the moon shed a tear

One.

White steam was sometimes thick and sometimes light from the tumbling red oil pan, which almost covered the two people sitting opposite Lin Xuan.The younger girl is opening her bright red cherry mouth, sending out the heat from the hot shrimp balls in her mouth, and the smile bursting out because of the deliciousness is about to overflow; the other girl is happily She spoke loudly, because the surrounding environment was full of hustle and bustle, so she almost roared, her cheeks flushed.

In fact, Lin Xuan did not hear clearly the interesting stories told by his roommate's cousin.

Out of politeness, Lin Xuan tried his best to seize the opportunity and gave the other party a satisfactory response in a timely manner.In addition, she can always put food into the hot pot when the two people on the opposite side are eating in full swing, and wait until the two of them start a new round of food attacks, and then give the food to the stricken man. Red oil and chili add some new meat and vegetable partners.She has always been like this, and she is satisfied that she can take care of herself so that everyone present can enjoy the food comfortably.

Many people who have dined with Lin Xuan are more or less aware of this, but such a role is rare. After a long time, her friends are very happy to have her presence during meals.Even if there are occasional close friends who want to share, Lin Xuan said, "Since we are friends, you don't have to care about this." Everything will be back to normal.

In fact, Lin Xuan didn't want to take the initiative to take care of her friends at first. Of course, she also wanted to enjoy the delicious food to the fullest, but when she saw that there was not much left in the pot and everyone was eating hard, she would think: If everyone They all only care about eating their own meals, so what should they eat when the bowl is empty and the pot is just red soup with little water?Even if you can add a lot of content to the pot, the waiting time is always a waste.It's like living without any future considerations, like walking without any purpose, which is always uncomfortable unless you're going through a particular state.These thoughts made Lin Xuan a little bored, and when she couldn't bear it, she took the initiative to attack, and then she was gradually pushed into the role of caring.As for today, she has fully adapted and even found satisfaction in it.

Lin Xuan's little thought was actually noticed by that cousin.Her name is Jing Lan, and because she broke up with her girlfriend half a month ago, she really broke her heart, so she asked for leave and came to the city where her cousin went to college to relax.The child was about to take the final exam recently, and when the mountain-like heavy review was approaching, she found all kinds of excuses, and she used the name of picking up her cousin as the excuse for this meal.She didn't expect much at first, but her roommate Lin Xuan was really a pleasant surprise.Her seemingly inadvertent behavior of caring for others, her appearance of silently enjoying the food in the bowl, her gentle voice when talking with others, and her long hair hanging down when she lowered her head in a daze, everything is like tiny raindrops beating on her heart .Such an ordinary-looking girl who could be called delicate at best aroused her own interest, which surprised her secretly.

You must know that since Jing Lan discovered her true sexual orientation, she has confessed to the girl she likes straight away, and no matter how much her family does not accept it, she is unwavering in her love.Groping and searching in practice, she gradually understood what kind of lover she longed for most.Fortunately, she found a satisfied lover last year. Since then, she has devoted herself to running the world of the two, and wants to spend her life with her lifelong company.It's a pity that her lover proposed to break up last month, but failed to keep her for half a month. Now she is a dry grass, without the nourishment of love, she exudes a decadent atmosphere from the inside to the outside.Since he is decadent, he will do anything reckless with the delicate life of the past, such as the clothes he is wearing now is half a month ago, such as eating the inedible spicy seaweed without any scruples, such as the extremely uncultivated Lin Xuan who met for the first time Talk about your own story.Even though he knew that he was not in the right state, it was unusual for him to have such an easy desire to get in touch with Lin Xuan.She is very specific in her love. Even though she is single now, her mind and emotion are still immersed in the old life. She doesn't understand why she suddenly became interested. This is worth exploring.

On the way home from a walk, Lin Xuan was reticent. Apart from observing the passing scene, she would look up at the moon from time to time.

"There is a star beside the moon today."

A whisper with surprise in the tone was uttered like this, and accompanied by the cool evening wind caressing Jing Lan's ear, it captured her heart instantly.

No one has ever said such a thing to himself.

"Do you look at the moon every day?" Jing Lan said very softly.

Lin Xuan smiled and shook his head: "I have no time to take care of it when I'm busy, and I'm upset when I'm free. I only watch it when I have a short worry-free time."

"very special."

As if Lin Xuan didn't hear Jing Lan's words, he quietly walked past one dim street lamp after another.

two.

The decoration of Lin Xuan's home is very warm, and all the objects are neatly placed in place.I wonder if such an ordinary appearance conceals the true characteristics of its owner?

Wearing fluffy and warm cotton slippers, Jing Lan reached out to take the water glass from Lin Xuan, and looked around the room curiously.

"I'm going back to my room first, you two have a good chat and try to go to bed early."

Gently closing the door, he gave his body and mind to his own space, listening to the second hand of the clock, Lin Xuan walked to the bookshelf comfortably, and took down a novel at will.

Read here at noon: "There are no real temples and fake temples in the world. One day I saw an old lady in rags, her legs were disabled. She knew that there was a temple in the county, so she crawled to offer incense. At the gate of the mountain, she kowtowed piously and was very happy. The temple is fake, but her piety and happiness are real. The real temple and the fake temple are all a kind of illusion."

Lin Xuan sighed, folded a corner of the page and put it back.She can't have this kind of mood now, tomorrow is Monday, what she needs is a peaceful night's sleep and a normal mood when she goes to work.

After drinking a glass of milk, Lin Xuan tried hard to avoid random thoughts, and gradually fell asleep.

In the dream, she went to a place with beautiful mountains and rivers. There were not many pedestrians and the scenery was just right.Going down the steps, the river becomes much wider. A long-haired woman in white clothes is lying in a gazebo by the river. The woman's belly is slightly swollen, which seems to be pregnant.Lin Xuan didn't intend to disturb the woman's leisure, so she held her breath and wanted to leave quietly.Unexpectedly, the woman called out to stop her, but Lin Xuan had no choice but to walk into the pavilion.

"You finally came to see me." The woman in white said desolately.

Lin Xuan squatted down uncontrollably, stretched out two fingers to pull out the silver hairpin from the woman's temple hair, and played with it in his hands, the words in his mouth were extremely cruel.

"I just came to see if you are as miserable as he said. It's really good to see you today."

The woman in white had a painful expression on her face: "Both you and he will regret it."

"It's ridiculous! People in the world have never regretted getting happiness." After finishing speaking, Lin Xuan's face changed, and he used a silver hairpin to draw a shallow bloody opening on the palm of his hand, then clenched his fist and dripped the blood into the woman's mouth .

The woman struggled violently, weeping and retching.

"He said that the child was just an accident. Since it was an accident, it's better not to live in this world."

Lin Xuan sneered and got up to leave.

Strangely, the sound of retching still exists after walking a long distance.

No one was around, where did the retching sound come from?

Lin Xuan woke up suddenly from his sleep, and the voice from the direction of the toilet was very real.Without thinking too much, Lin Xuan opened the door to have a look.

Jing Lan was squatting in front of the toilet clutching her stomach in pain.

Hastily stepped forward to ask a few words, Lin Xuan decisively helped Jing Lan to the community clinic.

The doctor prescribed a secondary medicine for Jing Lan to drink, and after her symptoms improved, she gave Lin Xuan detailed instructions.

"You young people, don't take your body seriously. You should have a regular diet and take good care of it."

The two nodded in succession.

After completing the relevant procedures, Lin Xuan supported Jing Lan and walked slowly towards home.

"Take a good rest these two days. I will pay attention to preparing more light and nutritious meals. If you still feel uncomfortable in your body, you can call me at any time. Your cousin is a heavy sleeper, so she didn't notice your movement, don't worry Just find me if you need it."

"I'm sorry to trouble you." Jing Lan still felt a little uncomfortable, and her tone was soft.

"nothing."

Lin Xuan smiled, reached out and took out a blanket from his backpack to hug Jing Lan.

"It's cool in the middle of the night, you just sweated a lot, you can't blow it now."

Jing Lan walked quietly accompanied by Lin Xuan, the street lights were all off, and the moths who were madly chasing the light had already dispersed.The only thing that really illuminates the way forward in the lonely night is the bright moon and the star that came to accompany it today.

three.

The good mood that Lin Xuan worked so hard to maintain was completely broken by the leader's work arrangement for those who can do more work.Because her colleague's task was not completed on time, she now has to take on the workload of an extra person, extend a lot of overtime hours, and worry about other people's affairs, even though this person is just a colleague with her, even though her kind help is nothing in return. It's gossip behind other people's backs.

"Isn't it because of higher education than us? I think I can do everything. I hate this kind of person the most."

Lin Xuan had already heard several people say this inadvertently, but even after hearing it several times, her heart still couldn't help but feel heavy.

Carrying the packaged meals, her face was a little pale, and she pushed open the door in silence.

"Sorry, I wanted to cook for you myself." Lin Xuan smiled at Jing Lan who heard the sound, and briskly placed the food box on the dining table.

"It's okay, these smell delicious." Jing Lan waved her hands as if she didn't care, while observing Lin Xuan's face, she was depressed like a kitten in the water, it's really pitiful, she should be comforted.

"Is there anything wrong with your work?" Jing Lan asked tentatively.

Lin Xuan was a little surprised, and then covered his expression with the action of bowing his head to eat.

"It's nothing."

Just like this, cautious and cautious, vigilantly building an invisible wall around her, unable to touch the boundaries of her trust, unable to see her true thoughts.The more she rejects people thousands of miles away, the more she wants to get closer to her heart, and she treats ordinary friends with sincerity and kindness, how happy and lucky it is to be her friend and lover who cherishes her sincerely!Jing Lan has no resistance in the face of this kind of temptation exuding a beautiful atmosphere.

Putting down the bowls and chopsticks in her hands, Jing Lan said solemnly: "To be a human being, you must live happily in the present. This is my creed in life. If you have troubles, you should speak them out."

Lin Xuan looked up at Jing Lan, and the eyes of the two met in the air. In the short time, the stubbornness and persistence of the two sides engaged in a considerable battle. The result of the war ended in Lin Xuan's failure.She sighed.

"I don't understand why people label me, as if they always look at my words and deeds through a pair of colored glasses."

Jing Lan didn't have time to cheer for her little victory, and another emotion surged from her heart.She has been, is, and will always be looking for answers to such questions.As to why she has such problems so often, the answer is very simple: she is gay.Not being understood by others, words that seem to be sour in the eyes of others, the disgusting comments that she often hears, and the monster-like eyes of neighbors, she has a deep understanding of these.For a moment, the clouds shrouded, and silence followed like a shadow.

Lin Xuan never thought that he caused Jing Lan to ponder, and smiled panickedly: "This kind of question itself is difficult to answer, right? People are so different, and the self and the other are simply two worlds. Simpler , Just be yourself and don’t care about other people’s eyes, this kind of view is actually quite good, don’t think too much.”

Jing Lan frowned: "That's not the case, you don't think so at all. You can't understand everything others show about your differences, just as others can't understand your differences. This is helpless pain, but at least It can be endured. What is sad and unbearable is that the pain caused by the outside world is entirely borne by you alone. The bad guys will go unpunished, the villains will rise to the top, and the wicked will be proud. It's a huge injustice that you have to suffer alone, and you, or anyone else, can't stand that."

Lin Xuan was silent for a long time, and his eyes gradually brightened, which contained passion and hope, which made Jing Lan know that he was one step closer to Lin Xuan.

"I can't stand it, but I can't change it. I hate myself for being so helpless and I'm subservient to the life I've endured. I like your way of saying: huge injustice. I think I'll always ignore that Injustice, only in a few times, the sky is too bright, it illuminates the unfairness of this world so clearly, no matter how hard I try, I can't ignore it, and only at this time, I will lick the wound carefully, feel the pain It will remind me of this moment. When the light dims again, I will forget the pain of the wound, but the memory of that time will come to my mind. Maybe this is the state of my life."

Jing Lan accepted every word Lin Xuan said, and she was pleasantly surprised by her new discovery.

"Have you found a solution?"

Lin Xuan smiled and shook his head: "I only know how to escape, such as diverting sight with delicious food, diverting mood with movies, diverting pain with words, do you want to try it?"

"Of course, you can't ask for it."

four.

The humid heat that had been brewing in the sky for many days finally broke out tonight.

Lightning, thunder, and lightning are nothing but momentary fireworks in the night, and the moment of astonishment disappears without a trace.The long-term heavy rain is the most appreciated by the people in the house. Huge raindrops fall straight from the dark clouds and beat on the blurred windows, like bursting drums, like passionate dance steps.

Lin Xuan secretly observed Jing Lan with an intoxicated face, but his heart couldn't stop being touched.

For some reason, Jing Lan insisted on asking her why she was depressed, and for some reason she pondered for a long time. After she said something that fit her mind, Lin Xuan knew: Jing Lan was special to her. .

In Lin Xuan’s inner world, which she never shows to others, there is a group of people who are special and cherished in her passing time. The girl I saw in Digest, the uncle who set up a stall to sell second-hand tutoring books after evening self-study, the proprietress of the small restaurant who always smiled at her; there are also some people that Lin Xuan considers lifelong friends, such as behaving carelessly but being sensitive and strong in heart The girl surnamed W, the girl surnamed Z who is positive and simple-minded, the girl surnamed J who loves life but is confused about the future, the girl surnamed L who is cautious like a rabbit.Each of them has shown the quality that moved Lin Xuan, the only difference is that the fate of acquaintance is different.Even if the young seeds are buried in the bottom of my heart and watered by the fate that has troubled countless people, it is uncertain which one will grow into a towering tree in life, and which one will show the appearance of swaying with the wind, so when Lin Xuan discovered After someone special, she will be extremely careful.

After observation, it is obvious that it is not appropriate for Lin Xuan to call Jing Lan "special".She didn't want to admit it, because she was afraid of the consequences of going deep into it.

Jing Lan was very focused on watching the movie, her pupils reflected the changing images, and her face intuitively revealed what she was thinking.The slightly opened eyes, the parted lips due to surprise, the spontaneous trembling of the body, all these small details were noticed by Lin Xuan.Lin Xuan appreciates such a dedicated person, who doesn’t ask questions, and appreciates the beauty of the movie seriously. When a movie is over, such a person will be intoxicated with the old things, will not stop aftertaste, and will radiate the whole emotion to the fullest. Although it is different from the previous image, Lin Xuan really likes such a real appearance.Jing Lan talked a lot after watching this disaster film, she was silent for a moment, then she sighed a lot, her hands and feet were flustered and numerous, her concealed laughter was accompanied by dodging eyes, showing her kind and strong nature everywhere one side.

When the heavy rain started to fall outside the window, Lin Xuan prepared two large cups of hot water, and the two sat on the cushions on the balcony wrapped in blankets, with the windows wide open to listen to the sound of the rain.Take a mouthful of warm water between your lips and tongue, feel the invisible water flow down your throat, slide into your stomach, spread out somewhere in your body, and deliver the warmth to your hands and feet in fine pieces. It's a wonderful feeling!

Jing Lan realized that she had lost her composure just now, and was a little at a loss in this dark night with only the sound of rain.The changing light and shadow of the traffic on the road and the lights of the tall buildings not far away are all isolated by the blurred windows. The quiet atmosphere between the two is a bit subtle. Without the hustle and bustle of the outside world to infect, Jing Lan only feels as if she is walking in white On the vast land, she wants to discover different colors, wants to understand Lin Xuan's feelings, she urgently needs to say something.

Looking up at the sky, there were dark clouds and the moon was covered, Jing Lan raised the corners of her lips slightly: "We are destined not to see the moon tonight."

Lin Xuan hesitated to speak.

Jing Lan continued: "Isn't the way I talked so much just a little annoying?"

Lin Xuan put his hand on Jing Lan's and held it gently.

"Do you know? People used to yearn for the moon very much. Every time literati mentioned her, their thoughts would spring up. Children regarded her as the end of their imagination, and common people regarded her as a representative of purity and beauty. All kinds of stories were always pursued. Following this dream, there will eventually be a Human beings took the first step to land on the moon on [-]th. When the mysterious veil of the moon was unveiled when they were full of expectations, people began to be disappointed; after measuring the value of the moon with the eyes of economic affairs, people were completely disappointed. There was no dream and reality Inspired by her, the moon hastily ended on the stage of the world. She was once pursued by thousands of years of praise, and she lost everything in a blink of an eye. This is unreasonable! She is always the only moon in the night, she has I haven't changed myself, but what has changed is the hearts of the world. I always thought that although the moon used to be lonely in the night sky, there would always be her faithful lover and friend in the world. Now, she is alone and only herself. I Whenever I look at the moon, I think of her loneliness, that loneliness truly reflects my world, and the loneliness in the dead of night is like the moonlight in the dark night, which cannot be ignored."

Jing Lan was puzzled.Her heart was beating wildly, and a clear and decisive thought exploded in her mind like fireworks.

It's her!

Lowering her eyebrows to cover it up, Jing Lan said slowly, "I don't understand what you mean."

Lin Xuan's hand did not leave: "People are really amazing, and so is the relationship between people. In a vast crowd, no matter how far apart, people of the same kind can always catch each other's breath sensitively. No need to try too much, It is very simple to judge by just a small movement. I felt it when I first saw you. You hide well, but the abnormal state makes you confused. On the night of eating hot pot, you After talking a lot, I always feel that you have experienced a very bad thing. The next day I asked your cousin privately, and she told me that you were broken in love. So, everything made sense. "

Jing Lan's heart trembled, and the strong wind set off raging waves to hit her heart one after another, and the sense of fit conveyed between the words clamored over and over again: "It's her! It's her! It's her!"

Trying to control the trembling of her body, Jing Lan still lowered her head.His eyes were fixed on Lin Xuan and he was holding his hand tightly, as if there was a golden thread conveying something at the junction.

"So, how did you see that I am of the same kind as you?"

"The store closed the door tightly because they didn't want to waste the air-conditioning. You were the last person to enter the door. I saw you holding the doorknob carefully, turning around and closing the door slowly, without making a sound from the beginning to the end. You closed the door carefully. It looks like I’m facing some kind of treasure, just like me. I don’t know why I pay so much attention to such small things. When I think about it, maybe it’s gentleness, maybe I like quietness, maybe it’s sensitivity, but I found that a small part People close doors like me. Because of them, I know that I am not alone, and because of them, I know that it is difficult to find myself in the world. When I look at the crescent moon and feel lonely, my parents are satisfied with the beauty of the family; Lamenting that there are people in other countries who can bluntly shout 'Blow the horn of the doomsday if you want!', my friend shared with me the articles of the fresh meat writers who are obsessed with it; When the reality described in the novel is so similar to the current society, no one I know can understand what it is to live in poverty for brand-new mathematical discoveries. Although I have not lived in poverty for more than twenty years How many ups and downs, and rich life experience has nothing to do with me, but this characteristic is destined to recognize the same kind at a glance. Although you have changed a lot, your heart has not changed. You are mine Similar people."

Jing Lan's breathing became heavy, she kept pursing her lips, and opened and clenched her five fingers.

sky!It's really her!

Lin Xuan stretched her arms around Jing Lan, as if embracing a child who had been lost for a long time. She knew she didn't need to say anything.

Now that you have met, don't miss it, after all, it is rare to have a confidant in this world.

Fives.

How many tempting desires are there in the colorful and gorgeous world?Others regard this as a problem, but Lin Xuan doesn't care.No matter how much fame and fortune bother you, they are just waves on the spiritual ocean. Even if the wind of desire blows, there will be snow-white waves. The truly beautiful scenery of life is hidden in deeper waters.Of course, going too deep is not a good choice. The loneliness and the pressure of the environment only allow a very few people with strong spirits to survive.Lin Xuan could understand, but he couldn't do it after all.

Sitting on a remote stone chair in the Summer Palace, feeling the cool breeze blowing by, Lin Xuan couldn't help sighing: "I just want to find a place like this to live in when I'm old, and build a simple book Pavilion, raising a group of stray cats and dogs, if you can get the company of your beloved, that would be even better!"

Jing Lan agrees comfortably: "I used to accompany my parents to climb the mountain, beside the stone steps, there was gurgling water, surrounded by green trees. At that time, I wanted to live in seclusion on the mountain, plant a vegetable garden to provide three meals a day, and breathe fresh air every day. , living is clean.”

Lin Xuan asked back with a smile: "Why don't you long for a lover? I believe that although you are deeply hurt, you will eventually be a prisoner of love."

Jing Lan looked at Lin Xuan's bright smile, smiled and shook her head.Although you have come very close to me, even such a beautiful smile can be gifted at any time, but it is not enough.Dear Lin Xuan, this is not enough, for people like you and me, it is not enough to touch love.However, if I can wait, I will sincerely look forward to that day.

Lin Xuan received a call from his mother.Sure enough, there was no small talk, and the topic that troubled Lin Xuan reappeared.She forced a smile to change the subject, was reprimanded by her mother again, and reluctantly made many compromises and guarantees. Lin Xuan hung up the phone depressed, wandering around, holding hands with the past and the future to warn her heavily.

"Why are you so unhappy?" Jing Lan pulled Lin Xuan who was stuck in the mud back to reality.

"My mother urged me to find a partner for a long time, and I also delayed for a long time. Now I have reached an age where I cannot escape. Even if I am willing to wait, the pressure exerted by my relatives is still huge."

Jing Lan smiled and looked at the sparkling water.

"When we reach this age, we have to face and take on family, career, life, etc. alone. The troubles are the same. Friends of the same age say that no matter how much they keep themselves and live for themselves, they have no strength. Family members The expectations and pressures are not to be underestimated, and the choice is too difficult. Sometimes I think it is ridiculous when I think about it. I don’t know which generation started to do this. After the formation of social atmosphere and customs, it seems to be an unbreakable spell prison. It is firmly attached to everyone. Parents choose painfully in the expectations of the previous generation, and we receive the same treatment from our parents. How many people slip through the net in each generation? Are the majority of people who did not manage to escape deeply? What about deep regret? What is certain is that the rules are being passed on in question, but what is doubtful is whether the rules are progressing in questioning?"

"I'm thrilled at what you're saying, although it's often unsocial to elevate the stuff of life to the stuff of thinking. If you can read Hogwarts, you must be a Slytherin shiny snake. Questioning in the legacy , make progress while questioning, and always think with this principle, there are too many things that need to be changed in the current society!"

"Yeah, I just want to ask God, why are people born unequal? ​​Why is fate so unfair to everyone? Why can't you get the corresponding rewards for your sincere efforts? If there must be a difference in status between men and women, why create So many legendary women? If love must belong to men and women, why do gay people live happily? If the same rules are passed down from generation to generation, why is there a difference between the past and the present? Before my life is over, I really hope to go to heaven Can answer me!"

Lin Xuan laughed for a long time, patted Jing Lan on the shoulder and panted, "What a clever empathy method, I finally taught me to see it today. Master Jing, please accept my disciple's respect."

Jing Lan pulled Lin Xuan past her with a bit of embarrassment on her face.

"Don't you think so too? Why do you say these things to mock me?"

"Many of my thoughts will only come to life on paper, and I am still silent in the face of God."

"Lin Xuan, I only speak the truth when I treat you as a friend, don't laugh anymore."

Lin Xuan stopped smiling, and put on a serious face: "Jing Lan, I also treat you as a friend before I joke with you."

Wanting to be angry but unable to get angry, wanting to tease Lin Xuan but having no suitable method, Jing Lan just stared at the pavilion in the distance and kept silent.

"Sometimes when I make jokes, I lack sense, so don't take it to heart." Lin Xuan subdued obediently.

Jing Lan didn't respond.

"I took advantage of the summer discount to buy a few games and play them together when I get home?" Lin Xuan looked at Jing Lan.

Jing Lan knew that she couldn't pretend anymore, and her face softened a little: "Tell me why you are laughing? You obviously think the same as me."

Lin Xuan nodded, followed Jing Lan's eyes to look at the pavilion in the distance, and said calmly: "I know your thoughts very well, so I don't want to see you delve into it. I spent four years in college like an ivory tower. What I do most is to think, I want to understand the meaning of various things, I want to know the solutions to various problems, when I graduate, I am suffering and helpless, the truth is still far away. The so-called "crazy thinking" in the world is just It’s just an excuse to avoid exploring the truth. Although it’s shameful, it’s very useful. I don’t want you to do the same, but I just hope that you don’t add to your sorrow when you still have greed for the world.”

"It's such a powerful way to escape, Lin Xuan quickly took it home as a teacher and took the handle to practice hard."

"it is good!"

The author has something to say:

1. There are four chapters in the novel project, with a total of no more than 3 words

2. The words "real temple, fake temple" come from Lu Nei's "Compassion"

Hope you like it.