[First-year student] I am not him

My existence is probably the greatest misfortune of that shining person in this world.

Later I also thought about it, if he is as kind as him, would he also think darkly like me, it would be fine if I hadn't been found.

It's just that there is no answer to this question.

But I think probably not.

We're two extremes, I'm so dark and he's like an angel.

However, at that time, I seemed to be cursed, and I only thought about tearing off his angel mask and letting him reveal the same dark side as me.

In those years of wandering, I have seen too much evil in this world.

I think those evils have probably penetrated into my bones and merged with me, but sadly, I have become accustomed to them.

The kind-hearted Ah Ri is obviously not my opponent.

I always remember Ah-ri's expression that day.

I told my parents that my brother said that he didn't want to go out with us and wanted to stay at home and do homework.

Ah Ri, who has always been a good student, wants to stay at home and do his homework, who would doubt it.

Parents even praised him a few words.

Ah Ri just looked at me.

I couldn't read whether his eyes were full of surprise or sadness.

But he still followed his parents' praise and continued: Yes, I still have to do my homework.

That was the first time I lied to my parents like this, and my heart was beating like it was about to pop out of my chest.

But I also know that he won't expose me.

I was finally the only person with my parents that day.

It's just that even when I smile the brightest, I still feel terribly empty inside.

The first time I used this trick, there were no unpredictable consequences, so I became even more unscrupulous later.

I thought that once in a while he would get over it and maybe give me a good beating.

I am also seriously waiting for that day.

On that day, the grown-ups will surely know that Ah Ri is just an ordinary person like me, who also fights and becomes gloomy because he can't get the love he wants.

But that day never came.

He even came over and held my hand tightly when he thought I was asleep, and secretly said sorry to me.

The tone is full of reluctance and grievance.

All I could read back then was hypocrisy.

I have forgotten how long this kind of life lasted in total. I only remember that time, I held the pink panna cotta I just got and told my mother that my brother said that I was tired of drinking this, so buy him a cup of lemon flavored one.

He doesn't like sour drinks, I've always known that.

That day, my brother held lemon milk tea and didn't say a word along the way.

That night, I heard him sob uncontrollably.

Hit me, I think, if you hit me, I probably won't dare to do this to you again.

But he still didn't come.

But from that day on, I knew everything would be different.

The next morning, no, it should be said that since that day, he never called me to get up with a smile on his face, and never chased me again...

Never had a good laugh.

I know him so well that I can easily tell which of his smiles are fake.

That's when I realized what real panic felt like.

Even when I was lost, I never felt flustered.

And the sad thing is, even though he has changed completely, I still can't match him.

Even though I spent several times as much time studying, my grades were still far behind by him.

And the songs he sings in his spare time, the drums he learns... I have no time to take care of it.

But fortunately, I can always easily guess what he likes deep in his heart. This is probably due to the natural advantages of twins.

Since I can't catch up with you, at least I can become what you desire.

What's the point of drinking sweet and greasy drinks for a lifetime, what's the point of pretending to be cute for a lifetime.

After all, I will also be the one to make you jealous.

In this way, you will always look at me.

Like I keep looking at you.