Suicide

In the dream, seeing myself crying while hugging Xiyue's corpse, I suddenly felt my heart was congested, my eyes were blind and my ears were deaf.After waking up, I touched my face, the tears were still warm, and I touched my stagnant heart again, I couldn't help crying again.How I wish I could die just like this, crying and crying. I don’t have to bother to find a cliff to commit suicide, and I don’t have to find a hemp rope to end my sorrow.

Yes, as you can see, I'm a 30 year old woman with no life.You may ask, how can a 30-year-old be called an old lady?However, I can no longer be called young, neither in terms of body nor age.But if Tang Xiyue is still alive, I am willing to let her call me "Miss Sister", really, I am willing, I am willing to dress up beautifully for her again, I am willing to believe that many things are right and wrong, willing, very much She is willing to do everything she loves, even if it is related to death.However, when a person dies, he is dead. No matter how much you miss him, there is no way to start life again. I know this fact clearly and clearly, but I have to pretend to be foolish and foolish to hide it from myself.I don't want to fall into the secular trap one day, believing in the news that Tang Xiyue is dead. If that's the case, how will I spend the rest of my life?

Tang Xiyue once asked me: What should I do if one day she dies.

"I won't let you die alone", was my answer.

The fact is that it is not so touching!When Tang Xiyue died, he asked me to write our story as a "scandal" and a legend, so I lived alone for another two years, three months and 45 days.I spend every day in my memories, with constant inspiration, I have repeatedly stripped cocoons, added, deleted and tampered with, and finally fulfilled Xiyue's last wish.I wrote all the storms and storms we experienced in our short life in this booklet called "zoe", just waiting for those who are destined, heartbroken, idiots, and crazy women to read it, even if it is criticism and insult I don't care, because as the protagonists, we have already gone to the underworld, and we have no time to care about cursing or admiring.

But before that, there is a problem bothering me.I want to dissolve the ashes with Yueer after death, and then sprinkle us in the rivers, lakes and seas or bury us on the ice and snow of the Tianshan Mountains. In short, we should not put them in the funeral parlor, where the ghosts are difficult to tame, and the yin and yang are strange, which is not suitable for Yueer's quiet personality. , and don't be buried in the wilderness, where there are lonely souls floating around, I can't bear Yue'er to become one of them in the future, she has a spirit of immortality, why bother with ghosts.If we were scattered in the rivers, lakes and seas, even though we were free, we would be separated from each other, not to mention that I am alone, no big or small, who will come and scatter our ashes for me?I will never beg Zhang Guangji or anyone else, whether it is out of selfishness or for Yue'er, maybe it is for dignity, who will believe that a person as humble as dust like me also has the diamond The same expensive self-esteem was given to me by Yue'er, and I will never give it up.After thinking about it, it is most suitable to be buried on the ice and snow of the Tianshan Mountains. There are few people there, it is quiet and secluded, and no one will disturb us until the sea is dry and the rocks are rotten, and the sky is piercing and the ground is leaking!

After making up my mind, I tidied up my appearance in the mirror.God knows, it was my old age that frightened me. I am only 30 years old, and it is not an exaggeration to say that I am 60 years old. I have oldness and traces on my face, and my hair has turned pale, leaving only a mouthful of white teeth to prove it. I was young, I don't care.But I am afraid that when I go to Yinming or Heaven, Tang Xiyue will not be able to help crying when she sees me like this, but I don’t want to see her shed a single tear. When she was still alive, she laughed less and cried more , I don't want to go to Yinming or Heaven, she still looks miserable, and it's for me.

In this way, I climbed to the top of Tianshan with the joyful mood of the spring breeze. I should be glad that I still have the strength to trek through mountains and rivers to reach this habitat that Yueer dreams of. I wrote "Tang Tang" on the prepared wooden board. Xiyue and Zhang Xiaoyu’s tomb”, she took off her mountaineering clothes, revealing the dress Tang Xiyue bought for me for the first time. Although it was a little worn out, it was still as beautiful as before, and then she swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills.In this way, two once young and fresh lives ended on this snow mountain.Maybe a hundred years later, someone will understand my book, come to this snow mountain with curiosity, see my inscription, and sigh with a smile that there is such a beautiful love in this world, or maybe no one will ever visit this place A cold snow mountain, so our love can only sleep forever with this snow mountain.

This is always a digression, and my wish to never be separated from Tang Xiyue is the main theme.

You know, if you can live with a smile, who wants to be gloomy all day long, but unfortunately, when everything is useless, only death is the most powerful accusation, whether it is facing crime, rumors, ethics, Everything.

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