Tang Seng is a cook

The Queen Mother was having fun with a few female fairies in the Yaochi, when suddenly a maid from the Lingxiao Palace rushed to report that the Jade Emperor and the Tathagata had quarreled in front of the palace, and they were talking about marriage, and now no one cares about each other. I hope that the empress will go to persuade one or two, so as not to be really angry and hurt the peace.

The queen mother lay leisurely on the jade bed, leaning on the cushions to watch the fairies play. After hearing this, she was too lazy to move. She half got up, stretched out a slender jade hand, helped the temples, held up the wine cup and sniffed. Lazily said: "For the merits of the idea, I have messed up the old faces of several lifetimes, and I will do it twice! If you want me to say, you shouldn't bully other people's little monkeys at the beginning! At that time, I made a gesture of indifference, As a result, the fight is now like a black-eyed chicken! It's all because of too much heart!"

Old things are shameless!

One married and the other married, combined with the merits of the whole world, they became their family?

A green-clothed fairy next to her said: "Madam, don't care about those stinky men. They always say that men have big hearts and pretend to be world affairs. We women have narrow vision and don't understand these things, so let them mess around! "

The Queen Mother pursed her lips and smiled, threw a lily to the little fairy, and said, "That makes sense!"

Gong'e in the Lingxiao Palace saw that the empress was too lazy to talk to the Jade Emperor, and said in a delicate voice: "Empress, you hurt me too, the two of them quarreled, it's hard for us little sisters!"

Maybe who will take it out on later, the wine is not good, the tune is wrong, the dance steps are slow, etc., I always have to find an excuse to scold.

Queen Mother Danfeng raised her eyes, thought for a while, and said narrowly: "Go and get that jade wishful!"

Next to the Queen Mother's close confidant, Gong'e, stepped forward and said: "But it was given by His Majesty before, the one that the empress left at the bottom of the box?"

The queen mother smiled, stretched out a index finger with bright red nails, tapped her forehead lightly, and said, "Smart! That's the one, go get the red cloth mat, and send it to the front of the hall, and say that I heard that your majesty and Buddha are married to each other." I'm here to give you a dowry for the purpose of marriage, and I hope that after three or four days, life will be good, and when that time comes, I hope Lingshan will come to greet you as soon as possible!"

After three or four days, the journey to the west is over, and the bills are settled, let the two of them go to work together as partners!

After hearing this, the fairies in the room couldn't help it for a while, their hair on the temples became soft, their eyes were hazy with tears, and the flowers and branches trembled wildly.

The confidant really went to the Lingxiao Palace with the plate, and when he told the Queen Mother what the empress did, the faces of the two big men who were still angry blushed.

The Jade Emperor coughed twice, and said: "No matter! No matter! How did you send this Ruyi out? Take it back and take it back! This is the empress's favorite thing!"

The Buddha also smiled awkwardly: "Joke words, jokes, how did you startle the empress, ah ha ha ha ha..."

The confidant of the Queen Mother bowed and said slowly: "Your Majesty knows that Your Majesty and the Buddha are at a critical juncture, and she dare not disturb you. She only said that the two of you are tall and important, so please be more prudent! I won't say anything else. , and said that he would bring lotus seed porridge later, to clear the hearts of His Majesty and Buddha."

The Jade Emperor and the Buddha worked hard, and politely sent the maid away.

Seeing the maid disappeared without a trace, the Buddha joked: "I see that you have a hard life, or else you will marry me, and I will tell you to spend a few days in Lingshan as the eldest and second child!"

The Jade Emperor spit on him again!

The two were bickering, when a report came from outside saying that Yuelao was coming, the Jade Emperor was surprised and said: "This guy is not playing with his red thread in the palace, why did he come out suddenly?"

Waved in.

As soon as Yuelao, who was dressed in red and had black hair draped over his shoulders, entered the hall, he clasped his fists unrestrainedly and said loudly, "Congratulations, Your Majesty! Congratulations, Your Majesty! Congratulations to Buddha! Congratulations to me, Buddha!"

The two big men made him jump, and he was confused. The Jade Emperor hurriedly pointed at him, and said in a panic: "You, you, you, calm down!" flustered!

The Jade Emperor was troubled in his heart, wondering if someone else had eloped from the lower world?

Tathagata also wondered: "I don't know where the joy comes from? Can Yue Lao explain it clearly?" Normally, such a happy event has nothing to do with his Lingshan, why did he suddenly congratulate him on his head?

Elder Yue raised his eyebrows, pretending to be surprised, and said: "Isn't your majesty and my Buddha both in love, and they are about to get married? This is a major event in heaven and Lingshan, and I came here to congratulate you!"

The Jade Emperor was holding the wine glass to scare himself. Hearing this, he took a sip of the wine and sprayed it all over the sky. He was so angry that he slammed the wine glass heavily, and said angrily, "Who said so and so! Nonsense! Fart!"

Yuelao was very calm, and Shi Shiran said: "Oh, why is your majesty so shy? This marriage is a major ethical event in the world. I shouldn't be so ashamed! It's better to be generous! The two identities are different. Set an example for the world! Otherwise, even you are so resistant to the important matter of marriage, how can you tell the world how to reproduce? Don't be ashamed!"

The Jade Emperor was so enraged that he got up and looked for something to whip him, stood on the ground and spun around for a few times, but there was nothing, picked up the wine glass and threw it away: "Shut up! Stop talking nonsense! Stop farting!"

Tathagata saw that the Jade Emperor rolled up his sleeves and was about to beat him himself, so he quickly hugged him by the waist and said, "Calm down! Calm down! Calm down! Could it be some misunderstanding? Just ask!"

Yuelao ran fast, hid behind the pillars of the main hall with his robe in his hand, poked his head halfway out, saw the two hugging each other, and boldly shouted: "Your Majesty, Buddha, what misunderstanding is there! I just saw , the red thread between you two is connected end to end, forming a knot! Otherwise, if you give me ten courages, I wouldn’t dare to come to Lingxiao Hall to talk nonsense!”

In the end, the Jade Emperor was called to call someone, and he beat Yuelao out with a messy stick!

The Jade Emperor was so angry that he lay on the dragon chair and kept humming. The Buddha looked at him strangely and said, "Could it be that you really want to marry?"

The Jade Emperor was about to die of anger, rolled his eyes, and shot back: "Do you really want to marry?"

The two choked and stopped talking, and the atmosphere in the hall became inexplicably weird.

It just so happened that at this time, a palace lady came up with a food box, saying that it was the queen mother who brought lotus seed porridge!

The Jade Emperor hurriedly said: "Give me a big bowl!" The anger in my heart is burning, so drink more to get angry!

The Tathagata is intelligent, closes his eyes and rests his mind, and does not eat.

Sure enough, the Jade Emperor put a mouthful of porridge into his mouth, and his face turned green.

With a hoarse voice, he said, "Why is it so hard..."

This taste is almost bitter!

Gong'e saluted and said: "Your majesty is afraid that your majesty will be angry, so not only did you use lotus heart, but also bitter melon juice and powdered coptis when the porridge was ready..."

After hearing this, the Jade Emperor choked up, what can he do? The big bowl of porridge he asked for was finished with tears.

The maid who delivered the porridge saw that the Jade Emperor had eaten all the porridge honestly, so she smiled and bowed, and left.

The Jade Emperor lay down on the dragon chair again and hummed.

Tathagata opened his eyes, glanced at him, and whispered: "Why don't you really marry me? I promise I won't let you suffer so much!"

Lying dying, the Jade Emperor gave this gloating guy a word: "Get lost!"

But the little demon in the golden cave spent the night doing nothing, and the next morning, the sparrow spirit gathered everyone together and yelled, "Everyone come! Let's discuss it!"

There are not enough manpower in the cave, and we can't rob in the future, so we have to study how to live!

Ah Huang took good care of his mother, now he moved the rocking chair and put the old lady in the sun to bask in the sun, so he obediently came over and squatted silently.

Sanhua walked over with four or five kittens in her arms, none of them would be honest, especially the little girl who looked very similar to him, she was still angry at this moment, and scratched his father's face all over the face whenever she had the opportunity.

Seeing the sparrow spirit, he hurriedly said: "You are the only one who comes to your house, and let the aunt look after them all!"

These little cats like to jump on him the most. Although he is now a human, he still panics. He was not injured when a wild cat ran up a tree and bit him!

Thinking about it now, he still has to be grateful for his quick response and ran away, otherwise he would have died long ago, how could it be his turn to ask the aunt to save him?

Sanhua quit, and said: "I haven't licked the fur today, I will send it after I have licked it later!" After speaking, she turned into a big cat, surrounded the children, and licked the fur one by one!

Lick the face of the kitten, lick the little fat belly, lick the little fat fart, uh, lick it too!

The kittens were so licked that they were powerless to resist, and each of them meowed in protest.

While watching, the sparrow spirit shook his head and said: "You can become a human being, you can't wash your face, you can't take a bath, you have to lick your fur, tsk tsk!" No trouble!

A Huang next to him heard it and said, "Brother, we are short of water!" Nobody washed their faces this morning.

The sparrow spirit was sore from being poked, so he jumped up and knocked on his brother's forehead: "Shut up! You know a lot!"

Ah Huang said nothing, and he wanted to tell his elder brother one, two, three benefits of licking the little beast's fur. Seeing that he was angry again, it was better not to talk about it.

Several other little demons also came over, the summer sun is still fine today, everyone chatted twitteringly, the ground was very warm, somehow, just one or two lands turned into their original forms, lying on the ground lazily Lazily do not want to move.

Discuss the way out, life plan, etc., or wait until you are full of sleep and hungry, let's talk...

When the Dharma Protector brought the Great Sage and Taibai Jinxing to the entrance of the Doujin Cave, they saw pheasants, sparrows, thin cats and big dogs lying on the ground at the entrance of the cave, all squinting and snoring.

There was also an old lady, covered with a clean quilt, holding several purring kittens in her arms, with two furballs Fat Chiu squatting on her shoulders, her eyes were closed, and she was slowly swinging on the rocking chair.

The three little Dharma protectors didn't make a sound for a while, because they slept so sweetly, peacefully and warmly that one couldn't bear to disturb them.

It's just that the place where they landed happened to block the sparrow spirit's sun, and this irritable man only felt his eyes dim, and the light didn't recover for a long time, so he made a "chirp" and jumped up from the ground like a small cannonball, cursing Said: "Which..." The bastard blocked Lao Tzu's sun, so hurry up and get out of the way! !

"Which... the old god's visit is really a great honor, please hurry up!"

The master opened his eyes to see who was coming, and abruptly changed the subject in a hurry. While flattering, he changed his figure in mid-air, smiled obsequiously, and bent over to salute.

Wukong held back his laughter and thought to himself, this sparrow has a future, he is much smarter than he was back then!I should really show it to Master, and Master will surely praise him!

The other goblins were also woken up. A few timid ones fainted after seeing so many strangers, and the rest of the brave ones hugged each other and trembled: "That ugly face yesterday Strongman is here again! !

Before Ah Huang could change back into human form, he bravely squatted in front of everyone, keeping his friends behind him, but he was trembling himself.

Wukong leaned on the stick and said with a smile: "Xiaojiaqiaoer, I haven't seen you for a long time, what's wrong with you today, you didn't bring your brothers to do that no-cost business!"

After hearing this, the sparrow spirit quickly said with a bitter face: "Don't dare! I won't dare again in the future!"

The monkey snorted coldly, "If you do that thing of blocking roads and robbing again, even if it's only once, heh heh."

The sparrow spirit had a bitter face, and said: "Grandpa believes me, I dare not!"

He turned his head and pointed at the little demon at the entrance of the cave, and said, "Look, these few, the old ones, the young ones, who will be robbed, even going down the mountain is not enough for them to eat a meal! After eating the bones, you don't have to talk about it, and you have to dislike it." We're skinny!"

Unexpectedly, as soon as these words came out, Sanhua's daughter in the back was frightened. The little milk cat is the roundest of all, and everyone always makes fun of her. The human figure threw herself into her cat father's arms and started crying: "Dad, I have a lot of meat, I don't want to be caught and eaten..."

That Sanhua made his daughter stagger, and quickly turned into a human, hugged the fat girl, patted her to coax her, and forced herself to apologize to the monkey: "Children are ignorant, and they are arguing with the fairy grandpa! Don't blame the old gods!"

The monkey said strangely, "Your girl looks exactly like you, could it be that you gave birth to her? You are really good at such a big girl at such a young age!"

When the young man heard this, his face flushed with embarrassment, he hugged his daughter, bowed his head and said nothing.

Taibai Jinxing yanked the monkey from behind, the monkey looked back, the old man gave him a wink, the monkey said: "What are you doing? Your eyes are cramping, what do you want to say?"

Taibai Jinxing pulled the ignorant monkey aside to chatter away, and the sparrow spirit walked up to the little dharma protector cautiously, and asked, "Grandpa Immortal, I don't know how old you are, who are you here today..." Sure enough, no Are you willing to let us little demons go and let us live in the mortal world?

The little god smiled and explained: "Don't panic! These two, you met yesterday, are disciples of the holy monks of the Tang Dynasty and the great sage Monkey King of the Tang Dynasty. The other one is Jade Emperor imperial envoy, Taibai Xingjun!"

Then he told the Sparrow Spirit what the Great Sage had entrusted to him yesterday, and what the Great Sage went to the Heavenly Court to ask for a decree for them when he learned that they hadn't gone to the Yellow Wind Cave.

The sparrow spirit and all the goblins had tears in their eyes, and they were extremely grateful.

The monkey was also very embarrassed at the other end, how did he know that the Sanhua tomcat was born unable to be a father, so after hearing what the old man said, he came over shyly, wanting to accompany that Sanhua .

Unexpectedly, when all the little demons saw him, they all knelt down with a plop, kowtowed and said, "Thank you, Grandpa Great Sage!"

Panicking the monkey, he jumped onto the somersault cloud and said in the air, "Why is this? How to do this great gift? Please get up quickly!"

The sparrow spirit said: "I hope Grandpa Dasheng will come down and be worshiped by us, so we will get up!"

The monkey didn't agree, and said: "If you don't mind, I won't go down!"

The two sides were in a stalemate, but it was Taibai Jinxing and the guardian god who went up with a smile, pulled the monkey's arm and dragged him down, and received the worship of all the demons, and the matter was over.

All the little demons worshiped Taibai Jinxing again, and Taibai said to Ah Huang, "The Jade Emperor has ordered that your mother be canonized as the patron saint of clever beasts. Go and support your mother, accept the order!"

The old woman asked her son to support her, and prayed tremblingly, not knowing what to do.

She hasn't done any big things, so how did she become a god?

Taibai Jinxing said: "Mother-in-law is kind-hearted, she is so moved to let these children transform into human beings to serve you, isn't it a miracle, just accept it with peace of mind, and take care of the world's clever beasts in the future!"

The mother-in-law laughed and said, "They are all my good children! They are the ones who are grateful, so what have I done?" As she spoke, she couldn't help but shed tears.

Ah Huang hurriedly said: "Mother, don't cry anymore, your eyes hurt after seeing it!"

After Wukong heard this, he said to Taibai: "Old man, this site selection is very easy, but the Jade Emperor also said that this mother-in-law will spend her old age in secret, now you look at her, she is blind and weak, but it is not very good. ?”

Taibai Jinxing smiled and said: "You monkey, you are now careful!"

With a flick of his sleeves, he cast a divine light on the mother-in-law, and in an instant, he became one with the mother-in-law.

The mother-in-law suddenly crackled from head to toe, her waist straightened, and her blood vessels became thicker. She blinked and felt the sun was shaking, so she quickly closed her eyes and said, "Son, why did you light such a bright lamp today?" Mother is watching through her eyelids!"

Ah Huang hastily covered his mother's eyes, fearing that his mother's eyes would be hurt by the sun.

Taibai saw it and said: "It's all right, your mother is now in a divine body, her eyes have recovered, and this little light will not hinder her! Let go of your hands and let mother-in-law get used to it!"

Sure enough, Ah Huang let go of her hand, his mother blinked, and slowly put her hand on his face, touched it carefully, and said softly: "So mother's Ah Huang looks like this!"

Hearing this, Ah Huang felt aggrieved and turned into a big dog. He threw himself into his mother's arms, couldn't hold back, his tail turned into a hot wheel, whimpering, very excited.

The mother-in-law relied on embroidery to earn money to support the family. When she picked up Ah Huang, her eyesight was already bad, but she still saved her rations and replaced it with goat milk to feed the little thing. Later, as Ah Huang grew older, her mother-in-law's eyesight deteriorated day by day. One day, one day at last he couldn't see anything, and when he didn't pay attention, he fell to the ground and broke his head. In a hurry, Ah Huang turned into a human form to help him. From then on, he supported his mother and worked tirelessly.

One can imagine how difficult it is for a yellow dog to make a living in this world. If it wasn't for the sparrow spirit who came to visit one day and gave him a hand, I'm afraid that the mother and son would either die of exhaustion or starve to death. .

At this time, Ah Niang can see him again, how can she not make Ah Huang excited.

Seeing that the mother and son were enjoying the family relationship, Taibai clapped his hands and said with a smile: "It's done!" He threw away the golden book again, and turned a small golden cave into a temple, but there is no god master, and only waits for the mother-in-law to live in the mortal world. When it's over, the spirit returns to its place.

The land of the mountain gods saw many temples here, and they came to congratulate them one after another, and gave many thank-you gifts.

Taibai stroked his beard and said to him with a smile: "Look at your posture, would you like to be a temple here?"

The sparrow spirit rejoiced and said, "I can still be a temple blessing? I'm just a fairy!"

The little Dharma protector said: "Why underestimate yourself! You are a small temple, you are eloquent, you treat people and treat things meticulously, and you deserve it! The god of this temple has never returned, and the Dharma protector has to protect the god. In the temple, there are big things and small things. You've got to handle it better!" The Dharma protector was Ah Huang.

Sanhua hugged the kitten, led the other little demons over, and asked nervously, "Can we continue to live in this temple?" If not, where would they go?

Taibai Jinxing laughed and said: "This temple is where you will be guarded, why not live here! Hegai is your home! Don't worry!"

After that, Wukong doesn't need to worry about it, he made people feel embarrassed to thank him just now, and when he saw the harmony here, he sneaked away.

They rushed all the way and caught up with the master. Zhuang Fan and the others are still on the top of the mountain today. When the monkey came back and saw Wukong, Zhuang Fan said, "Is it possible?"

Wukong gave a thumbs up and said, "Master is lucky!"

Zhuang Fan became humble: "Small ways, nothing worth mentioning!"

Since then, the master and apprentice continued on the road, and this day came before a big river again.

Zhuang Fan and the others never disturbed ordinary people when they went west, so seeing the willow trees on the bank and the few houses, which seemed to be ferrying people, they didn't want to disturb them, so they wandered to the bank to check.

The master and apprentice planned to cross the river by themselves, but a ferryman heard the sound, creaked and shook the boat out, and called out, "Who are you going to cross the river? Why don't you take my boat?"

When Zhuang Fan saw that the boatman was a woman, he was taken aback for a moment, and then saw the river water, which was crystal clear and sparkling, and couldn't help shivering all over his body!

When the monkey saw it, he wondered, "Master, are you suffering from the cold? The weather is so hot, why did you have a cold war?"

Zhuang Fan pulled the monkey over and told him carefully: "The water here is not good, you go and tell everyone, don't drink the water here!"

The monkey laughed, and said: "Master is worrying too much, the rest of us, together with brother and Honghaier, are asking you to get together now, how dare you drink unboiled water again!"

Even for the water that Wu Wang drew, Master has to boil it to drink it. Now everyone has formed the habit of drinking it cold in summer!

Zhuang Fan shook his head and said, "You don't know, this river is so powerful!"

The author has something to say: Buddha: "I am a monk, I cannot marry a wife!"

Jade Emperor: "There are fierce wives in the family, so I dare not have ulterior motives!"

Yuelao: "So, do you really have an affair?"

The Jade Emperor and Tathagata are good friends

A good friend

Is there any cp

(Actually, the Jade Emperor and the Queen Mother are not husband and wife...but everyone agrees that they are resentful spouses...

It's so strange, gods can't get divorced? )