[First-year student] I am not him

Strictly speaking, Jay and I can probably be called childhood sweethearts.

It's just that later he and Nuan Nuan got closer and closer, and we gradually became estranged as a matter of course.

After Nuan Nuan's accident, I subconsciously didn't want to see anyone related to him again, let alone take the initiative to contact him. In a blink of an eye, I haven't seen him for so many years.

But his words still made my heart beat wildly in an instant.

I unconsciously took two steps forward and approached his car: "You really put those two letters!"

Jay rubbed his hands back and forth on the steering wheel, and it could be seen that he was not at peace.

Perhaps he has been waiting for this day.

However, our arrival still made him feel excited.

The little boy might have been frightened by Kongphop, and he disappeared without a trace as soon as he broke free.

There were only three of us left in front of the empty gate.

Jay has been silent, and my eyes around him can be called aggressive.

In any case, he has no right to hide Nuan Nuan in his territory without telling our whole family.

Even if this matter is from Nuan Nuan's intention.

I don't know how long it took, Jay seemed to have finally organized his words, opened the car door and got down, looking directly at me calmly: "Yeah, I put those two letters. Lying on a hospital bed, dying. How could he go by himself?"

His words sounded calm, like a qualified movie narrator, impersonally recounting the lines written by the screenwriter.

But every word made my heart cry.

My body couldn't help shaking, and Kongphop quickly reached out to support me.

Of course I haven't reached the point where I can't stand a single blow. That trance was just a trance.

Jay intentionally or unintentionally glanced at the place where Kongphop touched me, under his gaze, I couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

It seems that I am the one who robbed Nuan Nuan of everything.

I subconsciously broke away from Kongphop's arm.

Jay saw my action as a matter of course, he smiled, but there was no mockery in his smile, it was more like a sigh.

But I still have a feeling of being on my back.

Jay didn't care about my emotions, he quickly continued: "Aren't you strange, Nuan Nuan is so careful, how could you leave such a big mistake in the letter?"

This is something that I really didn't figure out along the way.

If Nuan Nuan wanted to pretend to be dead, how could she expose such things as writing letters on the plane.

Jay sighed for a long time: "Because he had a bad memory at the time."

I frowned, not understanding what he meant.

There was finally some personal emotion in Jay's eyes.

That emotion can only be described as sadness: "Many drugs used to treat depression can affect people's memory. I don't know if you have any information about this."

My heart trembled violently, and I clenched my fists.

"Depression...?" My throat was almost dry and I couldn't speak.

Jay laughed again at this time, but the smile was full of sourness: "Yeah, depression, in fact, many times, when you think I hang out with Nuannuan, I am forcing him to watch Psychologist."

Every time Jay said a word, I felt like someone had stabbed me hard in my heart, and the pain was so painful that I couldn't stand it.

This time, Kongphop ignored my resistance and hugged me firmly beside me.

"The day you went abroad, the doctor just told me that his condition is much better, and he is already trying to let go of his obsession with you. If you hadn't left, maybe now... everything would be different." Jay smiled bitterly again, "But Who can be blamed, he did it on his own. It's only natural for you to leave, I can only blame fate for not giving him a chance to repent."

"I know you will blame me for helping him hide it from you, but if I didn't help him, he would have died a long time ago." I understand that Jay's words are not to excuse himself, what he said is true , "For a long time, I could only guard him closely."

My eyes were hot for a while, but I didn't even dare to close them.

I am afraid that I will cry out.

Over the years, I have felt guilty and resented, but I haven't thought about it for a long time. I am still his brother.

His safety should have been my responsibility, but I only cared about my pride, and I didn't even notice such a big thing as his depression.

No wonder so many times, I suddenly felt so dull that I couldn't breathe.

It turned out that it was all about him.

When I think of so many times, he is alone on the verge of life and death, I wish I could give myself a shot.

"And him? Where is he now?" I almost couldn't wait to see him, more than ever.

Jay no longer wants to hide it from me: "He is not here now, he went to China."

My heart was suffocated: "He is there alone..."

"Don't worry, he's much better now." Jay smiled wryly again, but this time, it was probably for himself, "and he's not alone, he should have really met the one who can make him get better slowly." People, unfortunately, that person is not me."

I too understand the meaning contained in his wry smile.

Because countless times, I have also stood in his position, full of bitterness.

As soon as I understood what he meant, I reflexively looked towards Kongphop.

He was also looking at me with a complicated expression on his face.

My eyes can't help but sting a little.

"You mean... Singto..." I hurriedly turned around and said hesitantly to Jay.

Hearing Singto's name, Jay's lips trembled.

He turned around, took a note with the address from the car and handed it to me, as if he had prepared it for me for a long time: "This is their current address. His life should be considered very peaceful now. As for See him or not, I don't want to make the decision for you."

"Goodbye." Jay clearly issued the eviction order.

I took the address, and my hands couldn't stop shaking.

Kongphop said goodbye to Jay and hugged me back to the car.

He stuffed me into the passenger seat and even took care to fasten my seat belt before turning to the other side, opening the door, and getting in.

I'm still staring blankly at the address above.

I knew that address, I lived there for a whole year.

How could Nuan Nuan not love me?

Until now, he has been stubbornly missing me in his own way.

Although Nuan Nuan is still far away in China, compared with the distance between life and death, the address on this note is so close at once.

"Arthit, are you okay?" Kongphop looked at me worriedly.

I smiled, but two lines of tears could not stop falling from my eyes.

He leaned over and hugged me tightly: "Arthit, anyway, this is a good thing."

Yeah, that's a good thing.

Alive, he is still alive.

Is there anything better in this world than him being alive?

I was willing to trade everything for his life.

I blinked, trying to shake off the moisture from the corners of my eyes.

"Kongphop," I heard myself say, "he's with Singto, maybe it's because of you."

Kongphop's body visibly stiffened.

He removed his arms and stared at me firmly: "What do you mean?"

It was the first time I heard him speak to me in such a cold tone, it made my heart ache.

I clenched the piece of paper in my hand: "If...the person you love is..."

I couldn't say the last word even with all my strength.

Kongphop pulled me closer, and the seat belt hurt me.

"Arthit! Do you know what you're talking about?" I've never seen him so angry, "I know he is much more important than me in your heart, but is it so important?"

"Even, can you let me out?" Kongphop's eyes were also filled with tears, obviously full of grievances, but with a terrifying determination, "I tell you, don't even think about it!"