Suicide

My name is Zhang Xiaoyu, I am not a person with expressive expressions, and I speak few words. When Tang Xiyue said this to the teacher in class, my heart was surging and my face was calm.Yes, I am a cold person.What good is it to have enthusiasm, to melt humble origins?Can it be exchanged for equal love and affection?I don't need such a thing as enthusiasm.

Of course, as hard as ice, I have never had love, just like I have never had family affection, I don't really care!I planned three things in my life early on. The first thing is to finish college, the second thing is to wander around the world, and the third thing is temporarily missing.There is no special meaning in doing these things, just to pass the time.Maybe this is my life!What can I do if I am not willing, birth determines everything, some people are doomed to tragedy, but I still want to compose a song of joy to mourn, even if I sacrifice my life because of it, I don’t care.

I especially hate people staring at me with probing eyes. That feeling reminds me of Zhang Guangji's sharp gaze. I don't have the courage to fight back. I can only silently hate this father who is not a father with a gloomy heart.This No. 20 years, there is a person looking at me with complicated eyes, hum!It's nothing more than interest in my story, otherwise what would I focus on?People's hearts are always like this.

The afternoon class was finally over, and I carried my schoolbag and walked out of the classroom with my usual lazy pace.On the way back from the classroom to the dormitory, there is a scenery that I like the most. It is not an unforgettable scenery, but it has the same solitude and tranquility as me, but in my opinion, this scenery is mine. My best friend, I am full of sad old stories, and I always tell it. It is also a good partner who can keep secrets. It is different from those human beings who always dig out other people's pain with full curiosity to satisfy themselves. Perverted eccentricity, so I put complete trust in it, you know, I have never trusted anyone!But inexplicably told all the old stories to it.

The air is really suffocating recently!I always have a vague feeling that someone is spying on me. That kind of feeling is very uncomfortable, but you can't escape, and you can't look at it, so you can only pretend to be silent and ignorant. It uses a kind of evasive eyes to delay you.It can be said frankly that I am not afraid of the naked watching eyes of boys, because I understand the sinful meaning contained in their eyes.For no reason, I have an innate fear of this kind of eyes with unclear purpose, it reminds me of a past event of mine.I'm scared.

Yes, I have more than a little neurasthenia, and unless I automatically ignore everything about other people, even the slightest breeze can stir up a storm in my peaceful heart.

This look lasted for almost a month, and I could only carry it with fear and anxiety for a month.I feel bored every day, so I have to go to my private room to express my emotions quietly every day.As soon as I close my eyes, my head will automatically play those long-forgotten past events, over and over again, until I have a splitting headache and tears streaming down my face, all of which come from the eye that exhausted me physically and mentally.I suddenly opened my eyes full of revenge, and wiped away the tears all over my face with a grinning grin.I am also afraid of doing something irreversible, but the gun is already on fire, who can stop this explosion in advance?

I hid behind the wall protected by the dark curtain, watching Tang Xiyue being harassed by boredom, seeing her jumping up and down in the dim light to avoid it, I suddenly felt the pleasure of revenge; listening to her panicked cry for help, I actually vented all the resentment I had accumulated over the past month.God knows what torture I suffered because of her eyes, that inexplicable sense of oppression almost drove me crazy.This scene was a bit unexpected. When I looked sideways and looked again, I found those dirty movements of tearing and peeling. My heart trembled suddenly. What a familiar scene!Unexpectedly, many years later, I would self-direct a bad play that I hated the most many years ago.I shot like an arrow, but because I was too excited, I couldn't say anything, so I had to rely on the instinct of a girl, let out a howl full of sorrow from my throat, and then collapsed on the ground, like a rotten loach , extremely cowardly!Maybe it was because my appearance was too frightening or because of other reasons, but those men ran away in despair.

Someone was calling me in the dimness, and I really wanted to just let myself lie on this deserted street, ignoring everything.

"Zhang Xiaoyu"! "Zhang Xiaoyu"!you wake up!Wake up!

I slowly opened my eyes, only to find that the face in front of me surprised me a bit. No matter from which angle I looked at this face, it was so resembling a person—Zhan Zhiling—my mother, I couldn't help calling "Mom", and I regretted it as soon as I said it.

"Do you miss your mother very much"?Tang Xiyue asked with some embarrassment.

"Why are you asking this? Are you curious about me?" I stood up unsteadily, and asked while dusting off my clothes.

"Don't think about it, I'm just asking casually, and I don't have any other intentions."

"That's good", I lifted my legs and was about to leave.

"Hey! Can you take me with you? My clothes are all torn. My parents will definitely ask and worry when I go home like this. I don't want to make them sad."

"Then why did you go home at this time? Since you are afraid that they will be worried and sad, why didn't you choose to go back earlier?" I turned around and looked at her.

I was stunned!Tang Xiyue's clothes can no longer be called clothes, there are only a few pieces of rags hanging on her body, and there are not only tears and perhaps ashes left on her face.It made me sad, but it also made me happy.

"Then come and go to my place together, we can call back," I waved feebly.

The time in the car was boring and long, I could only keep looking at the watch and urging the driver, but what I got was the driver's indifference!So when I got out of the car, I deliberately doubled my strength to close the door, which caused the driver to curse, but it must have happened after I walked away.

The author has something to say:

I planned to write more than [-] words, but for the sake of chapters, forget it!Hope to correct criticism.The theme is still long, stick to it!Friends, this is a literary work written with painstaking efforts.