Baima Weiyang

I watched in a daze as he walked over in a few steps, but knocked down several short stools along the way.Standing in front of me for a while, Danba stared straight at me, with a trace of disbelief in his eyes, and said tremblingly after a long while, "You are back..."

I took a step diagonally to block the sight of the people behind me, and I felt the voice trembling in my throat, "...he is here?" Danba nodded at me, "Master, he..." The words continued. Before he finished speaking, his eyes turned red.

"He's having a bad day, isn't he?" I asked hoarsely.Danba was taken aback for a moment, and tears welled up in his eyes, "It's not bad, it's very bad..."

"Very bad?" I lowered my eyes and repeated the word in a low voice.After a delay of two seconds, he waved at him with his usual expression, "Take me to see him."

Danba gave me a dull look, with a hint of guilt, puzzlement, and even surprise in his eyes.Leading me to the second floor, I had no time to take care of the proprietress who was stunned in front of the bar.Perhaps in the eyes of others, I just walked slowly.But only I know that in this icy body, the heart is beating painfully, and the fiery red thick liquid in the blood vessels is silently flowing backwards...

The brocade boots under his feet stepped forward step by step, and finally stopped in front of a small cubicle.A thin wooden door was half-closed, I glanced up and down, and suddenly remembered the day when Qiongjie met Lhazang.I have always wanted to know whether my departure was right or wrong for Tsangyang Gyatso. Now, the answer is finally in front of me... With a soft "squeak", the wooden door slid open under my push.The heat in the room blindfolded my eyes, and before I could see clearly, a strong smell of alcohol rushed into my nose.

I stood there blankly for a few seconds, until my cheeks got used to the sudden temperature, and the water in my eyes receded for a few weeks.Turning his eyes slowly, when he swept across the round table, the person half lying on the table seemed to be awakened by my noise, and looked up at me with squinted eyes.

The familiar face came into view, and I suddenly felt that I was tripped by a huge boulder weighing a thousand catties, and I couldn't move a step for a long time.The nails dug deeply into the palm of my hand, and I forced myself to push my body forward.Until he looked away as if he hadn't seen it.I froze for a moment, and immediately froze beside him.

Before he had time to think about anything, he suddenly raised his hand and pulled me into his arms.The breath mixed with the strong smell of alcohol hit my face a little anxiously, making me a little painful.Cangyang Gyatso lowered his head and approached me, frowned and smiled self-deprecatingly, "Why did I dream of you again?"

As he spoke, he stretched out his hand to brush away the broken hair beside my ear, and kissed my earlobe and the back of my neck with his thin lips, which were scalded by the wine, one after another... "It's so real, but when I woke up, there was nothing " A voice like a rhythmic stone murmured, and I touched his blushing cheeks with trembling palms, "Cangyang Gyatso, why are you so drunk?"

The tears pouring into his eyes quickly blocked his vision, and I only saw a vague smile on his face, "You're willing to come out to see me when you're drunk, aren't you..." As soon as he finished speaking, he reached out and picked it up. The wooden bowl on the round table was brought to my lips to drink, but I hurriedly snatched it away.I couldn't stop my hand for a moment, and the transparent wine swirled and splashed on my robe.A burst of coolness came, but I only felt a burning dull pain, "Cangyang Gyatso, don't drink... I'm already back, look up at me, this is not a dream... I really have to come back..."

Hearing this, Tsangyang Gyatso paused, then raised his hand to hold my cheek.Wet tears seeped into his palm, which turned cold in a short while.He looked at me quietly, his breathing gradually calmed down, but his eyes were still blurred.

There was no sound in the room, only the sound of intertwined breathing... Cangyang Gyatso suddenly reached out and pressed my head into his arms, his hoarse voice was full of drunkenness, "Why did you leave me?" he said to himself I asked anxiously, the heartbeat in my chest came into my ears, "Is it because the status of the Living Buddha makes you uncomfortable... Or is it that the usual strict control over you makes you feel unfree..."

After a pause for a while, those bony fingers gently caressed my cheek, "I will never be able to get rid of this identity, but no matter what happens, I will stand in front of you, so...isn't that okay? Huh? "As he spoke, he reached out and lifted my chin, and a series of light kisses fell on my cheeks soaked with tears, "What else is there to dissatisfy? Tell me, I can change it... Dolma... ..."

Trembling, I stretched out my arms to hug him, my lips were trembling but I couldn't say a word for a long time.I buried my face in his arms as usual, inhaling the breath that belonged to him alone, but the familiar scent of Buddha was almost completely covered by the smell of alcohol... I never expected that there would be more in my life. Something more terrible than the scourge of God will happen... But now, all this is really in front of my eyes, how should I accept it... He has never spoken to me like this, so humble, so cautious...

Seeing that I hadn't moved for a long time, Cangyang Gyatso lowered his head to look at me, and stretched out his hand to slightly open the distance between us.I was taken aback, and immediately wrapped my arms around his waist, my throat was so sore that I could only make a hoarse voice, "No, no, I don't need you to do anything... as long as you let me see your pain, as long as You let me hurt with you..."

He paused and didn't speak for a long time, but his arms hugged me tightly.The thin lower jaw touched my shoulder, and after a while there was a heavy soreness.I endured it and almost cried out my tears until I felt the blood on my shoulder congealed badly, so I stretched out my hand and pushed his body.But he didn't respond at all, he tentatively called his name, "... Cangyang Gyatso?" There was still a moment of silence in response to me.

I pressed my head against his cheek, and when I heard the sound of rhythmic breathing, I realized that he was already drunk and fell asleep.Just as I raised my hand to touch his shoulder, he slipped and buried his face in my neck.The sudden weight made my back tremble, and my whole body leaned back against the edge of the round wooden table.

"Danba——" Turning his head to look outside the door with difficulty, Danba heard the voice and ran in with some stumbles.Seeing that I was panting heavily, he quickly helped Tsangyang Gyatso away from me.

There was a light on his chest, and his breathing became much easier.He raised his sleeve and wiped his forehead, the tears on his cheeks turned into beads of sweat.Feeling the warmth of my limbs, I couldn't help being a little dazed.Is it because I finally came back to him that I am not so afraid of the cold anymore?After a pause, the water in my eyes flashed... It was because of the deep cold that had flowed into my heart for weeks...

"You..." Seeing that I hadn't spoken for a long time, Danba couldn't help but look at me worriedly.I turned my gaze away and stroked Tsangyang Gyatso's blushing cheek with my hand, "Does the master come here every night?" Danba nodded, but his eyes drooped down. After a long time, he suddenly raised his head, "You...can you stay at Zongjiao Lukang tonight?" I was taken aback, but before I could answer, he said hurriedly, "Don't worry, there are only Master's people there, and there is no Lord Diba's eyes and ears. .”

The long-lost words came to my ears, familiar and strange.Sanjay Gyatso's slightly gloomy face flashed in my mind, and an indescribable feeling came to my heart... Is the sky angry? Over his shoulders, one hand clasped his waist tightly.The fiery body temperature sticks to my body, and a scent of Buddha lingers around me accompanied by the smell of alcohol.I gave Danba a look, and I said, "Let's go, we won't send him back to the Potala Palace tonight."

Danba was overjoyed when he heard this, and cooperated with me to help Cangyang Gyatso to walk out the door.Drunk, he staggered to and fro, and the fox fur hat on his head fell off several times.Fortunately, the night was dark and there were no guests on the second floor, but before going downstairs, I had to stop and put the fox fur cap back on his head.

Because Tsangyang Gyatso was much taller than me, his head rested on my shoulder, so heavy that I could hardly walk.In desperation, he could only let him lean on Danba's shoulder. The height difference between the two was not too big, and they could just hold the fox fur cap on his head.

When they walked down the stairs, Gesang and Uncle Jamba were drinking buttered tea at a square wooden table near the counter, while the proprietress leaned on the counter and looked down at the ledger.Hearing the noise, all three of them turned to look in my direction.

Gesang was taken aback, and his eyes flicked past Cangyang Gyatso beside me, and a trace of complicated emotions flashed inexplicably in his eyes.I wasn't sure before, but now it seems that he must know the relationship between me and Cangyang Gyatso, and even... Knowing Cangyang Gyatso's true identity is also unknown... But, I always feel that his expression is a little strange, as if It's a faint anticipation suppressed.Maybe the butter lamp in the room was so dim that I had an illusion.

I didn't bother to explain anything to him, so I nodded and supported Cangyang Gyatso to go out.I inadvertently turned my gaze to the counter, only to find that the proprietress was looking at me thoughtfully.The eyes of the two met, I simply did not avoid it, and smiled at her.She was taken aback for a moment, and then the corners of her mouth curled up, her gentle and beautiful face was almost the same as that of Maggie Ami.

Looking at Uncle Qiangba, he was holding buttered tea, his beard was a little wet, but the smile on his mouth was very happy.He was probably the only one with a normal look among the three.Thinking of this, my originally sore heart finally relaxed a little.It's not that Gesang and the proprietress' strange emotions make me feel anything, it's just... I always feel that something is being concealed.But I didn't have a chance to figure it out right now, so I immediately stopped thinking.

The carriage turned out of Barkhor Street with a "clang bang" and went around a few more streets.When driving outside the wall of Zongjiao Lukang, Tsangyang Gyatso was still sound asleep.Zongjiao Lukang has two gates on the east and south sides, and because the south side is only connected to the Potala Palace by a meandering path, the carriage drove in through the east gate.

In modern times, I have never been here, but now I am not in the mood to visit.Opening the curtains and looking out, Tang willows are growing and the blue waves are sparkling. I don't know if it is because of the dim starlight tonight, the whole garden seems to be shrouded in the cold of winter.I closed my eyes and leaned against the car wall inlaid with soft satin, and only heard the sound of "click click" horseshoes beating clearly and steadily in this silent night...

"Huh la la..." I wrung out the steaming wet towel in my hand, unfolded it and wiped Cangyang Gyatso's face.The flush from the alcohol seemed to be slowly receding, and his breathing gradually became rhythmic.I stared at his sleeping face for a while, and just wanted to move my body, but my legs felt numb, "Hiss—" I couldn't help but took a deep breath, leaning on the edge of the couch and waiting for a long time. Dare to stand up.

I can't remember how long I squatted and knelt on the ground of Aga, I just felt that I had turned into a statue.I didn't wake up until the breeze blew and there was a "jingling" copper bell from the corner of the eaves on the top floor.Turning to look out of the window, the silver moon is like a hook, and the stars are white and connected with the cloud body.Looking at the dimly lit room in front of him, his thoughts froze for a moment.

I thought Zongjiao Lukang only had a Buddhist hall dedicated to gods, but I didn't expect that there was such a side hall in the southeast corner of the second floor. Although there was only a simple couch, all daily necessities were quite complete.

When Tsangyang Gyatso came in, as soon as he lay down, he turned over and vomited.Before Danba had time to get the copper basin, I was spat all over by him.At that time, I had already taken off my pulu robe, and at first I was afraid that there would be no robes for me to change and wash here.When I searched for Tsangyang Gyatso's cassock in the closet, I found that the clothes I had left in Drepung Monastery were neatly placed inside.

I took it out tremblingly, and I immediately swung Danba back.Blow out several butter lamps, leaving only a ray of warm light.After scrubbing Tsangyang Gyatso's body, he changed into a cassock.I knelt on the ground of Aga, and wept silently while cleaning up his vomited wine with a rag.When the cleaning was finished, more than half of the front of the skirt was wet, and the entire back was almost glued by the seeping sweat.

It wasn't until I felt the pain in my eyes that I could no longer shed tears that I numbly sat down on the ground of Aga.The wind from the window carried a burst of coolness, blowing on my hot and sore cheeks.After changing my robe in a daze, I half-kneeled beside the couch, staring at the person on the bed for a long time.

Drunk, he has been sleeping not soberly, kicking off the pulu blanket on his body from time to time.I pulled him back over and over again, and tucked the corners of the blanket. Finally, there was nothing I could do, so I reached out and pressed the blanket.I remember when he was in Drepung Monastery, he was always like this, no matter how tired he was during the day, he would take care of me impatiently at night.I can't remember when I developed these bad habits, but it seems that after meeting him, these bad habits intensified.

Thinking of this, my heart began to ache again.Holding Cangyang Gyatso's broad palm, a warm body temperature came over.I leaned over and kissed his cheek, and the touch that I hadn't experienced for a long time imprinted on my lips, and the dependence that melted into my flesh and blood seemed to flow back into my body.How long have I restrained, and now I finally don't have to suppress it... When I heard your mantra after drinking, I was so sad and happy at the same time... At least, you still need me, and I will never leave again...

The cool morning breeze blows in through the window, and the copper bells at the corner of the eaves begin to ring again.I got up and walked to the window, and the sky was already pale.I didn't close my eyes all night. Although my eyes hurt so much that I couldn't open them, my body didn't seem to be tired.He took a towel and washed his face with cold water, and he became sober in an instant.

Cangyang Gyatso was still fast asleep on the couch, knowing that he would not be able to sleep soundly when the day was about to dawn, I couldn't help but relax my movements.After blowing out the butter lamp that had been burning all night, the light in the room was not too dim.This side hall is divided into two small compartments by a satin curtain like eighteen arhats.There is a couch and a square cabinet in the inner room, and a sandalwood desk in the outer room.

Turning his neck, he realized that his whole body was in great pain.Afraid of disturbing Cangyang Gyatso, I simply lifted the satin curtain and went outside.There is a bookcase on the east wall, and several Buddhist scriptures are scattered on the shelf.I looked around aimlessly, and finally walked to the desk.It was covered with a tablecloth woven with Yongzhong symbols, and upon closer inspection, there was a wide thread-bound book in the center of the desk, with no words on the thick blue cover.

I picked it up curiously, and as soon as I opened it, the font with iron and silver hooks came into view, and I couldn't help being startled...it turned out to be..."Poetry Collection of Cangyang Gyatso"? !In modern times, I never dreamed that I would get the real work one day, but when I traveled here, I never found out that Tsangyang Gyatso wrote poems, and I gradually forgot about it.Now that it suddenly appeared in my hand, I couldn't help feeling a little more excited.

Has he written all his feelings for the past two years into his poems?I don’t know what the poems in this original are like?Is it the same as the handed down works of later generations?Feeling my fingers trembling slightly, I lowered my head and was about to study it, when suddenly there was a soft sound of the curtain being raised behind me.

I paused, and before I could turn around, I heard a voice as icy as iron... "Put it down." The short word was just two words, but it exploded in my heart like a thunder.The wood carving and clay sculpture stood still in place, my palm trembling, but I was still reluctant to put down the wide book.Until there was a sudden light on my hand, and the sharp paper slid across my fingers, causing almost invisible pain for a moment.

With a muffled "bang", Kuan Ben'er was pressed heavily on the desk with one hand.I turned my head and stretched out my hand to hold his slightly trembling hand because of his anger. Unexpectedly, he clasped his backhand and pushed it back mercilessly.Cangyang Gyatso snorted coldly, staring at me fiercely with downcast eyes, "Dawa Dolma, you still know how to come back?!"