[Comprehensive British and American] Old popsicle online dating rules

6.

Garald has been a little confused lately.

Because he found out that his new roommate seemed to be up to something.

Ben's life has been smooth sailing since Steve moved into his old apartment.There are no mental retards wanting to rule the world, and no aliens rushing to invade, and the whole earth is as peaceful as if it is fake.Although sometimes there will be a little trouble on the S.H.I.E.L.D. Bureau and one or two Avengers will need to remedy it, but overall life is still normal. Mr. Elf, who has just settled a grievance that has lasted for thousands of years, feels that he can no longer ask for more. too much.

Therefore, Garald decided to turn a blind eye to the mysterious anomalies of his netizens recently with the most peaceful mind.Anyway, Steve would never harm him, and as the last conscience of the Avengers, he would never mess around with those wild horses. No matter what he wanted to do, Garrod felt that he had no objection.

— The premise is, don’t blow up the house.

Standing at the dining table, listening to the loud noise from the kitchen, Mr. Elf was silent for a long time.

"I'm going to put it back together."

With a suspicious black face still standing, Steve stopped in front of Garrod, desperately preventing him from taking a step towards the kitchen, and forcefully pushed him into the sofa: "Just wait for two hours."

…what the hell did you do to my kitchen to take two hours to get it back?

Garrod was stunned, and began to sincerely doubt whether it was a big mistake to take in Captain America.Especially after this kind of situation happened one after another, he couldn't help but wonder if Steve secretly made arms in his kitchen and planned to sell them under the nose of S.H.I.E.L.D. for pocket money , and then let Coulson commit suicide with self-blame and guilt wearing a fan filter.

Mr. Elf is worried about this and decides to have a good talk with Steve before he completely demolishes his apartment.However, when he stood at the door for the seventh time to complete his psychological training and opened the door with the solemnity of a strong man breaking his wrist, what greeted him this time was not another new posture of blowing up the kitchen, but the joyful face of the United States. The captain with a tray of cupcakes in his hand.

"Have you been doing this lately?"

Silently evaluated the netizen's finished products from a professional point of view, Jialude didn't know if he should make a surprised expression now: "Actually, I can help you do it."

Also makes my kitchen a little less miserable.

"That would be meaningless, wouldn't it?"

Shrugging his shoulders, facing the pillar of the cake shop, he didn't have the slightest intention of hiding his clumsiness.Steve proudly stuffed his week's results into the other person's hand, and then led him to the dining table, facing the rich dinner that was almost a pig's weight.

"It took me a long time to learn, the taste should be okay." The captain said hopefully: "Then we can watch a movie after dinner, Clint gave me a lot of discs today, there must be a lot of good things in them film."

"..."

Instinctively, I felt that Steve's sudden solicitousness must be tricky, but for the sake of cupcakes and his kitchen that had been bombed for a week, Mr. Elf found it hard to refuse.So, after staring at him for a long time, until Steve looked away guiltily, Garald finally made up his mind, nodded cautiously, walked to the table carefully like a cat and sat down.

"You didn't add anything weird to it, did you?"

Picking up the spoon, he still couldn't help asking before sending the seafood cream soup into his mouth.The other party's reaction was to shake his head, and then blushed intriguingly, making Garald even more confused.

... Anyway, let's try it first.

Confusedly staring at the silver spoon in front of him, Mr. Elf suddenly felt a lot of pressure against the expectant gaze that was about to materialize.

As it turns out, Steve didn't add much to dinner or cake.On the contrary, he actually omitted a lot of things, such as salt and sugar.

Garald felt that he really shouldn't expect anything from Captain America, who can only toast and make coffee.And it’s not Steve’s fault. After all, he knows how to cook but can’t save the world. His hands that are quadruple strengthened by blood serum are more suitable for holding a shield or lifting a motorcycle. He doesn't want to really lose his kitchen one day...including the microwave, full set of pots, spatulas, and oven.

And Steve should also want to live well.

However, although the taste of the dinner was unsatisfactory, Garald still sent all of them into his stomach bit by bit.And smiled with the undisguised joy on the other person's face, while silently recalling where he put the stomach medicine.

Then, it's movie night while you laze on the couch.

Garald had to say that this was not the first time he and his netizens had done this, but the atmosphere today was obviously very different from the past.Throwing a bag of popcorn into the microwave, and taking out two bottles of drinks from the refrigerator, when Mr. Elf returned to the sofa with the snacks, he found that his netizen was in a mysterious tangle facing the projector, fingertips He hovered over the box containing the DVD for a long time, with a complicated expression on his face.

Mr. Elf looked up curiously, and suddenly felt that he was going to be blind.

"Does Clint have any strange hobbies?" Picking out one, looking at the two naked and intertwined bodies on it, Garrod couldn't help twitching his mouth: "Or is this something that humans generally like to look at? ?”

"No, just himself."

Trying to disregard the relationship with this box of [-] forbidden movies, Steve spoke slowly, his tone clearly expressing the meaning of 'Captain America thinks someone might die tomorrow'.

In the end, they picked the most normal-looking one from the group of naked men and women, men and women. It should be some kind of literary romance film, and the pace is so slow that it is not very suitable for two old men to spend the night together. Huddled together to watch—after all, Garrod could feel Steve’s embarrassment across the class sofa—not to mention that they had to be on guard all the time about any scene that was not suitable for children to stimulate their hearts. In this weird atmosphere, coupled with the fact that he was too full to eat at night, Mr. Elf quickly yawned one after another, and successfully closed his eyes 10 minutes after the movie started, and fell asleep unconsciously.

He seemed to be dreaming in a daze.

In the dream, there are water flows, forests, starry sky, and everything that makes elves feel comfortable.He sat on the broad branch of the rose-rolling-merlon tree, listening to the sound of the piano floating in the distance, keeping time with each other.The only fly in the ointment is that there seems to be an annoying mosquito buzzing around his ears all the time, making noise in his ears for a while, and landing on his cheeks, lips, and neck for a while, insisting on waking him up. He almost fell from the tree.

Kind of annoying.

Turning over with a frown, Jarod didn't even open his eyes, and slapped hard towards the place where the sound came from.

The world is finally quiet.

7.

"..."

"..."

Same villa, same group of people.

After listening to Captain America's dry recollection, for a moment, the entire living room fell into an awkward but polite silence.

Iron Man and Banner looked at each other, nodded at Falcon, and finally crossed their arms, leaned back on the sofa, and raised their chins to look at Steve, who had slap marks on his face.

Yes, that's it, can't laugh.

The great Tony Stark never gave up.

"so--"

As soon as he opened his mouth, he almost failed, and the president's father had to raise his voice a whole octave before barely covering the blurted laughter, which almost scared the whole room to death: "The first plan failed? "

"Garrod fell asleep halfway." Steve nodded sadly: "I can't wake him up."

"Who told you not to let go of the ones I picked?"

He raised his head and yelled at him resentfully, then immediately squatted down in the corner with his head in his arms again.As soon as he entered the door, Clint, who was smashed all over his face by Captain America with a box of discs, muttered angrily towards the floor, feeling extremely wronged: "Otherwise, you can just roll on the bed and practice, okay?"

"I don't think so."

The corners of his mouth twitched indistinctly, and Steve couldn't imagine what it would be like watching porn with Jarod, but one thing he was sure of was that if he did that last night, His face might not be something as harmless as a slap.

Like a knife or something.

Thinking of this, Steve broke into a cold sweat.He decided to go back and find those two dangerous gadgets, at least he had to know where they were.In this way, if there is a big death one day, and Garald has a sign of turning his knife, he can run in time, otherwise he will definitely be cut into a platter.

...And judging from the current situation and the unreliability of this group of teammates, this should be the future that will definitely happen to me.

Captain America suddenly felt an inexplicable sadness.

"So, our first set of plans failed."

He said so in a painful tone, but there was no despondency in his voice, but more enthusiasm.Tony almost jumped off the couch and snapped his fingers towards the ceiling:

"But it doesn't matter, we still have the perfect plan designed by the genius Stark. Jarvis—"

"An email has been sent to Captain Rogers' cell phone, Sir."

A metallic voice sounded from the ceiling, and the AI ​​that had been on standby responded almost instantly, and quickly listed Iron Man's schedule on Steve's screen:

"Agent Romanov and Mr. Saul have also responded, and they both said they will arrive at the appointed time."

Ok?

I only felt that my head was full of question marks, the captain lowered his head in doubt, and looked at the mobile phone in his hand under the expectant eyes of the president's father.

... a little bad.

8.

Tony's so-called perfect plan is to fully simulate the cause, process and result of their first time, let the Avengers have a party in Garrod's apartment, and get the elves drunk again, so that Steve can achieve his unspeakable goal again. human purpose.

"According to previous data analysis, when the blood alcohol content reaches 80 milliliters, it is the moment when Mr. Garrod is most likely to relax. Sir believes that this is also the best time for us to act."

With a calm and polite voice, Jarvis dutifully explained to Captain America:

"At the same time, if you can also have the same state, then the success rate of Sir's plan will increase to 80.00%. Therefore, Mr. Saul was entrusted to find the wine that can make super soldiers drunk in Asgard. According to the feedback, It seems that the result was made half an hour ago, and you must ensure that you and Mr. Garrod have a pleasant evening."

"..."

Honestly, Steve doesn't believe a word

Given Tony Stark's all-time rich man's power of action, it's a foregone conclusion that he now clearly has only one option to accept.But fortunately, Garald didn't have any objections to this unexpected gathering, and even happily emptied the snacks in the supermarket in advance and stored them at home, making it clear that those guys were welcome to mess around in his apartment, without the slightest sense of crisis .

Is there still time for me to run with Garrod? .

Looking at the other party's busy figure in the kitchen, Captain America's expression was extremely melancholy.

As it turned out, Steve's hunch was never wrong.The disaster caused by having the entire Avengers gathered in a small space is no less than that of aliens invading the earth. They are a group of wild horses who have run away. Never give up after dismantling all the things that can be dismantled in front of him. It is simply a group of locusts crossing the border, which has always made Captain America daunting.

Like now.

Carnival from afternoon to night, almost occupying every corner of the living room.After cheering and eating the cakes and snacks that Mr. Elf prepared for them, Tony and Falcon began to drag Garald to drink as hard as they could, while Dr. Banner sat on the dining table and handed them the bottle; a little further away, Black The widow was holding a mobile phone and didn't know what she was taking pictures of. From time to time, she went to add fire to the already chaotic group of people. In the end, she simply rolled up her sleeves and went to the battle in person. She opened a box of vodka and placed it in front of the already clouded-eyed elf.In the midst of all this noise, only the little spider who was forcefully pulled by Iron Man hangs quietly on the ceiling, staring at the indescribable chaos in the living room with a dazed expression. Steve can clearly see from his eyes Out of confusion and doubts about the future of protecting the earth.

That's a little too much, you guys.

Staring at the group of little bastards who were about to topple the ceiling in front of him, he turned his head to avoid a piece of flying cake, and began to seriously consider the possibility of throwing everyone out of the window before things got out of hand.

But soon, after Sol came late carrying a wooden barrel bigger than his head and pushed the atmosphere to the climax, Steve finally couldn't be alone anymore, and was pulled into the fight by Tony with a smile. wine crowd.Then in the next second, everyone threw away Jarod, who was already unconscious, in unison, and focused their firepower on him, vowing to see Captain America's rare drunk appearance today.

In a way, they did.

When Saul took the first sip of wine, Steve almost spit out all the unknown liquid in his mouth.For God's sake, that smell was really weird, and he didn't know their Asgardian taste very well.But fortunately, or unfortunately, it does work for super soldiers with quadruple metabolism - after being forced to drink a whole barrel, Steve finally feels that he has been isolated from him for dozens of years. Nian's dizziness rushed over his head and face, mixed with the heat and burning sensation from the inside out, for a moment, even his blue eyes like the sea were dyed red.

Pills today.

Crookedly stood up from the sofa, trying to get a glass of water, but his feet went limp and he fell directly on the carpet.Steve vaguely heard loud shouts from above his head, and he quarreled around him for a while, then seemed to talk to another person, and gradually moved away from the door of the apartment, and soon he was in' He disappeared with a muffled bang, hiding merit and fame deeply.

Is this gone?

...Then why don't you help me up first? !

His mind seemed to be clear, but he couldn't control his limbs anyway. Steve lay on the floor with a dazed expression, reconfirming that they never had such a thing as teammate friendship.

but.

A slight tremor came from the carpet beneath him, like waves lapping on the sand in the moonlight.Immediately, Steve felt someone gently stroking his hair, dragged him from the ground forcefully, and held his arm in time before he lost his balance and was about to fall back. I don't know how much better the coquettish sluts who left after pouring.

"...My God, what the hell did they give you to drink?"

Familiar voice, familiar taste, and familiar thin but not weak silhouette.

His elf, his Garrod.

"...You just stand still and don't move, don't move...I'll find you some..."

The man let go of his hand, and the warm body seemed to be gradually going away, which made Steve feel a little lost in a daze.So, staggering two steps, he obeyed his instinct without hesitation, leaped forward, and happily pressed all his two hundred pounds of weight towards the elf.

then.

……

"It was a tragedy."

Afterwards, a Mr. Rogers, who did not want to be named, covered his face and described the situation of the day to everyone in this way.