the world in which he exists

The last bell of the college entrance examination rang, and the journey of the third year of high school that started last summer officially came to an end.

Candidates stopped writing in the examination room, and parents waited eagerly outside the examination room.

There were many people outside the examination room, and the inside of the examination room was so quiet that only the sound of the invigilator closing the papers could be heard.

Lin Jian covered the pen cap and packed up the examination equipment, waiting for the invigilator to close the paper and announce that he could leave the examination room.Some students in the examination room had just finished the exam with relaxed faces, as if they had been relieved of a heavy responsibility, while others had heavy faces, as if they had failed the exam at first glance.

Looking around the examination room for a week, I saw happy or sad faces in the examination room, the stairs of the teaching building were crowded with people, the door of the teaching building was not opened, and they were all waiting to open the door to go home.

Standing in the empty space at the top of the stairs, Lin Jianfan looked down at the candidates who were waiting to go home.He stood in front of the railing, he didn't remember how he got here, he felt like he was still packing up his things in the examination room a few seconds ago, like a movie clip, the next shot was directly spliced ​​to the crowd in the stairwell.

Lin Jianfan never thought that his third year of high school would end in this way, a sudden and unexpected way.

The door of the teaching building opened, and Lin Jianfan walked out of the school with the test equipment and the crowd, and the next shot was spliced ​​to his mother's face.

Mother asked him how he did in the exam?He said it was ok.

The area in his mind that controls study is the calmest place. No matter what happens that may affect his college entrance examination, once he sits in the examination room and gets the test paper, the area that controls study will automatically work, as calm as if he has no emotion.

Lin Jianfan felt that he had performed well, and he was not disturbed by recent worries as expected.

He thought that Gu Chaoming's incident would bring a huge blow to his college entrance examination and make him fail in the college entrance examination. Even Lao Chen and Lin's mother thought so.

Mother Lin was shocked when she heard about Gu Chaoming and thought of her son.Her son was very close to Gu Chaoming, and she hadn't figured out the relationship between her son and Gu Chaoming. This happened to Gu Chaoming. Lin's mother was worried that her son's college entrance examination would be affected, but Lin Jianfan felt that her son's college entrance examination would be affected. I did very well, even when I left the examination room, I felt that F major was within my reach.

He should be happy that the college entrance examination went so smoothly, but Lin Jianfan, who was sitting in the car home, was like a dying flower, waiting for his little prince to water it.

The air conditioner was turned on in the car, but Lin Jianfan still opened the window, allowing the hot wind outside the window to blow his face. Mama Lin saw Lin Jianfan staring out the window in a daze from the rearview mirror, which he always does recently.

Lin saw Fan looking at the receding street scene outside the window, he only had the wind blowing in his face, and there was no one waiting to water him.

The document bag containing the examination equipment was placed on the lap, and the strong wind from the window blew over the document bag. Gu Chaoming bought it for him at the stationery store outside the school.Lin Jianfan took it for the college entrance examination and took it home.

In the file bag, apart from the stationery for the college entrance examination, there is also a piece of yellow paper.There was a crack in the yellow piece of paper, which was accidentally torn by Lin Jianfan. There was a line written on the piece of paper - look forward, don't look back.

The handwriting was blurred by tears, it was the Pikachu that Gu Chaoming folded for him.Lin Jianfan took it with him and regarded it as a lucky charm for the college entrance examination.

Sure enough, he did well in the exam.

On the way, there was a car with a ribbon on it that voluntarily picked up and sent candidates. Lin Jianfan watched the car drive in the opposite direction from them.

His senior year of high school was over, on a sunny day where the sun was blinding and the temperature had risen to unimaginable heights.

The time in the third year of high school was like a car driving in the opposite direction with them, and it went a little bit farther.

The time gone takes away the people of the past.

On the day when the graduation photo was taken, Lin Jianfan stood at the very edge, and there was a space beside him. The photographer asked him to stand over, but Lin Jianfan firmly refused to move.Old Chen, an old man who is almost half a century old, knew what Lin Jianfan was doing, he sighed and asked the photographer to just take the picture.

Lin saw that Fan was saving a place for Gu Chaoming, but he was still missing from the graduation photo of Class [-] and [-] of senior high school forever.

After taking the photo, Cen Xili stood aside with Gu Chaoming, watching the students in his class gathered in groups to take pictures together.

Cen Xili patted Lin Jianfan's shoulder, who was not very interested, and wanted to talk to Lin Jianfan to cheer him up.Amidst the chaos of taking photos, he suddenly heard someone calling his name behind him, and Cen Xili turned his head.

You Xin stretched out his arm holding the phone, and smiled into a standard photoshoot smile—You Xin was taking a selfie.

As if feeling Cen Xili's gaze on him, You Xin raised his eyes to look at Cen Xili who turned his head forward, Cen Xili met his eyes for a second, then slowly turned his head away.

Are you hallucinating?But just now he clearly heard You Xin calling him.

Cen Xili looked back again, and You Xin was still standing where he was, with his arm still holding his phone to take selfies.

I must have heard it wrong, Cen Xili looked back and thought.

Cen Xili turned his head to look at You Xin twice, and both times he turned his head and fell into the eyes of Guan Hui upstairs without knowing it.

While sleeping in the classroom, Guan Hui heard a classmate say that the seniors were taking pictures downstairs, so Guan Hui hurried to the window.At that time, Cen Xili's class hadn't started filming yet, and Guan Hui merged with the classmates who were curiously watching the photos in the third year at the classroom window. Cen Xili never noticed him upstairs.

Don't you already dislike him? Why are you still standing here?Guan Hui who was standing by the window asked himself.

From the snowy night when he chatted with Gu Chaoming, Guan Hui decided not to like Cen Xili anymore, he wanted to find someone else he liked.

In half a year, he got to know many people like him, and he began to understand himself and people like them slowly.

He also wanted to gradually stop liking Cen Xili.

The story of Gu Chaoming was broadcast on TV, so their school was on TV once, and the parents of the school spread the word to each other.

Hearing the name Gu Chaoming again, Mama Cen chatted with Cen Xili in the living room for a while.

The last time the name Gu Chaoming was mentioned was when Chen Haiyang abruptly revealed that he liked You Xin in the first year of high school. At that time, Cen’s mother, like those who talked about him in grades, suspected all the same-sex friends around him. I didn't expect to mention Gu Chaoming again because of this incident.

Although Cen Xili has graduated, Cen's mother is very concerned about Gu Chaoming's matter. Cen's mother will not say anything about Cen Xili's concern about Gu Chaoming, and sometimes she will talk to him.

However, Lin Jianfan, the person who should be the closest to Gu Chaoming and the person who should pay the most attention to Gu Chaoming, retreated a bit after the court heard Gu Chaoming's case.

He was afraid, he was afraid of seeing Gu Chaoming who was emotional, he was afraid of seeing Gu Chaoming who made mistakes because of him.

On the night of Valentine's Day, Gu Chaoming placed candles so that he would not have to blame himself, but he seemed unable to do so.

That's too hard.

In court, Gu Chaoming's emotions were not obvious, he admitted his mistake, and his calm face showed no expression.

Cao Zhan's mother lost her son and cried in court, asking Gu Chaoming why she killed her son.

Cao Zhan's mother kept asking, but Gu Chaoming remained silent until later.

In front of Lin Jianfan, Gu Chaoming revealed the reason for his murder.

Gu Chaoming looked at Lin Jianfan who was in the audience and laughed.

I spoke out, and I finally avenged you, albeit in the most extreme way I didn't want to.

"Did he bully you?" Mama Cao asked.

Gu Chaoming shook his head, he didn't know what to call Lin Jianfan.It seems that their relationship should not be mentioned at this time, and it will only lead the audience's attention to other places.

Gu Chaoming did not get an apology from Cao Zhan. He said in court that he killed Lin because of seeing Fan, not to mitigate the crime.He just wanted Lin Jianfan to know that he would never let the suffering he suffered that winter just pass away with the disappearing winter.

Campus violence cannot be solved by transferring to another school, nor can it be solved by passing a sentence.

Gu Chaoming's condition to Cao Zhan was just an apology, a sorry.

The cost of an apology is too low, and a light apology is not as good as the wind.

Even if it was like the wind, those people stabbed his heart with sharp knives. How could a gust of wind heal the bleeding wound?

Gu Chaoming hopes that Lin Jianfan will be happy, and only hopes that he will no longer see someone suffer this kind of unhealable imposed pain at the age when he should bloom and shine the most.

Lin Jianfan is already like this, Gu Chaoming doesn't want to see the next one.

The relationship that cannot be mentioned, Gu Chaoming hesitated, he said slowly: "He bullied my classmate, he took my classmate's mobile phone, beat him, and threw him into the river."

What made Gu Chaoming unbelievable was that after listening to his words, Mama Cao asked, "Is that all? Just bullying him, are you going to kill him?"

Gu Chaoming, who hadn't reacted much all the time, suddenly became angry, and he almost shouted excitedly: "Just like this? Just? Like this? Is bullying others just like this? Bullying others can only be called like this? Pushing others into the water in winter, Threatening someone to kill him, can that only be called that? Pushing others to death and ravaging at will, is that all? So these can only be called just that? Then I will kill your son. It can only be called that, because your son is just like those people, he is also a murderer, a murderer who uses his own violence without reason to push others to death!"

When Gu Chaoming was interrupted by the judge and told him not to be so excited, he uttered a long paragraph. He couldn't restrain his heartache. He looked at Lin Jianfan in the audience. He just wanted to hug him. He has nothing now. .

In the eyes of some people, Lin Jianfan's suffering is not worth mentioning, it's just "that's it?" in his mouth.

Gu Chaoming looked at Lin Jianfan in the audience, his heart ached beyond measure.

He saw Lin Jianfan crying, and Lin Jianfan's tears flowed out of his heart like a water valve that had been turned off.

After all, Gu Chaoming is for him, or for him, everything and everyone is for him.

Lin Jianfan felt his heart was bursting, tears flowed out uncontrollably, and he couldn't see Gu Chaoming's face clearly through the blurred eyes.

The sense of self-blame is like a towering mountain, like a vast ocean, crushing him at once, but he still has to walk through nine years with self-blame like mountains and seas.

Gu Chaoming was sentenced to nine years in prison.

Nine years, people often say that there can be several decades in a lifetime, Gu Chaoming lost nine years at once, only one year less than ten years.

nine years

Lin saw Fan crying bitterly in court, and everyone looked at him.

In front of the lost nine years, he was so fragile, so fragile that when he heard that number, he couldn't help crying.

Gu Chaoming just wanted to rush down and hug him, the crying Lin Jianfan.

His boy was crying, Gu Chaoming looked at him, helpless.

He said he would protect him, but he was crying, but there was nothing he could do.

He still couldn't do it, he still became the same person as Gu Tao, he still became the person he least wanted to be, he still failed to become a man in his own right, and he still failed to protect Lin Jianfan well.

The final destination is still unable to escape from the prison where he determined the future for himself at the beginning.

Seeing that Fan was weak and timid, Lin would cry bitterly because of Gu Chaoming's lost nine years, but he did not give up on Gu Chaoming because of the lost nine years.

Lin Jianfan came to see him often, and his grades were enough for him to go to F University, which he had wanted for a long time, but he didn't want to choose F University, he wanted to choose a local university, so he came to see Gu Chaoming if he had nothing to do.

Big F, too far away...

Su Bing seemed to sense that his brother's boyfriend would do something about volunteering, so he deliberately called to ask what school he applied for.

Lin Jianfan said truthfully: "I want to accompany him, it's better to be closer."

Su Bing said to him earnestly on the other end of the phone: "You want to accompany him, but you can't take your future to accompany him, and he certainly doesn't want you to do this for him. You should live your life well before going to accompany him, right? "

Not being enlightened, Su Bing's words made Lin Jianfan understand some of what he should do and what Gu Chaoming wanted him to do.

After listening to Su Bing's words, Lin Jianfan couldn't help wondering what Gu Chaoming would want him to do, and whether he would burden Gu Chaoming by doing so.

He is putting his future on Gu Chaoming's shoulders, and he is creating opportunities for Gu Chaoming to blame himself.

He tried the taste of self-blame, he wanted Gu Chaoming to be the sunny boy he knew when he came out of it, he didn't want himself to be his self-blame.

Lin Jianfan finally chose F University, and specially showed it to Gu Chaoming on the day he received the admission notice.

Show him the first time.

"Look," Lin Jianfan held up the admission notice, "University F, it's far away, and I may not be able to visit you often in the future. If I don't come to see you, you can't forget me."

"What are you talking about?" Gu Chaoming smiled.

Lin Jianfan is always smiling in front of Gu Chaoming, he doesn't want to be sad in front of Gu Chaoming.

Taking graduation photos insisted on leaving a place for Gu Chaoming, and Lin Jianfan was not reluctant at the banquet of the entrance wine.

Lin Jianfan figured it out, Gu Chaoming is not dead, he just left him for a while, there is no need to reserve a place for him to eat.

During the meal, I sat at the same table with Su Bing and Cen Xili, and Lin Jianfan drank some wine.

Only Gu Chaoming was so impressed with him not being able to drink, and only Gu Chaoming would never allow him to drink.

Cen Xili and Su Bing just tried to persuade him, Lin saw that Fan shook his head and said he was fine, so they stopped talking and watched him drink.

If Gu Chaoming was here, it wouldn't be his turn to hold the beer bottle, Lin Jianfan thought as he looked at the table full of guests.

Lin saw that Fan looked at the faces of Cen Xili and Su Bing, and the young man who said he would fight for the future with him is now in jail.

Lin saw Fan smiling, so I'll wait for him to come out.

One night not long after drinking Lin Jianfan's admission wine, Cen Xili was chatting with Su Bing.Talking about Lin Jianfan, editing a message for Su Bing, a phone call came in.

The name displayed on the phone made Cen Xili's fingers editing the information pause for a second.

He picked it up and heard crying on the other end of the phone.

Cen Xili heard the crying, and immediately asked, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

You Xin's tears could not be found in his memory.

He had never seen You Xin cry.

Cen Xili couldn't help becoming anxious.

On the other end of the phone, You Xin said somewhat vaguely: "Cen Xili, do you think you like me?"

I like you, I like the whole high school, and the whole school knows that I like you, do I still have to ask...

Cen Xili's voice softened: "...I like it."

But what's the use of liking?

"As long as you like it." You Xin said.

Cen Xili felt something was wrong and asked, "Have you been drinking?"

You Xin didn't lie: "Yes, I..."

As soon as he heard that he had drunk, Cen Xili didn't listen to him, and interrupted him directly: "Don't move, where are you, send me your location, I'll find you."

The taxi stopped in front of the restaurant You Xin mentioned, Cen Xili searched around the restaurant but found no one, and finally found You Xin on the side of the road far from the restaurant.

You Xin, who was 1.9 meters tall, was sitting in a ball on the side of the road. There were two girls who obviously liked him and asked him what was wrong. Cen Xili frowned and ran over to explain to them, saying thank you for their care. But Xin said to the girls: "Everyone said he would come to pick me up, he said he would come."

After speaking, You Xin suddenly stood up and hugged Cen Xili who came to pick him up: "I knew you would come."

Seeing this scene, a girl was surprised and said, "Damn it, such a handsome guy is actually gay."

Another said: "Looks like picking up boyfriends on the side of the road won't work."

You Xin didn't care about them, and held Cen Xili's tone as if he was not drunk: "Do you like me?"

Before Cen Xili could answer, You Xin said to himself, "I knew you would come, because you are Cen Xili, the Cen Xili who always likes You Xin."

Hearing this, Cen Xili said, "This is the last time I'll come to pick you up."

Cen Xili felt the person in his arms stiffen.

Cen Xili went on to say: "You Xin, it's been three years. I've liked you since I was drawing in the same class in high school. Until now, I have been in the whole high school. I'm tired, and the college entrance examination is over. Maybe I won't see you again. , Cen Xili, who has liked you for three years, also wants to have something to offer, so try to like someone else."

You Xin smiled: "Impossible, how could Cen Xili like someone else?"

Cen Xili still wanted to talk but was kissed by You Xin: "Cen Xili can only like me, if Cen Xili doesn't like me, he is not Cen Xili."

"What is this?" Cen Xili asked.

You Xin suddenly said loudly: "Xili, let's be together, so that you can continue to like me."

"you're drunk."

"I haven't. I'm sober and can recite formulas."

In order to prove that he was not drunk, You Xin began to memorize formulas foolishly.

Cen Xili was a little puzzled, grabbed You Xin who was memorizing the formula: "Stop memorizing, I'll take you home."

Cen Xili was afraid that he would fall, so he pulled him to stop the car on the side of the road, and You Xin hugged him suddenly.

Cen Xi was taken aback, and You Xin asked, "Are we together?"

"Do you like me?" Cen Xili asked him back.

You Xin's head fell to his ear, rubbing his ears and temples together, and said, "Well, I like it, I really like it."

Cen Xili felt that You Xin was lying to him. You Xin was just afraid that he would not like him anymore. He knew it clearly and planned to give up, but he still held You Xin's hand.

Feeling his palm being held, You Xin smiled, and he said, "I told you, it's impossible for Cen Xili not to like You Xin."