[First-year student] I am not him

My name is Nuan Nuan, the warmth of the sun sprinkles on the earth.

And the person closest to me in this world, his name is Ah Ri.

Look, even the name, I'm just a subsidiary of him.

So even if we look exactly the same, but in memory, no one has ever confused us.

How could it be confused.

Ah Ri has been much more dazzling than me since he was a child.

My mother often said that probably when I was in her womb, Ah Ri robbed me of all my nutrients, that's why one is so smart and the other is so stupid.

I remember that when I was a child, the sentence I heard the most every time I went out was what my parents told him.

Remember to be optimistic about Nuan Nuan, he was so dazed, lost and couldn't find his way back.

Then we came out of the house together to see him smiling and greeting the elders obediently all the way.

Where does it need to be identified, everyone will reply to him: Bring your silly brother out to play again.

A-ri corrects it seriously every time: My Nuannuan is not stupid, but just not talkative.

So the adults were all amused by his seriousness again.

In fact, they didn't really laugh at a child like me, they just wanted to tease out his cute side.

After all, it's just too flattering.

I can't remember how many times I have faced the mirror with the same smiling face as him, imagining that the opposite side is an elder who needs me to please, and I am very familiar with this kind of practice.

It's just that every time I was taken out by him, I would still habitually hide behind him without saying a word.

Habits are really scary.

He is used to protecting me like this, and I am also used to standing behind him.

It's just that he, who is innocent and kind, probably never thought about how jealous this person he has been carefully protecting is towards him.

Look, even Xinxing, compared to him, I look like a vicious supporting villain.

If only I looked different from him.

If only I could be as smart as him.

This kind of thinking, I don't know when it slowly evolved into, if there is no him in this world, it will be fine.

When I was young, I had no idea how cruel this idea really was.

I just feel that if there is no him, that much-loved person is bound to become me.

But I also understand that this kind of idea is impossible to realize.

Well, just make him less good.

So, that day when I saw him looking for me anxiously all over the street, I hid in the corner and thought, look, no matter how smart he is, he can still lose me.

He's not that great either.

It's just that I didn't expect that the adults were right to worry. I really couldn't find the way back.

I walked all night based on memory that night, but ended up in a completely strange place.

Homelessness is really not easy for a child who is only five years old.

That experience, in the end, forced out all the skills I had practiced in front of the mirror.

I never thought that one day my clumsy tongue would learn to please adults all over the world not to compete with Ah Ri, but just to survive.

My brain is really not good, I don’t know how long I have lived alone, and I have almost forgotten everything at home.

The only thing I remember is Ah Ri.

Ah Ri, Ah Ri.

The brother who made me jealous.

That brother who I tried my best to surpass.

In those wandering days, it became my only obsession.

Probably the only thing that kept me alive was that I wanted him to see me as I was then.

Even without you by my side, I can sweetly call others uncles and aunts, and even cleverly ask for a few more bites.

Some people will praise me for being smart, and some will praise me for being well-behaved. In comparison, the cold eyes and beatings I have suffered have become less important.

However, when I finally waited until the day when we met again, looking at him standing in the crowd and still shining, I suddenly understood... After all, I am still not as good as him.

I'm just a dirty little beggar who has learned to be glib and play nice.

There is a difference between a person like the prince who is always loved by his parents.

His eyes were red from crying, he rushed over and hugged me in his arms, repeating over and over again, it's all my fault, it's all my fault...

I thought of that night when I hid in a corner and watched him search for me all over the world.

I still won after all.

That night, he finally failed to find me.

I originally wanted to use the skills I had developed during this period of time to have a good fake cry.

Unexpectedly, tears had already flowed all over his face.

This is also good, save me a lot of effort.

I stared firmly into his eyes, and I could probably understand what kind of eyes would make him feel guilty the most.

I said: Yes, it's all your fault.

It's all your fault.