give you a soft spot

On Saturday night, I went to an appointment to have dinner with Bi Gong. I thought it was just me and him, and we would settle in any snack bar, but when I got there, I saw a table of people sitting around.

Bi Gong pressed me to sit on the chair next to him and asked with a smile, "Ah Ming, hello, you don't know these people, do you?"

How could they not know each other? They grew up together, but unlike Bi Gong, I still walked around with them frequently. The last time this group of people appeared so completely seemed to be when they graduated from high school.

Everyone waved to the lost youth desperately with longing for the future, and wanted to go their separate ways with bold words and scattered all over the country, but in the end it was only me and Bi Jing who traveled far away chasing their dreams, and they all stayed in this land, borrowing Dedicated to parents living a seemingly smooth and comfortable life.

I suddenly envied them, envious for no reason.

After trying to warm up with everyone, the last old friend arrived.

Yuan Miao, who heard his voice before seeing him, came from behind me: "I came here because I heard that Cheng Ming was back."

I squinted at her: "Thank you, Nurse Yuan, for giving me face."

Amid everyone's laughter, Bi Gong pulled Yuan Miao over: "Everyone is here today, so let me introduce you again. This is my girlfriend, Yuan Miao."

The booing was excited, and I looked at their clasped hands and was happy for them.

"When will you be married?"

"Is the date fixed?"

Some naughty questions were thrown over, and Bi Gong was caught off guard. He suppressed his messy voice and said, "Oh, that's too much, don't ask nonsense, eat!"

The woman sitting across from me is Yuan Miao's best friend, and she joked to Bi Gong in a loud voice: "If our Yuan Miao really agrees to marry you, you can have fun secretly, after all, she wants to marry Xi Zhuo."

The dish I was chewing had chili in it, others were laughing, I was coughing.The tissue in his hand was out of shape, and the calm he had managed to maintain became turbulent just hearing his name.

To make matters worse, Yuan Miao, who was sitting across Bi Gong from me, couldn't stop the car, came over during the banquet and asked me about Xi Zhuo as always.

I still don't know what to answer her, I don't want to say what I know or don't know, it's not her who doesn't want to inquire about her idol, but me who wants to hide my panic.

After eating half of the meal, he suddenly got up and left the table.

Said that I was not feeling well and wanted to go back first, but no one questioned it.

It can be seen that Bi Gong arranged this dinner on purpose to let me get in touch with the outside world, and I failed his kindness. He wanted to send me out but I refused, and left in a hurry.

I didn't call a car, so I had to walk along the side of the road in the direction of home. It was a bit cold at night, and I didn't put on the thin coat I was carrying in my hand.

I knew that as long as I went out, there would be Xi Zhuo everywhere, on the posters on the glass of the supermarket, on the billboards on the roadside, on the body of a passing bus, and even the songs played loudly in barbershops were from his albums.

Heart-wrenching and uncomfortable, but still holding on to walk a little bit.

When I got home, the lights in my mother's room were turned off, and I went back to the room without changing my clothes and fell on the bed, staring at the moon and stars outside the window in the dark.

Remembering that Xi Zhuo doesn’t like to turn on the lights in the dark, whether at home or in a hotel, every time I go to him at night, it’s always dark. He likes to do what he thinks in the dark, and I haven’t had time to listen to him personally. talk to me.

I don't know if I fell asleep or not, but when I found out that it was my mother who was pushing me by the bed, I was still in the same position.

Seeing that she was still fully dressed in the middle of the night, I sat up and asked, "Mom? What's wrong?"

"Son, get up, let's go to the bar."

What?Afraid I heard it wrong, I asked again, and the answer was the same.

"Mom, are you crazy?"

"It's not crazy," my mother said while turning on the light in my room, "Mom wants to go, can you go with my mother?"

My mum had never been to a bar, she always said it was a young people's place and it was too loud.

After sitting in the bar for more than half an hour, I asked her: "Mom, what's wrong with you?"

She smiled and shook her head: "Nothing."

If I can't ask, I don't ask any more. After drinking a few glasses of wine, she suddenly asks me to join the dancing young people in front.

I said I wouldn't go, and she dragged me. I didn't dare to tear at her, so I grabbed her hand and said, "Mom, I can't breathe, let's go."

Seeing the disappointment that quickly dissipated in her eyes, she nodded and said, "Then let's go, Mom will take you somewhere."

I didn't expect my mother to get out of the taxi and walk in front of me without saying a word, and finally took me here.

Stopping at a crossroad in the old town at one o'clock in the morning, I looked at my mother standing upright, and suddenly felt so sorry for her.

This is the place where my dad had an accident more than 20 years ago. He was a traffic policeman. While on duty, he was sucked into the bottom of the car by an out-of-control truck and died on the spot. That news can still be found on the city’s Internet a few years ago. I don’t know if it’s there now. up.

At that time, my mother was just pregnant. I heard from the elderly in the family that she was very calm after receiving the news.

She dealt with the funeral affairs calmly, refused her parents' request to remarry after an abortion, calmly continued to live alone, and finally gave birth to me calmly.After experiencing strong winds and waves, it is as calm as if the trousers are wet when it rains.

When she, who had been strong for half her life, stood beside me crying with her head down, I immediately hugged her sideways and patted her on the back lightly.

I think she missed my dad, and didn't know what to say, so I had to accompany her silently.

"This is where your dad was last on duty. I remember that night when he said he wanted to eat braised fish, I made a meal early and waited for him to come back, but what I waited for was the news that he would never come back."

This was the first time my mom told me about it in person as I grew up, and I was amazed when she showed me the old scars on her heart.

"I was as old as you at that time, and I was afraid of living alone for the rest of my life." My mother choked up and looked at me with a smile. She touched my face, "But when I think of having you in my stomach, I will Don't be afraid."

My Adam's apple was bulging, and the wet eye sockets dried quickly in the evening wind.

"Do you know why I brought you here?" My mother's words were clear, "Mom just wanted to tell you that there is nothing you can't get through. If I didn't choose to put my destiny in front of me in the past, it would not be the current trajectory of my life." Later, I am very grateful to myself at that time, if I indulged in the fanfare of sadness to occupy everything at that time, not only would I not be able to solve anything, but I would drag myself down, and that must not be what your father wanted to see."

My heart skipped a beat and I hugged her even tighter.

"Since you came back, I have felt that something is wrong with you. If you don't want to tell me, I won't ask, but no matter what happened to you outside, if you believe in what your mother says, it will pass. Don't be depressed. You are still young, and the road is still on the way." It's very long, don't press your head down so low, don't make yourself so tired, don't make mom feel bad."

For so many days, tears flowed to my heart when I was alone. After listening to my mother's words, the heavy gate in my heart suddenly opened, and the surging sadness completely lost control, drowning all the pretended calm.

I just stood on the street like that, holding my mother and crying bitterly, the red light in my tearful eyes switched to green light, and the shadow of us embracing on the ground was stretched very long by the street light.