Find him in the crowd

Shen Yi is a considerate friend. He knows his family background but never talks about it. He only tries his best to help him when getting along. He never asks Xiang Sixi to participate in some gatherings that cost money.I often call him when I participate in public welfare activities.Helping children in orphanages, or elderly people in nursing homes, is sometimes an elegant gathering of experts in calligraphy and painting.Xiang Sixi usually served tea and poured water, followed Shen Yi to set up the venue, helped grind ink, and gained a lot of knowledge.Shen Yi also often gave him some gifts. If he knew he was learning the piano, he would give him strings, qin tassels and incense. If he knew he was practicing calligraphy, he would give him pens, ink, paper and inkstones. Every time he said, "It's worthless, it's just small things." Small things are real. Yes, worthless?Xiang Sixi didn't believe it.

It's not rude to come and go, and when she was with Shen Yi later, Xiang Sixi would buy a bunch of flowers on the side of the road and use them as flowers for Shen Yi, and the flowers were different every time.Shen Yi also really likes it, and never refuses his flowers.

Xiang Sixi is a columnist of a certain magazine. It is no secret at school. He often writes small articles for the school magazine, and often participates in volunteer activities inside and outside the school, which makes his title of "school grass" more talented and prestigious. The character bonus has caused him to receive several love letters recently.As the only bachelor in the dormitory at present, if there is a slight disturbance, the other three can make it look like it is real. If they have nothing to do, they will find him a girlfriend and help him get out of the singles as soon as possible.Xiang Sixi refused a lot, and someone persuaded him earnestly, "Don't set your sights too high", "There is no true love outside the society, love should be found on campus" or "You don't even like this, it's probably true. Only a celestial being is worthy of you" or something like that.He heard a lot, which made him a little bored.

When I saw He Fei, I couldn't help complaining to him, but I didn't expect He Fei to laugh and ask him, "What kind of girls are they, or I'll help you see."

"You'd better look at yourself in the mirror."

He Fei, "I won't tease you anymore. Let's practice the piano."

Seeing that the semester is coming to an end again.Xiang Sixi found time to ask Shen Yi to accompany him to buy a guqin.He won't buy it for fear of being cheated.Being cheated is not a big deal, but if He Fei doesn't use it well, it will be bad.

The two went around the piano store in a street, and finally returned empty-handed.Either it's not good, or it's too expensive, Shen Yi said, "Let's just make it."

Xiang Sixi asked, "How to do it? Will it be better than what I bought?"

Shen Yi "It may not be very good, but if it is tailor-made, all the conditions you need can be met, so you don't have to pick and choose for one or two dissatisfaction."

It was Shen Yi who picked and picked, Xiang Sixi didn't understand, but he thought it was good.

"There is no requirement, as long as the sound quality is good. But will the customized one be more expensive?"

Shen Yi: "Don't worry, I'll find someone to do it for you. It's guaranteed to be economical and affordable. But it may take a little longer."

Xiang Sixi didn't mind, "It's okay, good things are worth waiting for."

The winter vacation is approaching, and Xiang Sixi is catching the last train of the Spring Festival travel season to go home.Before that, he went back to the apartment where he used to live with An Mingye. He collected a second-hand notebook online, and returned the notebook that An Mingye gave him after some used it.The room is so dusty that I can write, so I cleaned it up by the way.When he went upstairs, the property gave him a Spring Festival couplet, which he pasted up.

Time is really good medicine. When I left here a year ago, I was full of resentment, but now I just look at the door and sigh with emotion.

You can't go back empty-handed after leaving the house.

Xiang Sixi packed the money from working during the winter vacation next to her body and squeezed onto the train home.An Mingye bought him a sleeper ticket to go home last year, but this year he was not so lucky. He bought a seat ticket himself, and he truly experienced some kind of luck.

There were too many people, and he forced himself to squeeze in front of his seat. The smoky gray coat was scratched somewhere—winter clothes are generally expensive, and he was reluctant to buy them. He was still wearing the few sets that An Mingye gave him last year, but he met When it comes to this, I just feel distressed.His seat was still occupied, and the man was sitting in his seat, taking off his heels and eating melon seeds opposite him.

"Hello, this is my seat, please let me go."

Hearing this, the man raised his head and glanced at Xiang Sixi, then moved to the side, but did not move away.The woman on the opposite side - probably his wife, smiled and said to Xiang Sixi, "Young man, we have a long way to go, and we haven't bought a seat ticket. Let's squeeze with you. You don't mind."

Xiang Sixi didn't say yes or no, just sat down in the vacant space, there was still a person lying on the luggage rack, there was no place to put the luggage, and the legs couldn't be straightened when it was placed by the feet.There were all kinds of strange smells all around, mixed with the smell of perfume on Xiang Sixi's body, after a while, noodles bubbled around again, the baby in the back seat was crying, and then there was another smell of milk, It made him dizzy.Probably because of the obvious disgust on his face, out of the corner of his eye he could see the man next to him glaring at him several times.Xiang Sixi thought that he probably couldn't bear it until tomorrow night, so he asked the flight attendant to make up a ticket, and spent the rest of the journey in the dining car.

In fact, what qualifications do you have to dislike?When he first entered the city, didn't the colleagues in the hotel dislike his strange smell?At that time, there was no running water pipe in his home, and he had to walk several miles to get water. He didn't have enough food, so there was no extra water for bathing.

Rubbing the money in the breast pocket of his shirt through his coat, he traveled for a winter vacation, and it was only 1000 yuan, which was just enough to buy a bottle of perfume.The bottle that An Mingye gave him is not much left, probably when he runs out and has no money to buy, then the smell on his body will not be able to cover up - the smell of poverty New Year's Eve, Xiang Si Xituo Get off the train with luggage.It was snowing heavily outside the station, but fortunately he had prepared a cotton coat this year—the down jacket issued by the school.The dark blue down jacket is wide and big, with the school’s badge and name embroidered with red thread on the chest. It is disliked by young college students because it is too rustic.However, this wide and wide set is just right outside the coat, which is windproof and warm, and it doesn't feel bad when it gets dirty.It's a pity that the snow was so thick that it turned into dirty water after it melted. It was still very depressing to step on his lambskin boots in the snow water with one deep foot and one shallow foot.

When we arrived in the town, we crowded the bus and wobbled for more than an hour before finally arriving in the village.This is the home, no matter how dilapidated and poor the home is, but he still has the magic power to sweep away the exhaustion of traveling outside.

The snow in the village was even thicker, and no one cleaned it. The trousers were all wet, and the boxes couldn't be dragged, so I carried them all the way home.As soon as he entered the door, his mother asked him to change his pants. After warming up on the hot kang for a while, his numb feet gradually regained consciousness.

"Mom, you take the money." Xiang Sixi took out the money she was holding in her arms and handed it to her mother.

The mother refused to accept, "You can't help at all when you go to school. When you really need money, how can you still ask for your money? You can spend it yourself."

"My board and lodging are all in school, and it doesn't cost much." This is almost a fixed line he goes home every year. "Just accept it. Tomorrow, I'll buy a fresh fish from Uncle Liu's house in the village, and you and my dad will also get some nutrition. Don't eat pickles at home all the time."

His mother insisted on refusing to accept it, but in the end it was his father who sent a message before accepting it.

During the New Year’s Eve dinner, the family ate dumplings around the kang and watched the Spring Festival Gala. It was still the old TV set, whistling and flickering with snowflakes.His parents were very happy, and gave him a big red envelope this year, which contained a few brand new zero tickets. Presumably, his parents didn't want to spend them, so they kept them for him.

As soon as twelve o'clock arrives, every household lights up and sets off firecrackers.No matter how good or bad this year is, everyone is immersed in a festive atmosphere at this moment.Xiang Sixi was probably also infected by this atmosphere. With the sound of crackling firecrackers, he said happy new year to his parents and "I love you."

That was the last peace of their family.

In the middle of the night, the snow stopped.

Xiang Sixi was woken up by the heat from the kang, and couldn't fall asleep for a while, so she dialed An Mingye's number on a whim.It rang a few times and it was actually connected!My heart suddenly raised to my throat.

"Who is it?" An unfamiliar female voice came from the other end of the phone.

Xiang Sixi tentatively asked, "Excuse me, is An Mingye there?"

"Who? Who are you looking for?"

"An Mingye."

"No such person, you made a mistake."

The phone hung up very simply.Xiang Sixi looked at the number and the name on the screen, and felt that those three characters became more and more unfamiliar.After a while, the delete key was pressed.

People with insomnia do weird things all the time.

After the fifth day of the lunar new year, young people in the village began to return to the city to work.Xiang Sixi bought a return ticket for the eighth day of the lunar new year, and she should leave after staying for two more days.

During lunch, my father suddenly mentioned Xiang Sixi's personal problems.Xiang Sixi was stunned for a moment, and it took a while to digest his father's question.

"I'm still in school, so I haven't thought about it."

"Going to school is going to school, and it doesn't delay marriage." My father said.

"marry?"

He thought his father was worried that he would delay his studies by falling in love at school, but he didn't expect to talk about marriage. "Are you kidding me?"

"You can't joke about the big things in your life." The father put down his chopsticks and said solemnly, "To tell you the truth, your mother and I married you. A girl from Majia Village is studying in a technical school in the county. She just graduated last year. , working as a teacher in a kindergarten in the county. If you two get married, after you graduate, his father can arrange a job for you in the county. "

The more Xiang Sixi listened, the more absurd he became, "I graduated from Yan University anyway, and I can't find a job in any city. Do I need someone to arrange it for me?"

"That's different. It will be arranged for you, but it's an iron rice bowl."

"So you plan to sell me to others for this 'iron rice bowl', so you still have to be a door-to-door son-in-law."

"Nonsense! You are the only one in our family, how can you be a door-to-door son-in-law. Besides, they don't need you to come to the door. You two just need to get married."

The more Xiang Sixi heard it, the more angry she became, "Why did you get married? Did you accept someone's dowry and couldn't get it back? You said nothing but marriage. I don't even know who she is, what she looks like, and what kind of marriage she is. Besides Well, I'm not yet of the legal age for marriage, so I can't get a certificate."

"What age is not age? Marriage in our village is based on age. According to our rules here, if there is a banquet, it is considered a marriage. For certificates, it is not too late to get them when you are old."

Of course he knew about the situation in the village.This is something he has always despised.It's just that he didn't expect that those labels that symbolized backwardness and poverty would still be attached to him.He always thought that his father had gone to university and seen the world, so he should be a thoughtful and educated person, but he didn't expect to talk to him about the feudal backwardness now.

Xiang Sixi didn't bother to argue anymore, and stood firm on her position. "I'm not tied."

The father was so angry that he could not speak. He slapped the table and winked at his mother.

"I've seen that girl before. She has big eyes, a round face, and she's beautiful. If the condition is not good, the girls don't like her. I let your Aunt Hua take your photo to say goodbye. They also like you. I just nodded. If you don’t want to, there are many people who are willing. After this village, there will be no such shop.”

Such a good girl, others can't find it even with a lantern, why can't my stupid son look down on her.

"After looking at the photo, you agree to marry me?" Xiang Sixi felt incredible.

"It's not about getting married right away. You two should talk about it first. We'll get married after you graduate."

"I go to school in the capital, and she works in the county. How can we talk about it after such a long distance?"

Xiang Sixi found all kinds of reasons to decline, but his father let go at that time, with some joy on his face.

"Let's set up a banquet in the village first, and settle this matter first. Later, let the girl go to the city with you. You go to school, and she works, just to share your burden, so that you don't have to go to school and earn money, too busy." Come on. It's definitely better to have a woman wash your clothes and cook for you than to live alone in the city."

Xiang Sixi was speechless, only shocked.My family is still struggling at the bottom, unable to get rid of poverty for a long time, but I have already tried every means to count other girls.It seems that in their eyes, feelings are unimportant, three views are unimportant, and even his wishes are unimportant. As long as the girl can "use", they should marry and go home first.

Such parents made him feel disgusting, unfamiliar, and afraid.

"How many gifts have you prepared?"

My mother said, "I discussed with your father to sell the land. I can exchange it for tens of thousands of yuan. If I borrow a little more, it should be almost enough."

Father said, "You don't need to worry about the bride price. Your mother and I will figure out a way."

"Borrow? Where do you borrow it? It's not like our family has never borrowed it. Has anyone borrowed it? You can't help me when I go to school, but you can do it if I get married. If I didn't insist on going to school at the beginning, I would rather work to earn money. Going to school, do you just give up and let me go to college?"

The mother didn't speak, but looked at his father for help.

"You have to go to school, and you have to get married."

"What are you worrying about? Can you also have some confidence in me? Maybe after I graduate and find a better girl in the city, his father can arrange me in the capital's 'iron rice bowl'. It's not like this How about a small town?"

These words seemed to poke his father's back, as if his bad things back then had been revealed again, fearing that his son would follow in his footsteps, "Don't you know how much our family weighs? Can you afford it? You set your mind on me. "

"Yes, as far as our family is concerned, I can be regarded as a phoenix man at best. Any girl with a little foresight in the city will look down on me. I just fool the girls in the small county." Xiang Sixi suddenly laughed " But, Dad, Mom, there are some things you can't mess with."

"There are a lot of girls who like me in school, and their families are much better. My classmates don't know that I am a child from the mountains. Do you know why?" Before his parents could react, Xiang Sixi continued, "Actually, I I didn’t earn my tuition fees by working part-time. They were paid by others. In addition to the tuition fees and books fees, he also paid for the accommodation fees. My luggage box, my clothes and shoes can be bought together. Because of this person, my classmates thought my parents were rich. He gave me these just because he likes me, and I like him too."

"That...that's pretty good, as long as you like it. But you can't spend other people's money like this." Mother said.

"You don't understand. Because there is no result between me and him, so he gave me so much, just to make it easier when he dumped me. Do you know why we have no result?" Xiang Si Xi looked at his father, feeling like a poisonous snake spitting out a message in his heart, and he couldn't be relieved until he took a bite, "Because we are all men."

The room was quiet, and no one spoke for a long time, only the firewood in the kang cave was burning, making a sudden and sharp sound of "bibo".The mother looked blankly, looked at Xiang Sixi, then at her husband.

"What did you say?" Father recalled, pointing at him with trembling fingers, "Say it again"

"I said—" Xiang Sixi looked into his father's eyes and said word by word, "I like men, but I might not be able to be hard on women. There is no way to get married."

Snapped!A loud slap was thrown on Xiang Sixi's face, his eyes were filled with stars, and there was a buzzing in his ears, which couldn't be slowed down for a while.

"Bastard!" Father limped and pulled out a wooden stick from the house—probably from some scrapped stool.He slapped Xiang Sixi's back mercilessly. "You're playing hooligans. You're a disgraceful thing! The Xiang family's face is ashamed of you!"

Although his father was old, he was strong enough to beat people.Xiang Si hoped not to hide, but let his father beat him.The stick hit him one after another, making muffled noises, which made his mother tremble with fear.Stopped his father's hand and said, "Go away, don't make your father angry. You will come back when his anger subsides."

"Whoever allows him to leave, he is not allowed to leave! I beat him to death today, and I will treat it as a clean-up. I never gave birth to his son!"

His mother's cries and his father's curses all turned into buzzing in his ears.The passers-by in the neighborhood around the door stretched out their ears to listen to the movement inside, and passed by pretending to be nonchalant when Xiang Sixi opened the door.

Xiang Sixi carried the box and went out, thinking at this moment that he might never come back again.

The biting cold wind blew on the face like a knife, and the tears froze into ice, and when I wiped it with my hand, it hurt.

I took the bus to the town and found a guest house to live in.After taking a shower at night, I found a bruise on my back from the beating.The roadside shops were not open for Chinese New Year, so I asked the man at the front desk to borrow a bottle of safflower oil, which smelled all over my body.Just fell asleep alive.

That night, he had many dreams. He dreamed that his classmates from the village came to see him off at the station, with longing and envious eyes.I dreamed that the teacher with pigtails was sitting on the steps playing the guitar and telling him stories about musicians and poets.He dreamed that he was tied up by his father and sent to the county town to get married. He couldn't break free from the rope, so he stumbled and ran, but the surrounding area was so brightly red that he couldn't even open his eyes.Suddenly he heard a clear sound of the piano, he got the guidance, ran towards the direction of the sound of the piano, and suddenly threw a chrysanthemum on his face.Shen Yi looked at him like an ant, and left without waiting for his explanation, refusing to take another look at him.

"Wake up."

Someone called him.

He realized it was a dream and struggled to wake up.

An Mingye sat on the bedside and watched him.

"Ming Ye."

"What happened." An Mingye looked at the bruise on his shoulder and asked with pity.Seeing that he didn't answer, she just shook her head and dropped a kiss on his shoulder.Still felt it was not enough, and went down all the way, kissed the shoulder blades, kissed the waist...

When I woke up in the morning, apart from the bruises on my back, my head also hurt, and it took me a while to realize where I was.With stuffy nose, burning throat, and self-stained pants, I just feel that everything is terrible.

I rested in the hostel for another two days, dragging my body with a bad cold and squeezed the return train back to the capital. School has not yet started, and the dormitory building is closed.Xiang Sixi counted the money left on his body - he could afford to live in the guest house in the town, but he couldn't afford to live in the capital's guest house.

Shen Yi was taken aback when he came to the teaching building of Yanda University to lead people.Xiang Sixi's face was flushed sickly, but his lips were bloodless, and his eyes were slack, so he hurriedly took him to the hospital.

When I woke up again, it was already the next morning.Shen Yi bought porridge to wake him up, but Xiang Sixi woke up from the smell.

"Thank you for troubling you again."

Shen Yi touched his forehead, the fever has subsided. "In the future, if you have something to tell me, don't just say it when you can't hold on. Fortunately, I will go quickly, otherwise I will have to collect your body."

"It's not that exaggerated."

Shen Yi slapped him on the shoulder.The bruise hadn't gone away for a few days, and when it was in pain, Xiang Sixi grinned in pain, "It hurts, hurts, hurts!"

"If you know it hurts, you will have a long memory. But what's going on with you, how can you live like this after going home for a new year?"

When Shen Yi asked such a question, Xiang Sixi burst into tears like a wronged child.While crying, he talked about what happened to him in the past few days.

It's just that when he cried, Shen Yi panicked.From the time he was young, he had only hated people, but never coaxed them.I didn't even bother to listen to what he said, and said, "Okay, okay, okay. I don't despise you."

After coaxing for a long time, Xiang Sixi still has no intention of accepting it.He also gave up, "Forget it, you can cry. After crying and sleeping, it's all over."