[First-year student] I am not him

Humans are not as long as girls' hair, and it doesn't take long for it to dry.

Originally thought that he could finally be coaxed to sleep, but unexpectedly, Arthit met his eyes, but stubbornly wanted to get out of bed.

"Senior, it's late, it's time to go to bed." Kongphop coaxed patiently.

Arthit didn't pay attention to his words at all, and only stubbornly pushed towards the bathroom.

"I've taken a shower, senior, it's time to go to bed."

Kongphop coaxed him repeatedly for a long time before Arthit suddenly looked at him with red eyes: "I want my hairspray."

If we change the scene, and a drunk person clamors for hair gel, I am afraid that no matter who sees it, he will find it funny.

But at this moment Kongphop felt as if someone had stabbed his chest out, and he trembled with pain.

"Senior Arthit..." His voice was almost drowned between his lips and teeth.

Taking advantage of his loss, Arthit staggered off the bed again and walked straight to the bathroom.

Kongphop hugged him tightly from behind, rubbing his chin on the top of his head: "Senior."

"My hairspray..." Arthit was still stubbornly trying to move forward.

"I'll get it for you," Kongphop said hoarsely, "You wait here first, and I'll go get it, okay?"

Arthit finally settled down.

Kongphop helped him to sit on the edge of the bed, then turned and went to the bathroom to take out a bottle of hairspray.

But he didn't hand it to Arthit, but squeezed it directly into his hand, and helped him take care of it carefully.

Arthit raised his face and obediently let him move on top of his head.

After a while, Kongphop put down the hairspray, picked up the mobile phone beside him, turned on the front camera and pointed it at Arthit, asking him to check by himself: "Okay."

Arthit took a serious look at himself in the camera for a while, then got up suddenly, and kissed Kongphop's lips heavily.

…………

Senior Arthit was very enthusiastic that night, Kongphop's self-control seemed to be useless in front of him, and every time he pressed him to sleep, he basically defeated him with a kiss.

As if to refresh the memory of that night, at the end of the bed, in the hallway, wherever there used to be, Senior Arthit came here noisily.

In the end, he was so exhausted that he finally became honest, and he was obediently carried to the bed to sleep.

Drunk people are the least able to hide their thoughts, and his obvious attempts can be seen through at a glance.

Kongphop felt that his heart was hurting all night, but he felt a little indescribably lucky to be able to hug this person beside him.

Anyway, at least we can still be together.As for everything else, he subconsciously blocked it in his heart, unwilling to think about it.

It doesn't matter if he escapes or is shameless.

He has had enough of watching from afar, no matter how long this intimacy lasts, he can't convince himself to let go.

Arthit was so exhausted that he fell asleep as soon as he touched the pillow.

Kongphop dried his hair carefully again before lying down next to him.

But Arthit seemed to feel him approaching, grunted a few times, and rubbed against him, reaching out and hugging his arm.

Kongphop's heart suddenly felt warm.

He couldn't remember how many days he hadn't had a good night's sleep, but feeling the body temperature of the person beside him, the uneasiness in his heart seemed to be relieved at this moment.

Kongphop pulled out his arm, took Arthit into his arms, and stroked his soft hair.

He obviously wanted to stay awake for a while longer, to appreciate this rare happiness, but in the end he couldn't beat the exhaustion all over his body, so he fell into a deep sleep.

Both of them slept well, very peacefully.

The closed curtains only accidentally left a gap, and the moonlight crept in through that gap, just falling on the two people sleeping in each other's arms, making this picture even more warm.

Although no one can see it, they are so suitable at this moment.

-------------------------------------------------

Arthit didn't expect to wake up in Kongphop's arms.

Kongphop had obviously been awake for a long time, probably because he was afraid of waking him up, he had been lying motionless beside him.

Arthit opened his eyes and saw his focused eyes.

He stroked his hair subconsciously.

Sure enough, when he came out of the bathroom last night, he was already half asleep, so he couldn't remember to take care of his hair.

For him now, of course his bangs are loose.

The sourness in Arthit's heart was a little churning.

He sat up suddenly, but he didn't guard against the pain in his whole body, he couldn't help but groaned, and almost fell back again.

Kongphop subconsciously wanted to reach out to support him, but the shoulders that had been pressed all night were not very obedient at the moment, and the two of them suddenly fell into a ball again.

The chest and the back were pressed against each other, even though they had done much more intimate things last night, both of them seemed a little embarrassed at this moment.

But it seems hypocritical to separate them with a fuss.

Arthit scratched his head and said to Kongphop: "Help me find a dress."

Their clothes were soaked from last night and were still lying on the bathroom floor.

Thinking of last night, the expression on Arthit's face was a little exciting again.

In fact, he knew that he didn't drink well, and he got drunk last night, in fact, a large part of the reason was intentional.

Without a little alcohol, he really doesn't know how to be around Kongphop comfortably.

But he didn't expect his wine quality to be so bad. After a few glasses of beer, all the thoughts that had been hidden in his heart were aroused.

I'm afraid anyone would find that jealous ugly look ugly.

He obviously thought that even once, he must win the person in his heart, but it seemed that because of a drink, he messed up the matter in half at the beginning.

Arthit couldn't help but lose interest.

Looking at the mess in the room at this time, it seems to be even more glaring.

Kongphop casually put on a nightgown and got out of bed, but when he handed the clothes to him, he was a little embarrassed: "Well, I don't have new underwear here."

Arthit looked away, as if he didn't care: "Just take a clean one."

The two of them have slept together, and they can barely be regarded as a formal couple, so it would be too much of a fuss to dwell on this issue.

After taking the clothes, Arthit went directly into the bathroom wrapped around the sheets.

The bottle of hairspray that was used last night was placed on the sink by Kongphop at some point, as if silently reminding Arthit of his stupidity last night.

But after he took a shower, he still couldn't help but scratched all his hair in front of the mirror.

Even if Kongphop just wants to miss another person through his face, he always has to make him feel something different.

When he came out after changing his clothes, the room had been tidied up by Kongphop, and the madness of last night was completely invisible.

Seeing him come out, Kongphop showed a smile: "Whatever do you want for lunch, senior, I will buy it after I take a shower."

Arthit was silent for a long time before slowly opening his mouth: "Whatever, remember to bring me a cup of pink panna cotta."

Do you think that's his trademark?

But I badly want you to remember that from now on, the person who likes to drink pink panna cotta should be me.

After this night, the two of them became semi-cohabiting with ease.

The reason why it is so euphemistically called "half" is probably because the place where the two live is not too fixed.

Two apartments, no matter where you go.

In short, unconsciously, the two families have gradually had traces of the other's permanent residence.

There are two sets of toothbrushes on the sink, and the bath towels are also neatly arranged side by side.

Even the closets were divided into half tacitly and left to another person.

On the surface, they seem to be no different from ordinary couples, and the intimacy that makes people feel appropriate can be felt everywhere.

But these superficial intimacies sometimes seem to make people feel even more sad.

It seems that apart from these external performances, they have nothing to call lovers.

Kongphop seems to have changed a lot since getting back together.

He put away the wolf cub-like sense of aggression before, no matter what Arthit said, he would carry it out with a gentle smile.

It felt like he was afraid of losing him.

But Arthit understands that his cautiousness should not be for himself.

Even if it was just to look at another person through him, he would also be reluctant to leave him.

After all, it is too similar.

If he hadn't been thinking about this all the time, deliberately showing that he was different from that person, I'm afraid Kongphop's dependence would have been even deeper.

With these thoughts in my heart, I can't really be happy.

Even though Kongphop always tried his best to make him happy, Arthit's smile couldn't reach his eyes.

Because when he was smiling, he couldn't help but think, if these methods were sincerely for himself, then that would be fine.

At the beginning, he vowed to compare that person, but after implementing it, he realized that it was really difficult.

In the convenience of self-confidence, he can't pass the test.

Kongphop didn't know if he knew what he was thinking, every time he was lingering, he would keep repeating his name in his ear.

"Arthit, Arthit..."

Even the word "senior" was deliberately removed.

So it was only at that moment that Arthit could temporarily forget that everything was not going well.

In any case, Kongphop who calls his name so affectionately can't be fake.

He must have known that the person who kissed him at that moment was Arthit.

But it takes this to make him recognize himself, and this fact makes Arthit feel some uncontrollable bitterness.

Every time he lay in Kongphop's arms extremely exhausted, he would feel even more desperate.

Probably he will never be able to escape the shadow of that person again in his life.

As long as he is with Kongphop, he will only be that person's stand-in.

But he still couldn't make up his mind to break up.

At the beginning, he thought ruthlessly that when Kongphop fell in love with him, he must leave, so that he could also taste the heartache he brought to himself.

But maybe he knew from the very beginning that this day would never come.

Then why do you have to drag it in such a muddle every day?

He didn't understand either.

"Senior Arthit, is there any movie you want to watch?" Kongphop turned his head and asked with a slight smile.

Like all ordinary couples, when they have nothing to do, they will walk around, play games and watch movies.

Arthit glanced casually at the few posters pasted at the entrance of the cinema, and shook his head: "No, it's up to you."

Kongphop nodded: "Then I will choose."

But before he took a few steps, he heard a lively female voice in front of him: "Hey, Kongphop."

The two looked up at the same time.

A beautiful girl was walking not far away, and finally stopped in front of them.

The girl obviously also saw Arthit, stopped, put her hands together and greeted him: "Hello."

Arthit met her for the first time, but he could tell that the girl was a little younger than him, so he simply saluted back.

Kongphop, however, seemed to know the girl very well, and responded, "Pair, you also want to watch the movie."

"Well, yes, I came with my friends." The girl named Pair nodded, and shifted her eyes to Arthit ambiguously, "You came with your boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Kongphop didn't deny it, but pointed to a poster next to them with ease and replied, "Look at this."

"Hey, it's him again." The girl smiled sweeter as if remembering something, "I remember the last time I met you and came together to watch his movie, it seems that you two have very similar tastes, It's a good match..."

The next thing they were talking about, Arthit couldn't hear it at all.

Only those two words echoed in his mind.

"Last time... last time... last time..."

Last time.

That's not him.

The girl didn't know that she said something wrong, so she said goodbye soon.

And after she left, silence suddenly swept over the two people who were originally getting along well.

Kongphop smiled at him cautiously: "Then... I'll go buy a ticket."

Arthit nodded without speaking.

It's just that after Kongphop left, he looked at the gorgeous poster and suddenly felt extremely glaring again.

It turned out that this was where they had been together.

Is it true that every road Kongphop takes him has traces of that person?

Is he using this way to secretly miss the past they had?

Arthit understood that this kind of comparison was meaningless, but he couldn't control his messy thoughts.

Kongphop came back soon, but brought another movie ticket.

"This one seems to be pretty good, why don't you just watch it?" His words were also cautious.

It was a little embarrassing to be seen through so easily, but Arthit smiled and nodded at him anyway.

It's just that the smile seems a little hasty no matter how you look at it.

Arthit didn't remember what happened in the movie, but he still laughed in unison every time everyone laughed.

He can now completely distinguish laughter from happiness.

Kongphop didn't smile the whole time, even when he was laughing the most, he suddenly reached out and held his hand in his palm.

The whole game, never let go.

So Arthit couldn't laugh either.

He didn't understand what Kongphop meant by that.

Is it because he sees through his longing for the old man, so he is given a consolation prize?

Or are you afraid of losing such an imitation like him, so you want to try to keep it?

But whatever the reason, it's clearly sad enough.

It was not until a long time after the movie ended that Kongphop finally spoke to him hesitantly: "I'm sorry, Senior Arthit, she didn't know about Nuan Nuan's absence."

warm.

Hearing this name came out of Kongphop's mouth, his heart skipped a beat.

However, he could only continue to smile nonchalantly: "It's okay."

Mingming already knew about them, and obviously came back to be with him on his own initiative, if he got angry because of a word from others who didn't know, no matter what he said, it would be pointless.

Yes, in fact, he doesn't even have the right to be jealous.

Thinking about it this way, it seems even more pathetic.

The following atmosphere has been maintained in such a non-embarrassing and non-embarrassing manner, and of course there is no need to continue shopping.

After eating something casually, the two decided to go back.

Arthit, who just pretended to be nonchalant all the way, couldn't hold back in the end: "I have a report to catch up tonight, so let's go back to live separately."

In fact, Kongphop also knows his schoolwork very well recently, so how could he not know that he was lying.

But he was silent for a long time, and still didn't reveal it: "Okay, then... I'll go find you tomorrow morning after I've bought breakfast."

Arthit achieved his goal, but his heart seemed to be even more empty.

Back in the empty room, when I looked up, I could see traces of Kongphop everywhere.

There was his half-turned comic on the head of the bed, a corner of his shirt was exposed in the closet, and even his pillow was a little higher than Arthit's...

They are two people who are so close every day, but why can't they get into the bottom of their hearts?

He closed his eyes, and what the girl said seemed to echo in his mind.

last time... last time...

He and you, how many last times have you had.

And when you look at me, who is the person in your eyes?

---------------------------------------------

Arthit barely closed his eyes after thinking wildly all night.It wasn't until the sky was a little bright that he finally fell asleep in a daze.

Kongphop seemed to have guessed the result, and came over with lunch at noon.

He already had the key on Arthit's door, probably because he was afraid of waking him up, even the movement to open the door was quiet.

But Arthit was a light sleeper, and a little movement made him fully awake.

But at this moment, he didn't want to open his eyes. Instead, he turned over and buried his face in the pillow beside him.

This pillow belonged to Kongphop, and somehow it fell into his arms in a daze.

For people who are already awake, once they close their eyes, their other senses seem to become more sensitive.

He heard Kongphop close the door quietly, put on his slippers lightly and walk in, followed by the smell of food.

Arthit didn't have much appetite, but when he thought that he brought the meal, the entanglement and heartache all night seemed to be loosened in an instant.

He is really worthless to the extreme.

After spending the whole night, I couldn't make up my mind to separate, but just heard his voice and didn't even see his appearance, and my heart softened.

But this feeling is really hard to give up. The person you like can turn his door lock at any time, as if he has come home, and call him to get up for dinner with a smile on his face.

It's like we've been together forever.

"Senior Arthit, wake up, it's time to eat." Sure enough, after the meal was served, Kongphop walked to the bed and pushed him short.

Even the movements are as gentle as ever.

Only then did Arthit lift his face from the pillow, his face was full of sleep, and it didn't look like he had been awake for a long time.

Kongphop smiled at him: "Are you hungry?"

Arthit hesitated, but nodded obediently.

"Get up and eat."

Arthit obediently got up from the bed, went to the bathroom to take a quick shower, and did not forget to comb his hair well before coming out.

Kongphop didn't buy a drink today, probably because he was afraid that he would get hurt again.

The two sat opposite each other, chatting with each other sentence by sentence, without tacitly mentioning yesterday.

But they are all so clear that even if the scars that cannot be uncovered are not mentioned, it does not mean that they can be ignored.

I just don't know when it will explode.

But at least it's raining again now.

"Hey, Arthit." Just after class, Not suddenly stopped Arthit who was about to leave.

Arthit stopped, but didn't look back.

I also want to know what Not is going to say.

The situation between him and Kongphop, among his friends, only Not knows.

Not is not as rough as his appearance, and has always been careful, and Arthit usually can't hide it from him if he wants to.

But the reason why Not knew so clearly, of course, was that Arthit told him himself.

Arthit is actually not a person who likes to tell others what is on his mind, but maybe this feeling is too tiring for him, so he said it all to Not without noticing it for a while.

And from that day on, Not would often discuss this topic with him.

"Do you know what you are doing now?" Sure enough, it was a cliché again.

"Of course I know." He forced himself to be calm.

"I know what a fart, I'll forget you if you're so mad!" Not's usual patience is almost exhausted, and he is not polite at all, "Tell me that you are treated as another person all day, are you really happy? Are you like this? Why bother?"

Not probably wanted to catch up and say something, but Arthit didn't give him this chance, and left the classroom as if fleeing.

But there was an indescribable pain in his chest.

He understands that the reason Not repeatedly persuaded him to let go is of course for his own good.

Others say that the bystander is clear, Not, as a bystander in this relationship, of course knows what to do is right.

But why didn't he know?

The bystanders are clear, but the authorities are not necessarily true fans.

Of course he knew that if he could just let go, everything would be back to normal.

He no longer needs to be someone else's stand-in, and he doesn't need to worry about how to make Kongphop feel the difference between himself and that person every day.

However, if there is no Kongphop in that kind of sobriety, what's the point.

The authorities are obsessed, sometimes, they just pretend that they can't see through it.

--------------------------------------------

It is undeniable that Not's words still had a certain impact on his mentality.

Some things can't be resolved even after a long time, but once a seed is planted in the bottom of my heart, one day it will take root and sprout, which cannot be stopped.

Or maybe this little root bud has been buried in the soil, so it's hard to find it easily, but it's there anyway.

The following days were still going on as usual, and the two of them were still in harmony on the surface.

But they all understand that the gap between them has never disappeared, and it seems to be getting bigger and bigger recently.

Kongphop seems to be very afraid that the problem will really break out. Recently, he has become more and more attached to him. As long as there is no class, he will always stay by his side, and often even follow him into the classroom. When Arthit is in class, he will sit by the side and do homework, inseparable. .

Senior Tuta also secretly praised Kongphop twice for this: "You did a good job, and you specially followed the teacher's class. Now even if someone goes to the teacher and says that you are not on good terms, he probably won't believe it."

Kongphop just laughed too.

It seems that senior Tuta really misunderstood his intention.

For his inseparability, Arthit sometimes has some illusions of happiness.

Maybe that person's influence is really gradually diminishing.

After all, he is the one who gets along with Kongphop day and night.

Get along for a long time, the relationship is always deeper.

Maybe...Kongphop has fallen in love with him without knowing it.

However, once the word "maybe" is added to a good hypothesis, the goodness will naturally be greatly reduced.

He still lived in a daze without daring to think about everything.

However, the peaceful and peaceful life right now made Arthit gradually relax his vigilance.

Most of the time, he can make himself forget the bitterness in his heart and be happy for a while.

This kind of happiness seems to be able to paralyze people's sense of crisis.

It's just that in the dead of night, looking at the sleeping people beside him, he still occasionally has the urge to shake him awake.

I want to ask him when he is half asleep and half awake, who is that person in your heart.

But he didn't dare to actually put it into action.

He was afraid to hear Kongphop's unabashed answer.

Another boring afternoon.

It's not accurate to say it's boring.

Before Kongphop went to class, he actually told Arthit to wake up earlier from his nap, and come back to find him after class.

Kongphop didn't say anything, but Arthit understood what he was thinking.

Today is the seventh day of the seventh month of the Chinese lunar calendar, Chinese Valentine's Day.

When the two were lying together and chatting at night, he also roughly talked about some things he did when he was an exchange student in China, one of which was various festivals in China.

When talking about Tanabata, Kongphop chased him and asked him several times with great interest.

Kongphop seems to be very happy to prepare for these things, such as the one-month anniversary, the hundred-day anniversary... and now the Qixi Festival.

In fact, Arthit understands that Kongphop is probably just trying his best to use these external forms to make up for the shortcomings between the two, but he still can't help but feel hopeful.

While pretending not to notice, while expecting.

This kind of little trick that doesn't seem to care at all is also quite boring.

For example, now, he puts on the formal clothes that he seldom wears out early, and even specially chooses a tie that matches the shirt that Kongphop wears when he goes out in the afternoon.

Everything is fine.

Looking at himself in the mirror, Arthit even smiled unconsciously for a moment.

Just a harsh ringtone of the mobile phone suddenly broke the tranquility.

He picked up the phone, it was Not.

Seeing that Not has repeatedly advised him not to listen, he seems to have given up recently.

Probably he also hoped that Kongphop would always treat Arthit well, so his attitude towards Kongphop was also much better.

Under his leadership, the group of seniors has a tendency to hang out with the juniors recently. They often eat and play cards together, which is also a surprise.

Although most people still don't know the relationship between Arthit and Kongphop, they already agree that the two of them are not as incompatible as before.

Looking at Not's name flashing on the phone, Arthit's eyelids suddenly jumped for some reason.

But he didn't take it seriously: "Hello?"

"Where are you?" Not asked.

"Uh...I'm waiting for him to come back here in Kongphop." Speaking of this to the only insider, he still couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

Not had no special reaction at all: "It happened that I forgot my homework last time, please help me find it."

The last time they finished their homework in the library, they came here to play cards for a while, and they probably fell behind at that time.

Arthit responded, and after hanging up the phone, he opened the drawer in front of him casually.

thump—

At that moment, he seemed to hear his heart sinking to the bottom of the water.

On the top shelf of the drawer, a gear lay quietly.

Arthit took it out, put it in his palm, and looked at it quietly.

For a moment, all emotions seemed to be vented.

This gear, he remembered that it was mentioned in the love letter, was a token of love between them.

So, does Kongphop still miss it from time to time?

While sharing the bed with him, he missed the phantom in his heart.

In fact, Arthit knew this fact all the time, even when he decided to be with Kongphop, he had already made mental preparations, didn't he?

Probably because he had tasted too much self-righteous beauty recently, and suddenly found that the relationship between them was still in its original state, and he became unbearable.

In fact, this discovery is really just a little thing for them who have experienced a lot.But this little thing just became the straw that broke the camel's back.

What he thought he could hold on to was that all the good things suddenly came to naught, which made his strength collapse in an instant.

Arthit closed his eyes, and finally typed a line on the phone with trembling fingers.

"I'm tired, let's break up."

Heart like a knife.

In fact, how could a living person compete against a dead person?

But I was still lucky, and in the name of revenge, I hoped that you would really fall in love with me.

But in the end, I have even forgotten the excuse for revenge, but you still love him.

This time, I still lost completely.

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After all, the seed buried in the bottom of my heart broke through the ground in an instant.

Originally thought that there would be a sweet date afternoon, it was spent between Arthit's running back and forth.

Probably because he was afraid that he would regret it again, after sending that text message, he immediately cleaned up all traces of himself from Kongphop's apartment.

It's just that I didn't expect that the lives that I thought had already penetrated each other, actually didn't overlap much.

A simple luggage bag packed all his belongings cleanly.

When he got home, he carefully packed all Kongphop's things, even the slippers at the door.

When everything was done, I looked at the clock on the wall, and it was not even the end of Kongphop's get out of class time.

The entanglement between them is really pitiful, and they can be cleaned up casually.

This is also good, so as not to be entangled for a while, and softened again.

Arthit took a deep breath and wanted to return Kongphop's things before he came back, but he didn't expect to see Kongphop running over panting when he opened the door.

He was in physical education class in the afternoon, and he ran over in one breath, apparently in the middle of it, without even changing his basketball uniform, his hair was still wet, and he was dripping with sweat.

Seeing him like this, Arthit felt chest tightness and shortness of breath for an instant.

Kongphop saw the luggage bag in his hand, and his face was obviously suffocated: "Senior, did you lose your mobile phone somewhere?"

His eyes were full of prayer.

He even thought of this possibility, if he hadn't just seen the gear on the top shelf of his drawer, Arthit probably couldn't help thinking affectionately that this kind of prayer was out of reluctance for him.

Or maybe it was really reluctance, but it was only his face that was reluctance.

Arthit tried his best to control the expression on his face, and stuffed the luggage bag in his hand: "Go back, don't come here again."

"Senior Arthit..." Instead of catching the luggage, Kongphop grabbed his wrist with one hand, with astonishing strength.

Arthit couldn't break free, so he stopped struggling and just looked at him indifferently: "I have already put your key in the bag. As for mine, I will ask Not to get it back for me tomorrow."

Kongphop's lips moved: "Why?"

why?

Do I still have to admit that I lost again?

Arthit couldn't help laughing.

It's just that this bitter smile against his still cold eyes makes people feel extremely cruel: "There's no reason, anyway, I just decided to be with you because I was unconvinced, but now I'm tired. I don't like it It's really boring to be together."

Kongphop's whole body shook.

Arthit finally pulled his hand back.

He entered the room without looking back, and locked the door firmly with a bang.Once it was confirmed that the person outside the door could no longer see him, Arthit lost all strength in an instant, and his whole body collapsed in front of the door.

Yeah, being with someone you don't like,