the moon shed a tear

fourteen.

The person in the mirror looks strange.Her face was as pale as a dying patient, and her eyes were covered by thick dark clouds. Her once clear and visible spiritual world is now a lonely dead city. Is there any remaining spark for her rebirth?Lin Xuan reaches out to touch the face of the person in the photo, which is as cold as his own. It is the most straightforward expression of the death of the world.Whether it's true or false, Lin Xuan loathes her present self to the extreme. She desperately wants to make some changes, but she also knows that this is just a struggle.

Just now, Jing Lan lost control and wanted to "save" herself, Lin Xuan couldn't help but look carefully at the person in front of him.Jing Lan's persistence is true, and so is her perseverance. Maybe with her company, I can get through the difficult time, but the blood on the corner of her lips has flowed down at this moment. Do I want her to accompany me to suffer more in the future? pain?Lin Xuan thinks that she is not worthy of Jing Lan's actions, but she can't express her thoughts. Facing an impulsive and strong person, what Lin Xuan can do is to be an actress, and she pretends to be willing to live , let out a long breath, and used words to confuse Jing Lan, and it succeeded!

At this time, Jing Lan was preparing dinner in the kitchen, staying in the bathroom by herself, she could do whatever she wanted.Lin Xuan didn't want to cause trouble to others, she was going to leave quietly, so she had to choose a place where there were no people, which would neither affect the continuation of the lives of the living nor affect the surrounding plants and trees.She has already made up her mind about the location, and the current self still has to wait.She hates waiting, the unknown result of waiting is frightening, even if she is fully prepared, she can't escape, can she?

Lin Xuan rummaged around, only a pair of scissors seemed useful.She grabbed her hair, and so did the person in the mirror, pulling her long hair as if it were a chain that bound her, and the person in the mirror was also pulling vigorously, and she looked very happy.If it weren't for this long hair, she might have been able to escape smoothly, and what happened that day might not have happened.Even though everything was unpredictable, this long hair really imprisoned her tightly when she was fighting for her life, she hated it very much.

With swathes of hair chopped off, a rough new image emerges.Lin Xuan loves its strange feeling, and there is regret in touching it lightly. It looks so pitiful that Fang was born in this world and will go to the underworld with his master.

Jing Lan knocked on the door with a gentle voice.

"Lin Xuan, are you done washing up? Come out and eat."

Lin Xuan smiled at herself in the mirror, and put on a mask resembling her usual attitude on her face. She opened the door with a smile, and met Jing Lan's surprised gaze.

"I think I'd be more comfortable with a different look."

"Me too."

Jing Lan took Lin Xuan's hand and sat down.

The meals were well prepared, and it could be seen that Jing Lan had played her best.Lin Xuan liked the last dinner at this table, she ate very happily, but at the same time ignored Jing Lan's hesitation to speak.There was silence between them. Although the food disappeared quickly as usual, the lively atmosphere never came.

"Let me wash the dishes, help me tidy up the room, I probably can't do it myself." Lin Xuan took the initiative.

Jing Lan complied obediently.

The dishes and chopsticks to be cleaned up were quietly stacked in the cabinet. Lin Xuan hurriedly wiped the table and returned to the kitchen. She quickly achieved her goal.He deftly hid the things in the deep pocket of his clothes, closed the kitchen door as if nothing had happened, and left the mess inside to tomorrow.

Jing Lan walked out of the room very vigilantly. She observed Lin Xuan, glanced at the table, and felt relieved.

"What do you want to do? I'll accompany you."

"Shall we watch a movie together?"

"That would be the best."

Lin Xuan smiled and went to the collection box to look for suitable movies. Suddenly, a phone call came.After she took it, she seemed to be answering the other party's question, throwing out a series of affirmative answers, and then she frowned, her voice was angry, and she even hung up the phone angrily after a few words.

"What happened?" Jing Lan asked cautiously.

Lin Xuan hurriedly walked to the entrance, and said irritably: "There is a mistake in the project at hand, my colleagues come to me, and I will come back as soon as I go."

Still worried, Jing Lan hurriedly took off her coat.

"I'll accompany you."

Lin Xuan suddenly smiled: "Thank you, but it's better for me to go alone for this kind of thing."

"Anyway, I'm fine, just let me stay with you."

Lin Xuan shook her head, she smiled and hugged Jing Lan.

"The dark clouds have passed, now, you are my sun, and I still want to thank you for your presence."

fifteen

Lin Xuan didn't know when she discovered that the roof could be entered. At this moment, she was standing on the railing, looking at the lights of thousands of houses in the city, feeling filled with emotion.

Her college dormitory was an old building, each floor only had a larger water room, and it was okay to dry clothes, but the sheets and quilts should still be hung on the roof.On a hot summer day, the cramped indoor space is irritating. It's better to stand on the roof and look at the illuminated street and the adjacent green playground.The evening breeze was actually very cool. She leaned on the railing and looked into the distance, feeling very comfortable inside.There are many people who can run at night, and she has tried it before, but unfortunately she couldn't persist, so she could only stand outside the playground and cast envious eyes.Although she was not sick, her body was not healthy. At that time, she didn't care about the state of her body. She didn't have a good imagination for the future, so she had no expectations and no motivation worth fighting for.Now she only wants to be comfortable, but the society has taught her a lesson, and many troubles will make her have no time to get tired of life.

She also saw the lights of other people's houses in the distance at the Mid-Autumn Festival party for military training.A group of people sat around and watched the talented performers, singing and applauding loudly, and the atmosphere was very lively.The full moon means reunion. She has never relied on the warmth of her family like others, but she also looks at the moon for no reason and feels sad.The tall buildings in the distance are full of lights, and each dot may represent a reunion family.She knew that her parents would spend a lively Mid-Autumn Festival with relatives, so she was not sentimental about it, she just felt lonely inexplicably.The sky is big and the earth is big, where is her home?With thousands of lights, this reunion and happiness are just like the moon, which is cloudy and sunny.She needs to wait, she knows that there will be people waiting under the moon like her in the world, she likes to wait very much at that time, waiting means there is still hope in the future.

Lin Xuan couldn't help lying on the cold ground. From her perspective, the moon was beautiful, noble and aloof.

She thought maybe she shouldn't end her life, learn more from the moon, stick to it in the dark, so what about loneliness?Maybe she should find a nun's temple, cut off her ties, and quietly accompany the Qingdeng Ancient Buddha.

She closed her eyes, only the night wind was blowing more and more violently.

In the dark, Lin Xuan vaguely realized that he had become Lin Xuan in his dream again.She seemed to be anxiously waiting for someone, and thousands of excuses flashed through her mind to justify her lies, but the truth was an indisputable fact.

The door of the room was kicked open, the brother was full of anger, and behind him was the woman he hated the most, the third girl.

Why did he bring her here? Could it be that he intends to plunge himself into the abyss?Why?

Brother Ao said coldly: "Junior Sister, she has already arrived, how long are you going to continue lying to me?"

"Brother, since you believe that I lied to you, then I can't defend myself. It's just that you and I are here. Would you rather choose to trust an outsider than trust me?"

The third girl smiled lightly: "Lin Xuan, you really make me sick like this. You are obviously a wolf, so why pretend to be a docile sheep?"

"Miss San! Don't think that you won because you found some so-called evidence to deceive senior brother. I will never let him down."

"You're right. You didn't deceive your senior brother, but you just concealed part of the truth. This name is really nice."

"I have a clear conscience, it's not your turn to make sarcastic remarks here." Lin Xuan glared.

Brother Ao frowned and shouted angrily.

"Junior Sister, don't you think you are wrong? Why did you hide the facts about me back then? Why did you secretly make a deal with the elder? Why did you do those despicable things to my wife?"

The third girl rolled her eyes when she heard "my wife", and her words became sarcastic.

"You don't deserve to call me. I came here today just to return the truth to who I was back then. I don't have any intention of reuniting with you. You and I will still be strangers after today. It's better not to get in touch with each other forever."

Lin Xuan said fiercely: "Senior brother, you gave up your hatred and me for such a woman, and now you still have to give up your dignity? I gave up everything for you, have you ever made any sacrifices for me? Are you willing to be an adult for her? Lost the beloved sword, for the sake of that unborn child, happily forgot all the blood and deep hatred, and ignored the position of the head of the family in order to find her whereabouts. But what about me? You will always treat me as a junior sister, there is no love, only the responsibility that cannot be accepted .”

"Shut up!" Brother Ao was furious, "Junior Sister, how could you be so wrong! Even if you and I have feelings, how can we endure one blow after another betrayal. You hide the truth about my enemy, you take my hatred Dealing with the interests of the elders, you ruined my originally happy marriage, how can you let me trust you, how can I love you? How can you do anything to achieve your goal? You are not my junior sister, but like She's an ugly woman."

"Hahaha! What's wrong with me? I just think about my own happiness, and I'm not wrong!"

The third girl watched with cold eyes.

"If I had known this before, why bother? I said you would regret it. Now that you have tasted the bad results, my enmity with you is retribution. As for my child, I will send you a curse for him. I curse you for life and death die!"

Lin Xuan laughed. She pulled out a dagger and stuck it in her heart. The intense pain caused her to curl up on the ground. The blood flowed faster than expected, but she turned a blind eye and maintained her last dignity before she passed away.

"Absurd! Absurd! Where am I wrong?"

sixteen

Calls came from downstairs, Jing Lan's eager voice.The sound of the wind was mixed with trembling calls, and Lin Xuan's name sounded a bit vague.She apologized softly, and the evening breeze carried the words of apology to the distance, leaving Lin Xuan, who was heartbroken, in the dream of the past and present life, with a hand on his heart unconsciously.

Is this really the best ending?

Isn't being alive more important than anything else?

Lin Xuan didn't need to give her own answer, just like she always had a premonition in the dark, she knew that there would be such a day, such a day that she would take her own life out of despair.When she was a teenager, she jokingly asked her friends, "Have you ever thought about suicide?" At that time, she was just tired of the same boring study, and she didn't seriously think about the content behind these two simple words.She also talked about certain personnel matters with her mother on the road in a traffic jam. When she expressed her approval of Sanmao's suicide, her mother criticized her very severely. Since then, the family bond has become more meaningful.

When she was in college, she heard a tutor talk about this topic. There were wonderful words about suicide and hope in the middle of the night. When she was lying on the bed in the dormitory and couldn't sleep, she always thought of these words in her mind, but she always thought about tomorrow. I have inexplicable confidence in life, just simply lament the wonderful meaning of words, and occasionally feel lonely and depressed, but that is far from it.In the past few days, she suddenly understands, and it is difficult to express how she understands in words, just like when she watched a movie back then, she suddenly understood what it means to "learn to love", and she couldn't express it in words. It's just that life in the future will be bathed in a new state.

There are too many straws that break the camel's back in the world, and there are all kinds of problems.She used an invisible distance to isolate others and protect herself. She only cared about moving forward and forgot to clean the straw on her back. God threw her a test at random, but she completely collapsed.It's no one's fault, including herself.

Lin Xuan pressed the sharp blade in the pressing pocket with her fingers. She couldn't see the cold light, but she could imagine the severe pain.She is afraid of physical pain, which can make her give up any principles, and she knows how hypocritical she is in the face of physical pain.On weekdays, she dresses herself up with good morals, but when her body is really against her, she gives up the so-called persistence without any resistance.At that time, her pain made her mind go blank, and when her body returned to normal, she would deeply despise her own spinelessness.Whether she scolded herself for being a hypocrite or a coward, when the pain exploded in her body like fireworks, the world she carefully built could be turned upside down at once, and she suffered a lot.

She hesitated because she was afraid of the physical punishment before death came.

She tore off her mask bluntly, and the tearful face expressed pain: she was not ready to die yet.

As if the balloon in his chest that was inflated to the point of bursting suddenly let go, Lin Xuan was defeated all of a sudden.She stubbornly pushed herself to the precipice of life and death, but now she felt like retreating, although the choice was firmly in her hands from the beginning to the end.

It's really like a play directed and acted by yourself!Direct for yourself, act for yourself?

You should kill the hypocritical laughing self hiding in your body with your own hands!

After she died, all that was left of this body was a humble and ordinary appearance. She could finally submissively agree to the arrangement of fate in this world, and could find an excuse for herself to live in a gregarious manner.She doesn't have to bear the ruthless wind and snow alone, there are hundreds of millions of sentient beings in the world who suffer from the same kind of "life" as her. At that time, she lost the loneliness that accompanied her everywhere, and at the same time lost her personal characteristics of being in the world.

In other words, if she survives, she will have the same face as everyone else, and anyone on the street will be her, and she is everywhere.

It's good to be alive!

The hope of life exists forever!

Lin Xuan really wants to touch the girl who will live in her body with her fingers. There will be no loneliness in her eyes, and her tears will no longer flow out of sadness. She is a girl like snow, and she walks into the world with a smile , there is no one more suitable to live than her in the world.

This time Lin Xuan didn't hesitate any more, not even a trace of fear.

She pointed the knife point at her chest, and she heard the hypocrisy in her body screaming, and the one she was afraid of fled around, but Lin Xuan blocked her way with her body.

For a new life, for the hope of living!

The strong white light hurt the dark eyes, and a bright spring breeze blew in the dead city.

sky!It was a new world!

Seventeen

"Sleep and death have the same name, but different surnames

Sleep is a preview of death, and dreams are man's magic realm

People say that your soul is too big and your body is too small, your mind is too big and your body is too small, these are the basic characteristics of ghosts and ghosts

They also said that because you have dealt with dreams since you were young, you have been contaminated with some ghosts and evil spirits of the devil world, so it is easier to catch birds with bare hands."

Today's book touched Jing Lan quite a bit, she seemed to be able to understand a little bit of Lin Xuan's choice.

Jing Lan gently put down the book and looked at the moon with a smile.

"Lin Xuan, go to sleep, I will always watch over you, and I won't let you shed a single tear."

The author has something to say:

The seventeen verses of "sleep and death" come from Mai Jia's "Deciphering"

This concludes the novel, thank you all.