my ten years with you

That night, Bai Xiaonan ate a big bowl of noodles for supper while chatting with Ah Wu. Ah Wu turned on the TV for background music, and watched Bai Xiaonan eat with his hands on his face. He felt happy seeing his delicious food.

"Is it tasty?"

After Bai Xiaonan finished eating, she pushed the bowl away, stretched herself on the sofa, rubbed her belly, and nodded vigorously.

Ah Wu happily packed away the dishes, Bai Xiaonan watched him wash the dishes excitedly, hesitated for a moment, and asked, "Ah Wu, tonight, I...do you want me to stay?"

The back of Ah Wu washing the dishes froze for a moment. He quickly rinsed the dishes, turned his head as if nothing had happened, and said, "Do you still have something to do? Then, let's go back first."

Bai Xiaonan smiled, "I don't think you're going to let me stay."

Ah Wu didn't know what to say, "I..."

"It's okay, I'm not in a hurry, after all, I'm chasing you now, you have the right to refuse." Bai Xiaonan smiled, wrapped her arms around Ah Wu's waist and quickly kissed him on the cheek, "But I reserve the right to be a hooligan. "

Ah Wu blushed, lowered her head and said nothing, but it was not a rejection.

How could he refuse? No matter how intimate they are, they have done it before, and Bai Xiaonan has used even more extreme methods. He has an instinctive closeness and respect for this person. No matter what he does, he may not be able to refuse, let alone Said it was just a kiss.

Of course Bai Xiaonan also understood, that's why he didn't dare to act rashly, he didn't know which step Ah Wu liked and which step he was enduring.

"I'm leaving, you go to bed early, remember to eat nutrition."

Bai Xiaonan gave some advice, and Ah Wu agreed, and wanted to say something to him, but seemed to have nothing to say, so she opened the door and watched Bai Xiaonan go downstairs.

"Okay, go back, I'm leaving."

Bai Xiaonan waved him to go back to the house quickly, went downstairs and drove home by himself, both of them felt a little melancholy after parting, Bai Xiaonan opened the car window and lit a cigarette, not sure if he could help Ah Wu return to a normal life, in case he needed Not love, just a psychiatrist?

Ah Wu sent Bai Xiaonan away, took a shower, went back to the room and lay down, he groped to find the whip from under the pillow, the words engraved on the handle of the whip were still so clear, but that person had already forgotten how to use the whip.

He hugged the whip into his arms, he knew that the current way of getting along must be more than his own incompatibility.

It was just using conquest to eliminate the sense of distance, and using possession to exchange trust. They have already tried it, and the end is a fiasco for the two of them. Will they dare to try again?

Ah Wu felt deeply confused and self-doubt.In fact, Bai Xiaonan is not wrong, at first he chose to be owned, gained trust and a sense of security, but wanted love unwillingly, this time Bai Xiaonan tried love for him again, and he began to fear the sense of distance again.

Ah Wu buried her head in the quilt, and tightly grasped the whip with one hand.

He is such a bad person, he has nothing but greed, he is not worthy of love at all, he is not worthy of loving others, and he is not worthy of being loved.

Fortunately, Bai Xiaonan didn't give up on him, he only had this life-saving straw, but he didn't even have the courage to hold on to it?

In the middle of the night, when Bai Xiaonan was woken up by the phone call, his first reaction was to be upset. Except for emergencies, no one dared to call him so late.He is also almost 30 years old. He was woken up by the phone in the middle of the night and had a terrible headache. Before he took the phone to curse, he heard a cautious voice from the other end of the phone: "Master, are you asleep?"

He tried very hard to cover it up, but Bai Xiaonan could still hear that he was crying, he was very scared.

Bai Xiaonan pinched the center of her brows, and tried her best to say gently, "No, what's the matter, Ah Wu? Did you have a nightmare?"

"No... I'm just..." Ah Wu's voice gradually lowered. He didn't have a nightmare, he just fell asleep and fell asleep and suddenly started having a nightmare. After waking up with a face full of shock, her first reaction was to look for Bai Xiaonan.

This is not the first time he has been like this. For more than four years, as long as he does not take sleeping pills, he will wake up like this almost every night. This is only the first time he can find someone who can comfort him after waking up.

"I just couldn't fall asleep all of a sudden, I was very scared." Ah Wu said in a low voice, although Bai Xiaonan didn't say anything, but he knew how much Bai Xiaonan hated being woken up in the middle of the night, and began to feel guilty again, "It's actually nothing, I didn't mean it Call... I'm fine, go to sleep."

Bai Xiaonan heard that he wanted to hang up the phone, and hurriedly said: "It's okay, don't be afraid, I woke up anyway, and I just happened to go to the bathroom, don't hang up, I'll accompany you on the speakerphone."

Ah Wu was terribly flustered, for fear of waking him up, she was actually reluctant to hang up the phone. After hearing what he said, she quickly turned on the speakerphone, put the phone next to her pillow, and lay down facing the phone, as if Bai Xiaonan was right next to him. Lying next to it.

There was a rustling sound from the phone, and the sound of running water. He thought he really got up and went to the toilet. After a while, Bai Xiaonan's voice sounded: "Ah Wu, are you asleep?"

"not yet."

It was okay just now, but now that I woke up and calmed down a bit, Ah Wu realized that the sobbing in his voice was so thick that he felt a little embarrassed, "I'm fine, I just woke up suddenly, and I don't know why. "

Bai Xiaonan gave a low laugh, "Do you regret not letting me stay?"

Ah Wu's face was a little hot, "I...I don't know how to let you stay."

"Hey, Ah Wu, I don't even know, so you have no confidence in me." Bai Xiaonan sighed, and couldn't help asking: "It's because I concealed things about Qin Ruo from you, so you can't believe me anymore , or have you never completely believed me?"

There was a buzzing sound in Ah Wu's head, and he said bitterly, "I...it's my fault."

"It's okay, it's not your fault, we've come to this point, it's not important to discuss whose fault it is."

Bai Xiaonan said softly, his mood was a little low, but it didn't affect his stability, "The important thing is, do you want to trust me again? I won't give up on you, but you can't give up either. Learn how to truly believe , okay?"

Ah Wu was silent for a long time, and agreed in a low voice.

Bai Xiaonan laughed softly, and already had an idea in her heart, chatting with A Wu one after another, A Wu let him chat with him and gradually regained his normal breathing, finally he didn't feel so flustered, but suddenly heard the door There was a knock on the door.

Ah Wu sat up in surprise, looked at the phone, and then at the door, to make sure that the knocks came from two places at the same time.

"Master?" He asked blankly.

"A Wu, open the door." Bai Xiaonan called softly, as soon as the door opened, Ah Wu stood in front of him in pajamas with red eyes.

Bai Xiaonan opened his arms, Ah Wu threw himself into his arms, Bai Xiaonan hugged Ah Wu up, closed the door with his feet, and carried him back to the bedroom.

"You don't sleep at night and you just think about it here, you just got out of the hospital." He criticized with a smile, Ah Wu still hasn't recovered.

"Master, why are you here?"

"Do you dare to sleep if I don't come over?" Bai Xiaonan said, taking off the coat he had put on indiscriminately, which was directly the pants he wore to sleep, and laid down on the bed together with the quilt off, "I dare not sleep if you don't sleep." sleep?"

He stretched out his arms very naturally to embrace Ah Wu, and Ah Wu curled himself up and lay in his arms, and suddenly felt his eyelids became heavy, and the palpitations and shortness of breath just now disappeared, and he could fall asleep at any time in a peaceful state .

"Why did you come here? It's so late at night..." He was choked with a little undigested sobs, his voice was a little vague, and he couldn't tell whether it was more distressed or more coquettish.

Bai Xiaonan's bones softened when he heard it, so he couldn't care less about waking up people in the middle of the night with a headache, making them lean on his shoulders, and said with a smile: "It's not too late, I haven't slept until ten years ago." Woolen cloth."

"Ten years ago," Ah Wu moved his head quietly, not wanting to completely suppress his arm, "Ten years ago I was only 14 years old."

"Well, I'm not even in my twenties. Now, seeing how young you are, I'm afraid I might not be able to handle you." Bai Xiaonan sighed, "But at that time, you had a really big temper, and so did I. Big, it was too young."

"It's very kind of you to be nice to me now."

Bai Xiaonan suddenly thought of something, and said with a smile: "I remember you were very envious of that one of An Yang's family, Xiao Ning, right? At that time An Yang was only my age, and he was so nice to Xiao Ning. You met me too early Well, I didn't catch up with the good time, if it was a few years later, maybe there would be no such things later, do you regret it?"

"I don't regret it." Ah Wu's nose turned sore, "Do you regret it?"

Ah Wu grabbed Bai Xiaonan's arm with one hand, and tightly clenched the quilt with the other hand, for fear that Bai Xiaonan would regret it.For better or for worse, that was his whole life.

"I don't regret meeting you, I'm just thinking, if I could meet you a few years later, I should be able to treat you better, much better. We were wrong at the beginning, if I didn't let them find someone who looks like Qin Ruo People, there will be no such things later. If I meet you now, I can be as gentle as An Yang. "

"But, now that you meet me again, do you still dare to trust me like before?" Ah Wu suddenly burst into tears uncontrollably, and choked up, "Will you still trust me like before? I chose Owned by you, I did something wrong, and you regret it, don't you?"

He started to cry uncontrollably, Bai Xiaonan wanted to hug him anxiously, moved forward, felt something hurt her, reached out to take a look, it was the whip engraved with white characters.

He looked at the whip for a while, and then asked in a daze, "When I'm not around, do you sleep with this whip?"

While crying, Ah Wu felt that his emotions were too volatile, and he was too embarrassed to admit it, but his twitching and sad expression had already explained everything.

Bai Xiaonan sighed lowly, put the whip behind him, and patted Ah Wu's back lightly. This method could calm Ah Wu down quickly. He saw that Ah Wu gradually calmed down, and thought for a while, Asked: "Ah Wu, don't get me wrong, I think what you need most now is not my promise, but a psychologist."

Ah Wu raised her head and asked in disbelief, "Do you think I'm sick?"

"No, no, I don't think you are sick. I just think that your current mental state is a bit problematic. It is difficult for me to help you solve it alone." Bai Xiaonan paused and said with difficulty: "If I continue to With a whip, maybe you can quickly restore you to the state I think is okay, but it can’t work now. Recently, I have become more and more uncertain whether what I want is consistent with what you want. I have no way to decide for you what is Right, what is happiness, I want you to be happy, it is not up to me alone, let's go to the doctor, okay? I will always be with you. "

Ah Wu sniffed, but didn't speak.

"Ah Wu?" Bai Xiaonan called out cautiously, not sure if he could accept it.

Ah Wu was silent for a while, and when Bai Xiaonan thought he was angry and would not reply any more, he whispered: "If you think it's necessary, go and see it."

Bai Xiaonan stammered, and wanted to explain, "I don't think you're sick, Ah Wu, a mental state is completely different from a mental illness, so don't take advantage of your bullshit. Look at Zhou Ning'an, he's a pretty good person, right? He has been seeing a psychiatrist all year round, and now Lin Ye still regularly accompanies him to go to psychological counseling, you don't think he is sick, do you? I think your current state—"

"Master, you don't need to explain." Ah Wu interrupted him gently. As soon as his emotions calmed down, he began to understand that there was no reason for his loss of control just now, and he regained his usual calmness and composure. Losing my temper is just reviewing myself, "Actually, I also feel that something is wrong, but I just keep telling myself that I am not ready to face you. The only person in this world who understands me better than myself is you. If you say so, I'd like to go and see."

Bai Xiaonan saw that he was not a taboo drug, so he was relieved anyway, felt distressed by his appearance of being so obviously confused but had no reason to believe in himself, so he gently hugged him, and whispered: " Ah Wu, how can you please me."

"Haven't you given up on me yet?" Ah Wu said softly, "As long as you don't give up, everything will be fine."

The author has something to say:

Ah Wu’s mental state is bound to be unhealthy. If he does not adjust his psychological problems, he will not be able to truly feel happy. Trust, love, etc. are all based on a healthy mental state. Timely discovery and courage to face it are very important.

If you have a friend who is always emotionally ups and downs, and it is difficult to control your emotions, you should actually see a psychiatrist. It will be much better to have counseling. This is not a matter of love or not. No matter how much companionship an amateur player has, it is not as good as a professional. works.

ps It's so thick and long, does anyone praise me!