shame

There was a dead silence in the room, Xia He sat on the edge of the bed, calming his breathing and frantic heartbeat.

I don't know when, the bright moon outside the window avoids the floating clouds and hangs brightly in the sky, looking deserted and lonely.It was windy outside, and there was the sound of rustling leaves from the big tree in the yard, the windows were open, and the curtains fluttered slightly.

Xia He stared at the scene outside the window in a daze, his heart was in a mess, he didn't know how to face Gu Sheng, and he didn't even know how to face his own heart.For a long time, there was no sound outside the door. He panicked, so he got up and opened the door to have a look.

The living room was empty, the door to come in was open, and Gu Sheng had disappeared.

The cold wind rushed up from the corridor and blew past him. It was bitter, but he couldn't feel the biting.There was a pool of blood in the body, which could not be completely stopped.

He called softly, "Gu Sheng?"

There was no response, and the surroundings had never been so quiet.

Xia He walked out the door, and after the quarter of an hour of consideration, he clearly knew that if Gu Sheng left after a showdown like this, he didn't know how to live like this in the future.At least not right now.He wanted to make it clear that whether he was dead or alive, he had to make it clear.

Tell him that I am gay, I have been obsessed with him for a long time, I miss him every night, I can't sleep, I think of heartache.

So, Xia He ran out of the house, and the sound of heavy footsteps awakened the sensor lamp that was illuminated against the approaching winter.He was flustered, but he had never been so sure about one thing.

When he ran to the ground floor, in the dimly lit corridor, Gu Sheng was leaning against the wall with his face drooping, with an end-burned cigarette in his hand.He looked very lonely at the moment, never lonely before.

Xia He stopped in his tracks, forcing his heaving chest and irregular panting.Looking at him, he shouted again: "Gu Sheng..."

Gu Sheng raised his head, his hair was a little disheveled by the wind, his eyes were red, his pupils reflected the light, and he looked very embarrassed.This appearance actually stabbed Xia He's heart in an instant, he couldn't even feel himself breathing, his whole heart was only soft, and it seemed that he might collapse to the ground at any time.

Gu Sheng snuffed out the cigarette butt with his fingers, and said slowly, "Don't let me see you again."

His voice was low and hoarse, and his finger that was pinching the cigarette butt was still trembling slightly. After speaking, he turned and walked into the courtyard.

Facing this all-too-familiar sentence, Xia He couldn't feel any hostility in his heart, except for the tingling pain, all the emotions he wanted to endure were aroused.

He stepped forward to catch up until he ran out of the hospital, and shouted at Gu Sheng's running back: "Stop."

Gu Sheng ignored him, and he raised his voice again: "You fucking stop!"

This time, Gu Sheng slowed down and deliberately let him catch up.At this moment, there was no one around, and the night was dark, with only a few solitary lamps left.

"Do you like looking for abuse?"

Gu Sheng turned around and yelled at him.

Xia He stood in front of him, stared into his eyes, angry, his eyes were red, he clenched his teeth, and tried very hard to hold back the tears that hadn't appeared for a long time.

He said: "Don't you want to hear the truth? I'll tell you right now, Gu Sheng, I am that kind of person, the kind of person you think I am. I have liked you for a long time, I want to sleep with you, I want to sleep with you every day I can see you, I want to listen to you, watch you play, run with you, I want to do anything with you..."

After he said these words, tears finally burst out of his eyes uncontrollably, and his face was instantly blown cold by the cold wind.Saying these words buried deep in his heart like thorns, Xia He suddenly felt his heart was empty, he looked away, couldn't help it, but still insisted on his aloof appearance.

He thought that Gu Sheng would be scared away, but he didn't.

Gu Shengsheng moved his lips, stretched out his hand and pulled his arm, and then met his gaze again, his gaze suddenly softened, and asked, "Is what you just said true?"

Xia He nodded: "You must think I'm disgusting, don't you?"

Gu Sheng looked at him, shook his head, leaned over, touched the back of his head with his hand and pressed hard on his face, then kissed him, gently, on his cold lips and warm tongue.Feel the breath and heartbeat of the other party, he has never been so close to anyone.

The poor contact of the street lights flashed twice, and a couple of cars drove by, which did not affect the entanglement of their tongues in the slightest.

Xia He put his hand on his waist, pushed it out a little bit, and then tilted his head back, signaling to stop this fascinating movement.

Gu Sheng left his lips, eyes blended, wiped away his tears with his fingers that smelled of cigarettes, and asked tentatively, "Can I stay at your place tonight?"

Xia He has not calmed down yet, he feels like he is staying in a dream at this moment, but if this is a dream, how much he hopes that he will never wake up.

"Ok?"

"It's cold, take me home."

"Ah."

Xia He let go of his hand, turned around, and walked forward somewhat at a loss.Gu Sheng followed by himself, and deliberately glanced at him, wanting to know the change of expression on his face.

But helplessly, Xia He got used to it with a straight face, if he couldn't see his eyes clearly, it was hard to know what he was thinking.

Back in the room, Gu Sheng touched his back, hugged him, leaned close to his ear, and said in a breathy voice: "I'm sorry..."

Xia He didn't make a sound, his heart was still beating wildly, and it felt like it would never slow down.

He purposely changed the subject and said, "How about you go wash up."

"Wash what?"

When Gu Sheng said this, he kissed his earlobe. These intimacy skills were all seen in a certain video in the early years.

As soon as he approached, Xia He had a strong reaction, so he grabbed his hands around his waist, put them aside, and said solemnly: "Go wash your feet again, you didn't wear shoes just now."

"Can I trouble you to get the hot water for me?"

Apparently, the quarrel between the two of them half an hour ago seemed to have never happened. Gu Sheng's tone of voice was still flamboyant and playful, but the difference was that there was a rare gentleness and delicacy in it.He will look at Xia He very seriously, as if he cares about the impact of every word on him.

Xia He nuzzled: "Okay."

Then he went out, turned into the bathroom, and took a basin to fetch water for him again, but his hands were still trembling. The sudden change of things made him a little afraid to continue.

"Hurry up and go to bed early, you have to get up early for class tomorrow."

Gu Sheng sat on the sofa and rolled up his trousers, and replied: "If possible, I really want to stay with you tomorrow, and I won't go anywhere."

"Heh!" Xia He sneered subconsciously, not because of contempt or mistrust, but because he still didn't understand why Gu Sheng suddenly said nasty words. Obviously, such words were not very acceptable in front of the two men.

He was a little scared, and he always felt that Gu Sheng was deliberately teasing him.Maybe you will turn around and walk away with a shake of your hand, whether you live or die.

"You sit with me."

Gu Sheng said, "I want to talk to you."

Xia He sat beside him as he said, not daring to get too close.

Gu Sheng looked at him and said, "Xiahe, I listened to what you just said. I didn't know why I always wanted to stay with you before, and wanted you to take me home. I saw you crying just now, and my heart ached. I'm so sad, I really want to hug you. I don't know if I'm the homosexual you mentioned, and I don't understand what that means, but I can be sure."

He stopped for a while, then continued: "I like you. When I knew you were with Gao Yalan, I was very angry and wanted to beat you up, but standing in front of you, I couldn't bear it..."

Xia He moved his Adam's apple, and inexplicably, tears filled his eyes again.

"Can I kiss you again?"

Gu Sheng asked.

This time, Xia He took the initiative to move over and moved quickly. After kissing the other party's lips, he sucked in hard.Kneeling on the sofa with one leg twisting, holding his face, closing his eyes, all he could feel was the unscrupulous intimacy and heartbeat.

The scene in the dream will one day shine into reality.

He lay on the bed, took off his shirt, and Gu Sheng looked down at him affectionately.She reached out to caress his shoulder, touched him lightly back and forth, and said, "Put on the quilt quickly, don't catch a cold."

As he spoke, he pulled the quilt thrown aside and wrapped it around Xia He's body, lowered his head and kissed his cheek, then fell to the side, and quickly got into the bed.Next to Xiahe, looked at his shining eyes through the light of night, "Go to sleep, remember to call me tomorrow."

Xia He turned around, kissed him back, stretched out his arms to wrap his arms around his warm body, and pressed their faces together.Gu Sheng jokingly said, "If you provoke me again, I won't be able to restrain myself."

Xia He suppressed a smile: "Shut up."

"Be honest at night, don't touch my other places while I'm asleep."

"Don't worry, I'm not you."

After Xia He finished speaking, he moved Gu Sheng's hand away from under his body under the quilt.