my ten years with you

Bai Xiaonan hugged him tightly, without any words, Ah Wu understood what he meant.

He is here, not going away, he has nothing to worry about.

The two of them slept like this all night, and the next day they were woken up by Bai Xiaonan's cell phone, Bai Xiaonan cursed and didn't want to answer it, but Ah Wu advised him instead: "Master, answer it, they don't know where you are, they probably need to hurry up crazy."

"What a hurry, you have to come to me for something urgent, you can't breastfeed without me." Bai Xiaonan muttered dissatisfiedly, reached out and took the phone over, and said in a bad tone: "Hey, what's the matter?"

I don't know what was said over there, while Bai Xiaonan was listening, she hummed twice from time to time to indicate that she was still listening, and at the same time inserted her hand into Ah Wu's pajamas irregularly.

His hands scratched back and forth on Ah Wu's flat waist, Ah Wu was a little itchy, but he didn't want to make a sound, so he patted his hand, and he put his whole hand on Ah Wu's crotch, honestly.

After hanging up the phone, Bai Xiaonan put the phone aside, lay down next to Ah Wu again, rubbed his face against his back, and tried to squint for a while.

Ah Wu honestly let him lean on him, feeling that he felt the long-lost peace in his heart for the first time since the day of parting five years ago. He was still confused, but he was no longer afraid.

Bai Xiaonan lay down with her eyes closed for a while, but she couldn't fall asleep, so she woke Ah Wu up, and asked cheekily, "What are you doing for breakfast?"

Ah Wu smiled gently, "It's getting late, can I just have some porridge?"

"Okay, I want to drink the egg drop porridge you always made before." Bai Xiaonan went all out, not only eating, but also offering a la carte!

Ah Wu agreed, washed up and started cooking, Bai Xiaonan took advantage of this time to call Zhou Ning'an: "Hello, Lao Zhou? Then what, give me the phone number of your psychiatrist?"

Zhou Ning'an didn't ask him exactly what was going on, he had heard about Ah Wu's matter, so he gave him Xu Pingchuan's phone number without saying a word.

Bai Xiaonan called Xu Pingchuan and told him about the general situation. Xu Pingchuan immediately told him that his decision to see the doctor was right, and he made an appointment to bring Ah Wu over as soon as possible.

Bai Xiaonan hung up the phone, just as Ah Wu's porridge was brought to the table, she smiled and called him, "Breakfast is ready."

"I'm coming." Bai Xiaonan quickly brushed her face and teeth, then sat down at the dining table to eat breakfast.

After dinner, he asked Ah Wu: "Are you okay these two days? I have an appointment with Xu Pingchuan, let's just go and see in these two days?"

Ah Wu hesitated for a moment, then nodded and said, "Okay, go as you say."

"You're so cute." Bai Xiaonan boasted, leaned over and said, "Come here quickly and let me kiss you."

Ah Wu blushed, pursed her lips and smiled, Bai Xiaonan went over and kissed him.

Bai Xiaonan canceled a meeting that was scheduled for the afternoon, and accompanied Ah Wu to Xu Pingchuan's clinic. Xu Pingchuan greeted them like an old acquaintance, "Xiao Nan is here, is this Ah Wu? Come, sit down wherever you want."

Xu Pingchuan is almost fifty this year, and the first patient he saw as a doctor was the most difficult Zhou Ning'an. He regarded Zhou Ning'an as a junior, and he even treated Bai Xiaonan and the others as juniors. Here, Bai Xiaonan also respects him very much.

"Doctor Xu, hello, thank you for seeing us in such a short time." Bai Xiaonan said a few words to him politely, A Wu habitually stood behind him and looked at him, Xu Pingchuan saw everything in his eyes .

"It's okay, the doctors are benevolent. I'm very relieved that you can think of finding a psychiatrist in time. When most people hear about psychological problems, they will think of the kind of neurosis mentioned in the news. In fact, I have been in the profession all my life. I haven’t seen a few such extreme examples. Most people are too used to tolerance, and always feel that tolerance is over, but in the end, tolerance has turned a knot into a heart disease, and the gain outweighs the loss.”

As he spoke, he glanced at Ah Wu, and Ah Wu returned a weak smile.

He asked Bai Xiaonan and Ah Wu to sit down together, poured them two glasses of water, and said with a smile: "Today, I will first understand the general situation. If I need treatment in the future, it may still be one-on-one. There will be crowds around. Effect."

Bai Xiaonan knew it was for her own ears, so she agreed immediately, "I understand this, mainly... mainly because of his situation, it's a little complicated."

"I've been a psychiatrist for so many years, and no matter how complicated the situation is, I can't scare me." Xu Pingchuan interrupted him with a smile, and asked Ah Wu, "Can you tell me?"

"Master, don't worry, I'm fine." Ah Wu said to Bai Xiaonan with a smile, and asked very easily: "Let me tell the doctor, if you have something to do, do it first."

Bai Xiaonan was stunned for a moment, he didn't expect him to be so calm, Xu Pingchuan was not surprised at all, but agreed: "Well, give us a little space, come pick him up in two hours."

Bai Xiaonan listened to the doctor, patted Ah Wu on the shoulder, got up and left.

After he closed the door, Ah Wu turned to look at the doctor, and said with a faint smile, "We have always had this kind of relationship before, you should have seen it."

"Yes, I understand. To be honest, I'm not very surprised." Xu Pingchuan nodded and guided: "Apart from this relationship, what other things are not common between you?"

What he said was uncommon, not abnormal, Ah Wu noticed, smiled slightly, and asked: "You are a doctor, I can tell you anything, right?"

Xu Pingchuan nodded and said, "Of course."

Ah Wu took a sip of water, and told Xu Pingchuan their years of entanglement in the simplest way, from their encounter to his betrayal, the five years of desperate waiting and the last desperate pounce.

After he finished telling the story, Xu Pingchuan just kept encouraging him with his eyes, nodded thoughtfully from time to time, and didn't make any comments. At the end, he asked slowly: "Are you not afraid to die for him, and even want to die for him?" Died for him, but you didn't die, then what?"

Ah Wu smiled helplessly: "And that's it. I didn't think about today, I thought everything about me would end on the day I paid off my debts, but now I still have a future, I don't know what to do. "

"From the current point of view, he treats you pretty well. Are you dissatisfied?" Xu Pingchuan asked.

"Yes, he is very good to me, because he feels that he owes me." A Wu smiled bitterly, "I am not dissatisfied with the present, I am just afraid that all this will not last long, I don't know if I can truly trust him , I am also afraid that he will not be able to trust me like he used to. He is too kind to me, but this kind of kindness is too unlike him, do you understand what I mean? "

"I understand. Are you worried that he doesn't really like you?" Xu Pingchuan asked. "Yeah." Ah Wu thought for a while, and then said: "I don't think he doesn't like me, I'm just afraid that he's just moved and wants to compensate me emotionally, but he can't compensate me for the rest of his life. He treats me like this I am very touched, but I am always afraid that he will not trust me anymore. I want him to trust me like before, but I dare not ask him to trust me like before. I also want him to love me as an independent person, I want to be as close as he became one, I want both, but I can't get both, am I too greedy?"

"Ah Wu, don't worry, it's very normal for you to be afraid. In your case, if you don't worry about anything, it will be abnormal. It's normal for you to feel anxious and uneasy now. From my point of view now , I think one of the problems is that you put too many things together to consider, why don't you think about it carefully, what kind of relationship do you want? Security and respect are not two mutually exclusive feelings. "

"I...I don't know." Ah Wu said softly, "I don't want anything, I'll give him whatever he wants."

Xu Pingchuan was stunned for a moment, and quickly adjusted, and asked with a smile: "So for you, the most important thing is the intimacy between you, is that so?"

Ah Wu hesitated and nodded, confused: "But, but this is wrong, isn't it?"

Xu Pingchu shook his head slightly, "You long to be dominated and possessed, and he is your ruler. There is nothing wrong with this kind of relationship. This kind of getting along is not uncommon. There is nothing to worry about, if you If you can’t accept it, I can give you popular science and counseling in this area.”

"No, what I'm afraid of is... We used to have that kind of relationship, but I failed his trust."

"Are you afraid you'll do it again?"

Ah Wu nodded.

"Why is that?" Xu Ping asked slowly.

A Wu shook his head, "I don't know, I always feel that this is wrong, I don't deserve to be believed at all, but I'm afraid that he really doesn't believe me. I just... I just don't dare to think about the future. I will be afraid in the future, I should not have a future at all."

Xu Pingchuan let out a breath, and almost understood where Ah Wu's knot was.

"Ah Wu, don't worry, this is a post-traumatic stress response. What we want to solve is your current negativity towards the future and distrust of reality. As for your emotional model, I don't see anything wrong Place. Everyone in the world has a different understanding of feelings, your choice may be relatively rare, but as long as you like it, I don’t think there is anything wrong and there is no need to change it.”

Xu Pingchuan's tone was very steady, which made people feel reassured. Ah Wu couldn't help asking: "But what is this?"

"Some people's love is to take, some people's love is to give, you like to give, he likes to take, as long as you both agree, I don't think there is any problem." Seeing that he was still a little confused, Xu Pingchuan continued to explain: "You There is nothing wrong with choosing any relationship model, your main problem now is that no matter which model you choose, you can hardly trust this relationship, so that you doubt the future and whether you can be happy, right?"

Ah Wu nodded, Xu Pingchuan smiled slightly, and said in the most reassuring tone: "Would you go and lie down on the deck chair over there? Relax, it's just chatting."

I don't know if it's caused by this environment, plus Xu Pingchuan has been giving him psychological hints since he came in, after A Wu lay down, he said a lot without knowing it, he didn't know that he had so much confusion , and Xu Pingchuan played the role of a competent listener, which is amazing to say the least, he obviously just nodded while listening, and made some simple responses from time to time, but let Ah Wu himself simplify a lot of confusion in the process of describing Ah Wu didn't know how long he had been talking to Xu Pingchuan, but he did feel a lot relieved after talking.

"Okay, it's almost time, let's stop here today." Xu Pingchuan smiled at him, stretched out his hand to pull him up, asked him to drink some water, and glanced at his watch, "Xiao Nan should be here to pick you up, Adjust your state, take it easy, and don't put so much pressure on yourself."

Ah Wu smiled gratefully, "Thank you, doctor."

Xu Pingchuan waved his hand, "I didn't do anything at all, you were the one talking."

"Did you hypnotize me?" Ah Wu asked curiously.

Xu Pingchuan took a sip of tea, smiled and said: "No, I really didn't do anything. I should thank you for your trust. You took the initiative to sort out your feelings today because of your trust in me, but in fact, that's the important thing. , As long as you can sort out and control your emotions, your psychological problems will be easily solved."

After saying this, Bai Xiaonan had already gone upstairs, he knocked on the door, Xu Pingchuan let him in, he wiped off his sweat, saw that Ah Wu was in good spirits, and asked with a smile: "Doctor Xu, how is he doing?"

Ah Wu handed him a glass of water, Bai Xiaonan took it and drank a couple of sips, looked carefully and found that Ah Wu's eye circles were still a little red, stretched out his hand to touch his eyes cautiously, and asked in a low voice, "Are you okay?"

Ah Wu shook his head with a smile, Xu Pingchuan said: "Today I just had a general understanding of the situation, sorted out his emotional history, I was a little excited when I mentioned the past, nothing happened. After that, I came to see me twice a week for a month. No medication is needed. However, it needs the cooperation of people around him. He will definitely be more emotionally sensitive than usual during this time. Don’t stimulate him. Let him know that it is safe to vent his feelings. Your cooperation is more effective than my treatment ah."

Of course Bai Xiaonan agreed wholeheartedly: "That's for sure, don't worry."

Xu Pingchuan told Bai Xiaonan a few words, made an appointment with Ah Wu for the next visit, and let them go back first, they must need some time to be alone now.

The author has something to say:

Ah, I'm exhausted, the psychiatrist part is so hard to write

I'm not professional at all, just talking nonsense, don't take my words seriously