Suicide

After these three years in the countryside, my ups and downs and uncertain personality finally became indifferent. In fact, I quibble that my personality has become indifferent. It is better to attribute it to my choice of forgetting, forgetting the hope of survival in life. . With a "snap", the old thing became a kite with a broken string, and I was the one who started it, and I deserved to suffer this ending.

I began to miss Tang Xiyue a little bit. Three years passed in a flash. I thought about how painful we were when we parted for the first time. My mind went from despair to the most desperate, and the pain was unbearable. I passed it with my eyes open every day. The life of a blind man, walking staggeringly, unable to concentrate on doing anything, unable to do anything with a heart, a little consolation is the news about Tang Xiyue, even though it is bad enough to make my illness worse Bad news, but I still rely on it to maintain my own life.

I left Tang Xiyue three years ago. For her life, I gave up university and my first goal in life, and then I went crazy, almost paranoid, not because I gave up university, but because I I lost Tang Xiyue forever.Every time after answering Zhou Tinger's call, she would fall madly and violently, and all the equipment in the country house would be scrapped, just like an earthquake-stricken area.I would rather die from natural disasters and man-made disasters, then maybe Tang Xiyue would hate me a little less, then I would feel less guilty, maybe I wouldn't have to suffer this kind of top-notch psychological torture every day, and could only cry I used anger to vent my emotions, but the running water still swept away the time. I finally returned from a lunatic to the world of normal people. No matter how deeply I remember, I was buried by time.

I was lying in the dimly lit dilapidated hotel, my eyes were fixed on the ceiling, and my head was replaying the previous events about Tang Xiyue, and the light and shadow were projected on the illusory projector on the ceiling.

Suddenly remembered Aunt Bai, no, it should be Bai Fengrou.It has been more than a month since I left her, how is the reunion with her family going?I can imagine the scene of her happily narrating with her mother and brother, which should be very sympathetic to her, and it almost fulfills the shortcomings of her life.

The person I love and protect the most since I was a child is Zhan Zhiling. She is my most precious person, just like I am also her precious person. She committed suicide after meeting Zhang Guangji many years ago, leaving me alive in ignorance. This is a wound in my heart that I can't get rid of until now. From then on, I hated Zhang Guangji. Although I lived with him for nearly a year, I still couldn't dissolve those knots in my heart. On the contrary, they grew day by day.Zhang Guangji didn't like me at first, his face was always tense, and there was no trace of a smile.

Probably because Zhang Guangji thought I was an eyesore by my side, so he arranged a chance for me to meet Bai Fengrou and let Bai Fengrou adopt me, and he let go of the burden from then on.I admit that I have had a good time with Bai Fengrou in the past ten years, she has almost become my reliance, my home, but she should not be Zhang Guangji's younger sister, and she should not have hidden me for so many years, and lied that she likes Zhan Zhiling , earned my love and sympathy.Sure enough, people from the Zhang family are my nemesis.

I haven't had a home for more than a month, wandering in a strange place, like a poor thing, but I don't want to beg for mercy, and I don't want to go back and do it all over again, I just need to keep this feeling, no matter what The feeling of being carefree.No one loves me, and I don't have to return any love. I look like a ruthless monster, but it is the most comfortable freedom.

I want to never love anyone, so that my heart may not have to bear the torment of emotions and desires.Yes, if you don't love, you don't have to suffer from it.

I got up from the bed, washed and rinsed quickly in the simple and dilapidated bathroom, and then went out to work. In the past month, I did a lot of odd jobs, and the money I earned was used to travel around the world. I think I’m still here Keep running around for the rest of your life. Once the time is rich, you can't stop thinking about the past few times, thinking about it in your dreams, as if you are afraid that I will forget, and jump out every now and then. Tang Seng recited the curse, so he had no choice but to keep walking, so that those thoughts seemed to slow down.

I met all kinds of people on the road, some smiled at me, some were indifferent to me, some were fake to me, and some were sincere to me, but I turned them down coldly, because my eyesight is so clumsy that I can’t tell the truth from the truth. Fake.This is true, my eyesight is tight, otherwise how could I have hurt Tang Xiyue with all my strength when I first met her?I want to cry again, as long as I think of Tang Xiyue, my tears will be uncontrollable.

Maybe I am trying my best to die. What I am doing now has far exceeded the limit of my energy, but the nutritional supplements are not in place. I am almost on the run all day, and I rarely sit down to eat with peace of mind. I was so hungry that I ate something on the go.

In this world, there is only Tang Xiyue who is worthy of my concern, but she is someone I can't meet.I really want to die quietly while walking, without disturbing anyone. In the dead of night, in the illusory wilderness, I will burn into silence in an instant, and my body will disappear in smoke, so as to avoid the pain of being swallowed by crows.I don’t want to go to any heaven after death, I just want to go to hell to find Zhan Zhiling, she is like me, she violates ethics, she should be beyond redemption, if I go to hell, if I meet my mother on the [-]th floor, maybe I can comfort her, I don’t know Did she see me sad or happy?

I wonder if she is old?Are you fat?Why!I'm so confused, in hell where Shura stayed, did Zhan Zhiling die?How can you be fat?

When the dream came here, I woke up.

Looking sideways, I saw white sheets and a white coat. I was stunned. How could I be in the hospital?I asked.

The doctor replied: The coma caused by nutritional imbalance is nothing serious. If you pay more attention to your diet, you will recover soon.After finishing speaking, I left.

It was only then that I noticed that there were two men in the ward. They looked rather tough. I didn't bother to explore, so I turned over and got out of the bed, put on my shoes, and was about to leave the hospital.The two men watched me complete the series of actions without any expression. When I took a step, one of them spoke first and said, "We are sent by Mrs. Zhang to invite you home. I searched for you for a long time, and finally found you, but you collapsed in front of someone's restaurant, so we sent you to the hospital, and asked you to go back with us, so that we can do business."

I smiled wryly: "I don't have any home to go back to. You guys helped me. I am very grateful, but if you want me to go back with you, there is no possibility."

After I finished speaking, I left without looking back.

A deafening voice came from behind: Mrs. Zhang said that if you refuse to go back with us, let us tell you the news of Zhang Fengrou's death.

My body was barely stable, and my mind was blank. Zhang Fengrou died of illness. Could it be that Bai Fengrou died of illness? Why did he just die of illness?Didn't you reunite with your family?How did he die?Are you too happy?Or is there another reason?

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Work hard