Nowhere to be found, only the heart of a young man

He was wearing a small padded jacket to resist the severe cold in the south when the early winter came.

Different from the harsh and severe cold in the north, the winter in the south not only comes later, but also is more humid and cold.The moment he walked out of the classroom, a chill rushed over his face, giving him a shiver all over his body.

He hurried to the teacher's office building, and when he left the room, he was no longer exhausted, dizzy and dizzy because of the people staying in the room for a long time. He couldn't help shivering again. .He stopped, adjusted the shoulder strap of the schoolbag that was about to slip off his shoulders, and wrapped the thin jacket tightly around his body by the way, so as to continue to move forward with his head bowed.

At noon, when the sun was shining brightly and the sun was shining brightly, I accidentally ran into Teacher Yang in front of the teaching building.She patted her forehead as if she suddenly remembered something, and said seemingly inadvertently, "Who, just met you, remember to come to my office during the self-study class, I have something to ask you."

He replied in surprise—"Okay". Seeing the teacher turning around quickly and then leaving abruptly, he realized that the matter was not accidental, and he couldn't help but feel a little flustered in his heart.

Relying on the various experiences he had accumulated on campus in the past seven or eight years, he was asked to talk to the teacher's office. According to his usual behavior, it was naturally more or less ominous.

It's just that he couldn't figure it out. His recent performance was pretty good. He seldom fought, got along well with his classmates, occasionally raised his hand to speak in class, and his grades were steadily improving. What else could the teacher talk to him about.

When he can't figure it out, he will be inexplicably annoyed, why there are always people around him who don't like him from time to time.Could it be that he is too tall and prominent?Destroyed the seemingly harmonious and peaceful life of the people around him.He has tried his best to suppress his personality and obey the so-called rules, systems, regulations and guidelines.Is it still not working?What exactly does it take to be perfect?

But is there really anything perfect in this world?

Is there any outside world?He doesn't know it, but he has it in his heart.

Just like his childhood idol, Sun Wukong in "Journey to the West" has a clear love and hatred, a wise mind that understands the world and a rebellious spirit that dares to fight. In his heart, this is perfection.

Just like my outstanding uncle, he has profound knowledge, extraordinary courage and a mind that dares to bear.Being able to serve as a senior general of the Kuomintang during the war years, but when the liberation period is approaching, he can distinguish right from wrong, understand righteousness, give up small profits, stay in Nanjing, take care of his brothers and sisters, and support his elderly parents. This is perfection.

They are all heroes in his heart, his envy, his admiration, and the kind of people he always wants to be in his dreams.

However, when he tried to get close to them with his own efforts, he found that the real world was almost completely different from his imagination.

He studies hard, hangs up books, covers a wide range of subjects, learns from others' strong points, and absorbs everything, but in the end he finds that in the eyes of his parents, he is still not as popular as his sister who has excellent test scores and always ranks at the top of the class.

He has a clear distinction between grievances and resentments, hates evil like hatred, pursues righteousness beyond the sky, and believes that love is priceless.When his friends encountered injustice, he always raised his thin shoulders and stretched out his slender arms to show their anger for them.Unexpectedly, it was full of severe criticism from the teachers and all kinds of grievances from the parents.

The sentence "It's always wrong to hit someone!" negated him to nothing, and made him completely unable to find a trace of self-confidence, and fell into confusion unconsciously.

Later on, he didn't bother to think about anything, and everything was done according to his own temper.He has a rough voice when he speaks, and he walks vigorously.Study hard when you want to learn, and play happily when you want to play.Laugh freely when you are happy, and shake your fist when you are unhappy, just live freely and freely like this.In the end, I didn't feel like an idol in my heart. I just felt that the more I lived, the more I looked like Lu Zhishen, the straightforward, rough, straightforward and heroic "Hua Monk" in "Water Margin".

What he didn't expect was that, with such a rebellious life, he actually became famous in his own small circle.

In the previous school, if students were bullied and unfair, they would only ask him for help.But he didn't bother to just help, if he wanted to fight, he would lead the fight until those opponents bowed their heads and surrendered.

When the people around him were busy reading, he kept inviting invitations, fighting one after another, honing his kung fu, growing a thick body, and giving birth to a stubborn character.

So the teacher began to be afraid of him, and kept talking to him and asking his parents to talk.

His parents are also getting more and more headaches for him, and they exhaust their patience to comfort him in every possible way.But he ignored it and let it be, until he finally broke through the bottom line of his elders.So, they forgot the so-called "beating is always wrong" in their mouths, and started to fight him.

When he reached the age of first love, many girls from the same class or other classes handed him love letters, and they were moved by his domineering ability to bring them a full sense of security.

When he has nothing to do, he will pick up the envelope in the drawer, glance at it, smile a few times in his heart, and then put it aside nonchalantly.

Maybe it's because he thinks the girls' chattering and shyness are very troublesome, or maybe he hasn't met the one he likes yet.

Slowly, out of curiosity, he secretly tried smoking and drinking which was strictly prohibited by adults.When the strong smell rushed into his nostrils and flowed into his throat, he would feel a strange stimulation all over his body, but he lowered his head and said nothing.

When the little friends around him start to get together more and more, he will also be smug.Surrounded by friends, he feels like the king of wolves.However, in the eyes of parents, those who have poor academic performance are all low-ranking friends.On the contrary, his parents are eager to stop their communication, and feel helpless and distressed because of his categorical refusal, so that in the end, they will show contempt and disgust to most people around him.

All the unhappiness in life, he chooses to turn a blind eye and turn a deaf ear to it.

Until one day, she accidentally broke into his world and fell into his eyes. The moment the girl offered to give up her seat, he found that he couldn't be indifferent to her.

It turned out that he was already physically and mentally exhausted, and the girl's unintentional concern reminded him of the infinite love his grandparents had for him when he was a child, and gradually warmed his heart that had been cold for many years.

Later, this short meeting became a lingering consolation in his heart.When he was sad, he would take it out of his heart and use it to comfort and heal while licking the wound quietly.

His parents have long been worried about his rebelliousness.After countless nights of tossing and turning, it was finally decided to transfer him.They hoped that the new environment would make him, who is unconstrained and uninhibited, turn over a new leaf and no longer be obsessed with obsession.However, to their surprise, this time, he readily agreed to their request without any resistance, and completely complied with it.

At the moment of compromise, he finally saw his own heart clearly.

The pure heart that was strangled by the cold reality is gone, replaced by a mechanically numb thing, like a blunt iron mound, a frozen stone, helpless and painful.

One day, he accidentally passed her in his heart on the new campus, and he couldn't help being surprised to meet her again.When they learned that the two were classmates, they couldn't help being overjoyed and excited.

For the first time in these years of ignorance, he felt God's kindness to him.

Shan is just like her, so excellent and beautiful that he feels that he can't catch up with him, and he can only be left behind.

Even though she looked so small standing beside him, she could always warm his weak and compassionate heart.

So, because of this little warmth, he wants to settle down; because of this little warmth, he wants to study hard and strive to be perfect.Because of this little warmth, he had a shelter and a support from now on.

After going around in a big circle, I finally returned to my original intention. It turns out that the unpredictability of this world is full of such irony.

Step by step, he walked steadily on the aisle between the teaching building and the teacher building, feeling the chill all over his body.That aisle is the only way to the head teacher's office.After thinking for a long time, he was sure that his choice followed his heart, he was worthy of himself, and he didn't need to reflect on anything, so he went calmly.

"Boom...boom...boom..."

Standing at the closed entrance of the office, he stretched out his hand and knocked cautiously on the door.

"Come in!"

From the gap in the wooden door, a strange voice floated out.

He tried to push the handle of the door, and at the same time, someone inside opened the door for him.

"Which one are you looking for?"

The one who asked him was a young male teacher who looked him up and down with strange eyes.

"Teacher, I'm He Li from class two (three) of junior high school. Teacher Yang asked me to come and find her."

He answered obediently.

"Oh, you're Heli, come in. Teacher Yang's desk is inside. She's gone out, and she'll be back in a while. You can wait."

He replied "OK", then quieted down and kept silent, wondering how this strange male teacher would know his name.

This is a large open office.In order to save space, dark brown wooden desks are arranged in pairs, and teachers usually sit facing each other.There is no partition at the junction of the two desks, but the office area of ​​each teacher is simply divided by the piles of books, test papers, homework books, pen holders, and messy newspapers on the desks.

In the room, one-third of the teachers stayed behind and buried their heads at their desks.Among them, two or three teachers put their heads together and discussed something in a low voice.There are also individual teachers who are seriously reprimanding the students standing in front of them.

Seeing those companions who had no choice but to bow their heads and did not dare to make a sound, he guessed that his upcoming fate would be nothing more than this, and suddenly felt a compassionate heart.So, I stood in front of Teacher Yang's desk a little discouraged, staring at the test papers and homework on that table in a daze.

"He Li, why are you standing up? Come on, find a place to sit down!"

The head teacher's familiar voice rang in his ears.He regained his composure and found that Teacher Yang had already walked in front of him, and was moving an empty chair behind the desk next to him with his hand to use it as a seat for him.

"Thank you teacher, I'll do it myself."

After finishing speaking, he generously took the wooden armchair without left and right armrests from the class teacher, and put it behind him.After the teacher sat back on his chair, he then sat down obediently.

"I came to you today mainly to talk about your recent study."

The class teacher started with such an unavoidable reason for the students.

"How should I put it? Holly, your performance recently has been pretty good."

Hearing this, his nervous heart relaxed a lot, and at the same time, he tried to squeeze out a smiling face to express his gratitude to the teacher for his approval.However, in the end, he chose to listen in silence, thinking that it seemed safer and safer.

"You see, your grades have improved. In the mid-term exam not long ago, you were ranked No. 20 in the class. This is already very good. Compared with your previous grades in other schools, this is a big improvement. progress. Before calling you here, I have talked with your parents about your study situation, and they are very happy with your current performance."

"In addition, I heard from Teacher Liu that you are good at English. In this regard, you are better than other children, and you are also very interested in learning it well. I know that your sister is responsible for this. So, I hope you Can you not be arrogant or impetuous, continue to maintain this state, and learn from your sister."

He nodded in agreement.Still choose to listen obediently, without saying a word.

"The most commendable thing is that your temper and heart have changed a lot. There are fewer fights, and you get along well with your classmates. This kind of change is what your parents and I hope to see most."

"Of course, there was your impulsive side and accidents in the last sports meeting. I can't completely blame you. Even so, you were able to calm down the next day and work hard to earn honors for the class. For this, I It should be commended, very good!"

"Hey, look. You are a good boy, you can behave well as long as you want, so have confidence in yourself!"

"Look, Zhang Yueyue, Xu Shuting, and Lin Niannan in the class are all excellent students. They study well, behave positively, and develop morally, intellectually and physically. You have to work hard to get closer to them and become even better students."

He was a little puzzled, and scratched his forehead with his fingers that had just warmed up in the room.He looked up suspiciously at the head teacher who was talking non-stop: Could it be that Teacher Yang asked him to come here today just to praise himself?

This made him who had heard a lot of criticism and negation before, and some monks of Zhang Er were confused and not used to it.

"However, I often hear my classmates say that you are very close to some girls, and your relationship is particularly good. It seems that you are still friends. I wonder if there is such a thing?"

Hearing this question, he couldn't help but sink.

Come on, look!He felt that he just couldn't escape the curse of "spreading bad things for thousands of miles", and as expected, bad luck came as promised.

Ugh……

Suddenly, after staying in this small space full of crude desks and piles of examination papers, books and homework for a long time, he felt a little disgusted.

The rather unexpected compliments he just received from others suddenly became extremely cheap.He turned his head to one side, pursed his lips tightly, and didn't want to look at the head teacher again.He didn't understand, since the other party wanted to know this, why didn't they ask directly instead of beating around the bush.

According to his personality, he prefers to be straightforward like a real man, just to have a good time.

The class teacher was keenly aware of his emotional change.However, she endured and did not speak, waiting for him to give an answer.

If it was in the previous school, he would answer "yes" in a fit of anger, throw out his own answer, and then let the teacher punish him casually.But today, the word that came to his lips, calmed down, he gritted his teeth and swallowed it back.

If the answer is "yes", then it is confirmed that you are in puppy love.

In the eyes of the elders: puppy love, for teenagers, is a terrible word with derogatory connotations.It means being young and reckless, doing things that shouldn't be done.In the eyes of adults, love has an age limit.If you are under the prescribed age, not in the set place, and not in love with the right person, that is rebellion, disobedience, and transgression.

In his eyes, Lin Weinan's pitiful and small appearance appeared in an instant.

Deep down in his heart, he never thought about whether this relationship was a puppy love, but it was undeniable that he had a crush on her.Later, because of the long-term companionship between the two, this kind of affection breeds a deep care and attachment, just like two travelers cuddling each other for warmth in the ice and snow, giving each other and relying on each other.

He can be fearless by himself, but if she is involved, the person he cares about the most, he will have to be shaken.

In his mind, she was always so small, with a heart that pursued beauty and excellence, but looked fragile and helpless.So, no matter what, he can't allow others to hurt her for his own sake.

"No, there is no such thing."

He lowered his head and forced out a sentence, which was the answer he finally gave.

"is it?"

The head teacher seemed unwilling.

"Then someone said that they saw you coming home from school together, and the two of you were feeding each other intimately on the way. What's going on?"

The abrupt question made him suddenly become angry from embarrassment.He knew the truth, but he just didn't understand why simple things would be said so embarrassingly.

He didn't answer, but subconsciously clenched his fist with his right hand in the pocket of his padded jacket.

"Harry, listen to me,"

Seeing that the atmosphere became awkward, the head teacher continued to speak, trying to ease it up.

"It's normal for classmates to show friendship to each other. Besides, you are in adolescence, and you are a little bit cautious. As teachers and parents, we can understand it."

"But today, now that we've spoken, I don't want to make any more detours. Let's be straightforward, you and Lin Whispering are both good boys. You know that Wing Whispering's academic performance has always been excellent. You're not bad, if you put your mind to it In terms of study, keep it simple, and both of you will have a very good future in the future."

"Besides, it's not a day or two since I observed the difference between the two of you. In the last midterm exam, she was seventh in the class, and you were twenty in the class. You are improving, but she is regressing. Since then, I started to worry. A child who was ranked first or second in the class every year suddenly fell to No.7 in the class, and couldn’t even get into the top five in the class. Now it’s just in time for the school to divide the fast and slow classes. Go on, what do you want her to do in the future?"

The head teacher is on the verge of firing.

"Teacher, you mean that I dragged Lin Weihua down, right?"

The other party's long monologue suddenly made him so frustrated that he lost his confidence.

"It's not that it's a drag. Didn't I just say that you both put your mind on your studies, go hand in hand, and chase after each other. Isn't it better?"

The head teacher couldn't restrain himself and started to get a little excited.

"But No. 7, isn't he also eligible to enter the fast class? Besides, whether a person is good or not, does it have to be measured by test scores and rankings?"

He was also annoyed, unwilling to control himself anymore.

"Oh, I said Heli, Heli, why can't I explain it to you. No.7 can be assigned to the fast class, but if Lin Weihua can always keep the first place, she may be sent to a key high school in the future Yes! Besides, if you can enter the top [-], you may be assigned to the fast class! Why can't you figure it out, insist on going your own way to destroy yourself, and end up with an innocent classmate Woolen cloth!"

He had nothing to say, because the last sentence hit him sorely.

"Son, the teacher is telling you the truth. Puppy love doesn't have good results, and there are not many successes in the future. Instead of wasting time on this, it's better to spend some time loving your parents and your family Between classmates, it is enough to care about it normally. Don't cross the line! What, if you do cross the line, it will be bad for you and others, do you understand?"

He stopped talking, and the other party saw the situation and began to pursue the victory.

"He Li, listen to the teacher. The teacher can understand your feelings. Young people, they have reached the age of cardamom, and they have also reached the age of being easily tempted. Love is very complicated. It is useless to just have a good impression and eagerness. Even if you retire ten thousand Step, you two can persist until many years later, you can become a couple, but now you haven't studied hard, and you can't find a good job in the future, how do you live? What do you use to support your beloved?"

The last sentence completely branded a mark on his heart, just like the wax used on ancient European envelopes, the melted red paste completely stuck to his heart after cooling.

Suddenly, he raised his head, stared coldly at the head teacher's face with his eyes, and said harsh words out of his mouth.

"Teacher Yang, let me repeat, there has never been any premature love. Even if there is, it is only my unrequited love, and it has nothing to do with her... or Lin Ruan. It didn't happen before! It doesn't happen now! It won't happen in the future. !"

For a moment, the other party was shocked by his torch-like gaze.The teacher in charge calmed down and said soothing words.

"Okay, okay, kid! The teacher is waiting for you. The promise you gave the teacher, the teacher will remember it in his heart. You are a good boy with worries, and the teacher believes that you will keep your promise."

He glanced at each other with unbearable eyes.

"He Li, remember, the teacher will always believe in you just like your parents, and you will definitely become a good student that the teacher can be proud of in the future."

This is the compliment added by the head teacher.

In the end, he was completely silent, and his right hand tightly clenched in his pocket loosened weakly.In the past few months, it was hard to build up an eager expectation for the future, but it was ruthlessly crushed by the cold words of the head teacher.He felt the hot air accumulated in his chest slowly dissipate, leaving only a cold stone still beating mechanically.

He couldn't remember how he got out of the teacher's office.I just remember that when he walked out of the room with his schoolbag on his back, the young teacher who opened the door for him earlier gave him a strange look.He didn't remember how to say goodbye to the class teacher. Anyway, it's no wonder, they were all polite words, and he didn't care.He just carried his schoolbag on one shoulder, walked recklessly from the heated room back to the cold outside, regardless of his left and right sides.

After walking out of the teacher's building, I happened to meet the school bell ringing after school.When he walked out of the gate of the campus like a walking corpse, he happened to see Lin Weiya, who was wearing conspicuous red clothes not far ahead, going home with a group of girls.He stared blankly at her for a few times, but still walked forward in a daze, and finally failed to catch up with her as usual.