life for the rest of life

"Cheng Fang, is this what you mean by loving me? Is this what you mean by forever?" An Xiaobei smiled ironically.

Just now on the way home from get off work, I received a call from a classmate asking how much money would be appropriate for Cheng Fang to get married. Only then did An Xiaobei know that Cheng Fang was actually going to get married.In the past month, Cheng Fang has rarely come back. He said he was going home to accompany his parents, but he just avoided him to prepare for the wedding.People who haven't experienced the so-called "boyfriend is getting married, and the bride is not me" will probably never know how ridiculous and sad it is.

"Fuck, I am willing to be crushed by you and called around every day by your 'wife, daughter-in-law', in the end it's just in exchange for your sneaky marriage. Cheng Fang, you're so damn kind!" An Xiaobei endured He couldn't help kicking the car hard, causing the car alarm to blare, and the security guard in the parking lot quickly appeared. An Xiaobei explained and apologized with a dark face, and then patiently drove the car home.

If Cheng Fang told An Xiaobei seriously that he no longer loves him and wants to break up, or that he can't go on anymore and wants to find a woman to marry and have children to live a normal life, An Xiaobei will be very sad and painful but Absolutely not so angry.After being together for 7 years, Cheng Fang still left in such a rude and stupid way in the end. An Xiaobei felt that he was a joke, but he was still worried these days.

Cheng Fang would go back to accompany his parents every once in a while. In recent years, the family has been urging marriage more urgently, and the work of appeasement has become more frequent and difficult than before.An Xiaobei understands very well, after all, not everyone can break with the family completely with a single stomp of his heart like An Xiaobei.Suddenly he remembered that when he left that year, his father smashed his favorite inkstone, pointed at An Xiaobei's background and shouted: "You don't want anything for him, and when he doesn't want you in the future, you will have nothing. Then don't get out!" Come back and cry!"

"It turns out that it's really 'not listening to the old man's words, you will suffer in front of your eyes'." When An Xiaobei thought this way, he had already spent 2 hours in the parking lot in the basement of the apartment, sitting in the car and pumping out a pack of camels that had just started. .Usually, An Xiaobei hardly smoked, but this pack was bought at the convenience store downstairs of the company just after answering the phone call. It was Cheng Fang's favorite cigarette.

But it was subconscious. When the clerk asked him what he wanted, An Xiaobei directly raised his finger.Although Cheng Fang seldom smokes, An Xiaobei has helped him buy cigarettes so many times over the years, it is too familiar and natural, just like how many times he helped Cheng Fang buy cigarettes in the past.

The car window was opened, but the basement was still very stuffy, the car was full of choking smoke, An Xiaobei suddenly burst into tears.Now, at this moment, at 2 o'clock in the morning, he missed Cheng Fang so much.Amid the smell of the cigarette that the man used to smoke, An Xiaobei couldn't stop crying.The familiar smell made his heart twitch and numb, so he didn't know if he was sad, but his tears were uncontrollable, and he accidentally betrayed An Xiaobei's helplessness.

In the month of going back, in order not to let Cheng Fang's parents have too much rejection, their phone calls and text messages were seldom.An Xiaobei also happened to be catching up with the deadline for a project, and worked overtime almost every day. When he got home, he struggled to take a shower and passed out before he even had time to blow his hair.Occasionally a rare phone call can't last more than 2 minutes, but Cheng Fang is always gentle and pampered, An Xiaobei just like this foolishly reassured in their house, fantasizing that maybe Cheng Fang's parents have been persuaded this time, next time The two of them can go back to see their parents together.

Although An Xiaobei broke with his parents in a cool way, he never thought that the process would be the same as himself.An Xiaobei admitted that a large part of his resoluteness when he left home was because he was sure that Cheng Fang's love for him was deep enough. He felt that he was not homeless, and Cheng Fang was his belonging.An Xiaobei no longer has any confidence. He inevitably thinks about the "seven-year itch", "likes the new and dislikes the old", and "women's bodies are softer". He even began to suspect that Cheng Fang might just be bent by himself. Now that he has broken free from that demonic relationship, he is going to go to the broad road recognized and blessed by the world, leaving An Xiaobei alone in this world without sunlight.

With a long sigh, he rubbed his dry face, got out of the car, An Xiaobei returned home, and got into bed without taking a shower.

This time he fell into a dark sleep, and it was already afternoon when he woke up. An Xiaobei looked at his phone, except that there were two phone calls from the company, and there was no news from Cheng Fang.An Xiaobei was still struggling in his heart, he was still waiting for Cheng Fang's explanation, hoping that Cheng Fang would tell him that all this was just a misunderstanding.But no, no phone calls, no text messages, and no news on WeChat or QQ.An Xiaobei went to take a shower, then ordered a takeaway, and then slowly called his colleague back.The project has completed a stage, and he can just rest for a few days now, and there is nothing important to do, so he hung up the phone after a few brief explanations.

Even in November in the south, it was already dark at 11 o'clock, and the room without lights was even more empty and quiet.This bustling southern seaside city is brightly lit, the lights are shining beyond the stars and the moon, and the street lamps even illuminate the sky, making it easy to see the clouds.However, An Xiaobei felt that loneliness was pinching his throat, making him unable to breathe, almost suffocating.Through the floor-to-ceiling windows with no curtains drawn, I saw the bustling city, but I never felt so deeply out of place for a moment.An Xiaobei clearly knows that he is just a hermit crab, and only when he shrinks in Cheng Fang's shell can he show his teeth and claws and act recklessly. Self-deception.

When the takeaway boy eagerly rang the doorbell, An Xiaobei suddenly woke up, turned on the light and took the takeaway. He was so hungry that his stomach hurt, but he couldn't eat at all.

"An Xiaobei, wouldn't you be able to eat without Cheng Fang?" An Xiaobei stuffed the rice into his mouth so hard that he almost choked on himself.

Then tears fell without warning, An Xiaobei ignored it and continued to stuff rice into his mouth.He obviously chose his favorite dish, but in the end he just ate up the rice with his own tears, without taking a bite of the dish.An Xiaobei never knew that he loves to cry so much. He didn't cry when his father told him to get out, and he didn't cry when his mother passed away and he didn't see her for the last time, and he couldn't even attend the funeral. again and again.

"An Xiaobei, you're really crazy." An Xiaobei threw away the trash and went to take a shower, yelling loudly at the man in the mirror in the bathroom.

"Yeah, I've been in trouble for a long time. I've been in trouble for 10 years." An Xiaobei said to himself in his heart.