the moon shed a tear

ten.

Lin Xuan seldom remembers what he was doing in his waking experience when day and night alternated.The second hand of the watch moves regularly, each step is a small frame, and it completes a circle on the surface, repeating this without stopping.Right now, after this second, sliding across this circle, yesterday quietly disappeared.She knew that a new day had come, a quiet night, untouched objects, slight and even breathing, nothing seemed to change, but time told herself it was coming.She has been wondering: so what?So what?If there is no fluctuation in the calm water, what's the problem with coming and going?

She is wide awake tonight because there is a boulder of problems in her path, and she needs to make a quick decision.

Stubbornly choosing to meet, desperately wanting to talk, and facing Jing Lan truthfully, these are the words she uttered in confusion.In fact, her mind is not clear, like the centipede running for her life.In a mess trying to find a way out, she was so flustered that she made bluffing appearances one after another without thinking, and after she hung up the phone and calmed down, she still had no clue.Why should we meet?Why do you have to find out?Do you have any thoughts about Jing Lan?

do not know.

The sea fog shrouded Lin Xuan like a lonely boat, and her eyes were all blurry.

Stretch out your index finger and gently place it on your lips, apply a little force to press, the real touch on your lips is very similar to that kiss.

I still like it, otherwise why would I miss it?

This feeling is like a red rose under the moonlight, beautiful yet untouchable, alluring yet dangerous.Travelers passing by are only greedy for the flowers and colors in her garden for a while, flower lovers will send her smiles, flower lovers will put down their bags and ask her for a gift, the clock will slide round after round between sunset and star, and they will continue to walk On the path of life that will eventually be fulfilled, Lin Xuan does not exist in these circles.She prefers to wait for someone who stays behind. Although she doesn't know if there is such a person in the world, imagination is always good.That person appreciates the roses in her garden, and cherishes her who guards them even more.He or she will push away the heavy branches, don't care about the bleeding from the pricked fingers, and stubbornly walk up to her and ask to stay.

If there is such a person, Lin Xuan thinks that he will give him or her this opportunity tolerantly.

Could Jing Lan be this person?

Lin Xuan does not give hope to this specious feeling, she has been afraid to trust her intuition in recent years.She has made many mistakes based on intuition. Although these mistakes are not worth mentioning, the stubborn belief that her wrong intuition is correct scares her.How determined she was to give an affirmative answer would prove how wrong she was in hindsight.She strives to equip herself with knowledge and upbringing, walks proudly on the road of life, and occasionally looks back to realize that she has little courage. Every discovery not only points out the degree of her deviation, but also hits her natural stubborn temper.She is not afraid of making mistakes, and she is not afraid of the price she has to pay for corrections. She retains a primitive sense of fear when the land she stands on is eroded.It cannot be eliminated with reason, and Lin Xuan can easily fall into self-doubt and denial every time there is a slight momentum.

It's late at night, but she's starting to feel anxious, what a nasty feeling!

Anxiety will break the peaceful life, which is unacceptable to Lin Xuan.Although the current state of life made her feel deeply bored, she liked the calm sea more than the storm.It was as if she had set herself a trap in front of the boulder blocking her way, and now she was about to fall into it, which needed to be dealt with more urgently than the boulder.

Lin Xuan quickly shifted her attention, as she usually does.

This time, she mustered up the rare courage to look back.

Lin Xuan believes that his life is going smoothly.My family is relatively wealthy, my parents care about my growth very much, I have been doing well in my studies, I have made a few sincere friends, I went to a prestigious university, I found a better job, and I live a contented life.She is not the darling of heaven, but she is very lucky to have such a life.Someone said: "Some people are rarely hurt, one is a person with a very strong heart, and the other is a person who is well protected." She is actually the latter.But she has an acquired drive to fight against fate, even though fate treats her well, she still has the qualifications to become the former from her greenhouse life.

Although born to be cultivated as a delicate flower, the mild sunshine and the right amount of rain and dew failed to stop her stubborn resistance.She got enough nutrients before she was a little sensible. One day, her tender leaves touched the edge of the glass cover built by her parents, and she instantly understood the edge of her world.Facing the strange and unknown outside world, she didn't hesitate much, charged up a blow, and the glass cover cracked.The parents who controlled Xiao Linxuan's entire life were surprised and sad. They chanted: "Lin Xuan has grown up." They worked together to build a very large golden silk cage.

Lin Xuan grew into a bird overnight, she can fly, and she can truly touch the world.She joyfully stretched her body and freed her mind, sighing over and over again: "The world is so big.".However, when she was familiar with every corner inside and outside the cage, she was not satisfied again.It is obvious that I can fly higher and farther outside the cage, why not let me fly?Her parents were gratified and reluctant. They finally showed the tightly locked shackles between the bird feathers that had been concealed for a long time. It turns out that they have never seen a wider world, but their life experience is always much more than that of Lin Xuan. , They used various methods to try to lock Lin Xuan's feet, such as social ethics, marriage, and family.Lin Xuan fought fiercely. The tears she shed could water a delicate flower. Her injuries seemed to have left scars on her soul. She was unsuccessful.

Now Lin Xuan is just chasing his own freedom wearing loose shackles.She wants to escape the shackles at any time, but her soft heart is always filled with her parents. She is used to the feeling of the shackles rubbing against her heart, just like she is used to silently taking care of her friends at the dinner table, looking for satisfaction helplessly.

How can we change the unsatisfactory things?

Playing some verbal tricks and showing off some superficially gorgeous words are just prevarication with words that I don't believe in.On such a night when there is no choice but to reflect, the inner dryness is exposed, and the cowardice, world-weariness, sadness, and melancholy hidden under the surface begin to struggle and emerge.

Thinking of this, Lin Xuan smiled mockingly at herself, and with the help of the faint light from the moon shining into the room, she noticed that the minute hand on the watch was about to pass a circle.

Go to bed quickly.

After groping to turn down the air conditioner by two degrees, the whole person curled up under the quilt, and the skin on the outside was a little cold.

Don't think about anything, don't do anything, Lin Xuan told himself softly.

At the moment when the earth-shaking darkness hit, Lin Xuan suddenly remembered a sentence he read yesterday.

"Happiness is loving without knowing it."

She was relieved and fell into a deep sleep.

eleven

Lin Xuan had never walked outside in such a dark night, the one in her dream seemed to do so often.As light as a swallow, she escaped the pursuit of a group of people and horses, and stepped into a quaint courtyard very skillfully. With a little light footsteps, she jumped onto the roof of the low building.

A man who was also masked was sitting on the animal head on the roof at the other end, as if he had been waiting for a long time.

I couldn't help but feel a sense of boredom in my heart, and my voice became cold.

"Little girl thinks that after the agreement with the elder is completed, you and I will have nothing to do with each other. Why do you want to meet here in such a hurry today?"

The man opposite sneered a few times.

"I advise you not to be too arrogant. Even if your eyes are on the top of your head, you should look down at your feet and speak politely!"

"I don't quite understand what the elder means. I have helped you become the leader of the Drum Sect, and you and I owe nothing."

The man sighed meaningfully: "It's a good one! Then tell me, why did she get to where she is today?"

He frowned, cursed in his heart, and his voice became colder and more ruthless.

"At the beginning, the third girl was agreed to be handed over to me. It was too generous of me not to kill her. She was willing to degenerate to a place like a brothel. Don't pretend to be a good person after the fact. What did you do when you made a decisive deal with me? I don't see that you have any affection for your niece?"

"I don't care about her, of course, but there are always men who have lost their hearts in the world who care about her. Tell me, if he finds out that the third girl is here, will he desperately come here and hope for a reunion?"

Lin Xuan was furious and immediately threw a dart at the man, and the masked man easily avoided the fatal blow by turning sideways.

"Miss Xuan is angry now?" The man sarcastically said, "You are still too small! Learn from me, and you will save your life if you are played around by a young and vicious girl like you. I have worked hard In order to bring down the third girl's status as the head of the family, I almost lost my plan. You are good, give me an empty name in front of people, and shamelessly let your good brother firmly hold the power behind people. So many people voted for him in the elders meeting To be in charge of the family! And me! I foolishly thought that I got the seat, and I prepared a generous gift on your big day, I am so ridiculous! Who should I ask for this account?"

Lin Xuan's heart sank. Sure enough, he still knew about the secret operation.

"But I don't think I made a mistake. You want to take the seat of the head of the family. My partner brother made the third girl into the state of today's abolished martial arts and desperate survival. She will never compete with you again in this life. As for the elders meeting The result of senior brother's election can only be said that you did not grasp it well. No matter how much we help you secretly, your self-satisfied appearance is really rampant, and you have no one to blame for causing public anger."

"Since you want to play this game of deception, I will not show any mercy. How you deceived your senior brother, how you fabricated a false blood feud, and how you secretly attacked the third girl, I believe these things will be resolved soon. It has reached the ears of your dear brother."

"Just keep your mouth full of absurd words and see if he believes me or you."

The man couldn't help laughing out loud, staring at Lin Xuan with sharp eyes.

"What's the rush, I haven't finished my words yet. If I don't become the head of the family, I will immediately report to the elders and go out to punish the evil and promote the good to make up for past mistakes. I will come to the capital first, and I may listen to a song in 'High Mountains and Flowing Water' Happy in the sky, I happened to meet the third girl who suffered so much. As her close elder, I was heartbroken. I listened to her helpless crying with good words of comfort, and took the opportunity to swear to avenge her. I took her back to Gulang in a hurry Pai, the elders watched her grow up, so they are bound to find out the truth. At that time, you and your senior brother will die, and I will make a great contribution. In this way, no one in the entire Gulang sect can compete with me If the elders still intend to recommend the third girl, I will unintentionally tell her your senior brother's innocence and sincerity, will the passionate third girl still pay attention to the head of the family? Although she is an abandoned child, she can be very useful."

"What do you want!" Lin Xuan shouted angrily.

"Simple, be a family."

Lin Xuan laughed strangely as he thought of something, "I don't understand that you have worked so hard just to be the head of the family?"

"It has nothing to do with you." After saying that, the man turned and left.

Lin Xuan returned to the inn with a heavy heart, the moonlight was weak, and there would always be melancholy walking alone at night.Thinking about how proud I used to be, now it's not that I have done all the bad things, suffered from love, and carried countless secrets and sinister, in exchange for the unreal happiness given by my sweetheart.She can't help but look forward to her family being happy as soon as possible, and it is best to have a child, so that happiness will be real and palpable.

Even in the middle of the night, there was still a warm lamp waiting for her in the inn, so she felt relieved.

Anyway, happiness is always fake, and inferior happiness is no more fake than exquisite happiness.

Pushing open the door, Brother Ao was waiting to flip through a book, his brows and eyes were full of tiredness.

"You're back."

"Brother, you don't have to wait for me if you're sleepy."

Brother Ao smiled and put down the book in his hand, poured a cup of hot water and handed it to Lin Xuan.

"It's cold in the middle of the night, it's not easy for you to do things outside, so what if I wait for you?"

"Brother really don't ask me what I'm doing?"

Brother Ao nodded calmly and rubbed Lin Xuan's head.

"Why are you asking this again? I said it before, if you don't want to say it, I won't ask it. If you want to say it, just tell me."

Lin Xuan lowered his head and lowered his eyes: "I'm overthinking."

"Go to sleep, how about we go boating at 'Xiaoyun Mengze' in the suburbs of Beijing tomorrow?"

"Well", Lin Xuan was surrounded by happiness again, and all the troubles were thrown out of the window.

It's a pity that there is a large dark cloud in the sky that is overwhelming the city, and the imperial city is about to experience rare devastation from wind and rain.

The false surface of happiness is about to be punctured.

twelve

Lin Xuan was in a very light sleep, and when she heard light footsteps outside the door, she suddenly opened her eyes.Listening attentively, even though she was not sober, alarm bells were ringing in her heart.The sound of footsteps was real, but its pace was not as gentle as Jing Lan's. It was unfamiliar, bulky, and had a strong sense of danger.

Alone in the middle of the night, Lin Xuan knew that he had to be extremely calm.She relaxed the tense muscles all over her body due to tension and fear, and tried to adjust her breathing, as if she was still deeply asleep.Only her left hand was groping for the books she had read recently on the edge of the bed against the wall. She had never touched their textures so quickly and carefully, and she never thought that the books that brought her spiritual power would also play a substantial role now. The protection worked.Her soft fingers slid across one book after another, and she quickly made a comparison, choosing "Anna Karenina" in a hard case.

Her father also read this book when he was young, but the pages of his book had already turned yellow, and it would fall apart if he flipped through it casually.She still remembers turning the pages of books when she was a child, and she couldn't avoid looking for the pages carefully to piece the book together.Mom fell in love with romantic stories for a while when she was in junior high, and she went out of her way to buy the beautifully-covered edition.Lin Xuan secretly read it while she was taking a nap, and she was ignorant. She didn't understand the heroine's attitude towards marriage, and she was very confused by her suicide by lying on the track.In the past few days, she has rediscovered her passion for romance novels, and deliberately found these from the bookcase. She never thought that the pages of the book would play a role in resisting unknown dangers before they were opened.

The doorknob was turned, Lin Xuan narrowed his eyes very slightly, and could only see a tall shadow in the moonlight.Her heart began to beat faster, she was thinking that she should slam the book on the head of the burglar, knocking him unconscious or blinded, then quickly ran out of the door and out of the building along the safe passage.Go to the nearby supermarket, go to the security room, go to other people's homes you know, in short, you have to be cruel and run away quickly.

The black shadow slowly approached the bed.

Lin Xuan clenched the book hidden under the quilt.

Just wait for an opportunity, a crucial opportunity.

The stranger bent down, as if he was sniffing some indescribable fragrance, boldly and greedily lowered his head on Lin Xuan's body and sniffed it carefully.He didn't reach out to touch, otherwise he would easily find the goosebumps on Lin Xuan's skin.With his eyes closed, he wantonly violated a few centimeters above his body.

Lin Xuan was so disgusted that she couldn't hold it back anymore, and her hand holding the book tightened again.She is waiting for the time, and all the sufferings must be endured until the time comes.

The stranger sniffed her from head to toe several times, and it was unknown how long the process lasted.He finally stopped when he was satisfied, walked around Lin Xuan's room, took away his wallet and mobile phone, and the stranger left quietly.

Lin Xuan heard the sound of the door being gently closed, and his whole body tensed up immediately.Although disgusted and wanted to take a bath immediately, she controlled herself rationally, used her excellent ear to observe the movement outside the door, and lay on the bed as usual.I don't know how long it took, the sky outside the window was bright, she turned over pretending to be casual, and secretly glanced at her watch, it was almost 06:30.Lin Xuan was hesitating whether he should get up or call a familiar person from the window to help her.She inferred from the silence outside the door that the stranger had left, but she always had a sense of fear lingering in her heart, and she desperately needed someone to confirm her safety.

She still held the book tightly to prevent accidents, got up slowly, and walked to the window quietly barefoot.

Lin Xuan saw an aunt who could chat a few words when meeting.She always gets up very early to buy vegetables, and her craftsmanship is very good. Lin Xuan once tasted the pancakes made by her aunt.The tender green scallions are topped with golden eggs, brushed with homemade sauce, and the taste is really good.Auntie was walking on the boulevard not far away, and she would pass by Lin Xuanlou soon, and Lin Xuan's heart was full of hope.

Suddenly there was the sound of birds chirping and running water outside the door, which was the sound of his 06:30 alarm.On weekdays, her first alarm clock would ring on time, and she would never be able to wake her up. She didn't struggle to get out of bed until the alarm clock every 5 minutes rumbled one after another.

Alarm sound?

Lin Xuan was suddenly startled.Wasn't her mobile phone taken by the intruder?Why is there still an alarm sound?

The alarm was getting closer and louder.

Lin Xuan suddenly didn't dare to look back, she looked out of the window in panic at the figure of her aunt.

Auntie walked too slowly, too slowly.

Thirteen.

Someone inserted a key to open the door, it should be Jing Lan.

Jing Lan sent a text message an hour ago asking if Lin Xuan would pick her up, but Lin Xuan didn't respond indifferently.She hasn't left the house for two days, not to mention going into the station to pick up someone, even if she touches the door now, she feels like she will scream.

Listening to the voice outside the door, Lin Xuan knew that Jing Lan was carrying a lot of things, she should have opened the door with a smile to welcome this future lover, but now she just wants to sit on the bed indifferently.She guessed that she must be pale and lifeless, and maybe her cheeks were still red and swollen, which was extremely ugly, but she no longer cared about her own image.She raised her head numbly, her eyes locked on the doorknob, and as the door was pushed open, she clenched her fists unconsciously, and the old wound on the palm of her hand was squeezed out with blood by her uneven nails.

It can be seen that Jing Lan has carefully dressed up, with her unique androgynous beauty, and her bright smile is very charming.

"Lin Xuan, I'm back."

Lin Xuan turned his head to signal Jing Lan to sit down.

Jing Lan looked at Lin Xuan in surprise.Such a strange reaction, the messy long hair hanging on one side, the messy bed behind her, and the scattered books all made her look serious.

"What happened?" Jing Lan's tone became tough.

Lin Xuan smiled with an extremely weird expression, her voice was hoarse.

"What do you think?"

Jing Lan's heart sank suddenly, she sat beside Lin Xuan weakly, opened her mouth but didn't know what to say.

"You go."

"You let me go? How can I go? How can I leave you alone?"

Jing Lan vigorously pulled Lin Xuan up, and the opponent's legs were limp as if they had lost their strength.She frowned and called Lin Xuan's name, put Lin Xuan's arms with both hands and hugged him in her arms.Fortunately, Lin Xuan did not resist, she was like a marionette at the mercy of others, as if she had lost her life and did not respond.Who took away her soul?Turn this beautiful girl like the moon into a puppet that can be knocked down with one blow?No matter who this person is, Jing Lan vowed to make him pay the price.

Despite the difficulty, Jing Lan forcibly dragged Lin Xuan into the bathtub.After taking off her clothes, bruises could be seen everywhere on Lin Xuan's body. Every time Jing Lan wiped a place, her heart felt heavy. When she wiped her neck, Lin Xuan trembled a few times, and Jing Lan became inexplicably manic.She raised Lin Xuan's drooping head and kissed her lips eagerly.The other party resisted fiercely, biting Jing Lan's lip and tongue fiercely, Jing Lan held back, as if this could share some of Lin Xuan's inner pain.She let go when the pain was unbearable, and the two of them soaked in the water together and looked at each other silently.

"What are you going to do in the future?" Jing Lan asked, wiping the blood off her lips.

"I have no future."

"I'm with you, why not?"

Lin Xuan's reddened eyes stared at Jing Lan's, there might be a truth spreading there, and there was no need to explore whether it was true or not.The more precious Jing Lan's heart is, the more she cannot keep it by her side.

"You go."

Jing Lan burst out laughing, she slapped Lin Xuan hard, and held Lin Xuan's face with both hands.

"Cheer up! You can be a coward and give up on yourself. I won't watch you fall so easily."

"Don't try."

"I'd like to see, with me, Jing Lan, accompanying you, what hurdles you can't get over."

Lin Xuan stared at Jing Lan's face for a long time, then let out a faint breath.

"I only have this breath, and now I leave it to you."

The author has something to say:

"Anyway, happiness is always fake, and inferior happiness is no more fake than exquisite happiness." From Zhang Yueran's "Cocoon"