[Comprehensive British and American] Bat Parenting Encyclopedia

excellent?In terms of mental health?

Jason didn't think that the guy in front of him, who smiled more "Superman" than Superman, was the real Superman-this must be some kind of Krypton high-tech robot from Krypton Orphans.

Not even Superman's silly son can smile so brightly.

Jason couldn't tell whether he was more confused or more troubled—so last time I was very un-"red hooded" and talked about so many parenting theories, and you Bruce Wayne really only extracted one "Skin-friendly touch"?

This year's adults are too difficult to bring.

However, after a short period of surprise, Jason found that this super nanny was actually the most rational choice in all aspects.

Outside of basic parenting functions:

1. Be able to keep the "night activities" of the Wayne house a secret.

2. Skin texture and body temperature can be faked.

3. No sleep, no rest, and even a spring-like smile.

It's a little better than Tony Stark's weird steel nanny anyway-that expressionless thin-eyed thing is easy to have nightmares if you look at it too much.

The red hood wants to help his red forehead - it seems that the Justice League needs a nanny man, wearing a cream yellow uniform, with a capital "N" printed on the chest for the nanny Nanny, knowing the identity of everyone in Zhenglian, whose family is born When the baby arrives, come to help and impart the most practical parenting experience.

In the Justice League of China on the other side of the ocean, China's "Superman" Kong Kenan later heard about Jason's great idea of ​​"Nanny Man", and expressed his agreement. No matter which country or city the hero is, it is necessary to balance vigilante activities and uniforms. Life is already very difficult, adding a new generation is indeed in great need of qualified, reliable and strict helpers.

But Kong Kenan said that this is not called nanny man. According to Chinese customs, the accurate name may be "Yuezi man".

Bruce raised his eyebrows when he knew about it, and said that if Supermanny's experiment at Wayne's house works well, the next step is to promote it like the entire Justice League—it's counted as employee benefits.

Completely solve the parenting problems of heroes.

As for whether it is necessary for this superman-like robot to wear an apron...

Damian said this is my bad taste, if you don't accept it, come and bite me.

Jason had already given up hope on the old guy's way of thinking. He looked at the "Superman" who was burping the baby after feeding the liquid milk. His gestures and expressions... were quite kind.

Tsk, Jason pouted, what was he worried about - how could this little guy be treated worse than him in childhood.

Even if the unkind old guy is not good to the baby - which is completely predictable, considering Jason's own personal experience, the old guy obviously can't be a qualified father - there is still Fu.Now she's accompanied by an artificially intelligent version of Superman.

He looked at the super nanny who was pushing the crib out of the kitchen—the baby fell asleep directly after feeding, and was still wrapped in swaddling clothes. From a distance, his face was a little pale—it seemed that the old guy’s Although the gene is not very good, it is strong enough, and now the outline of the baby's entire face looks more and more like the old guy and the devil boy.

——Just looking at it made Jason very regretful and aggrieved.

He took off his hood, and was about to tell the old guy who walked into the kitchen shortly after he had just returned from night patrol after receiving the surveillance signal that he had broken into the mansion——

The baby who hadn't slept well suddenly snorted a few times, and then burst into crying.

Startled both Bruce and Jason.

Ah—ah—ah, the more I cry, the worse it gets!

It was late at night, the night watch time had passed, and the mansion had just fallen asleep, so the baby's crying was even more miserable against the background of this silence...

There was already the sound of closing the door and footsteps upstairs, it should be Ah Fu.

But seeing the "super nanny" who was supposed to take care of the baby, she still pushed the car calmly, going farther and farther, without any response to the baby's crying.

Jason: "???"

He glared at Bruce who was in a daze, trotted a few steps, and stopped the super nanny.

"what happened?"

On the super nanny's face, which was exactly the same as Clark's, she still maintained a standard smile with eight teeth - not even a single angle changed.It stood still, accompanied by the crying of the baby (as if the crying was just soft music?), and respectfully answered the questions of the programmed human being who belonged to the category of "family".

"Change diapers at 4:00, eat at 4:20, at this time 4:30, the possibility of defecation has been ruled out, the baby's physiological needs have been fully met, and she does not have any observable discomfort. My answer is you? Satisfied, Mr. Jason Todd?"

No matter what high-tech and materials this bionic robot uses that are not available on earth, it is still a robot in the final analysis. It speaks calmly and mechanically. Although it has a "spring-like" smile, it can still be seen that it is free from human emotions. .

"Do you need to transport the baby to the Batcave medical room for a comprehensive physical examination, sir?" The robot maintained a friendly attitude of "at your command".

It is precisely this "spring-like" smile... Now that it looks more and more fake, I almost want Jason to punch it in the face.

Putting aside the practical question of whether Red Hood can fight a Kryptonian robot with bare hands, there is a baby here, and the baby's first impression of him must not be to fight!This will have childhood shadows, right?

Jason said that it took a lot of effort not to beat him.

Okay, this robot can't be counted on, can I do it myself?

It is common sense that a crying baby should of course be hugged.

Adhering to the spirit of common sense, Jason took a deep breath, with a solemn expression, and stretched out his hands towards the trolley bed——

But was stopped by this damn robot!

"I strongly recommend that you don't hold her, Mr. Jason Todd. Statistics show that in the United States, babies who die every year due to contact with relatives and friends are as high as three digits. Babies are exposed to a large number of germs. After comprehensive analysis of the data, your hug has a risk value of 75% and a possible benefit value of 25%."

Jason (outstretched hand froze in mid-air): "..."

The way this robot thinks...why is it so weird?

In the thinking logic of robots, the benefits of emotional bonds are invisible, intangible, and unquantifiable, which is very unscientific...but the risks are real data.

But unless you can protect your child in a sterile chamber, an overly clean environment will not be good for the baby if it lasts for a long time, and it will not be able to establish a normal intestinal flora—this is of course what Jason learned later.

"Then she's crying, don't you want to think of a way?!" Jason, who was bluffed by the "data" at this time, could only turn to question this self-righteous Superman nanny!

Since you said I can't hug, then you hug!Hug and coax her to see if she is still crying.

Surely you can't just take an X-ray in the Batcave just because you cried!There's also radiation!

At this time Bruce also followed, and Jason stared at him very wronged.Although he and Ah Fu didn't have much free time in the past few days, as long as someone could free their hands, they didn't miss holding the baby. Even Damian held him stiffly a few times—like holding a bomb.

The baby is now more than 20 days old-time flies so fast-he has been eating, eating and sleeping before, and there is no problem.Because of this, he once sighed, "Isn't it easy to carry a baby?"

As for Bruce's slow movement just now, it's because he doesn't know why the baby is crying - he certainly doesn't know as much as Supermanny, who has tens of thousands of parenting books built in.

Bruce looked down at the baby who was crying more and more miserably—two little hands had been pulled out of the swaddle, trembling unconsciously on both sides of his cheeks.The two eyes were squeezed into slits again, the small mouth was opened wide, crying very seriously...

This made him frown, and the baby's crying made him flustered.

There is a... growing feeling...

This is distressing?

"Fix this, Supermanny, keep her from crying," Bruce ordered the nanny.

The robot Clark continued to smile at the two of them foolishly, "Parenting big data shows that this is the normal crying period of newborns, called 'the period of purple crying' (the period of purple crying), and novice parents tend to be nervous about the baby's crying. Panicking, feeling overwhelmed with self-blame, and even shaking the baby-this will endanger the baby's life! I suggest to you two that if you can't hear this crying, please allow me to take the baby away-this is a combination of various The optimal measures analyzed by parenting books."

We didn't want to abuse the baby!What ghost books are built into your robot!

At this time, Ah Fu, who was already dressed at the speed of light, and Damian and Tim, who were wearing chicken nest heads, also rubbed their eyes and went downstairs to join the conversation.A group of people surrounded the crying baby and the robot that kept smiling calmly. The scene was very grand.

Despite the objections of the super nanny (“You don’t need to interfere with her crying, Mr. Bruce Wayne.”), Bruce insisted on picking up the baby—completely ignoring the spit of milk on his clean white shirt worth thousands of dollars.

("Spitting up is normal too, Mr. Bruce Wayne" - by Super Nanny.)

The anxious and busy look is neither very "Brucey" nor "Dark Knight" at all.

This expression made Jason a little... Touched?Maybe the old guy can still save his parent-child relationship?

Maybe...he doesn't think this child is troublesome?

Hmm... You can't just be fooled by the old guy's expression.It was too easy for him to be overwhelmed by the old guy's occasional charity care, Jason repeatedly warned himself that he was a bigboy, not this milk doll who would be brilliant just by hugging him.

This must be just a short-term freshness of the other party's old woman, um, it must be.

However, the little guy didn't give Gotham baby face, and still cried miserably.The whole mansion was filled with her crying "Wow-wa-wa-wah-" It was heartbreaking to watch.

It seems that her father's arms can't give her a sense of security?

"Tt—" Damian dismissed the so-called sense of security.

"The super nanny is right. When I was a child, my mother would not hug me when I cried, and I would not let the nanny hug me. Any nanny who secretly hugged me would be killed. My mother said that the most powerful heir cannot be weak!"

"Look at me, there is nothing wrong with it, and I am very good!"

Jason sneered, "Excellent? In terms of mental health?" This little devil is always so narcissistic!

Ignoring the bat cub who was jumping because of his sneer, Jason continued to turn his head, glared at the so-called Kryptonian artificial intelligence, and asked, "Is there no other reason?"

"Flatulence, 70% probability; colic, 50% probability; gastroesophageal reflux, 30% probability..."

"Otitis media 10%, neonatal pneumonia 10%, hypoplasia, organ lesions 15%..."

"Stop, stop!" Tim couldn't take it anymore, and the more he said it, the more scary he was. This super nanny is going to list all the possibilities?

"I just need the conclusion." Teen Tim, who was still in his pajamas, looked up at Supermanny sternly like a CEO ordering his subordinates.

"Until there is more data, no conclusions can be drawn, Mr. Tim Drake." Clark's Supermanny was still smiling...

How is this Kryptonian artificial intelligence...

Pretty artificial, but not smart at all.

The author has something to say:

*Kong Kenan: As the saying goes, sleep in January and cry in February...

Batman: Really?shivering.jpg

*Purple crying, this is what foreigners say, there is no such thing in China.

*The garbage author just learned that liquid milk does not need to be heated, especially in the United States, it is not heated at all... When I find time to go to the front to edit an article.In the future, the update time will be fixed at 18 o'clock, and the updates that are not generated at 18 o'clock will be repairs and bugs.