[Comprehensive British and American] Bat Parenting Encyclopedia

How to become a qualified Gotham person?

How to become a qualified Gotham person?

Of course, if you take such a question to the streets of Gotham to interview passers-by at random, what you will get will be waved hands that you can’t avoid, and you won’t bother to look at your eyes—this is the answer that qualified Gotham people will give you.

However, ignoring and distrusting reporters is not the first essence of "qualified Gotham people".

Calmness is the number one quality of being a Gotham citizen.

The so-called "Gotham-style calmness" means never making a fuss—it is the kind of calmness that never makes a fuss even if a clown dances ballet online.

Qualified Gotham people said that reading newspaper news every day is just boring. Why is there no big news in this city?

But this morning, when the unflappable Gothamites, as usual, opened the newspaper at breakfast time, shook the paper with one hand, and reached for the coffee with the other hand, took a sip, and glanced at the front page title……

Bruce Wayne Adopts Batman's Daughter! "

Wait... what?

No matter how calm Gotham people are, they will spray the coffee they just sipped on the newspaper!

A black question mark face was revealed almost at the same time——

Some took off their glasses, some put them on, and even some took off their glasses to wipe them and put them back on again!

What the hell?

No matter how surprised the people of Gotham City were when they heard the news, Wayne Mansion was still quiet and peaceful this morning.

This way of handling was determined by Bruce on the night when the baby was discovered. Considering the need to hire a nanny for the baby living in the mansion (it is absolutely impossible to keep the baby outside the mansion), Wayne Mansion created an extra baby out of thin air. , This is the news that no amount of non-disclosure agreement can be sealed. Instead of letting the paparazzi and troublemakers guess the baby's biological mother, and why it is rumored that Batman's child also appeared at about this time.

It might as well be outright—in his way.

He's an avowed Justice League patron, and it's understandable that he has a personal relationship with Batman -- and it's not the first time Bruce Wayne has had sex.

At this time, at the small table in the kitchen of the mansion, Dick, Tim and Damian are eating breakfast-waffles with syrup, toast baked in the toaster, and fried bacon, drinks There are orange juice and coffee, of course, are all Ah Fu's handicrafts.

While eating, Tim read the tome of parenting theory spread out at his hand, each of which was thick enough to smash people, and he also discussed with Dick, "The book says that babies who eat formula, poop and breastfed babies are not the same. Similarly, the stool consistency of a formula baby should not exceed peanut butter..."

And at this moment, Damian was spreading peanut butter on toast!

Well... he should still live in the Titan Tower!

Dick, Tim, and Damian had all returned to the mansion for the last few days, not for the money—it was a perk—but to lend a helping hand until Bruce got a qualified nanny.

Thanks to the omnipotent butler, Fu, the mansion has been able to switch freely and efficiently between the Wayne Corporation's official business during the day and the caped fighter's night activities.

But who would have thought that just one more baby who only sucks milk and can't walk or run would be so busy!

Raising a baby is actually more labor-intensive than maintaining law and order in Gotham!

what happened? !

So how do those mothers raise several children by themselves?

(Louis Lane said that this is of course because mothers are great! Hehe, men with fishy lips take women’s contribution as simple and as a matter of course, so hurry up and read my series of special reports on working mothers! It’s just... …soweak, with a reporter shake)

No matter what, someone has to stay at home to watch over the baby, changing diapers, feeding, and not sleeping well at night, the baby has to feed about every two hours...

Dick, who was on the night shift the night before, said he was going crazy after just one night.

You never know when your baby will wake up and cry, maybe just when you feel sleepy, this sense of unpredictability is more tiring than fighting crime!

He needs coffee/coffee/cause!

As soon as Ah Fu made breakfast, he went to take over from Dick and take care of the baby. The three children had never seen Ah Fu so busy.I was so busy that I didn't make any coffee. From the fact that each cup of coffee is different according to everyone's preferences, today I just boiled a pot of black coffee.

Dick, who doesn't like black coffee, is very depressed, but there is no milk on the table at this time, only a bottle of water milk that the baby just took a few sips from.

Although babies drink a lot, they can't drink much each time, and they always throw away more than they drink.

Dick Grayson, a good young man with a sense of saving, had an idea, shrugged, took the baby's milk without taking out the nipple, just shook it, and poured it into his coffee cup—right as a refill for his own coffee. Milk.

Damian, who had only been drinking black coffee all this time, frowned——

"Evil, disgusting, Grayson!"

Simply incomprehensible!

Damian, who had already been disgusted by peanut butter VS poop, once again suffered a severe blow to his appetite.

"What's wrong? It's not breast milk." Dick blinked innocently.

Tim is not used to drinking black coffee either, and it’s always nice to have some toppings. Dick’s wit made him nod in agreement, and pushed his coffee cup in Dick’s direction, “Great idea, give me some too "

Damian just wanted to have a good breakfast. Wayne swore he would never eat with these people again after the nanny came!

Bruce was catching up on sleep in the upstairs bedroom at this time-the Dark Knight from last night was still running for the security of Gotham.

He could sleep until 11 o'clock, but he was disturbed by a phone call.

His mobile phone is naturally turned off or muted at this time. Once the news of his adoption of the "Batman" daughter is reported, his phone will naturally be blown up, and these will naturally be handed over to Afu and Fox to deal with.

But the one that was ringing non-stop now was the landline in his bedroom in the mansion—a number that not many people knew.

Anyone who has this number and will call must have a special relationship with him and have urgent matters.

The call had to be answered, Bruce grunted a few times in annoyance, without opening his eyes, he reached the bedside table with his arm, and picked up the receiver——

An all-too-familiar voice, full of air and fast, yelled over.

"Bruce? Is that you?"

It turned out to be Tony Stark, an old family friend, aka high-profile superhero Iron Man.

He couldn't wait for Bruce to answer.

"Happy just saw something in the newspaper - well, there are not many truths in the newspaper, you know, of course I know too."

"But... this news is such a shock to me, I honestly wouldn't be more surprised that you surpassed me on the 'Sexiest Man List' than I am now..."

"So I have to ask, Bruce," Tony said, taking a deep breath, seeming to be gathering energy for his next outburst.

"Adopt Batman's daughter?! What do you think?! Why?! Are you a couple?"

"You and Batman are a couple, right? I always feel that there is something unusual between you. Simply calculate the money you invested in him and you will know. Think about the cost of the watchtower in the sky..."

Bruce, who hadn't had enough sleep, was almost overwhelmed by the speed of his speech.

Sighing inwardly, Bruce immediately switched to the tone of a cynical Wayne rich second generation——as an old family friend and his childhood friend, Tony still only knew his "day status" and didn't know what he and Batman were really like. It's the same person.

"Good morning to you too, Tony—" Bruce said lazily, and stretched his waist to be convincing, "God, what time is it now? Woke me up early in the morning, just to This matter..."

"By the way, I often pass you on 'Sexiest Man List', like last year... and 'Richest Man Who Sleeps With Most Models'? And..."

"Yes, yes, last year," Tony interrupted Bruce's idle words. Who would have thought that compared with Bruce, he would become the serious and calm one?The captain should have given Bruce a lecture lesson!

"Don't change the subject, Batman's Daughter?"

The richest man in Gotham yawned again, "He's giving up custody—obviously, that guy can't be a parent—and I think it would be nice to have a daughter, so we just hit it off..."

"Tony, instead of discussing with me here why you should adopt this little baby, you might as well fly to my house with your armor and bring me a pacifier. This is more pragmatic, and I need it urgently."