nowhere to be found

Walking out of this field is a funeral home.

He looked up and saw the raindrops.

It's finally raining.

I don't know if that person has gone back.

He paced slowly.

Now he felt that he was close to finding that person.

There is no basis, it just feels very close.

For some reason, the uneasiness dissipated a lot, and he began to try to recall the "important things" he had mentioned to Xun a few days ago.

It shouldn't be a matter of co-renting in the future, because he just thought that he was going to talk about it today.

"I······"

He made a sound involuntarily, trying to find a feeling.

Then he heard loud noises from the funeral home.

Standing at the top of the field and looking into the distance, he saw several cars driving to the entrance of the funeral parlor, many people got out of the cars, and flashing lights could be seen.

Did some famous person die?

He walked there with curiosity.

When he was about to reach the door, he saw a reporter with a microphone and a camera, and there were a few security guards around to maintain order.

But in fact, apart from the reporter's questioning and the sound of taking pictures, the other people present were extremely quiet.

He watched from a distance until the reporters suddenly dispersed.

It turned out to be the mayor.

The mayor walked into the hall with a serious face and a bouquet of white chrysanthemums, ignoring the reporters who surrounded him one by one.

After watching for a while, he planned to leave here.

But the moment he lifted his foot, he suddenly saw a familiar face in the crowd.

It was the flower shop owner, the nurse, his former classmates who had a good relationship, and many people he knew.

He approached the funeral home again in bewilderment.

Did someone he knew die?

"Today, we lost a young life, but his departure brought another new life, new hope..."

He walked into the hall, and what he saw was a mass of black heads inside, all sitting there quietly listening to the mayor standing on the stage to speak in mourning.

Maybe he was mourning the young man who saved and died, he guessed, and walked in lightly, not wanting to disturb others.

Maybe, Xun is here.

He habitually searched in the crowd.

Suddenly, in the crowd, he saw the back of the person he had been looking for.

The man had a straight back, neatly combed hair, and the peculiar twist on the back of his head was particularly conspicuous.

He happily wanted to call him.

Then he saw his parents and younger sister, sitting at the front facing everyone.

They looked sad, even distraught.

Of course, he also saw his black and white photo on that stage under his own name and banner.

He was taken aback.

The person who died today... was himself! ?

——Oh, what just happened in the morning, the graduate student who had just started working, ran to the middle of the road to save someone, and was smashed into two pieces.

——A child, he was really saved

---"teacher!!"

The ear-piercing rubbing sound of car brakes, the helpless cries of a child, and the sound of myself...before I died.

A huge memory like a data explosion drilled into his head.

He remembered.

Yes, he died.

It was crushed in half by that wheel.

And the rescued child was his student.

It was on the way to school, and the kid greeted him with a smile, and suddenly ran into the middle of the road to pick up dropped toy beads.

And the big truck at the intersection didn't have time to brake.

Then he didn't have time to fade his smile, and rushed forward instinctively.

The moment he was crushed, he didn't actually feel any pain.

By the time I died in the ambulance, the pain in my body had also faded due to fainting and loss of strength, and I couldn't feel it anymore.

What he really hurts is...

He remembered that he still had something to say to someone.

——"Don't give up, if your surgery is successful, I will tell you something very important, it's my 28th birthday..."——

He remembered why he beat someone in the library.

He remembered why he took the initiative to stay away from that person.

He remembered why he was always following that person's back.

He remembered the reason why the boyfriend left.

He remembered why he had to go to the hospital to see that person every day.

He remembered why he bought the flame lily today.

He remembered that when the operation was over tomorrow, he was going to tell Xun something.

He beat people that day because he heard those people scolding gay seekers to be damned, disgusting.

At that time, he took the initiative to stay away from Xun, because he felt that his love and greed were disgusting, humble, and unworthy.

That blue-eyed boyfriend who he considered irresponsible to Xun that day was driven away by him, and he paid for Xun's expenses in the hospital, and Xun's life was arranged by him.

No one knew, he kept it a secret.

He even forgot himself when he died.

The flame lily he bought today was actually for tomorrow.

Tomorrow, the day when Xun's operation is over, he wants to tell Xun with this bouquet of flowers.

He likes him, always has, always will.

Flame Lily - my love, my flame will always burn for you.

When did it start.

He actually always remembered.

When the man handed him the purple fruit candy, something had already planted the seed.

This humble seed only needs a little light from that person to germinate and grow.

Although he restrained himself repeatedly, he believed that he could step back.

However, he couldn't do it.

When Xun was outside, when Xun came back, when Xun fell down, he couldn't deceive himself to go away from Xun again.

He had originally decided that he would tell Xun tomorrow, tomorrow.

Whether he was rejected or looked down upon, he was willing to go all out.

If you don't say it, you won't be able to say it for the rest of your life.

But, it was too late, too late.

He hasn't told the man anything yet.

Tell him... I found out the hidden love for you again, would you like it?

He stood there, watching everyone get up one by one to lay flowers in front of them.

Xun sat there with his back straight.

He walked forward slowly, wanting to see Xun's expression.

He saw the familiar profile of that person.

On his pale but still handsome and resolute face, Xun's eyes were that sickly blue.But his eyes, which should be shining brightly, are now covered with bloodshot eyes, staring blankly at the front.

He squatted in front of Xun, but the man did not respond.

Can't find him.

"...Remember to go back later, you still have surgery." He tried to speak, even though the person couldn't hear him.

"It's raining outside, remember to take a taxi. Or just borrow an umbrella. Don't get caught in the rain. It's not good for your health, do you know that you still have surgery?"

He started chattering like an old lady, and he hadn't even talked to Xun like this before when he was alive.Because he is better at chattering in secret, accompanying Xun in secret, and taking care of Xun in secret.

"The operation will be successful, don't forget that you still have a good brain, cheer up, I know you can do it again."

"I told the owner of the florist, she should give you the flowers."

"Also, happy birthday."

He looked up at the man with blank eyes.

"Find someone in the future and live a good life. It's not good to be alone." He said with a wry smile.

"Don't be as irresponsible as the blue eyes last time, thank you." He said solemnly.

He didn't want to look at the expression on that person's face again.

He didn't understand why Xun was so sad, it was so sad that it gave him an illusion.He stood up and walked to the front of the stage, where his family sat.

He found that his parents' hair was gray again, and their red and swollen eyes were particularly dazzling in his eyes.

He remembered that he had an accident in the morning.

It was not easy for the parents to rush over from the next city.

The couple who were over half a century old rushed over but only saw their son's bloody and bloody scene. It was really, really not easy for a black-haired man to send a white-haired man.

He turned his head to look at his beautiful sister who was sitting by the wreath.

The girl in her early 20s had red eyes, but she just couldn't let the tears flow down.

He knew his sister was strong, or didn't like expressing her own grief.

"Remember to be nice to your parents, stop arguing with them, sit down and have a good talk."

He looked at his only beloved little sister with distress and helplessness.

"Don't refuse to listen to your partner's words immediately. You are too impatient and overdo things, so the two of you often quarrel."

"Don't be so tight on yourself, you need to relax."

He looked at his parents who kept wiping away their tears and snot, and his sister who was tightly hugging the frame with his photo, and couldn't say anything anymore.

"I'm sorry, I..." He tried to hug them, but walked right through.

He smiled bitterly in disappointment.

"I love you, don't be sad anymore, just live well."

He felt his nose sour, but there were no tears.

Standing silently, he turned his head and saw Xun walking to the stage to line up, holding a sudden flame lily in his hand.

It turned out to be the beginning of offering flowers.

He quietly watched the familiar or unfamiliar people come to the coffin and presented white chrysanthemums.

At last, it was found.

Xun Que greeted his parents briefly before walking onto the stage silently.

And he stood there, looking greedily at everything about that person, watching that person put orange flowers in that special coffin.

That flower is particularly conspicuous in a pile of white.

But then Xun stood in front of the coffin containing the urn and did not leave, as if he was thinking about something with his eyes closed.

Standing right next to him, so close that he could touch him.

"I'm really happy to meet you. Really, I'm sorry that I didn't have time to fulfill my promise." He turned his head and said to that person.

"I······"

"I am also very happy that I can fall in love with you. In fact, if possible, I can always be with you. No matter how well you live, I have decided to stand behind you and wait for you."

"When you need me." He said sadly these words that should have been told to that person long ago.

Suddenly, he saw a strange light appearing at the door.

It was a color he had never seen before. It was warmer and brighter than the sun, but it didn't hurt people's eyes at all. The light was soft like moonlight, with a magic power to attract people to enter.

Is that his home?

Looking at the light, he felt a little bit of relief, but more reluctance.

Xun beside him still had his eyes closed, and still didn't seem to want to leave.

"Sorry, I can't stay here any longer."

"Where am I going, don't you ask me. Don't think about coming to me..." He couldn't say anything.

But he obviously still has a lot of things he wants to tell that person.

The beam got bigger, got closer to him, and was about to engulf him.

He could only move forward involuntarily.

"I love you."

He spoke out, but he never got the answer he wanted to hear.

Before the beam of light, he took one last look at that person's side face, and looked at it seriously, just like when he was unconsciously staring at that person's face in class, he was as serious and focused.

Turn around and stop looking.

"Goodbye."

never see again.

When he entered that light beam, he felt that his consciousness began to blur.

Dimly, I heard a noisy voice behind me.

His right wrist was suddenly grabbed severely.

Looking back suddenly, he saw that person was holding his hand tightly, and the joy and gratitude on that person's face made his heart tremble.

"I, I finally found you." The man said so, even his deep magnetic voice seemed to be trembling.

He stared blankly at that person, looking at the same kind of greed in that person's eyes as his.

Before being completely submerged by the light beam, he embraced that person for the first and last time.

The rain outside was heavy, and it was the autumn rain that both of them loved.

The bouquet inside, dripping with dew.

The bunch of red flame lilies, in the middle of the white one, seemed to be burning brightly.

Burning, leaving only ashes, and the bright warmth that once was.

They were born on the same day, one in the morning and one in the evening.

It was an autumn rainy day.

I don't know if anyone will notice that they died on the same day, one in the morning and one in the evening.

I don't know if anyone realizes that they are both happy to know each other and be with each other......

fall in love.

What?homosexual?

Then you say, is that love between them?

Don't make excuses to deny it.

You are neither of them, nor can you decide any of them.

Shhh, don't disturb their own peace, and don't ask if they love after all.

That answer, you'll find nowhere.But they know it and can find it.

It's another day of autumn rain, but this autumn rain is extraordinarily warm...