, and no one will change his speed because of anyone. It is only you who is unfair. If you think reviewing is something you are worth doing and happy, then it will naturally pass faster. If If you think reviewing is painful, then it will naturally depend on you. You always think about the pain of the moment, and look forward to the coming of the college entrance examination. The college entrance examination will always come, before you know it, when you don’t pay attention , it’s coming, and you don’t have to pay attention all the time.’”

"Nine years may sound like a long time, but it has a length. It will always come to an end. It just comes quickly or slowly. It will always come."

Gu Chaoming will always come back, just think less about him.

As long as I miss you a little less, don't always count the days, as long as I miss you when I don't do anything, then the nine years will pass quickly, very quickly.

Only nine years.

Back at school, Lin Jianfan took out his savings, asked people around him for help, searched online by himself, and finally found a house he was satisfied with after running around.

The self-contained furnished house has the big soft bed he wanted, and the floor-to-ceiling windows of the house that Gu Chaoming rented before, which are bigger than the previous ones.

It was just that there was one missing suitable table that he wanted. He went to the furniture city to carefully select and finally found a table that he wanted.

Lin Jianfan felt that the table was suitable for Gu Chaoming's height, and when he sat on it, Gu Chaoming could kiss him with a comfortable bow.

Seeing this table in the furniture store, Lin Jianfan stroked the table and missed Gu Chaoming.

He also bought a hanger specially for scarves to hang the red scarf he gave to Gu Chaoming.

Everything is ready, just waiting for another master to return.

Waiting for Gu Chaoming's return, waiting, waiting until another new year comes.

On the first day of the Lunar New Year covered with fine snow, Lin Jianfan went to the cinema to watch this year's New Year's films as usual in the past few years. Lin Jianfan would go there every year.

One person, two tickets.

The seat next to him was empty, waiting for Gu Chaoming to come back.

He will be back soon.

In the dark theater, Lin Jianfan was dressed warmly, wearing the red scarf he gave Gu Chaoming.He wears it every year, to the extent that people who have known him long enough have asked him why he has been wearing the same scarf for so many years.

Lin Jianfan just smiled and said nothing.

He obviously chose a comedy, a big New Year's Eve movie, but he fell asleep.

Lin saw that Fan Meng went to the past, he and Gu Chaoming watched a movie together, and dreamed that Gu Chaoming was sitting next to him and talking about the plot with him, as if it was just yesterday.

He suddenly woke up from his dream, afraid that Gu Chaoming would say that he was not serious about watching movies.

When he woke up and saw no one around him, he smiled and had another dream.

Before the movie ended, Lin saw that Fan was not interested in watching it after waking up. He scratched his hair and stood up. When he stood up, he suddenly saw a boy who looked like Gu Chaoming walking past the screen.

Knowing that it is impossible for Gu Chaoming to appear here, and knowing that it must not be him, Lin Jianfan still chases after him in a strange way.

There was a whole flight of stairs between him and that person, the movie theater was dark, and there was a joke in the New Year movie, Lin Jianfan ran down the stairs amidst the laughter of the movie theater audience.

Seeing Fan running very fast, Lin seemed afraid that he would get away.The movie theater was too dark, Lin saw Fan fell down the stairs, and was helped up by the movie theater staff, he thanked and continued to chase.

He ran out but didn't see that boy again. He realized what he was doing, and he knew it must not be Gu Chaoming, but he just missed him too much.

Perhaps I miss you so much, everyone I see is like you, and the voice I hear is like you.

Seeing Fan's shoulders drop, Lin thought of washing his face in the toilet.Walking to the toilet of the movie theater, I splashed water on my face with my hands, when the toilet door beside me suddenly sounded open.

The world in front of him was blurred, and the sound of the door opening was a key to unlock the door of Lin Jianfan's memory.

Many years ago, he fled the classroom because of fear, and the memory of meeting Gu Chaoming who smoked in the toilet came to his face.

drown him.

It was the same as that day, the same vague world, the same sound of the door opening, but he knew it was definitely not Gu Chaoming.

Lin saw Fan holding the sink with his hands, pretending to straighten his hair, and saw the boy walking by from the mirror in front of him.

He didn't dare to look at it, but it was definitely not Gu Chaoming.

After the boy left, Lin Jianfan looked at himself in the mirror and laughed at himself: "It must not be him, what are you thinking, he is still waiting for you to pick him up, he is still waiting for you, he will definitely laugh at you knowing that you are like this. "

Lin Jianfan looked at himself in the mirror and thought like this, with a brisk tone in his heart, but he suddenly burst into tears, burst into tears, and the depression of the past few years broke out at this moment.

He didn't know why he was crying, he had survived all these years, and Gu Chaoming was about to come out.

He just wanted to cry and missed him very much, throwing a tantrum like a child for no reason.

It turns out that I miss him so much, it turns out that a person can think of another person like this, think of crying.

Gu Chaoming, I really miss you.

He used to think that there would be no problem for nine years, but now he has given in, and he really misses him.

Gu Chaoming, I miss you so much.

Lin saw Fan leaning on the toilet sink and squatting down slowly, hugging his knees in a self-protective manner, resting his head on his knees, his knees were wet with tears.

Seeing him like this, a person who went to the toilet came up and asked with concern: "What's wrong, young man? Is there something wrong?"

Lin Jianfan didn't dare to look up, for fear that others would see the tears on his face, so Lin Jianfan buried his face in his knees and said, "No, thank you."

As soon as the man left, Lin Jianfan immediately fled to the toilet cubicle.

After tidying himself up and walking out of the movie theater, the cold wind was blowing on his face. Seeing that Fan had put on the scarf, Lin buried his chin and face in the scarf and said in his heart, "Chaoming, today I did something embarrassing."

Regardless of whether Gu Chaoming has just started going in or is about to come out, Lin Jianfan always visits him when he has time.

He told Gu Chaoming that he had already told his mother about their relationship.His mother didn't mind, and said she would wait for him to come home, but Gu Chaoming didn't seem to believe it.

When he didn't believe in the world, Gu Chaoming told him over and over again how much he loved him, even if the world didn't love him enough, he would use his love to make up for the love the world owed him.

Now that Gu Chaoming didn't believe it anymore, Lin Jianfan could only tell him over and over again how hard he worked for the future of the two of them.

Study hard, persevere hard, work hard to arrange the home, work hard to get parents' approval, work hard to tell you - you don't need to feel inferior at all, I am no different from you.

You are not homeless, and I am waiting for you.

When you come out, I will welcome you with open arms, and let you feel my warmth the first second you come out.

No matter what others think of you, I will always love you.

Who made you accompany me so much when I needed company, and now you want to get rid of me.

Hmph, it's too late.

Every time Lin sees Fan, he encourages him, telling him how much he loves him like he did to himself in the third year of high school.

Gu Chaoming was always silent, listening silently, and did not refuse his visits.

Gu Chaoming was reluctant, he wanted to see Lin Jianfan.

Think ten out of ten.

He couldn't bear to refuse but couldn't respond. He believed what Lin Jianfan said, and believed that Lin Jianfan loved him as he said, but he couldn't let himself believe that Lin's mother accepted his words.

That's what Lin's mother said to him in person, and she silently strangled his and Lin Jianfan's future hopes in a short paragraph of mother's concern for her son.

He couldn't refuse not to see Lin Jianfan, and he had to respond to Lin Jianfan with silence.Whenever Lin saw Fan choked up while talking, Gu Chaoming wanted to hug him to comfort him, hug him like before, in their small home, and cover him with the heavy blanket at home.

But he can't.

He doesn't have a thick and warm blanket, he only has the choking Lin Jianfan and the cold glass that is opposite to the warmth.

Lin Jianfan finally waited for Gu Chaoming's different response. Gu Chaoming couldn't help laughing slowly when he heard Lin Jianfan's suppressed sobs.

The corner of his mouth smiled, but his heart was bitter.

Gu Chaoming smiled and said, "I really want to eat your sweet and sour pork ribs again, because it's really hard to eat."

Finally waiting for Gu Chaoming's response, Lin Jianfan shrunk his nose and held back tears: "I'll do it for you when you come out."

"Nobita is still waiting for Doraemon to come home."

Seeing Fan uttering this sentence, Gu Chaoming's suppressed tears flowed back at an unstoppable speed, rushing into Gu Chaoming's red eyes.

The eye sockets couldn't stop such an impact.

The first tears rolled down his cheeks, Gu Chaoming looked at Lin Jianfan, saw Lin Jianfan's face that forced a smile to him, Gu Chaoming raised his head and bit his lower lip trying to withdraw the tears.

He didn't know if he started cutting, he couldn't stop. Countless tears flowed from the bottom of his heart. The tears that had been suppressed in his heart for nine years were completely resisted by Lin Jianfan's words.

Gu Chaoming, who raised his head and wanted to hold back his tears, had tears streaming down his face, and he couldn't help it.

He lay down on the table and wept bitterly.

Nine years of longing and inferiority, nine years of longing and nostalgia, all melted in Gu Chaoming's continuous tears.

"I miss you so much." Gu Chaoming cried bitterly and said to Lin Jianfan.

"Me too." Lin Jianfan caressed the weeping Gu Chaoming through the glass.

Cold glass, warm palm.

Gu Chaoming's palm was pasted behind the glass, and they touched each other through the cold glass.

Hold each other tightly.

Gu Chaoming looked at Lin Jianfan's face through his eyes blurred by tears.

When he saw Cao Zhan lying in a pool of blood, he thought, "Let me protect him."

He always thought that he was a young boy who couldn't do anything well. At that time, he thought that he had protected him, but Mama Lin's words made him feel that he couldn't protect him even more.

Lin Jianfan had waited for him for so long, but he still wanted to work hard.

This time, he didn't protect alone, but joined hands together.