the world in which he exists

The sun will rise in the morning that I don't want to come.

When he woke up, Lin Jian was still sleeping soundly with his arms around his waist. Gu Chaoming leaned sideways and supported his head with one hand, fearing that the wind would enter the bed when he was turned sideways, and the bowed bed would be compacted.

He propped his head on one hand and stared at Lin Jianfan's sleeping face. Today was the day when he was going to be sent home. Gu Chaoming didn't know what happened last night.

He reached out to touch the bridge of Lin Jianfan's nose, kissed the place where he touched it, and then quietly removed Lin Jianfan's hand on his waist, covering him with the quilt and getting out of bed to make breakfast.

Having been comforted by Gu Chaoming last night, Lin Jianfan's sleep was the most solid sleep he had in the past few days.Gu Chaoming made breakfast and came to wake him up, Lin Jianfan pulled the quilt and turned over and did not listen to Gu Chaoming's words.

The day before yesterday I slept until noon because I was too tired and didn’t want to get up. Today I stayed in bed because I slept too soundly and didn’t want to go home.

Ever since he told Gu Chaoming about the past, Lin Jianfan seemed to let go of all the burdens in his heart and become a clingy spirit.Yesterday was fine, I just liked to lean against Gu Chaoming, but since Lin Jianfan hung on him like a sloth last night, Lin Jianfan has become a real sticky spirit.

Gu Chaoming told him to get up and eat, but he couldn't get up, but shrank into the quilt instead.After Gu Chaoming got up in the morning, he put the mobile phone that was kept for him on the bedside. He picked up the mobile phone and checked the time. Lin Jianfan had slept long enough. Pull him out of the quilt and lean against the back of the bed.Gu Chaoming sat on the edge of the bed and helped him wear clothes, but Lin Jianfan threw himself into his arms as if he hadn't woken up.

Putting his head against Gu Chaoming's chest, Gu Chaoming had no choice but to help him get dressed in this position.

Lin Jianfan was using this method to protest going home, and was using this method to express his trust in Gu Chaoming.

Gu Chaoming put on his clothes, and while willingly put on his pants, he whispered in his mouth: "I am the old lady."

Huaizhong Lin saw Fan smiled.

"Okay, let's wash up and go to eat. I put the phone by the bed for you." Gu Chaoming said.

Lin Jianfan stood up from the bed and glanced at the mobile phone beside the bed.

There must be a lot of messages from my mother in the past few days. Seeing that Fan didn't click on it, Lin picked up the phone and put it in his pocket.

He was afraid to look, afraid to see the concern between the lines, afraid that his existence would only cause their worries.

He walked out of the bedroom with his mobile phone in his pocket, and finished breakfast with Gu Chaoming.It was late, Lin Jianfan was sitting on the sofa in the living room and knew that he was going home soon.

Gu Chaoming helped him wash the cotton clothes soaked by the river and put them in the bedroom. Gu Chaoming reminded him to change them.

"Put on and prepare to go home", Gu Chaoming didn't say this, but both of them understood.

Lin, who was sitting on the sofa, saw Fan leaning against the back of the sofa and looking sideways at the kitchen. Gu Chaoming was washing the dishes in the kitchen, and he was about to send him home after washing the dishes.

When I got home, I had to face my parents alone, with their many problems and the face that carefully regarded him as a fragile glass.

Seeing that Fan was staring at Gu Chaoming in the kitchen intently, Lin saw that he made up his mind to look away soon, got up from the sofa, and went to the bedroom to change the couple pajamas that Gu Chaoming bought for him, and put on the cotton clothes that were soaked by the river that day.

The cotton clothes were washed very clean. Lin Jianfan looked left and right in front of the mirror, like a child in new clothes, but there was no child's happy smile on his face.

Looking left and right as if he was tired, Lin saw Fan sitting back on the bed, just sitting without saying a word, no one talked to him, he just sat like this until Gu Chaoming called his name.

When Gu Chaoming came out after washing the dishes, he didn't see Lin Jianfan. He was still sitting on the sofa just now. Gu Chaoming was afraid that he didn't want to go home, so he ran out while he was not paying attention.Seeing Lin Jianfan coming out wearing the padded jacket he put in the bedroom, Gu Chaoming was relieved.

He had to give Mama Lin an explanation not to let anything happen to her son.

"Are you feeling well?" Gu Chaoming walked up to Lin Jianfan and touched Lin Jianfan's forehead, there was no sign of fever.

Seeing that Fan also shook his head.

As soon as he withdrew his hand, Lin Jianfan threw himself into Gu Chaoming's arms just like when he was dressing him in the morning: "I want to drink yogurt."

Gu Chaoming couldn't resist the sudden acting like a baby.Today's Lin Jianfan seemed to want to spread all the coquettishness on Gu Chaoming because of his timidity.

Apart from Gu Chaoming, Lin Jianfan couldn't think of anyone else who could let him let go of his former classmates saying that he was cute as a womanizer, and act like a baby and express his inner love.

When he was a child, he also acted like a baby to his parents. His grandparents always said that he was a little sweet bean, but now he only wants to keep his parents from worrying.

Unable to resist at all, Gu Chaoming patted Lin Jianfan on the back: "Okay, I'll get it for you."

Opening the refrigerator, he took out a bottle of yogurt and handed it to him. Seeing Fan taking the yogurt, Lin laughed, and Gu Chaoming also smiled gratifiedly.

After packing up and going out, Lin saw that Fan had finished drinking the yogurt, and secretly opened the refrigerator to drink another bottle, but Gu Chaoming found out, Gu Chaoming smiled at him helplessly, turning a blind eye to him secretly drinking yogurt.

Getting into the car with the yogurt he secretly brought out, along the way Lin saw Fan playing with the unopened yogurt bottle in his hand, and the yogurt bottle was rolling around on his knees.

Gu Chaoming sat aside and watched him play, helped him pick up the yogurt bottle that had slipped and handed it to him.

Along the way, Gu Chaoming didn't know how to persuade Lin Jianfan, or how to tell Lin Jianfan about Lin's mother.He was stupid, and finally persuaded Lin Jianfan to go home, it's better not to talk nonsense.Gu Chaoming didn't say anything, just looked at the yogurt bottle in Lin Jianfan Wan's hand.

When he was about to arrive at the door of Lin Jianfan's house, Gu Chaoming sent a text message to Lin's mother. From afar, he saw Lin's mother and Lin's father waiting anxiously at the door.

Gu Chaoming suddenly felt a sense of guilt for abducting other people's children.

Seeing the anxious faces of his parents, Lin Jianfan was obviously nervous, and Gu Chaoming could feel his strong self-blame through the air. He couldn't imagine how Lin Jianfan carried the secret of "pretending to have amnesia" that no one knew about. When you come to this new city, come to a new school, a new class, how do you get along with parents who blame themselves when they see them.

Lin Jianfan held the yogurt bottle tightly with the hand he was playing with on the road. When Gu Chaoming found out, he patted the back of Lin Jianfan's hand to comfort him, and said to him softly, "It's okay."

All the comforts became Lin Jianfan’s support in facing his parents. Once, or even now, Lin Jianfan watched his parents work hard for his affairs and moved. He felt that he might be a catastrophe for his parents. To punish them for their mistakes in this life.

Before walking in front of her parents, Mother Lin couldn't help crying.Lin Jianfan, who had been "disappeared" for several days, stood in front of her. Lin's mother could no longer control herself, and she shed tears while hugging Lin Jianfan.

Mama Lin didn't know that every tear she shed was letting Lin Jianfan know how much they loved him, and it was also increasing Lin Jianfan's self-blame.

Lin Jianfan called "Mom", Gu Chaoming looked at the surface of the family reunion and stood behind without speaking. He was so nervous that he felt relieved when he saw Lin Jianfan coming home.

Tension and relaxation are two completely opposite emotions. When Lin saw Fan comforting his crying mother, and Lin's mother wiped away her tears and was about to enter the room and ask Gu Chaoming to go in together, Gu Chaoming shook his head and said, "Thank you for your trust. .”

"We should thank you." Father Lin who had been silent all this time finally spoke.

Father Lin patted Mama Lin on the back and asked Mama Lin to take Lin Jianfan into the house first.When Lin's mother brought Lin Jianfan into the house, Lin Jianfan turned his head and looked at Gu Chaoming outside the door. Gu Chaoming stood there smiling at him and nodded with a smile.

Lin Jianfan kept looking back until he could no longer see him.

"Can I talk to you?" When Gu Chaoming was still nodding to comfort Lin Jianfan who entered the room, Father Lin walked up to him and asked.

Gu Chaoming looked at Papa Lin, the man he only saw once but still fresh in his memory.

"Let's go to another place. There's a garden over there. Let's go there for a walk?" Papa Lin asked.

Gu Chaoming nodded nervously. He wanted to talk to Lin Jianfan's father, and he was also talking to an elder. Even though he knew that the other party was kind and polite, Gu Chaoming was still very nervous.

The garden in winter is a meeting of green and white. Walking on the path in the garden, Dad Lin asked kindly like that night: "Your name is Gu Chaoming, right?"

"En." Gu Chaoming nodded.

"Is it the classmate who had a fever and fainted on the road last time?" Papa Lin asked.

Gu Chaoming nodded and said, "I have to thank Uncle last time, thank Uncle for taking me to the hospital."

Father Lin smiled: "It's okay, it's been so long. It's just that this time I heard Teacher Fan say that your name is Gu Chaoming. I remember that the classmate who met Fan before was Gu Chaoming."

"It's me." Gu Chaoming said.

"This time I still want to thank you, thank you for taking care of Jian Fan."

"No, you're welcome." After thanking Gu Chaoming one after another, he could only say no thanks.

Lin's mother and Lin's father have two completely different attitudes.Whoever Lin Ma bullies my son, I will do it with him. All friends are enemies, but when Gu Chaoming told her not to tell Qu Yingyi, her heart softened.Father Lin was different from her, he spoke slowly when talking to him.

"My wife was a little bit shocked by seeing Fan, so she was very excited about seeing Fan. I have read all the text messages she sent you. I hope you can understand her." Father Lin looked at Gu Chaoming and said.

"I can understand that mothers always care about their children the most," Gu Chaoming said.

Speaking of this, Lin's father sighed slightly: "Since seeing Fan's accident, she has become very irritable. To be honest, I was also working abroad and didn't come back immediately. I didn't fulfill my responsibility as a father. This time I met Fan Missing suddenly, she was so anxious that she didn't sleep all night. I heard your head teacher said that seeing Fan refused to go home and be with you. In fact, I was quite relieved, because I have met you before and know that you and those classmates before seeing Fan It's different, otherwise I wouldn't choose to go home with you when I saw Fan."

Gu Chaoming didn't know how to answer for a while, but fortunately, Lin's father didn't wait for his answer and continued to ask: "Do you know the school where Fan used to be?"

Gu Chaoming subconsciously nodded seriously.

"Know?" Father Lin was surprised, "How do you know?"

He called Gu Chaoming here because he wanted to talk to Gu Chaoming about the past. Ever since Lin saw that Fan was willing to choose to go home with Gu Chaoming, he felt that since seeing Fan was willing to believe in Gu Chaoming, he would also choose to believe as a father. What's more, he had seen that boy before, he was a nice and polite boy.

Gu Chaoming betrayed Lin Jianfan unintentionally. In this case, Gu Chaoming simply pierced Lin Jianfan's all-time disguise so that he could live a little easier at home.

"Seeing Fan, he told me everything," Gu Chaoming told Dad Lin, "Actually, he didn't lose his memory, he just didn't want you to worry. He said he felt very guilty when he saw you worrying about him."

Gu Chaoming didn't know the quarrels that Lin Jianfan heard at that time, and that Lin Jianfan saw his mother's red eyes countless times. He just wanted to make Lin Jianfan less nervous and more comfortable.

How tiring it would be to put on a layer of feigned cheerfulness in your own home.

Papa Lin's eyes moved, and Gu Chaoming could see his shock from his eyes.

After the shock, Dad Lin seemed to quickly accept what Gu Chaoming said, and he smiled helplessly at Gu Chaoming: "I saw Fan and his mother talk about someone bullying him, but his mother's reaction was very flat and she believed in the teacher. She didn't know the seriousness of the matter until she saw Fan jumping off the building. She told me more than once that she felt that she was also one of the murderers who saw Fan jumping off the building. Because she didn't care enough about the child, and now it seems that we still don't care enough. , we really thought that meeting Fan was because he had forgotten the past, and that he remembered something this time, so we didn’t go home.”

Gu Chaoming still didn't know what to say, should he comfort him or continue to remain silent?

He is stupid and doesn't know how to comfort people.

Father Lin fell into deep thought. Gu Chaoming stood with him in the garden for a long time. Gu Chaoming said, "He didn't mean to lie to you when he saw Fan. He also didn't want to see you worry too much. The more you quarreled, the more worried he was. The more he blames himself, the less he quarrels and makes him feel less wrong."

"We used to seldom quarrel, but that period of time was too special, and I was annoyed too, but after moving here, we haven't quarreled, and we don't dare to quarrel." Father Lin smiled helplessly.

Gu Chaoming was dumb again and didn't know what to say. He said, "I found that seeing Fan was very insecure. In fact, last night he still... still... took the glass to think..."

Gu Chaoming hesitated to express what happened last night. Papa Lin's expression was conceivably shocked. Gu Chaoming didn't dare to say those two words clearly. He didn't persuade Lin Jianfan to be good. The injured hand was tucked into the sleeve of the padded jacket so that Mama Lin could not see it. Gu Chaoming hoped that Papa Lin and Mama Lin would pay more attention so that what happened last night would not happen again.

"There's nothing I can do to help, can I visit him often?" Gu Chaoming asked.

He had promised Lin Jianfan that he would come to see him often, and he not only asked Papa Lin if he could come to see him, but also specially added the word often.

Often the two words are blackened in a sentence, and they are particularly prominent in this sentence. Father Lin naturally understands what he means.

Father Lin nodded: "Seeing that Fan Neng told you so confidently, I can also see his trust in you when you send him home."

After sending Lin Jianfan home, Gu Chaoming had to continue his studies. He hadn't attended class for two days, plus half a day this morning, a total of two and a half days since he hadn't attended class.

After chatting with Dad Lin, Gu Chaoming went home and rushed back to school in the afternoon.When he rushed back to school, he was questioned by Su Bing and Cen Xili, who hadn't seen him for a few days, and the curious eyes of his classmates. Of course, he was called to the office by Lao Chen for criticism.

After being criticized by Lao Chen, Gu Chaoming continued to attend class seriously. He missed many lessons. When Cen Xili told him where he was talking, Gu Chaoming couldn't help but look at Lin Jianfan's position.

His desk was still the same, and Li Zhao helped him pile up the assignments and put them in the drawer.

Lin Jianfan's seat was vacant, and the final exam in a few days was also vacant.

The final exam came as scheduled, but Lin Jianfan never came back to class.Before Lin Jianfan was involved, Lao Chen explained to the class that the reason Lin Jianfan did not come was that he was seriously ill and asked for leave.It is also in line with what Cen Xili overheard in the office when he first came, that Lin Jianfan has a sick person who cannot sit by the window. Even Cen Xili and Su Bing believe that Lin Jianfan did not come because of what Old Chen said. I thought it was a bit strange that Gu Chaoming asked them not to tell Lao Chen the address of his new rented home that day.

Gu Chaoming explained casually: "I don't want Lao Chen to know that I have moved out, otherwise Gu Tao will come back, and it will be a disaster to ask Lao Chen."

"Yes." Su Bing and Cen Xili nodded.

In this way, Gu Chaoming spent the last few days of this semester and the final exam of this semester alone.Seeing that Fan didn't come for the final exam, no one in the class was surprised.

Gu Chaoming often went to Lin Jianfan's house to see him. The first few times when he saw Lin's mother, he was a little embarrassed. Lin Jianfan would take him to his room and lock the door behind him.After seeing a lot, Gu Chaoming naturally became thick-skinned. The more the aunt called, the easier it was for Lin Ma to accept him.

Gu Chaoming went to see Lin Jianfan every day, and Lin's mother also brought fruits and snacks when Gu Chaoming and Lin Jianfan were in the room.

Gu Chaoming didn't know if Mama Lin came in to inquire on purpose.

Once, when Lin saw Fan leaning over to kiss him, Lin's mother's knock on the door made Gu Chaoming's heartbeat double.

There are many such things, and Gu Chaoming feels that he will soon be unable to bear it.

The end of the final exam means the coming of winter tutoring.

Gu Chaoming asked Lin Jianfan if he would go to tutoring during the winter vacation, and Lin Jianfan shook his head: "My mother wanted me to repeat the study, but I said no, and then my mother said that I would not go to school until the next semester is better."

When Lin Jianfan heard his mother's proposal to repeat the study, he strongly refused. He didn't want to do it again. He was not afraid of the hardship of studying, but because he was afraid that when he repeated the study, Gu Chaoming had already been admitted to university.Gu Chaoming went to another city, and he could only stay at home alone.

He didn't know if he could survive the third year of high school without Gu Chaoming.

Gu Chaoming naturally thought of what Lin Jianfan was thinking, and he was relieved to hear that Lin Jianfan said that he would go to school again next semester.

When Gu Chaoming was at school, Lin saw Fan staying at home, and Lin's mother found him a psychiatrist, and she herself watched him at home every day.

Less than ten days after returning home, Lin Jianfan felt as if he was trapped in a prison without a cage, waiting for Gu Chaoming to visit him every day.

He doesn't like this kind of life, and the company of his mother only makes him feel depressed.

Lin Jianfan didn't know what was wrong with him.

No one knew the reason why Lin Jianfan disappeared that day, except Gu Chaoming.Lin Jianfan did not allow Gu Chaoming to tell his parents about it.

He understood that letting his parents know about this would only lead to a repeat of his previous life.

"What should I do if I don't talk about it? Just bear it?" Gu Chaoming once argued with him because he disagreed with him, but in the end he still lost to his tears.

Back home, Lin saw that Fan seemed to have become more fragile, and Gu Chaoming’s worries increased instead of diminishing. He shared with him the little things in his life all the time to make him happy, worried all the time about his depression, and went along with him all the time. He meant to come.

Only this time Gu Chaoming didn't listen to him.

On the day he sent Lin Jianfan home, Gu Chaoming searched for information about school violence on the Internet, and the overwhelming information and pictures made him more and more angry. He almost broke the pen in his hand when he thought about his homework.

How could there be such a cruel thing? He just watched and searched, and he couldn't bear it.He couldn't imagine the pain Lin Jianfan suffered, even though Lin Jianfan described it, he still couldn't imagine it.

There is no empathy in the world, but there is Gu Chaoming's boundless anger.

Gu Chaoming went to see Lin Jianfan every day, and did not mention these things to him, but met him happily every day and said goodbye happily.Apart from the regular itinerary of seeing Lin Jianfan every day, Gu Chaoming also spared time to search for relevant information, relevant laws and events, and write them down one by one.

Searching and watching every day, just to bring myself and Lin Jianfan closer, so that Lin Jianfan can vent his suffering.

In addition to studying, there is violence in his mind every day. Gu Chaoming has dreamed at night several times because he has read too much information.

his fantasies.

In the dream, there are Lin Jianfan, Lin Jianfan's classmates, Lin Jianfan's school, the school's rooftop, the school's classrooms, Guan Lin Jianfan's toilet...

He had never been to Lin Jianfan's previous school, it was all in his imagination, it was all in his dreams, and it all made his heart ache.

After having nightmares all night, Gu Chaoming woke up from the nightmare again.

In the dream, Lin saw Fan disappearing from his eyes. The poor quality of sleep made people feel depressed and irritable.

Today is a rest day, so Gu Chaoming took advantage of today to go out.

The snow on the side of the road has almost melted, and it is dirty from being stepped on by pedestrians.Gu Chaoming walked into a law firm according to the address.

Not long after he walked out of the law firm, Gu Chaoming walked into a game hall, looked for a game and drove all afternoon.

The lawyer told him that the evidence was insufficient, and he didn't even know who the bully was, only that it was Brother Zhan, and the bullied person still refused to come forward, and there were no witnesses on the side of the road.

After chatting for a long time, Gu Chaoming was already in the game hall.

I thought that my search and dedication could help Lin Jianfan, but I only got such an answer.

He always loses when playing games, Gu Chaoming's violent temper almost punched the steering wheel, but he endured, endured, and always thought of Gu Tao when he thought of going crazy.

Gu Tao is the stopper of his violence, and when he thinks of Gu Chaoming, he knows he can't do this.

It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter if you can't help Lin Jianfan.It doesn't matter if you can't help him vent your anger, you can let him know that this world is not only violent, but also beautiful, and the blooming flowers that his parents enshrined in his name.

The game hall was noisy, the lights were colorful, and the ranking list was displayed on the game console. Gu Chaoming got off the racing car and walked out of the game hall with his pockets in his pocket.

The cold of winter swept over the body in an instant.On a cold winter day, Gu Chaoming took out his cell phone, it was Lin Jianfan's call, and he saw a rainbow.

I'm sorry, I didn't find you like a rainbow in the first place.

The past cannot be changed, so in the future, Gu Chaoming is determined to make up for him with his own strength.He could make it up once, make Lin Jianfan happy, make Lin Jianfan believe in him, and he can make it up the second time, make Lin Jianfan believe in the world.

The world treated Lin Jianfan badly, and he had to make up for it on his own.

Gu Chaoming stopped a taxi, and the driver asked him where he was going?

On the other end of the phone, Lin Jianfan heard Gu Chaoming give out an address.

Lin saw Fan smiled.

Gu Chaoming was running towards him.