The director is too flirtatious

"One thought, let's break up."

In an instant, the world was spinning.

I almost fell down, waving my hands indiscriminately, and supported the car so that I didn't fall down.

Seeing me like this, the director moved her body, but she still resisted and didn't come over.She trembled her lips, and said slowly, "I hesitated for a long time...but I didn't know how to bring it up, and I kept procrastinating until now. But I thought, I can't procrastinate like this, there should be a break .”

"Why... why..." My voice was broken, and I didn't know if the director understood me when I said it.

But the director is so familiar with me, how could she not understand?She smiled slightly, she was crying and smiling, the beauty was shocking. "Don't you know the reason?"

"I...don't know..." I cried and shook my head.

"Your father is right. In this relationship, I can't just look at myself. There are some things that I really can't give you." The director mentioned what he said to his father at the door of the ward. I don't know what he said in that paragraph words.

"I selfishly thought, it's good that you're out of the closet. This means that you cut off your back, and it proves that you really want to go down with me. I'm very happy, I'm really happy Happy. Because the woman I love really loves me, how can I not be happy?"

"I know that the level of acceptance of homosexuality in China is different, but I was far from expecting to reach the point where I am today. Coming out of the closet is the beginning, far from the end, and during this process, I realized that I am so powerless. I can't help You can't get your mother's approval, can't relieve your pressure, I can't do any of these."

"What else can I do? I can't do anything, can I?" The director was crying silently, her eyes were red, and the light behind her was shining on her hair, which was very beautiful and moving.

"Have you ever slept soundly since coming out? No have you? Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night I always see you staring at the ceiling with your eyes open and you can't sleep but you never tell me. I know You are afraid that I will worry about you, but you really haven't fallen asleep, have you?"

"I'm thinking, if I were you, if I didn't sleep a night for more than two months, would I collapse? I was thinking, if I were you, seeing a lot of my hair falling out, would I Will it hurt. I'm thinking, if I were you, watching the person in the mirror getting more and more haggard, would I be sad."

"And these things just made me feel self-blame, uneasy and a little bit sad, and made me shake my determination to be together, but I still don't want to say break up."

"Until you said, your mother begged you to change. Then I suddenly realized that I was still too selfish, really too selfish..." The director's voice was full of pain, and the emotions that had been suppressed for many days burst out , full of shocking tremors.

"I selfishly thought that as long as I get through it, it's fine. How can parents really be willing to let their children go? But I ignored it. As the one who bears it, can you survive the day when they are subdued? Thinking in your own shoes , if my mother was crying and begging me in that situation, I would break down."

"I long to be with you, but I ignore your feelings. I know that you suffer from insomnia every night, and I know that you are in great pain, but I pretend not to see it. I hug you, kiss you and comfort you. This is nothing more than They are telling you to persevere. But if I were you, would I still be able to persevere?"

"You always don't say a word, and you don't say anything if you can. You still talk to me with a smile on your face, pretending that you don't care. But you don't know, even after you fall asleep, you will Sudden trembling, and talking in sleep inadvertently. Sometimes I will be awakened by your sleep talking. At that time, my mood is always very complicated. I hug you and coax you back to sleep. Since then, I have I thought about breaking up."

"I haven't experienced it before, I really don't know what will happen like this, don't you?" The director smiled, she took a deep breath, wiped away her tears, her movements were graceful and charming, "I look at you like this, I'm very sad , One thought, I can't empathize with you, but I know you are very sad."

"I was thinking, is there any way to solve your sadness? I thought about it for a long time, and I didn't figure it out until this morning." When the director said this, he paused slightly, and she seemed to have restrained her previous thoughts. The mood was on the verge of collapse, so she returned to her calm and calm appearance, "Actually, it's not right to say that, I knew a long time ago how to solve this problem, but I have been unwilling to think about it. You know that, Isn't it?"

Yes, I know that too.I know that the pain of coming out comes from my mother's persecution, but there is actually a way to solve it.That is to compromise with her mother, break up with the director, and then follow her mother's arrangement to find a boyfriend.

How can I not know?But how can I do it?

I shook my head in pain, crying out of breath, I wanted to get closer to the director, but obviously the distance of these few steps was as far away as in the sky.I can't get over it, I can't walk.

"No...it's not..." I retorted helplessly and powerlessly.

"Yes, that's what we think." The director affirmed her words, and said what was hidden deep in his heart, "As long as we break up, everything will be resolved, isn't it?"

When I heard her mentioning the word breakup, my heart throbbed again. The pain made me want to scream, but I opened my lips, but I couldn't make a sound, I couldn't utter a single word. Can open silently, like a madman.

How can the director not feel uncomfortable seeing me like this?She also shed tears, but she didn't want to take a step closer to me, "Yi Nian, don't be like this, don't be like this."

"Yi... You... Yi..." I couldn't make a sound.

When the director heard me calling her name, she finally collapsed. She covered her mouth, and her waist, which had been straight all the time, also bent down, as if she had exhausted all her strength.Her sobbing voice came out, mixed with her broken words, "Just... just... like this..."

All the pain comes from being together, as long as we break up, there will be no more.

I couldn't speak, I could only shake my head.

No, it's not like that, although all this happened because I was with the director, but I never thought of separating from the director.The pain and entanglement, the sadness and guilt, and the breakup proposed by the director at this time, all the emotions exploded in my body in an instant.

I squatted on the ground, crying bitterly, shaking my head again and again.But I was always unable to speak, as if my throat had been strangled, as if my tongue had been pulled out, so I could only cry and shake my head.

I squatted on this side of the car, and the director stood on the other side of the car.

It's only a few steps away, but I can't walk over it, and I can't hug her or stop her.

The director's mood gradually stabilized, so she was able to continue to say what she said.But I didn't want to hear these words at all, but it was no use, they got into my ears anyway.

"We broke up because we lost a lover. It's just a failure of a relationship. There will be a day when we will come out. And you don't have to live up to your mother's expectations of you, you don't have to bear this guilt, and you don't have to suffer from insomnia every day. These two The torment of the past few months will disappear. One thought, I can't be so selfish. I can't let you fall into this dilemma because of my reluctance."

"I am not willing, I am not willing to be without you, but I am even more reluctant to see you fall into such a struggle. Think about it, think about it, if I came out to my family and became like you, you Will it hurt? It's obviously the same, isn't it? I love Yi Nian, she is positive, optimistic, cheerful, and always full of energy. She may be a little timid, and sometimes a little confused, but when I see her, Her smile is always as bright as the sun, and she will never be depressed."

"But Yi Nian, since you came out of the closet, everything has changed. Sometimes you will show weakness in front of me, but more often you will pretend to be indifferent in front of me. Do you know that your disguise is really It's bad, it's so bad that I can see through your absent-mindedness at a glance. You work very hard, to the point of desperation, and you still smile hard, and you pretend to be the same as before. But I'm really sad to see it. "

"How did it become like this? I watched you slowly become more and more haggard, but I couldn't do anything. Don't you want to know what your father once said to me? Let me tell you, He said, I am excellent, even better than most men, but I am still not a man, I can't give you the red book that is less than ten yuan, I can't take you out and tell strangers My object. He said that he had no objection to the two of us being together, he just loved you and your mother, and that the two women she loved the most had turned into ghosts and ghosts."

"Actually, your father said that I can't give you this, I don't care. I don't think you will care about this, so I have no fear, but I can't help but care about your father's love for you and your mother. Because I saw with my own eyes that you were hysterical when you argued with your mother, and I also saw with my own eyes that you were haunted by nightmares so that you couldn't fall asleep."

"You and I have reached this point today, when you hugged and kissed me, did you think of your mother?" The director asked me with a smile.

I listened to the director's question in a daze, and I found that I couldn't deny this question.Just after my mother had a car accident, after my mother begged me in the ward, sometimes when I got a little closer to the director, what came to mind was my mother's red eyes.

It's like a spell.

The director didn't seem to want me to answer, so he said to himself, "You can't ignore your mother's begging, right? It's not just you, when I heard this, I also felt that How can it be like this? As a junior, how can you let the elders beg you? This is such an unacceptable thing, I really can't bear to let you fall into this kind of torture, I really can't bear to..."

"So I thought, really, it's over, end this period of nightmare-like days. I just happened to be going to the branch office, you see, the time is just right, we can separate and calm down."

"Without me, at least you can be a well-behaved and filial daughter without making your parents sad. If you can, you can still have a boyfriend and have a cute child..." The director broke down again while speaking, He covered his mouth again.

I have been crying so much that I can't say a word, I can't even shake my head.

"If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be what you are today. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be in such pain. It was me who caused you and your mother to be where you are today. These days, not only you are sad, but I am also sad .Self-blame, guilt and anxiety made me not like myself. I have thought about it for a long time, really really thought about it for a long time. One thought, let yourself go, let me go too."

"let's break up."

The author has something to say: It seems that many people hope that the director and sister Hua Nan will be together, which is impossible.The director is straight, she just bends for a thought, even if she really came out and made a date, it would only be a boyfriend.

They will come to the end of all hardships, but just thinking that character is a big problem, she will always have to pay the price.But feelings are relative, so it is both parties who are hurt, and it is not purely the fault of Yi Nian. Yi Nian's character is like this. If it is not such a character, the director may not have liked her back then.

Also, the ending is he.