Thank you for these five years

After returning to Beijing, I pretended to be very free and easy and had a few chats with him.

He didn't come to an appointment scheduled before breaking up.Only Jing and Qi came, and I took them to play around Beijing.

After that, I didn't dare to say anything more, obviously, I could see the happiness between him and the new couple.After all, I have been loved by him before, and I know what his lover looks like, so I also know that he doesn't love me now.

At the end of June, I took an annual leave and went out for a walk by myself.

Where are you going?I arranged several places, some of which he had been to and which I hadn’t been to—Xi’an, some of which we had been together—Chongqing, and some of which he had mentioned that he wanted to go——Daocheng.

It is said that I am traveling alone, but in fact it is more like going out with the expectations and pain of two people.Along the way, I pretended to be very happy, and the number of times I posted on Moments was several times that of usual.Frankly speaking, I also wanted to send it to him, but maybe it was blocked.

In Xi'an, beat the Bell and Drum Tower, visit Huimin Street, eat steamed buns, taste meat clips, and play a bowl of wine.

However, behind these fun, I can't get rid of his shadow after all.When I was in the Terracotta Warriors, I wondered if this was the place where he had stopped; when tasting snacks, I wondered if the taste was the same when he came.

I told myself that this was a new starting point, and I began to get to know my heart again.On the other hand, he honestly thinks of him, with a lingering look.

However, the most tormented one was in Daocheng.At the beginning, it was physical exhaustion, getting up at 3 o'clock, and taking the plane after 6 o'clock.I didn't feel the cold until I landed in Daocheng, and I didn't prepare for the cold and high altitude at all.From the airport in Daocheng to the hotel in the scenic area, it takes about 3 hours.The last time we took such a long-distance tourist bus was when we went from Changsha to Fenghuang. At that time, there were people beside us to rely on.Arrived at the hotel at noon. After settling myself down, I did not rest, so I went to climb the short line of Daocheng and went to Zhuoma Lacuo.

However, it's okay to be tired.My heart is also very tired and chaotic.

Daocheng ah.It seems to be a holy place that is inextricably linked with us, but now I am the only one who comes to worship.I want to bury him, in Daocheng.However, I was as confused as I was. Even though he was so indifferent and betrayed, I still fantasized about how to make him atone for his sins if possible.You see, this is where the torture is.In fact, I haven't gotten rid of it yet, he has already left, but I am still thinking about it.

In Daocheng, I lived alone in a big room.Suddenly I was very sad, when I used to go out to play, I lived with little D in such a big room, but now I am alone, even my wife looks pitiful and lonely, I can cry.

The feeling after coming here reminds me of the previous movie "Happy Together", and now I am just right.

"I finally came to the waterfall. I suddenly thought of He Baorong. I felt so sad. I always thought that there should be two people standing here."

I posted this passage with the scenery of Daocheng.I didn't specify it, but I think those who can understand should be able to understand it.I am determined to bury little D here, and put my previous feelings in this holy place.

When I left Daocheng, I felt a little more relaxed, probably because the self-suggestion took effect.It is not the first time that I have come to Chongqing.Three years ago, we had a big conflict about him and Fan's travel.Later, I asked to start again. We arrived in Chongqing first, but only stayed for one night.However, that night was also very ironic. He ran to meet his ex-boyfriend in Chongqing who had an online relationship with him in Fuling.

I went shopping alone that night, but I have already truly felt the charm of this city. Now I come back, I feel a little familiar with the road.Jiefangbei and the Bayi Road Snack Street next to it, the route from Hongyadong to Chaotianmen, has passed through again.The difference is that the people around him are not Little D anymore.

I lived in a youth hostel in Chongqing and met a boy in the room.Also go out alone, just graduated from university.We chatted very well, so we decided to act together at night.Taste snacks, go shopping, we walk together all the way.Eating hot pot, visiting Hongya Cave, we both accompanied each other, and suddenly felt that we were not alone on the road.This night in Chongqing was the most memorable time in the whole trip.

In fact, you see, the best way to forget someone is to devote yourself to a new relationship.So, from the point of view of the current little D, it is a great disturbance for me, an abandoned person, to reappear.To him and Xiaosan's life, I am a jerk.

I used to think that I don't love anymore.Losing the identity of a lover, you can still pretend to be peaceful in friendship.Thinking about it now, otherwise, I can no longer get along well, whether it is a lover or a friend.But the most tangled thing in my heart lies in how the future between me and him will unfold.I still can't accept losing this person completely.

At night, sleeping in a youth hostel in Chongqing, I suffered from insomnia.This narrow bed reminds me of the same small bed when I was in college, and the two people at that meeting were so happy that they didn't feel crowded at all.

After leaving Chongqing, I went to the city where my sister lives.She was still in college and took me around her campus.During lunch, I specially ordered a cup of soy milk in the cafeteria, and I missed Little D.When we used to have lunch in college, a cup of soy milk was essential.

In the afternoon, wandering around the teaching building, looking at these familiar scenes in the self-study room, I suddenly felt that it would be good to return to the position of friends, and I could talk, laugh, and fight, and not be a lover without getting hurt.Then you can watch him grow, which is also commendable.

After returning from the trip, I think I should let it go.In front of my friends, I pretended to be happy and lived like a little fool for two days.By the third night, I was still devastated.

It's a mess.

Cycling home, I cried once along the way.Unlike before, the focus of my crying was not my feelings, but myself.

I feel sorry for myself like this.Be deceived, suffer betrayal but still try to find excuses, to be considerate, to let go of them.And what about the person who did the wrong thing?I feel sorry for myself.I don't think it should be me.I am so hardworking, I am so hardworking, I can't just give up on myself if I am given up.

I cry for myself.I just feel sorry for myself.

After crying this time, I inexplicably had a burst of courage: If we never meet again in this life, I can accept it.

Hey, goodbye.

Thank you, these five years, let me taste love.