Baima Weiyang

He slowed down his speech, but every word revealed a cruelty that I had never heard before.I bit my lip, secretly swallowed the dull pain in my throat with the smell of iron, and took a small step in his direction, "Isn't it..."

Before he could finish speaking, the skirt of his clothes was suddenly grabbed.I was taken aback, and raised my eyes to meet his pale and stern face, the dark eyes were full of undisguised anger.My chest hurt so much, I couldn't help frowning, but the hand with the veins looming became more and more forceful, strangling me almost out of breath.My body trembled, and I couldn't help but stare at him in panic.

"Don't apologize to me. Not every time you say sorry, I have to forgive you." The cold voice came lightly, and my chest suddenly loosened, and I immediately fell to the hard Aga ground.I used to be afraid of the coldness of Agadi, but now I don't feel it at all while sitting.Is it because I sat all night, or... I smiled wryly, my mouth was trembling but I couldn't speak.The soft words from last night still seemed to be echoing in my ears. Although I expected him to be angry, his reaction was beyond my imagination.

I raised my hand to wipe my cheeks, and the salty tears seeped into the opening cut by the paper, and a sting slowly became stronger.Suddenly the breath of the person beside me moved, and I quickly reached out and grabbed his cassock.Looking up to meet his face, I heard my voice that had been hoarse all night shaking gently, "...Can you really not forgive me?"

Cangyang Gyatso squatted down slowly, but caressed my cheek roughly, "Did you think that such a day would come when you gave me the sweat medicine, huh?" Warm breath patted me rhythmically Beside my ears, the smell of alcohol has receded, but the faint fragrance of Buddha hurt my skin.I paused, took a breath to hold back my tears, "I didn't think about it. At that time, I thought I would never come back."

"Hmph...yes, how decisive you were when you pushed me away, without any hesitation." Cangyang Gyatso twitched the corners of his mouth, half-narrowing his dark eyes, "What about now? Now Why did you come back again?" I stared straight at him, listening to the mocking tone I had never heard before, I dug my nails into my palm so as not to let the tears fall from my eyes, "It's not why, it's just because I want to You, I can't help it. You know how much I like you..."

"How much do you like me?!" Tsangyang Gyatso laughed at himself, his pretty brows furrowed tightly, "Dawa Dolma, I know everything you do in Qiongjie, and I can even avoid Diba's My eyes and ears brought you back to my side..." He paused, afraid to see the sneer in his eyes again, I lowered my head, only to feel that the snorting against my ears gradually weakened, "Wait like this, I just want to I know, when will you come back and admit your mistakes to me?" My jaw was pinched mercilessly, and I was forced to look directly at him, "Two years, two full years, it seems that your obsession with me is nothing more than that .”

I stared blankly at him, trying to say a million words, but all of them were stuck in my throat.After a while, I slowly let go of the cassock I was holding in my hand, "You hate what I did for you so much. Then what did you do for me? Is it enough for me to hate you?"

"You—" Cangyang Gyatso was taken aback when he heard this, and then raised the corners of his mouth indifferently.He stretched out his hand and gently pulled my braids, his tone was calm and decisive, "If you don't want to stay in the world I have carefully built for you, then never come in again." I smiled at him, "It's okay, I don't want to forgive me It doesn't matter. You just want to be happy. This is what I owe you..."

Cangyang Gyatso glanced at me indifferently, and I quietly watched him walk out of the side hall.It wasn't until I could no longer hear his footsteps that I slumped my shoulders and buried my face in my hands.Kneeling stiffly on the ground of Aga, my knees felt as if they were covered with pins and needles. The pain was excruciating, but I didn't want to wake up at all.Maybe only enough stimulation can make me feel that I am still alive...

I don't know how long it took, the winter sun slanted into the side hall, dispelling the cold and darkness in the room.I carefully looked at the house where I stayed all night, but my heart was still wrapped in a complete strangeness... From last night to this morning, my heart seemed to be hanging high in the air, and then fell off the cliff .It's been two years, and I didn't expect that the problems between us have not been resolved, but have intensified.

Tsangyang Gyatso, the name is the Buddha who lives in the world.It is said that the Buddha is merciful and saves all living beings, but why is the Buddha not cruel and ruthless?The love in the world should not be biased. The so-called equality of all beings is also a kind of lovelessness... Although to him, this sentient being does not include me.He allows me to make sacrifices for him, but only if the sacrifice does not include myself.On this issue, I have always made concessions, except for my departure two years ago.

I can ignore the small injuries and pains that happened in the past, but when I encounter big ups and downs, I can't live in a daze.To put it bluntly, I am also a very stubborn person.I can be selfish to anyone, but to Tsangyang Gyatso, I can't and can't do it.He will block all pain and disaster for the one he loves, and it is the same for me.Two people who love each other are qualified to pay for each other.But he didn't allow me to do this, and he never allowed it.

I don't know how long I can last, after all, I am not very good at such a cold war, and it is a protracted war.It's just that if this can calm the anger in his heart, I don't really care about the rest.It's a pity that I didn't expect that this time he was determined to pull out the stubborn tendon in my body, and he was so determined not to leave me any way out...

"Huh..." I stared blankly at the white air that spewed out of my mouth and disappeared into the air like a cloud. I stretched out my arms to hug my legs, and circled my whole body.I glanced at the pulu robe that had fallen on the corridor, and I turned my head to look to the south. The grand and majestic Potala Palace was bathed in the halo of the setting sun, and the slanted shadows of the buildings brought out the dullness of the palace. and solemn.I have never seen the Potala Palace from this angle, so I never knew that the rough and simple plateau also has places that make people feel out of reach.

In the past few days, I stayed in Zongjiao Lukang all day and all night, and never left.

In Tibetan, Zongjiao means "behind the castle", while Lukang means "Lu Temple".Lu God is the general name of Tibetan Buddhism and Bon religion for a kind of gods living underground and in water.Because of misinformation, Zongjiao Lukang has its Chinese translation name—Longwangtan.

It is rumored that when the Potala Palace was expanded, a large amount of soil was taken here, and water accumulated into a pool.Cangyang Gyatso carried out renovation and development of this place. On the small island in Tanzhong, an attic was built according to the mandala model in Tibetan Buddhist rituals, and a five-hole stone arch bridge was erected to communicate with the outside world.This five-hole stone arch bridge is more than 20 meters long and more than three meters wide. I have touched almost every stone tile on the bridge, and the touchable ones feel nothing but cold.

In the center of the pool is an irregular circular island with three floors of pavilions, facing south from north.The first floor is a fully symmetrical cross-shaped layout, with the Huilou main hall in the center and side halls around it. There are also corridors for viewing the scenery outside the side halls.The second floor has the same structure as the first floor, with a Buddhist hall surrounded by pillars, and corridors around the Buddhist hall.The top floor is a small hexagonal hall, with bucket arches supporting the eaves and a hexagonal spire on top. On the long logs at the end of the eaves, there is a copper dragon with an elephant trunk and two horns, and a copper bell hangs under the neck.Whenever the breeze blows, the bells jingle, crisp and sweet.This is probably the sound I have heard the most these days.

Zongjiao Lukang is the most famous garden in Lhasa. It is flexibly arranged around the mountains of Potala, and irregular polygonal walls are built.If it is in the early spring, the island and the surrounding pools must be lush and green.It's a pity that it's a cold winter day, and besides a pool of clear blue waves, there are gray branches full of trees to accompany me...

Since that day, I haven't seen him again. To be precise, he should not let me see him.It was also at that time that I realized that if he hadn't given me the opportunity to get close to him, I wouldn't have been able to walk into his heart so easily.He is like a star in the vast sky, with silvery white light falling down, so high above, so far away.Although Xingzi can't hold it, at least he can see it.It's not like now... even seeing him is a luxury for me...

After all, he didn't drive me away, and I didn't dare to leave.I know that he sent many people to guard the garden.Sometimes when I look at the scenery aimlessly, I will catch a glimpse of the acolyte in a crimson cassock.They didn't hide either, they just looked at me from a distance but didn't dare to approach me.Every time I would stare straight at them and think of Tsangyang Gyatso's face.It wasn't until my eyelids were sore and trembling that I couldn't open them anymore from exhaustion that I groped into the side hall and fell headlong on the couch where he had slept.

I have stayed in every shrine and Buddhist hall in the entire pavilion.I often sit on the soft card mat, look up at the goddess Mozhu Saiqin and many Dharma protectors he invited from Mozhugongka, and then imagine how he looks like when he does these things, and how he kneels here.Every room in the pavilion retains his aura, but only the side hall at the southeast corner of the second floor has the strongest aura.Therefore, I spent the longest time in the side hall.During the day I smell that breath while writing and reading, and at night I sleep with that breath on my pillow, as if he is by my side.

He deliberately wanted me to experience the life he lived in the past two years, and I also showed how I lived alone in the past two years, living like a walking dead, not dying, but neither crying nor laughing.Has he lived like this for the past two years?I'm as numb as I am... What about these few days?What is he doing again?Is the anger in my heart gone?Is it more comfortable... As long as it is not like my current situation, then I will be content...

I don't know why he likes Zongjiao Lukang so much. After staying here for so many days, I still haven't found its charm.Is it because the place is so quiet that there is no sound, or is it that the deep cold can freeze the pain in people's hearts... But why do I still feel pain?When I think of him, I still tremble and suffer from pain, as if I have returned to every late night when I was in Qiongjie...

It turned out that losing his shelter was like this feeling, the feeling of having nothing, nothing to rely on, and no hope or thought.I don't know how long I can last, I have never experienced such a life.At least when you are in Qiongjie, no matter how lonely your heart is, there will still be a lot of people by your side.But in Zongjiao Lukang, I couldn't see him, and there was no one to talk to.All the emotions are snowballing and getting bigger and bigger. Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night, I feel inexplicably afraid. I am afraid that I will not be able to bear it before his anger subsides... In that case, will he be disappointed and disgusted even more? And me?

Perhaps it was this belief that supported me through every minute and every second soaked in loneliness.Fortunately, in the huge Zongjiao Lukang, there is another person I can get close to, and that is Danba who brings me daily necessities and food every day.But he doesn't talk very often, and just looks at me carefully every time.I know, in fact, he has a lot to say to me, because in his eyes, I saw the regret that only a monk can have.Although I knew it very well in my heart, I never tried to break it.He also held back and didn't say anything until that day...

The moonlight in the middle of the night is like flowing silver, sprinkled in the Dragon King Pool.Occasionally, a breeze blows by, creating layers of ripples, and the pool is very lively.I sat in the cowhide boat, took off the wooden oars on both sides, held them in my hands facing the sky, and let the boat float in the pool with the wind.I raised my head and stared motionlessly at the full moon hanging high in the sky, until Danba knelt on the bank and begged me to go back, only then did I realize that the cowhide boat had leaked, and my clothes were wetted by the cold pool water.

I rowed back slowly, and when I landed, Danba choked and grabbed my robe corner, "You...don't go anymore, Danba begs you! Master...he has you in his heart, always has..." I stretched out my hand to help him up, smiled at him, and went back to the side hall in silence.I naturally know what he means, but he has never loved before, so he will not understand that once a person loves, he can no longer retreat... It is not that you can leave if you want, not to mention that when people leave, their hearts will remain forever Where……

After returning to the side hall, I wrote the verse of lingering love and desire for a whole night, until the butter lamp beside me was completely extinguished, and the bamboo pen in my hand slipped quietly...

"Like a fire that covers a dry salary, the fire grows blazingly; like a person who enjoys pleasure, the fire of love grows. Although the fire is blazing, everyone can give it up; the fire of love burns the world, and it is lingering." I chanted softly, the words in my mouth The voice was blown more and more faintly by the night wind... The copper bells on the top eaves began to jingle again. Hearing the only voice in Lukang of the Dzong, I suddenly recalled the happy time in Drepung Monastery, and my heart softened. open.I smiled, stood up and looked at the vast night in the garden...

Zongjiao Lukang is next to the Potala Palace, afraid of being discovered by Diba and causing unnecessary troubles, I will stay in the pavilion during the day and stay behind closed doors, until it is dark at night, I will come out and walk around alone.While thinking about which Tang willow tree to sit on tonight, he bent down and picked up the pulu robe that had fallen on the corridor.Just about to go back to the side hall to put the robes, just about to step over the threshold, there was a sound of footsteps along the corridor.I was taken aback for a moment, but when I turned around, I saw that handsome face that I was all too familiar with...