Suicide

"Zhang Fengrou passed away?" I had an expression of disbelief.

Maybe it's just a scam?A plot to get me back to the Zhang family?Do I choose to believe or doubt?If it is a scam, then I will be imprisoned by Zhang Guangji in the end, because I cannot live in the name of the descendants of the Zhang family, that is to say, I cannot recognize my ancestors, even if my name is 'Zhang Xiaoyu', if I go back to Zhifan City, and it happens to be a scam, then I will lose my freedom forever and become a slave of the Zhang family; if I am determined not to go back, and Zhang Fengrou has indeed left this world, because of my stubbornness, As a result, I couldn't see her off for the last time. If this happened, I would never feel at ease in this short life.

I think of Zhang Fengrou's little things for me in the past ten years, and I can't help but feel ashamed. Even though she cheated me, I can see her intentions and her care and love for me in taking care of my daily life. , No matter how you look at it, it doesn't look like a fake.How can anyone be willing to spend more than ten years in order to deceive?She also cared meticulously about my study and growth, tolerated me even to the point of connivance, and hung Zhan Zhiling's photo in the most conspicuous place in the room, and it was ten years old at a glance.I had a happy family, but I never wanted to leave me and go back.How does this look like a faux pas?Let me ask, who can do this without real feelings?

Because of my fiery hatred for Zhang Guangji, I left Aunt Bai in a hurry. After ten years of getting along day and night, I didn't gain my trust in her. How disheartened she must be!Not only did I not share her unspeakable difficulties, but I also made another stab at her heart.It seems that Zhang Xiaoyu is really a pig without thinking?I only care about my own satisfaction, and the other characters are the background.

"I'll go back with you, if Bai Fengrou really passed away." I'm allergic to the word Zhang, so it's better to call Aunt Bai 'Bai Fengrou'.

I went back to Zhifan City again, to this sad place where things have changed.When I left Tang Xiyue three years ago, I swore that I would never return to this desperate city. However, from the first month to today, I have broken my vow twice, both times to attend funerals , To save two regrets that I know cannot be saved.I finally realized the feeling of Aunt Bai, the pain of the loss of a loved one, the desolation of not being able to see each other in life, and not daring to cry until after the separation of heaven and man.Is this the sacrifice that Aunt Bai must make for Zhan Zhiling?Someone she and her brother fell in love with at the same time, and she chose to quit.Zhang Guangji didn't know how to cherish it, and tortured Zhan Zhiling until he was completely crippled, even I would not let him go. Thanks to Aunt Bai's cover, otherwise Zhang Guangji would have killed me long ago, regardless of whether I was his daughter or not.In my imagination, Zhan Zhiling was definitely favored by many people, so that she was so naive that she couldn't even tell the cancer of a straight man like Zhang Guangji, so that she suffered crazy revenge in the end.How could such an arrogant person like Zhang Guangji bear the anger that his lover is gay? This made him feel like a failure, after all, he lost to a woman.In his mind, admiration may not be important, whoever can finally win the second half of his life is the king.This may be the reason why he imprisoned Zhan Zhiling, and he would never let him go if he couldn't get it.

Maybe Zhan Zhiling shouldn't have married Zhang Guangji for a different purpose, and she shouldn't have given birth to me in exchange for her own freedom. Maybe she shouldn't be a homosexual, so that the series of tragedies that followed would not have happened.If Zhan Zhiling hadn't been too kind and left quietly after giving birth to me instead of telling Zhang Guangji the truth and the whole truth, would the ending have changed a bit, but that would not be Zhan Zhiling.When she was still sane, she told me, "Don't hate Zhang Guangji, she deceived my father first, and she deserved such punishment. It's just a pity that she owes eternity that cannot be given to a certain person." sad.

I think of Tang Xiyue, if we stay together tenaciously, we will eventually be stopped by our parents without accident, then we will marry and have children, and we will never have the chance to be together again.I don't need to care about my parents, because I have no father and no mother, but Tang Xiyue can't do it, her parents are so kind, they have already lost Tang Qiling, how can I bear to turn their only daughter into It's neither fish nor fowl, and Tang Xiyue definitely can't do such a heartless thing. She is gentle by nature, and we must have no results. Instead of embarrassing her, it's better for me to leave her first.Let her forget about me.

Just thinking about those flying past events makes me very confused.Recalling the past now is nothing more than adding sadness.Aunt Bai has gone away from me to another world, and from then on I have truly become a nun with nothing to worry about.what to do?If one day, I don't want to wander around the world, I just want to find a quiet place to end my life, but Aunt Bai is gone, where can I find such a place?Who will comfort me?

Thinking of this, I couldn't help crying several times in the car. The two uncles did their duty and kept handing me tissues, which made me almost unable to lift my head.The car bumped all the way, and my heart was up and down like a bucket. After a long time, I didn't drive to Zhifan. I seemed a little impatient, and my face was full of anxiety.I really regret coming to a place where the traffic is so inconvenient, there is no highway, let alone take any plane.

Finally, one day later, we arrived at Zhifan, but we came too late, Aunt Bai had been cremated into a pile of ashes, leaking from her fingers like a wonderful time that could not be held.Immediately, I burst into tears, and the whine from the throat was very similar to the loss of a mother by a preyless cub.This is how Zhan Zhiling's ashes were held by me back then. I was still young and didn't understand the meaning of life and death, so I didn't cry. Of course, Zhang Guangji was tired of me crying, so I didn't cry because I flattered him. Unexpectedly, he didn't care about me at all, and I was full of expectations for him in vain.

Twelve years later, I experienced the same pain again, and I had no reason not to feel emotional and cry.

Two people in the Zhang family died in a row within a month, making the old lady look even more haggard, but she still persevered.Aunt Bai was single all her life, had no children, and I was the only one who came to hold the photo for people to pay tribute to. It looked like a desolate scene!Zhang Guangji was standing right behind me, with a curvy figure. I didn't look at him, but I could vaguely feel that he was slightly bowing his body.Speaking of which, Zhang Guangji should have called his children to attend Aunt Bai's funeral, but none of them seemed to come. Aunt Bai is his sister!He is so unfeeling, it's more like me!Thinking of this, I shudder.

As soon as Aunt Bai's funeral is over, I will leave this devil's den immediately.

Seven days later, Aunt Bai was moved back to the village where we lived for burial, which turned out to be the former site of the Zhang family.Not to mention that Aunt Bai is a daughter, just because she has been away from home for ten years because of some private affairs with her children, she cannot enter the Zhang family's ancestral tablet. They buried her next to the cottage in the country.

After finishing these things, I'm about to leave.The old lady gave me a letter, which was written by Aunt Bai before she left. The envelope was white, and the four characters "Zhang Xiaoyuqi" were written profusely with a pen.

The old lady said to me: All the answers you want are in it.

The author has something to say:

Seriously write books, don't be lazy