Cupid winks

With so much money, he doesn't care about me. Besides, I gave him my heart, my soul, and many of my memories, so I won't give him the money.Don't leave it to him.The beneficiary is Fang Nan. "

I wiped the table again, put my hands on my knees, and said, "My mother."

Speaking of this, my chin itched for a while, I stretched out my hand to scratch it, and the more I scratched, the more itchy, I simply covered my chin with my hand and held it down.

I might be allergic to the word "mom".I heard that babies nowadays live in a sterile environment since they were young, and their bodies become fragile, so fragile that they are allergic to many things. I should also belong to this situation. I grew up in an environment without a mother. Once exposed to being with her, I feel uncomfortable all over.I don't know how to get along with her.If you are allergic to peanuts and pollen, then don’t eat peanuts, don’t touch pollen, and wear a mask, then I won’t touch her, and I will avoid her.stay away.

I said, "I only found out her name recently. She didn't want me a long time ago, so she left."

"Do you... hate her?"

I shake my head.I said, "I don't hate her, she married my dad, my dad is gay, she has the right to hate my dad, hate me, I accept it, but it's ridiculous you know, she's dying now, she has cancer , she came to me, she hoped that I could die for her."

"After all, you are a piece of meat that fell from her body."

"If it's just a piece of meat," I said, smiling, "I'll let her fish."

but……

"But I have a brain, I think, I have memories, I don't remember her, I remember parent meetings, sports meetings, other children's parents came to participate, they cheered for the children, they talked about this and that with the class teacher... I Remember on the bus, the baby fell asleep, sleeping in the mother's arms... When I need her, she can't be there, and when she needs me, I have to be there? I don't hate her...I just, "I tried Find a suitable word, a suitable description, a metaphor, a metaphor, anything is good, but I can't think of it, I can't organize the language well, and I can't swallow the thought that came to my mouth, I heard myself say, "I To save a little love for her, I thought she would not appear in my life, when I save enough, wait for me..."

I heard my voice tremble, as if shivering.I swallowed and asked the man, "Do you think homosexuality is hereditary?"

The man said: "It seems that I have never heard of such a statement."

I nodded, smoked, and nodded again: "It's strange, my dad is gay, and so am I." I looked at the man, "You shouldn't have been forced into marriage, have you?"

The man shook his head, and I asked again: "When did you find out that you like men?"

The man said: "Ah Hua and I took the train to Taipei..." His eyes flashed, and he changed his words, "No, earlier...it should have been earlier, we seem to be going to school together, or after school. Clearly, we are walking on a section of railroad tracks, he picks up stones, hits a slingshot, hangs his leather shoes around his neck, and is barefoot. If the leather shoes are dirty, he will be scolded by his mother." His head turned slightly to one side , not much, and changed his words again, "It's not... They sacrificed to the gods to practice the lock, and they used a latte to poke a hole in the face, and passed through. I said, Ah Hua, don't practice this, there is a hole in the mouth , He will leak when eating. He is laughing and joking, wearing a white vest, clogs and slippers, and showing me his sword dance."

The man looked at me in a daze, and said: "He has tattoos. After he got the tattoos, his girlfriend broke up with him. He came to me to complain. He said, you know what, she said, when she saw such a body The tattoo reminds me of her Do-sang, and she thinks that I will end up in the same fate as her Do-sang."

The man let out a long breath, and I suddenly realized that the man was really old, his hair roots were so dim, and under the dim light, there was a clear silvery white, he was obviously not smiling, and his face had long since disappeared. He smiled, but the lines of laughter left in the corners of his eyes seemed to never go away.His every breath is full of memories, and every inch of him is surrounded by the dust of memories.

I asked: "Is Ah Hua's girlfriend Japanese?"

The man nodded, I was a little distracted, and asked reflexively: "Are they married, later?"

"I got married and gave birth to a child in the next year."

"Just one child?"

The man smiled: "Many."

My heart skipped a few beats, I stopped asking, I stopped looking at him, and looked at a darker corner of the bar, where there seemed to be more dust.I asked something else: "So, there are no statues of the God of Love in the Temple of Love, just porcelain with stories about the God of Love?"

The man said, "Yes."

"A set?

"A set of dishes."

"What kind of story?"

The man said, "It's actually the story of Apollo and Ares, the god of war."

"what?"

"Eros is a medium. Love is a medium. Eros made a bet with Apollo that she thought God of War was unlovable and unworthy of love. Apollo bet that she would fall in love with Ares."

"So it was Apollo who won, right? Myths and stories seem to be like this, and things that I swear can't happen to me will definitely happen."

"The Tragedy of Oedipus."

"What?" I didn't understand, the man said: "Oedipus was predicted to marry his mother and kill his father, so he was abandoned by his parents when he was very young, but the prophecy still came true."

"Is he crazy?"

"By that time he was king, and he stabbed himself blind, and begged to be burned, but his subjects forgave him."

"Poor thing," I said, "why forgive him, when they forgive him, how can he forgive himself?"

The man said: "Many people go to worship at the Temple of Love."

"Praying for impossible love to happen?"

The man smiled and said, "Maybe." He said, "Later Venus and Ares had a child. Some people called him Cupid, and some called him Eros. He is the god of lust. In the "Bible", for a long time, there are two translations of love, one is Eros.

"What about the other kind?"

"The other refers to the love of God to man and man to God, the highest form of love. Later, Eros was erased in later translations, and there is only one kind of love left in the world." The man said.

"Love without lust?"

"Love anyone as God loves, luminous, infinite love."

I laughed: "It's really sublime."

I said, "How humble."

The man sighed, softly and very briefly, but I heard it anyway.I looked at him, he licked the corners of his lips, and said to me: "Let's go to the night market to eat red bean ice, Ah Hua, me, his girlfriend, and Yin Yin, Ah Hua said, they are getting married. I eat red bean ice , I felt like drinking Mengpo soup. After drinking it, I went to the next life. It was strange. In the next life, I became the person that others could not love. Uh..." The man pondered for a while, then said, "The world is reincarnated .”

He also said: "It would be great if reincarnation really existed. If there are tens of thousands of reincarnations, maybe two people will be able to love each other."

I said, "That doctor is easy to chase."

The man and I looked at each other without a smile, without any other expression, we were two complete strangers, we could exchange secrets with each other, knowing each other.

I eagerly continued: "He is two years older than me, and also older than s. I was born in the same age as s. He was born in winter. Oh, I see, it may be because of this, so he is not afraid of heat." I laughed I put out the cigarette butt in the ashtray, the man also smiled, and the smile was shallow, I crossed my hands and leaned against the table, and said, "The doctor said, why did you cut your hand again when cooking, you used a glass knife for cooking Is it? He looked at what I said, and I watched him talk, and I said, I’m not a thief, so don’t call the police. The heart is a glass heart, and it will break when you squeeze it. The doctor laughed so happily when he heard it. I waited for him to get off work and asked him if he wanted to eat something together. He got off work very late, so we went to drink fish head soup and drink After ordering some beer, he went to the toilet, I went to the toilet to block him, he asked me if I was on a tour, and I kissed him. I kissed him in the toilet cubicle..."I thought of a better word," kiss."

The man asked me: "How is it? Does he smell like s?"

I said: "I see, no wonder I can't help but tell you everything, I tell you everything, my mouth judges faster than my brain, if I don't say anything, you have already seen it all .You know a lot.

Has he also tracked Ahua's smell on someone?I asked him, "Who did you smell Ah Hua on?"

The man shrugged his shoulders, relaxed: "Someone is looking for my scent in A Hua."

"Fuck." I laughed first, and then raised my hands, feeling really helpless and unable to understand.I really don't understand.I said, "Why are all our love stories so deformed? If it were written as a novel, readers would definitely scold them after reading it. How could there be so many abnormal and abnormal love stories?"

The man still shrugged his shoulders, still with a slight smile on his face.He said: "Readers can only understand stories that they can understand, but we don't live by their understanding, it doesn't matter."

I asked him, "What do you like about Ah Hua?"

The man asked me back: "Are you trying to understand my love story?"

I laughed, almost leaning over the table, and I said, "Is your love story any different than mine?"

The man said: "Ah Hua and I belong to two worlds. I don't give any hope. S and you belong to the same world. He loves men, but he doesn't love you. You have hope, but you are even more desperate."

I lay down