Star Sea·Light Year

When Wang Ben came back, the breakfast on the table was still there. He opened the refrigerator, took out the pudding that was put in yesterday and threw it away, and then put in the new one made today.

He is also studying in the pastry shop.Because he wanted to learn all that person's favorite pastries.

——Although I know that there may be no chance to make it for him again.

He understands the reason why they can't be together, because they are all of this status, so there is probably no freedom in emotional matters. ...When he understood this, he really wished that he was just an ordinary person.That way, just be accountable to yourself.

He also met the person who would come to clean up. After that person left, he waited at home deliberately and told him that he would never need to come again from now on. ...He didn't want the last traces of him to disappear with him.

The bed seemed to still have his unique sweet fragrance.When he left, he didn't take much with him.Although it would be weird for a man to have so many dolls in his room, he would find it very cute when he thought it was him.

He also no longer uses the bath products that "he" would use, but his. ... He seems to really like pink things very much. The light pink shower gel exudes a cake-like fragrance. He closes his eyes and sniffs the smell similar to his memory. This smell lingers in the bathroom It made him feel as if he was hugging him, and his smile and gentle voice appeared in his mind at the same time.

Kissing the palm that was once attached to his lips, the body soaked in hot water produced changes that he could not ignore.He leaned blankly on the cold tiles, watching the water wash away the dirt in his hands.

...If it's because of the family, then the two of them fled together to a place where no one knows them, so they can be together, right?

Don't be the heir of the family, even if he is the only son, he really left, and his father can still have other children!Or...he could also have a child, and this kind of thing is also common now.

If he can convince his family, can he beg him to try to do the same?

Thinking of this, he hurriedly washed his body, wrapped it in a towel, and called Panyang.

"Master Ben?"

"What's my father's phone number?"

After writing down the series of numbers, Wang Ben immediately pressed a series of numbers on the dial, but when he looked back, he pressed another series.He stared at the string of numbers in silence, and slowly deleted them.

But his fingers seemed to be uncontrollable, he kept pressing the string of numbers, and kept deleting them.He pinched the cold machine weakly in his hand, and water droplets dripped on the table along his wet hair, leaving circles and circles of dark marks.

It turned out that "he" didn't want to write it down, but it had already been deeply imprinted in his mind, so there was no need to use other ways to remember it.

"In this case, why 'you' are not willing to try hard to convince him?!"

There was no answer in the empty room.

"'You' are a coward! A coward!"

He growled angrily.

This kind of "he" is not the excellent person he said. No matter how far the distance is, as long as he is willing to approach the other party, the distance will be shortened one day, but what is "he" doing like this?Do you think you are affectionate?No wonder he would ask such a question, yes, because even if "he" knows that he is in pain, "he" will not do anything at all, so don't think that you love him very much!

Because "he" doesn't value other things more? !

"I'm different from 'you'! I'm going to convince my father! 'You' just hide! Don't show up again in this life!"

Although he was facing the screen with no actual buttons, Wang Ben pressed every number vigorously as if to show his determination, and finally pressed the call button, wondering whether "his" indifferent father would pick him up If he doesn't answer the phone call, he will find his place of work and talk to him face to face!

Unexpectedly, the call went through quickly.But there was no words there, just when Wang Ben thought that the other party would not speak first, a deep male voice came: "...how are you doing recently?"

What good?He has lost his memory!You obviously don't care about this son, so don't greet him so hypocritically!

"……Um."

But he couldn't say that.Because the voice on the other end sounded tired.

"……Cried?"

The flat tone made Wang Ben touch his face in a daze.

"No."

He immediately retorted.

"he's gone?"

The other party doesn't seem to intend to get to the bottom of it. ...he means...

"……Who?"

"Someone you like."

Wang Ben's eyes widened. ... He knows all about it?A slight sigh came from the receiver.

"Amnesia may not be such a bad thing for you."

Meng Tian once said the same thing.

"At least now you can frankly express this pain and unwillingness....Although I have hesitated to agree to his request and let you stay by his side temporarily. Although such an ending is expected, maybe Makes you miserable right now, but after all that, this will be your brief moment of happiness."

"...Why...Since you know...then I..."

So "his" father knew all this, and he had no intention of stopping it! ...but what did he mean by that?He is obviously in pain now, because Meng Tian is unwilling to accept it, so... he can only suppress his own thoughts, and watch him leave with force. ...What kind of "happiness" is there?

...What kind of life did he live before? ...will it be more painful than it is now?

Thinking like this, Wang Ben couldn't help but clenched the phone tightly.

"There are things you have to remember for yourself. . . . remember what you've done, why you rejected him."

"...'I'...rejecting...him?"

... "He" loves him very much, right?Because obviously I don't remember anything, but there is no way to forget this emotion? ...In this case, why refuse?Is it because of the family?Pan Yang said that he valued his family very much...is that true?

No matter how much he asked in his heart, the answer did not emerge by itself.

"As far as I know, it is."

The father's voice over the receiver sounded a little guilty.

"That's because 'I' wants to inherit the family! If I can do without this, I won't..."

This can only be the reason, right?Because... knowing that his father is not that kind of indifferent person, maybe he is just not good at expressing, then...he can't just walk away coldly!

"...From the standpoint of a father, I hope my son can be happy."

The implication is..."he" chose the family...why?

"...Please tell me why!"

Wang Ben almost cried and said.

Why is "he" so obsessed with this matter?In his opinion, this relationship is the one that is deeply engraved in his heart... Shouldn't "he" also dislike that kind of life?Because staying there is not comfortable at all!That kind of lifeless place... What is there to hold "him" back? !

"... To know the reason, you have to recall everything by yourself. Because even if I tell you everything now, you can't feel it, let alone understand it. Look at a thing as a bystander, and yourself Experienced it firsthand is different. Knowing that, I can only respect your decision."

He understood what his father said. ...Memory is not an objective fact in the eyes of others, but an experience with personal emotions, so when he realized that he wanted Meng Tian to be by his side, all his hidden emotions emerged.So even if he doesn't remember one thing after another that they have experienced in the past, he knows that he likes him.

"...so... it's all 'me'...?"

In the end, it was "he" who couldn't accept this relationship and chose to refuse. ...That's why Meng Tian said that at that time...that's why he cried so sadly.Perhaps in places he could not see, he shed more tears.

...maybe...more difficult than he is now.

"No, there's nothing wrong with you."

"But I made him miserable... I made it difficult for us all... Isn't this all my personal self-satisfaction? Put on a look of bitterness, thinking that I should be forgiven, because I made myself miserable, But this kind of reason doesn't make sense at all!"

He thought, no matter what the reason is, he shouldn't hurt the person he likes like this. ...If there is really a reason why they can't be together, then...don't keep appearing by his side, it should disappear completely.

But... what if Meng Tian never appeared by his side?That way, he probably still doesn't remember anything, not even a short memory of this period of time.

At least, before he confessed, he had always felt very happy that he could stay by his side. ...Even, at the moment before he left, because he knew that he liked him too, he felt that he would be satisfied even if he died in the next second. ...Although it is very painful now, those happy memories are all real.

Moreover, he also met several new friends.

These memories...if he didn't have them, even if he is living a life without pain now...no, how could he not be in pain? Since he doesn't remember anything, he will still be as helpless as a lost person...

Hearing what he said, there was silence for a while, and then he said: "... Even if you lose your memory, your personality hasn't changed much. You think so, and you thought so before."

"How is it possible? If it was me before, I wouldn't know how to cook, let alone dessert! I have a different personality from 'him'..."

He didn't want to be like "he" because "he" chose to leave, but he didn't want to.He would let Meng Tian leave because he thought that this would make Meng Tian feel better. ... He didn't want to see him in such pain. He was a very gentle person, and it might be difficult for him to reject others.

"...You don't remember now, but you used to do it in private."

"……what……?"

Wang Ben was so shocked that he didn't know what to say. …What kind of person was my past self, and why did I make such a choice?He... wants to know.

"You are like a lost planet right now. You don't know where you came from or where you are going, but the trajectory of the planet can be calculated. As long as you find those existences that are pulling you, you can slowly groped."

"...Why do you like to use astronomy as an analogy?"

Thinking of Meng Tian's words at that time, he suddenly wanted to laugh. Could this be some strange coincidence?Because they all study medicine!

"You know the answer, you just forgot."

...so it has something to do with "him".

Then, Meng Tian is an existence that leads his life, which made him startled suddenly.

Is it because of "his" weird behavior?

In other words, there is another existence that makes "he" unable to break free, so "he" is... that's right, since you know that this relationship can't be realized, why don't you simply choose to marry someone else and completely cut off this thought ?Instead... in the way of "him", watching him silently from a distance he can't touch...

——Because "he" can't do it either.

There is no way to completely abandon this relationship and live for the family completely.Because of this, he who has lost his memory, and he who does not remember another important existence... cannot be regarded as a complete Wang Ben.

——That's why Meng Tian wanted to leave.

Even if such two people are together, the future is full of too many unstable factors.If the forgotten memory is restored, he doesn't know what kind of situation he will face. ...But because of this, he must now find another part of himself.

Only then can he make a choice that he will not regret.

"...do you know of 'my' other residences?"

Although he didn't have any expectations, Wang Ben still asked.

"know."

For a moment, he wondered if he had heard it wrong... Why would "his" father know about this place where "he" should have never told anyone?Suddenly he wanted to cry again.

He didn't understand many things correctly from the very beginning. ... "He" really hid his true self too deeply.

— just like his father.

That's why Meng Tian said "he" understood him later.

Of course they will understand, because they are real father and son.

"It's actually very close to where you live now. You open the door, walk through the middle road, and you're there."

——Isn't that... the next door?

"But before you go, you have to make up your mind. After you go in, you may have to say goodbye to your current self."

……he knows.

"I'm going."

Because he has to understand why.

"……I understand."

The father over there sighed softly again.For some reason, he felt that his father's usual expressionless appearance could appear in front of his eyes.

"……thanks."

After hesitating for a while, he still said so.

"...It's getting dark over there, so let's rest today."

"Ah."

After putting down the phone, Wang Ben wiped his face. The table was covered with mottled water stains. Just as he was about to get a rag to wipe it off, the doorbell suddenly rang.

On the screen is a man in a red windbreaker with neatly trimmed black hair.He seemed to have seen this person in the photo, but his memory was a little vague.

"Wang Ben, I am Zheng."

——It was his former roommate and a friend who had been in his class for many years.

Opening the door, he suddenly remembered that he was only wrapped in a bath towel, and hurried into the room to change.The hair is still half dry, there are many water stains on the floor, and the bathroom has not been cleaned yet...

When he came out after changing his clothes, Zheng was already sitting on the sofa.

"...It's rare to see you cry."

he said jokingly.

Wang Ben was embarrassed for a while. Although Zheng should have known "him" for a long time, Zheng was still a little strange to him now.So he felt a little embarrassed when he saw this side of himself.

"Don't be embarrassed." As if seeing through his thoughts, Zheng smiled, "When you turned around and left before, he cried much more fiercely."

Although Zheng's tone was very flat, Wang Ben could feel the blame in it, and he was indeed to be blamed.

"Forget it, that's not what I'm talking about." Zheng took out a leather envelope and put it on the coffee table, "He gave you this apartment."

"……I do not want."

He shook his head.

"...Since he wants to do this, don't think too much about it, just accept it."

Wang Ben laughed at himself.

"No... I can't accept it."

Zheng stared at him for a while, then frowned and said, "He also asked me to investigate your residence, but I still don't have any clues yet."

"……I already know."

"You remember?"

Wang Ben shook his head: "My father told me."

"... That's really strange. You certainly wouldn't tell him."

"He probably knew about it a long time ago. Although I don't remember letting him know."

Zheng patted him on the shoulder and said: "Since the matter is still like this, don't think too much about it....Although he must have cried again before leaving, after spending time with you, I can't say that he It's okay, it's better than before."

"...you know about us?"

Thinking of the letter saying that they are like brothers, Wang Ben is a little puzzled.

"Yes, I knew it from the beginning."

Wang Ben looked at him in surprise.

"...Although at first I thought he was interested in you first, but it doesn't seem to be the case. Probably when we didn't know each other, you paid a little attention to him....He will like you It's strange that you dote on him a little too much. So frankly speaking, I'm a little dissatisfied with you. Since you know you won't be with him, don't get so close to him, and let him fall into it as a result."

Wang Ben was shocked by Zheng Zheng's words. ... In this way, isn't "he" too much?

"If we are together...will it have a very bad impact on the family?"

"It's a lie to say that there is no. This kind of affection will definitely damage the family's reputation, but it won't cause too much damage. As long as you all leave the family, the damage can be minimized."

...That would not be an easy task, it would mean cutting ties with the family.

"Let's be clear first, he can bear this kind of consequences. ... However, I can't blame you for this. Because his family is different from ours. They used to be foreigners and they don't taboo about same-sex relationships. , but our family is much more conservative.... It’s not that there are no such people in private, but it’s impossible to put them on the table.”

"...In other words, the key is me..."

Wang Ben sighed. ...this may not be the real reason.Because this is something that has a solution.He thought, if it were him now, unless there was a real reason for his powerlessness, nothing could stop him from wanting to be with him.Since his father said that his personality has not changed, then... this is not a reason.

"... Can you understand his feelings for you now?"

"I think I might be able to....can choose to leave for me. He regards my affairs as more important than his own."

Zheng laughed, "Since you can understand, why did you treat him like that before you lost your memory?"

"Sorry, I...don't remember."

"You always want to pamper him uncontrollably, but you keep rejecting his wishes. It is your ambiguous attitude that hurts him the most. Either let him go, or stay with him. In the end, I thought you would make a decision, but in the end you just gave him a false hope. Can you really understand how depressed he has been in the past few years?... Every time I see him cry, I think, fortunately, he is still alive. I can cry. Otherwise, I will really send him to a nursing home to recuperate, do you understand?"

He couldn't answer.If it were him, he wouldn't want to be treated like this.In this way...they can't let go simply, and the result will only make life difficult for both of them. ...he could understand it, so he couldn't understand why "he" did what he did.

"...I'll make a decision when I think about everything."

Wang Ben clenched his fists, he couldn't wait for tomorrow, and now he wanted to know what his former self was thinking!

He strode to the door, opened it, and put on his shoes.

"Where are you going?"

Zheng asked a little puzzled.

"Go to my place and have a look."

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

"...It's cold outside, and you don't wear too much."

"No need to go out. . . . it's over there."

He turned sideways, the distance between the two doors was not far, and it took less than a minute to walk.

"You mean...?"

Zheng walked over with a look of surprise, and pointed to the door.

Wang Ben nodded.

"...I really don't understand you..."

Zheng shook his head.

Wang Ben smiled wryly, he didn't understand now.