the moon shed a tear

six.

"I accidentally killed three policemen again. Why doesn't this game give me a choice to retire directly? It's too painful." Lin Xuan sighed and fell on the bed with his bloodshot eyes staring at someone on the ceiling. One point, I want to empty my mind endlessly.

Jing Lan, who was leaning on the soft cushion on the other side, smiled, and reached out to ruffle Lin Xuan's long hair.

"It's just a game, who can survive for a while?"

"They died because of my choice, and I will attend their funeral in a few days. Although they are all virtual characters in the game, I am still very sorry. Obviously retirement is coming soon, and the consequences of corruption and bribery have all rushed. Illegal Retiring, mobilizing personnel for self-interest, and dealing with the city government and gangs, it can't be more troublesome. What I can't stand is that when there is an alarm related to human life in the area under my jurisdiction, I can only be called because of insufficient police force. Looking at it helplessly, the police manpower is indeed small, but it is enough to use it reasonably for each case, and the deaths of these victims are all because of the mistakes I made while seeking personal gain."

"You have never been a person who is good at dealing with relationships and interests, so when the real world does not give you this opportunity, the game will bring you an experience that is almost impossible to experience, isn't it wonderful?"

Lin Xuan hummed a few times and stretched his limbs comfortably.

"Sure enough, dreams and reality are irreconcilable contradictions. It would be great if I could always live in the imaginary world. I want to wear the invisibility cloak to steal potions from the Snake King's cellar, and I also want to go to the Forbidden City to be the emperor's little maid , I want to break into Lin Shu and Jingyan's secret way to scare them, and I also want to encourage Jiamu to marry sister Lin to Baoyu as soon as possible."

Jing Lan burst out laughing, conveniently put the computer on the ground, and fell beside Lin Xuan with a swipe of a hungry wolf.Picking up a strand of soft long hair and sniffing it at the tip of her nose, Jing Lan said with a smirk: "I am completely different from you. I will go to Jin Yong's world of heroes, travel the rivers and lakes with a set of self-created martial arts, and get acquainted Many friends, on the top of Huashan Mountain. I will hate evil like hatred, and be willing to do good, but I will also live among thousands of flowers, even if every leaf is on my body."

"It seems that you have doubts about the loyal feelings in reality. I wonder if I can explain it to Daxia Jing?" Lin Xuan changed his tone of teasing, but he was actually very concerned about Jing Lan's emotional state in his heart. I have come out of the last relationship, but the pain in my heart is still deeply buried.As a friend, Lin Xuan knew that she could not interfere with Jing Lan's feelings, but she couldn't help but hope that Jing Lan would come out soon.

Jing Lan's heart sank, and she looked at Lin Xuan with complicated emotions in her eyes.

"No one can say anything about feelings, I'm just a little confused."

Whether it's loving someone wholeheartedly, or loving someone casually because she can't be sure of her heart, Jing Lan has tried it all.She thought that she had found her ideal lover, but she didn't know that it took only a year for her to die.She still remembers the scene of the breakup.

It was a very normal day, the weather was normal, the pedestrians were normal, and the work was normal.She came home from get off work, took out the key with the two name pendants on it, and opened the door.What came to us was not the smell of food as imagined, and the dining table was empty.Her lover was wearing a beautiful long dress and sitting sideways on the window sill, holding a cigarette in his right hand, silently looking at the scenery outside the window.

"What is this for?" Jing Lan asked hesitantly.

The lover's bright red lips raised a little, and a puff of white smoke lightly exhaled from his mouth, lingering mistyly around her, like the protagonist of a blurred fairy tale.

"I'm tired, I can't continue acting, I have to go."

Jing Lan accidentally dropped the key on the ground, and the crisp sound shook her whole body.

"why?"

The lover still looked out of the window, without any intention of shifting his gaze.

"I like you, but I don't understand you. I love every moment I spend with you, but I'm just a puppet being played with. I tried so hard to be with you, and time failed me. Now I'm bored, I'm going to find someone who loves me for who I am, and I'm leaving."

Jing Lan was very surprised, and tried to defend herself: "I love the real you, and I don't mean to ask you to pretend, our life, our happiness, our love, they are all very real, there is no A trace of falsehood."

The lover chuckled, put out the cigarette in his hand, pulled up the suitcase and walked out.

Jing Lan hugged her lover's waist in a panic, her eyes filled with tears.

"Don't leave me, I love you."

The lover said coldly: "On the first day I met you, I told you that I like to eat an egg for breakfast every day. You were very happy to hear that, because I have the same habit as you. During the six months we lived together, every day I always prepare an egg for you, but I never eat it. How many times have you asked me the reason out of curiosity, and I tell you that I have already eaten it when preparing breakfast. I am afraid you thought so until just now. Actually, I hate eating eggs."

Jing Lan's arms were hanging down weakly, even though she couldn't accept it, it was the fact.

Lin Xuan's question in front of her once again brought back her memories, it was really too bitter to swallow.Jing Lan didn't want to talk too much, and chose another clever way to escape.

Lin Xuan looked at the expression, knew what to do, and cleverly changed the subject: "After taking a break for a while, my heart is strong again, and I will continue to be the police chief who survives in the cracks."

Jing Lan smiled faintly, watching the flying dust raised by Lin Xuan dancing in the air, drifting away under the sunlight bit by bit, the second hand of the clock was moving, time went by, the dust particles were still tiny The weight fell to the sheets.

But for a while, the dust will eventually return to its original state, right?

Jing Lan closed her eyes and said nothing.

seven.

It's still the students' summer vacation. Jing Lan's cousin flew home directly on the day of the last exam. Jing Lan was happy to have a room to herself, and she was accompanied by Lin Xuan, so she no longer pursued her cousin's departure. responsibility.

The sky was clear and the weather was clear, and the wind was breezy. The two met to go to Xiangshan to play.Although the mountain road is not steep, it is also very strenuous. Fortunately, a new rain brought rare fog. When they climbed to the top of the mountain, the two found a flat stone to rest and looked at the floating clouds thoughtfully.

The tourists who passed by did not know how heavy they were, but the concentric locks locked on the iron chain remained motionless.The old lock has been rusted by the wind and rain, and the key to unlock it has been lost; the new lock is hung, and the key is thrown far away. Will it fall into the flowing water and be played by fish?Will it drop full of soft soil and be collected by bugs?Will it happen to hang from a branch and blow in the wind?Will it rust quietly among the rolling rocks?At the beginning, he chose without hesitation to make the key disappear without a trace. Those who promised to be together forever must hope to be together for a lifetime, right?Does anyone regret it?Does anyone look at old things after parting?

Lin Xuan's arm hair was covered with tiny drops of water, and the cool wind blew through the broken hair on her forehead. She was very comfortable for a while, closed her eyes and surrendered her four senses to the pure nature.No worries about work, no urging from family members, no loneliness conveyed by the moonlight, no sadness emanating from words, surrounded by friends who know each other, it seems that there is still a hand gently pushing his head to a reliable shoulder, Lin Xuan's eyelids very heavy.

A scene from the dream jumped out and occupied my mind.

Climbing down the steps, there is still the vast mountains and rivers in the dream, a lone pavilion by the river, and a man standing in the pavilion looking at the river.

Feeling suddenly happy, that is my sweetheart.

Lin Xuan quickly tidied up the accessories, walked into the gazebo with a gloomy complexion, and reached out to hold the man's hands behind his back.

"Brother Ao, don't be sad, I will be by your side."

The man remained motionless, his eyes lowered: "I didn't expect her to have a baby and she didn't want to see me again."

The disgust and hatred in my heart came up again.I really don't know what it is about that woman to fascinate Brother Ao, she is obviously a chess piece, but she almost stole Brother Ao's heart.Sure enough, it was right to kill that evil species!He only wished that she could be eradicated together, otherwise she would not be able to survive to this day.

Concealing the fluctuations in her heart, Lin Xuan comforted softly: "She thinks she has died, otherwise she would not have done such a terrible thing, let alone said a curse that would not allow her to die."

The man turned around in surprise: "She cursed me to die?"

Nodding cautiously, seeing the look in the man's eyes became darker, Lin Xuan's eyes filled with tears.

"Don't blame yourself, it's my fault after all. If I didn't come to seek refuge with senior brother, if I married that businessman obediently, I wouldn't have undue affection for senior brother, then you will still be a happy couple .”

The man smiled wryly and hugged Lin Xuan into his arms.

"There are not so many ifs. We have planned it long ago. You just helped me recognize reality and people's hearts. Although she is good, she is my enemy after all, isn't she?"

It turned out that the senior brother still remembered the original agreement, so why did he break the agreement to love that woman?If I don't use hatred to teach you to understand the reality, then the child in the woman's belly may break your bottom line.You have never been a good person, not a person who keeps promises, but I love you sincerely, I do things harder than you imagine, and I hold more secrets than you know, so I really love you .No betrayal, no departure, no distraction, you belong to me alone.

Lin Xuan suddenly wanted to cry, she completely became another person for her brother, but did his heart belong to her even for a moment?

"Lin Xuan, wake up."

Jing Lan's sudden voice woke Lin Xuan up suddenly. She opened her eyes and was surprised to find that there were tears on her face.

Jing Lan took out a tissue and handed it over, looking at Lin Xuan with a complicated expression.

"You fell asleep just now, and you, who never wanted to dream, actually shed tears?"

Lin Xuan smiled slightly: "It's nothing, I probably put myself in some novel."

Jing Lan pulled the hand holding the wet paper tightly, and said angrily: "Lin Xuan, we are close friends now, you just didn't tell me before, but now you don't want to say it? Or do you want to touch your heart? Not enough? Is it only for those who you have identified for a lifetime?"

Lin Xuan shook his head and sighed.

"If your lover wants to lock you up by your side for the rest of your life, would you be willing?"

"Do not."

"What if you love that person very much, and that person loves you very much?"

"That's not okay. Since she loves me, she shouldn't cut off my wings and put me in a golden cage."

"Is freedom higher than love?"

"Different."

"Why do people who have received love yearn for freedom? Could it be that the inability to be free to be themselves has brought pain? But people can be changed for love. Wouldn't both parties work hard to change to reduce pain? Correspondingly, since it is equally important Yes, why does the person who is free yearn for love? Isn’t she ready to give up and sacrifice love when she is enjoying the joy of freedom? It can be seen that there is always a higher side between freedom and love. So, for you Say, who is taller now?"

Jing Lan suddenly remembered the scene of breaking up with his girlfriend.She said she was bored, did she limit her true self with love?She said that she couldn't continue acting, so can the change born of love be so painful?She said she was leaving, and she seemed free to pursue a love that was worth sacrificing part of herself.That kind of love, I can't give it myself.

Jing Lan understood.

"What about you? To you, which one is higher?"

"I don't know, how do you compare something you've never had?"

Eight

The cicadas in the yard chirped tirelessly, triumphantly clamoring for their exclusive right to the summer afternoon heat wave.A cicada on a tree near the window was inexplicably happy. Its chirping sound was long and loud, giving Lin the illusion that the tree was growing on the bedside.She didn't dare to snooze, she opened her eyes in a little panic and let go out of the window.

Fortunately, the big tree in its prime is growing steadily on the ground, and the windows are closed tightly, so no Maemi can climb into the house relying on the tiny branches.

Maemi, born in ancient times, may be compared to an official gauze hat, which attracted literati to "stay loud and far away".Born in modern times, it is just another noise in the noisy city, a snack and good medicine for those who want to live in the pastoral scenery, and it is just an unforgettable memory of students who are crowded in small dormitories and cannot sleep peacefully.

Lin Xuan still remembers the small dormitory where he lived in college for four years. On summer nights, when the exam week and graduation season were approaching, the emotionally out-of-control seniors on the opposite floor sang loudly, lying in their own small world, enduring Sticky sweat, listening to cicadas chirping presumptuously on the dense trees outside the building, the old small fan humming, no matter how fast the warm air flows under the high temperature, it is of no use.Lin Xuan tossed and turned on the bed, she told herself to fall asleep quickly for tomorrow's exam, but there was no sign of a good dream coming.Since she couldn't sleep, she couldn't help thinking about it in her mind. Some nights she would think of a bright and beautiful future, and her heart was full of motivation to work hard; For a few nights, she simply read novels, fantasizing about a life that had nothing to do with her.She has experienced more nights like this, and she knows that dreams will come sooner or later, just like knowing the end of a story. She has less anxiety about falling asleep, and the process of thinking wildly is more satisfied. The wind only adds to the unexpected joy.

The sound of the renovation next door started rumbling again, a new resident, Lin Xuan only met once.They should be husband and wife, they were talking about the decoration, and they didn't care about what happened to Lin Xuan.Two people in marriage have to go through similar things more or less, from a fixed residence to pregnancy and childbirth, from firewood, rice, oil and salt to social warmth and comfort. It is best if the two can support each other for a long time. If they are tempted and lose their hearts, then that is true. It confirms the saying "the grave of love".

Lin Xuan has never deeply experienced love, and marriage is a distant topic. She can't think of the reason for digging her own grave. She doesn't like the many heart changes and separations around her, and she doesn't understand the beauty of marriage.She once rationally declared to her friends and parents: I will not get married, I want to live a comfortable life alone.Friends mostly put it down with a smile, "People will change. If you say that now, you won't think so when you meet your other half in the future." Who will help you when you are in trouble? Who will comfort you when you are sad? Who will take care of you when you are old?".Lin Xuan knew that it was useless to talk too much, so she just obediently succumbed and avoided it, so to this day, she still doesn't understand the relationship between singleness, marriage, and love.

Why did I suddenly think of this?

Because my mother called yet another urging phone call?Lin Xuan felt that it was not the main cause, because he immediately hid in the corner like the fleeing centipede he found that day.Thousands of miles away, no matter how much pressure is put on the other end of the phone, hiding in a place where your parents can't see will always leave some room for your stubborn thoughts to survive.

Because the love novel you read recently aroused your emotions?Lin Xuan could only give a vague affirmation.She likes those romantic sentences, the superficial childhood romance, the delicate and pure character description, and the unique sentiment of the western world.When she reads each character, she fantasizes, her voice will change deliberately, and the vivid story is unfolded in her mind like a stage play, which is really pleasant and yearning.

However, these are not the main reasons.

Lin Xuan got up and drank water, walked around the empty room, and when she sat back on the bed, her thoughts became much clearer.Looking at the corner, she remembered the ultimate fate of the escaped centipede.

It didn't hide well, didn't hold its breath, and ran to the living room quickly when Lin Xuan drew the curtains.Jing Lan was still there at that time, she let out a scream, and jumped onto the sofa as if facing a formidable enemy.Lin Xuan picked up the broom and wanted to drive the centipede out of the house, but who would have expected that it would rush in Lin Xuan's direction because of its size and speed.Lin Xuan was anxious and frightened, and nearly shed tears, forcing himself to drive the centipede away.Fortunately, he had all the tools. He swept the centipede into the dustpan and suppressed it with a broom. He quickly opened the door and dumped it into the trash can. He threw away the things in his hand, closed the door and went to bed.

She was destined to not sleep well that night, one dream after another, messy.

In her restless sleep, she was keenly aware that the door was gently opened, and she squinted her eyes slightly in a daze.A person who couldn't see clearly walked to the bed and looked at her quietly for a long time, so long that Lin Xuan was about to fall into the next dream.The man leaned down and his voice was extremely soft.

"I'm sorry, I'll be here in the future."

A light kiss fell on Lin Xuan's lips, and the slight touch was fleeting.

Lin Xuan opened his eyes suddenly.

The person leaning over has not yet fully stood up, the darkness has not been able to completely cover the true face of the person who set off the turbulent waves, and even the familiar smell and tone are telling the truth.

Time seemed to freeze for a moment.

The visitor fled in a hurry, the door was closed again, and the sleepless night was doomed to be sleepless.

Nine.

After hesitating for a long time, Lin Xuan dialed the phone.

"Where are you? You haven't been home for days."

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

Lin Xuan caressed his fast beating heart, trying not to make his voice sound strange.

"Come back, if you have anything to say, let's meet and discuss it clearly."

"I'm going back to my hometown, let's just say goodbye."

"You...", Lin Xuan was speechless.

"Sorry, I don't know how to face you now."

Lin Xuan was angry: "Jing Lan, I hate your avoidance, what can't you say to me?"

"It's unacceptable for you to have such a thing happen. Seeing me will only make you more sick, so forget it."

"Whether I can accept it or not is one thing, but whether you can see me or not is another. I'm really confused now, but I don't hate you, let alone find you disgusting. I can't tell."

Jing Lan smiled bitterly and said, "Lin Xuan, you are doing this because of compassion and kindness from somewhere. I'm not afraid to tell you that I'm gay and I like women. Do you understand what I mean? I kiss you, It's not because of sleepwalking or going crazy, I like you, like a man and a woman like each other, you know? Do you still want to meet me?"

Lin Xuan smiled angrily.

"Don't think you can hide with this excuse, I already knew it. Your cousin told me before you came that I was just afraid that you would be sad because of a broken relationship, so I didn't mention it in front of you. I can completely accept it. Homosexuality, I don't dislike you, but I can't stand you running away like this Even if you don't have to take any responsibility for me, I don't have the right and emotional ties to hold you accountable, but you make me angry like this. I want to see You, I don’t want to entangle you with love and hatred. I just want to clarify with you and figure out the things between the two of us. After clearing up, if we are both willing to try, then start a relationship. If we are not suitable, then Just be ordinary friends, you know?"

"Aren't you disgusted?" Jing Lan's heart was beating wildly again.

Although Lin Xuan was still angry, he felt much calmer when he heard Jing Lan's cautious tone.

"Let me tell you the truth, I have been exposed to gay culture a long time ago. When I was in junior high school, there were friends around me who read related books. I read some, and I accepted it naturally. I fully understand the criticism and criticism during it. Small groups I know that the public does not accept it, but it is a progressive trend, as evidenced by the increasing number of countries and regions that have legalized same-sex marriage. So, don’t worry about my misunderstanding, go home.”

Home, that "home" far away, where Lin Xuan is waiting for her to go back, it turns out that she also has a family, Jing Lan's eyes turned red for a moment.

"I'll be home tomorrow."

There was no response from the other end of the phone, just hung up.

Jing Lan moved her stiff body. She sat quietly by the window sill for a long time like a statue. When the light and shadow changed, the sunlight swept across every place in the room, except for her who was hiding in the shadow.

Fortunately, there is still a bright moon in my world of lonely nights.

The author has something to say:

This novel does not have a fixed update time, it is purely a work when inspiration comes, and I hope lonely people can get a little comfort from it.

Note: Title: Suyue Fenhui comes from Zhang Xiaoxiang's "Niannujiao Crossing the Dongting" "Suyue Fenhui, the bright river and the shadow, both inside and outside are clear."