Star Sea·Light Year

Thalassemia.

It's not a rare condition. ...It's just that Wang Ben never thought that this disease would be related to himself.

—Because it is a genetic disease.

Due to the defects caused by genetic mutations, there is currently no complete cure.However, for a mildly ill person like him, his life would not be affected too much, which is why he didn't know anything until he saw his test report.

I don't know why his diet has been very light since he was a child, and he doesn't understand the reason why his mother always makes him exercise.

But in doing so, he suddenly understood why his father had entered the field of genetics.

——Indeed, as his mother said, it's not that his father doesn't care about the family, but he cares about them in another way.

And his disease is probably inherited from his mother.

He knew this because Wang Ben considered his father's reluctance to remarry.In that case, he would leave his descendants, so he secretly contacted such organizations, and it was precisely because of this that he accidentally learned of this fact, which was probably deliberately concealed.

…Because since he can remember, the family has become very mysterious, and even his mother's funeral was low-key and outrageous.After that, the father almost cut off the connection with the mother's family.

Once...he thought it was because his father didn't love his mother in his heart.

But... Now that you think about it carefully, you will understand that it was all to prevent him from having the opportunity to learn about it.

But even if he has this disease, what will happen?His illness is very mild and will not affect his life at all.

When thinking about it along this line of thought, Wang Ben suddenly thought of a very scary possibility.

——What if his mother's body became like this because of him?

He's light, but his mother doesn't necessarily seem to be either.Thinking of her always pale face and always weak body, Wang Ben suddenly understood that they didn't want him to know about it...they didn't want him to guess it.

If his mother's illness was not mild, then it would have been risky for her to conceive and give birth. …Because she was already suffering from anemia, she might have severe bleeding during childbirth, and even if she didn’t encounter such a dangerous situation, the childbirth itself would damage her body.

Judging by her frail state later, I am afraid that his birth has caused a lot of burden to her body.

It was precisely because she knew that her body would not last long that she gave him all the time she could.

...and he even once felt that this excessive attention was a burden...

Wang Ben couldn't describe his state of mind when he thought of this possibility.He may be very confused, he doesn't want to know the truth of this matter, but he can't help but believe that his speculation is correct. ...So guilty, remorse... At the same time, I deeply realized his mother's feelings for him again.

——So he should be happy too.

Somehow, he thought, if he had the choice, he wished he hadn't been born.

In this way, there is no need to bear such a sense of guilt, nor will Meng Tian cry because of himself.

He didn't want to take on such a life.He once said that Meng Tian would only escape from this reality.

——Everything is not true.

The mother is just in poor health, and it would be nice if she had nothing to do with him. ……has no relations with him……

When he found the attending physician when his mother gave birth, it was his father who hadn't shown his face for a long time who appeared in front of him.

"...What are you investigating?"

His father's tone was a little tired, and his appearance was a little older than he remembered.

"Something I'm entitled to know."

The father looked at him for a while before saying, "She doesn't want you to know."

"But I already know."

Yes, when his father said that, it could be regarded as indirectly confirming his inference.

"Why? Back then, you should have prevented her from giving birth! ... Also, the family would have no heirs."

he said sarcastically.

"...When I was with her, I made this plan."

His father's words made him startled.

"... She should have said that she doesn't want you to be with someone you shouldn't be with, right?"

This is what his mother told him before he left. ...It turns out that what she meant was...

"But I don't think so.... If the family is maintained by sacrificing the happiness of the family, then such a family has no meaning in existence. For me, only when I am with her can I be happy. So there is no other option."

His father paused, and Wang Ben, who had never known his father before, was very surprised from the bottom of his heart.

"And for her, it is her wish to give birth to you.... She doesn't want me to have no children because of her, but I can't persuade her. She was originally a very stubborn person, and your personality is very similar to hers. Like... But judging from the results, her decision is correct, because she is very satisfied when she mentions you every day. You are also a sensible child and always accompany her patiently. In this matter, I I should thank you."

... He didn't know what to say, he didn't need his thanks, because now he knew what he had been busy with for so many years, he read all his papers, looked up his research records, and even secretly Knowing about the several research institutes he founded...all for the purpose of curing her!

In this way, he didn't blame his position at all, let alone accept his thanks.

Because it is also the responsibility of a son to accompany his mother.

He still remembered that on his birthday that year, his father, who had never given him a gift, gave him that bow. That was the first time they met after his mother passed away.Although there were not many words between father and son, at that time, he thought, maybe his father knew that he had been depressed, so he encouraged him in this way, hoping that he would not feel helpless because of his mother's departure.

All this time, he has been unconscious.

That's why my mother hopes that one day he can understand his father and understand his helplessness.

Yes, he understands now.

"……Because of me?"

He didn't know what expression he had now, but he still wanted to know the answer to this question.

"If you have to blame someone, then blame me."

His father's words made him clenched his fists tightly, and there was a cold touch on his face.

"...How is your body? You haven't had any symptoms recently, have you?"

"...um. I'm fine."

"Although it is light, we still need to pay a little attention to our daily life and maintain the habit of exercising before."

"……Um."

"...If you want a child, you don't need to go to someone else, I will arrange for someone to do it."

Wang Ben shook his head lightly: "Now...the matter is not urgent."

"I see, then take care of yourself."

Looking at the back of his father leaving, he suddenly didn't know what to do.

...He used to think that letting go of the past was a consequence he could bear, but now, he couldn't do it.This is mother's only hope, he...cannot go against it, let alone do it.

Otherwise, the mother took the risk and chose to let him come into this world... Even if she didn't ask him to do so, maybe she just wanted to see her child, but for him, he couldn't let her down. What can make her feel at ease is that he is an ordinary heir to the family, walking the smooth road that most people have walked, and living an ordinary but trouble-free life.

Wang Ben strolled by the lakeside with thick ice and snow, the lake water condensed into solid ice, crowds of people in twos and threes gathered together, the sky gradually darkened, and the body was deprived of heat by the extremely cold air, even wearing thick clothes clothes, he thought, if he just fell asleep here, he would definitely not be able to wake up the next day.

——It’s fine if I can’t wake up again.

There are no more worries, and there is no need to worry about anything.Even if Meng Tian will be sad because of this, after a few years, he will definitely recover and find someone else who wants to spend his life with him. ...and father, maybe he will also be sad, but he won't be depressed because of it.

When night fell, there was silence all around.

He knew what they were waiting for.

My mother once said that she wanted to see the aurora with her own eyes.She said that when she came with her father, she was unlucky and never met him once.So she always felt very sorry. ...Perhaps in order to make up for the guilt in his heart, he came here to try his luck as if it was for her.

Although... his luck has been very bad.

Sometimes, he gets really angry.

——Why isn't he a girl?

If he was, he wouldn't have to have these troubles, and he could even tell his mother who he likes before... Mother will definitely show a satisfied smile when she sees "her".

But he is just like him.

Obviously, feelings have nothing to do with gender, but gender will become an obstacle...

Suddenly, a strange sound came from the air, making him look up.

The gorgeous light blue light curtain is like a curly light silk, unfolding at the darkest moment before dawn, jumping and filling the entire night sky.It seemed as if a new Milky Way appeared in the sky, and it seemed that the thunder and lightning running all the way left bright and flickering trails.

The ever-changing scenery in front of him deeply shocked him.

Humans are really small.

Their birth, old age, illness, and death are but a drop in the ocean to this vast and boundless universe, and human life is so short, just like this beautiful but fleeting aurora.

—That’s why I wanted to leave my mark.

I want the world to know that such a person has been here.

And his existence is exactly the trace left by his mother.

He... wants to let go of this relationship that was destined not to be easy from the very beginning.

However, as long as he thinks that he will never be able to see Meng Tian again, he suddenly feels a severe pain in his chest as if being torn apart, which makes him feel suffocating pain.

Thinking that one day, he would receive his wedding invitation, and see him holding another person's hand, walking towards a life without him... He couldn't accept it.

Because he really wants to be with him.

Seeing him pretending to be asleep, he really wanted to go and kiss those lips trembling slightly under the moonlight.

If only they were really that pair of dolls, in that confined space, only they... don't need to worry about other things, and no one else can interfere, just staying together, they will be very happy .

Just like this, even if you can't touch him, just look at him from a distance, knowing that he will still be moved by him, for him, that's enough.

He knows his thoughts are selfish.

I also know that no one can be happy if this continues.

But...he can only put his feelings down like this.He didn't understand why he couldn't let go of this feeling. Perhaps it was because he always wanted to let go that he never forgot.

Besides, he is really cute...

Whether it's his wayward side, or his bluntness, or even his way of escaping, he can't help but like him.Thinking that he would cry for him, he felt both guilty and slightly joyful.

If you don't like him, who should he like?Even if he lets go of this relationship, he probably won't be able to fall in love with another person again, because this is a part of Wang Ben who carries too much emotion.

So... It doesn't matter if we can't be together, and we can never see each other again!For him, it would be nice to be able to love him from a distance like this. ... If one day, he chooses to live with others, even if he can't accept it in his heart, he will eventually force himself to recognize this reality.

Just like it is now.

He understands that he can't choose a life with the one he loves because he doesn't want to live up to his mother's expectations, but... he also doesn't want to betray this wish and spend his life with someone he doesn't love.

Then, I would rather be alone for the rest of my life.

— This is his decision.

And now, he finally remembered.

Wang Ben was lying on the bed, staring at the statue of the Virgin in front of him.

Sometimes, life may really be full of coincidences.The owner of the shop where he often went to buy pastries turned out to be the Li Mu who made a lot of noise back then... and the girl who taught him cooking and pastry making was the girlfriend of that letter.

Moreover, his and Meng Tian's lives will intersect again in this way.

He let out a long breath.

In places he couldn't see, he must have shed more tears than that day. ... From beginning to end, he was the one who hurt him.Obviously hope that he can be happy... even at the same time, he will feel heartache, but in the end... seeing him happy, he will feel... happy one day.

Pressing the string of numbers he had already memorized on the dial key, he dialed it for the first time.

The sound of machinery was extremely clear in the silent room.

Maybe he might not pick it up.But Wang Ben knew that he was just afraid...afraid of what he would say next, so he didn't dare to answer.

But in the end, he still listens.

"...Wang Ben?"

If he met face to face and saw his face, he probably wouldn't be able to say these words.

"...I have something to tell you."

Hearing the slight panting sound from the other end, Wang Ben sat up and hugged the doll tightly in his arms, and the faint sweet smell that should have been on it also dissipated.

After all, it has been so long. ...He will spray it with Meng Tian's usual perfume, which was once a birthday gift he gave him, and it is a women's perfume, with a light pink tone, a sweet scent, and a houndstooth pattern on the bottle bows.

He's always giving him feminine things...and he's always using them without a care.

It would be weird for some men to use something like this, but not for Meng Tian.It may be because his temperament is very special, and he does not give people the impression of being too powdery.Just like the same perfume, when it is fused with a person's own taste, it will become unique and no one can imitate it.

"...Your memory has recovered..."

"Ah."

"...Why did you buy..."

He wanted to ask why he bought those desserts... well, it was because those things he loved reminded him of his sweet smile.

"There's no particular reason."

After a long silence, his voice with a slight smile came from the other side: "Then what do you want to say to me?"

Wang Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"If it's about why you can't be with me, then I don't want to hear it."

Before he had time to speak, Meng Tian said so first.

"But if you want to express your love to me, you are always welcome."

Hearing his naughty tone, Wang Ben couldn't help chuckling.

... It was hard for him to make up his mind!

"Meng Tian!"

"Ha ha……"

Meng Tian let out a brisk laugh there, he could almost imagine a hint of cunning flashing in those amber eyes, which made him slightly curl his lips.

"...That's great. The person who can be self-willed like this has become me again..."

During the period of amnesia, because he couldn't remember anything, he had to bear all the negative parts of this emotion by himself. ...It may also be a kind of "happiness" to be able to express one's inner thoughts as one likes.

"I am..." But he had to explain clearly.

"I don't care! Your reason has nothing to do with me at all....That's your business... I always thought you didn't like me that much, so I refused, but... those things I thought no one knew , you seem to know everything... in a place where I can't see, are you... watching me all the time?"

... Still playing with his temper as always, asking questions that he couldn't answer at all.

"If you don't speak, I will take it as your admission."

...and there was always a way to deal with him.

"...Do you like me very much? Do you like you more than I do?"

Wang Ben frowned, this seems incomparable, right?

"I also know that you don't speak now... What you said before was so explicit, it's really embarrassing..."

Thinking of the words he said when he lost his memory, he couldn't help but blush.

"That's what 'he' said, not me."

He immediately dismissed it.

"That's not true, no matter whether you remember it or not, it's all from your mouth, and...you even kissed me secretly..."

At that time...he should have fallen asleep, right?How do you know?

Thinking of that one and only kiss, Wang Ben couldn't help reaching out and touching his lips. ... That touch, he still remembers.

"...What stupid things, you were asleep at the time, maybe you were dreaming..."

"Originally, I was just guessing, because I found that you always stared at my mouth intentionally or unintentionally, and showed a super aftertaste expression, so I wondered if you had sneaked up on me while I was asleep. Since you want to deny it, then It must have been done. . . . but I don't remember any of it."

As if he could see the regretful expression on his face, Wang Ben pursed his lips tightly... It was obvious that he had finally made up his mind to explain everything clearly before, but why was he always so easily swayed by him?

"……us……"

His words were interrupted again.

"I know. . . . I know. You can't be with me, that's why you called. Otherwise... you just came to see me..."

Meng Tian sighed softly.

And Wang Ben couldn't say the word "separate", language is like a kind of oath, it seems that just saying that they want to separate means that they will really separate.

—he didn't want to.

So he didn't want to say it.

"……sorry."

he said softly.

"I don't want to hear your apology...you should have said the other three words?"

...that was something he couldn't say.Once he said it, he would no longer be able to suppress the emotion in his heart, and desperately wanted to run to his side.

But... that doesn't work either.

He looked up feebly at the portrait above.

... Just hearing his voice through the small machine in his hand from an unknown distance like this, he felt as if his heart was filled.

……sorry.

He kept repeating this sentence in his heart.