Baima Weiyang

On April [-]th of the Fire Dog Year in the Tibetan calendar, Ngawang Rinchen's ashes were buried in Duilongdeqing, next to the five mani piles that the local people spontaneously built for Sangye Gyatso.Cangyang Gyatso took me to kneel and kowtow in front of the mani pile after he finished reciting the scriptures on exorcising salvation.

After finishing everything, the body was gently pulled up.I raised my eyes to look at the Fengma flag fluttering in the wind in the distance, and the tears that I had endured for a long time still slipped out of my eyes.

"Let's go." Cangyang Gyatso stretched out his arms to embrace me, and gently wiped away the tears on my face with his fingers.I nodded, closed my swollen and painful eyelids, and all the tears in my eyes fell down at once.

Looking back and taking a deep look, the white khata on the mani pile was still swaying in the wind.

Goodbye, that young man who came out from behind the mulberry oven, who once had a drink with me, and disobeyed my biological father for me... Also, the man who fought all his life for the last wish of the fifth king was labeled "traitor" by historians "The infamy of the Tibetan people has sung praises for tens of millions of Tibetans...

Goodbye, those who have left me, rest in peace in the vast and vast Tibetan region, may all suffering end with reincarnation...

The time of April passed quietly in the alternation of day and night, and the breath of summer became more and more intense. The whole plateau seemed to be surrounded by several invisible iron walls.But in this seemingly closed and stagnant space, no one can stop the pace of time.

At first, Tsangyang Gyatso still went out during the day and came back to accompany me at night.But later, he stayed in the bedroom for longer and longer, these few days, he even stayed by my side day and night.

I understand that we have been gradually pushed into the center of the storm, and everything is not going well.But Tsangyang Gyatso never mentioned it to me, but just accompanied me as usual, and the days were as plain and sweet as Ganden Podrang at that time.I also happily stayed by his side, and pretended not to know anything about the rest.

If we said that we were worried about gains and losses before, it was just because we had a little illusion about the ending.But now, it seems that he has decided that things will not turn around again, so he calmed down instead...

On May [-]st of the Fire Dog Year, Lhasa gathered the eminent monks and lamas of the three major monasteries, publicly reprimanded Tsangyang Gyatso for not abiding by religious rules, unable to convince the public, and demanded that his name be abolished.The monks were horrified, and excused Tsangyang Gyatso on the grounds of playing samadhi and losing Bodhi.

Lhazang was furious, and wrote a letter to Emperor Kangxi, accusing Sangye Gyatso of many crimes during his lifetime, and accused Cangyang Gyatso of indulging in wine and sex, not abiding by clear rules, and being a fake Dalai Lama, please depose him.

When Tsangyang Gyatso returned to Katangji, I was standing up from the rocking chair, and I turned my head to see the corner of the crimson cassock, and I was a little dazed for a while.When he stopped, his body was suddenly pushed down on the rocking chair.

"You..." I was taken aback, staring at his suddenly enlarged face with wide eyes, before I could say anything, my lips were kissed heavily.

....................................

I don't know how long it took, and the pain in my body gradually eased.Cangyang Gyatso kissed my forehead, turned over and stood up, and gently hugged me to the bed.The thin pulu blanket fell on my body, Cangyang Gyatso stretched out his hand and pulled me into his arms, hugged each other tightly, but no one fell asleep. This night, we looked at each other and waited until dawn...

On the eighth day of the fifth month of the fire dog year, when the first ray of morning light in Lhasa shone into Tsodanus Xipingcuo, I was standing among the pillars, watching the blue and white sky faintly hit Tsangyang Gyatso’s chin. superior.He stood still for a long time, until I walked beside him softly, then he turned around and raised his hand to gently pinch my cheek.

When the fifth class and Chan entered the hall, the sun was already shining outside the window.I knelt in front of him respectfully, and through the silhouette falling on the ground of Aga, I watched him stretch his hand to the top of my head, and a power from the Buddha of Immeasurable Light slowly poured into my body.

In the largest hall in the Potala Palace, there are carved beams and painted buildings, treasures painted on the ground, and under a canopy of blue, red and green horizontal stripes, there are the thrones of the Dalai Lama and the Dalai Lama.The main hall is surrounded by exquisite murals, and the wide hall between the columns on both sides is covered with layers of flag towers.

Strong colors, but also with the solemnity of Buddhism.Nine years ago, Tsangyang Gyatso, who was not yet 15 years old, was in this hall. After performing rituals such as eliminating disasters, exorcising evil spirits, and taking a bath, he ascended the throne of fearlessness and held a grand enthronement ceremony.

But today, everything is very different from that day.

There were no edicts and imperial edicts from the imperial court, and no congratulatory gifts from all parties. The two imperial envoys sent by Emperor Kangxi came in, accompanied by Lhazang, and walked in.

I stood silently under the throne, and the slightly loose men's clothes on my body made me feel uncomfortable for a while.With the acquiescence of the Fifth Panchen Chan, I pretended to be Tsangyang Gyatso's entourage, so I was able to walk into the supreme Western Hall and stay by his side all the time.

Suddenly, I felt a heavy gaze sweeping towards me, raised his head to meet Shanglazang's Danfeng eyes, almost without any pause, he looked away indifferently.I tightened my fingers, but my palm was cold.

"Master Pan-Chan!" Shu Lan, a cabinet scholar who is over fifty years old, clasped his hands together and saluted Luosang Yixi. He was wearing a golden pheasant suit, a red coral crown on his head, and a long single-eyed flower feather in his white jade feather tube. .The commander of the guard, Xi Zhu, was dressed in a lion men's suit and a red tasseled hat with coral beads on his head.Lobsang Yeshe also touched their heads and blessed them.

After the ceremony was over, all eyes turned to Tsangyang Gyatso on the throne.Shu Lan looked sideways at the silent Lhazang, walked up to the throne, saw Cangyang Gyatso's face at close range, he couldn't help being startled, and lowered his eyes in awe, "The emperor has a decree. "

Cangyang Gyatso did not move, and the monks and lay officials below all stood aside tacitly, without making a sound.I cleared my throat, and bowed to look at Shu Lan, "My lord, it's not that I'm being rude to the great emperor, it's just that the lord has been unwell recently, so I just listen to the order like this, is it okay?"

Shu Lan glanced at me in surprise, then exchanged glances with Xi Zhu next to him, thought for a while and said slowly, "Then listen like this." He coughed and his face became serious. , "The emperor ordered that Luosang Rinchen Tsangyang Gyatso did not abide by the clear rules and behaved badly. He was not the reincarnation of his predecessors. Therefore, the title of the Dalai Lama was abolished and the capital was dedicated." After he finished speaking, he paused and turned his eyes to Cangyang Yang Gyatso, "Buddha, do you understand?"

"En." Cangyang Gyatso nodded, but his gaze was fixed on me.

I smiled at him, and the fingers tightly clenched under my sleeves finally loosened.Diba is gone, and no one can protect you from the wind and rain anymore.How wonderful it would be if I was strong enough to protect you...

Since then, Tsangyang Gyatso, who lost the title of Dalai Lama, also lost the qualification to live in the Potala Palace.Lalu Gaze, a forest garden that I have never been to, he was imprisoned here for a full nine days.

Eating, sleeping... Finally, we can hug each other closely like ordinary couples, without having to feel guilty about secular ethics.As long as I wake up every day and see the figure beside me, I feel that I am still the happiest person in the world and have the most beautiful love in the world.

In the past, I always thought that there would be a day when he was just my Dangsang Wangpo, not the sixth Dalai Lama of Tibet.But if all of this has to be exchanged with life, is it worth it...

On the [-]th day of the fifth month of the fire dog year, Tsangyang Gyatso set off at Laluga Cailin Garden. After hearing the news, countless monks and laymen rushed to see off the living Buddha in their hearts with tears.Facing the swords and guns of the Mongolian army, the Tibetans did not dare to resist, but kowtowed silently.Some who couldn't restrain their grief boldly stepped forward to offer khata.

I stood in the middle of the crowd and looked at this special escort team, which had no prison shackles or prison carts. The escorted person was wearing a crimson cassock and walked slowly ahead.He refused to use horses instead of walking, and the whole team marched towards the northwest suburb of Lhasa at his pace.

The sky was gray, and the wind horse flag straddling the sky and the earth was constantly being beaten by the wind, making a series of dull sounds.On the wide street paved with bluestone slabs, the gray walls on both sides stand tall, allowing the heavy wind to sweep people's clothes corners wantonly.This endless road bends and ends in the shadowy rolling mountains.

Countless people followed the escort team for a while, and there was a faint sound of dharma horns in front of them, and occasionally the sound of leather drums.The voice became clearer and clearer. Looking up, the white shadows of Drepung Monastery were already exposed in the huge horseshoe-shaped cliff.

The scent of pine branches in the air became more and more intense, curling smoke drifted out from the mouth of the iron-black simmering mulberry stove, and the vast expanse of whiteness almost blocked the gloomy sky.When we reached the foot of the mountain on the east side, there was a sudden earth-shattering shout, and before we could react, thousands of armed lamas ambushing around surrounded us like sea water.

Faced with this sudden situation, the escort team suddenly became a mess.The horse neighed skyward in shock, its front hooves raised high.The sound of hurried footsteps approached menacingly, and even the stone road under their feet was kicked loudly.

Seeing that the Mongolian soldiers in the ranks were about to draw their swords, Xi Zhu, who was sitting on the horse, stepped on the stirrups vigorously. While pulling the reins to control the horses under him, he shouted loudly, "Stop! Don't hurt innocent people!" He turned his head to look at the commotion crowd again, "My fellow citizens of the Qing Dynasty! Please calm down! Your Buddha was invited by the emperor to go on a pilgrimage, and he will be back soon! Please rest assured, don't be impulsive, so as not to accidentally hurt you Lord Buddha!"

The Mongolian soldiers exchanged glances with each other hesitantly, and the hand on the handle of the knife trembled slightly.Just at this moment of hesitation, the surrounding crowd swarmed up as if they had made an agreement, echoed with the lamas who came from afar, surrounded by Tsangyang Gyatso, and hurried to the uphill road of Drepung Monastery. go.

Pushed forward by the crowd, I stumbled all the way into the gate of the temple.On the long gray and white steps, there are full of crimson lamas and dark believers.I stood on tiptoe several times to look for Cangyang Gyatso, but before I could search a few times, I was squeezed back again.

When they reached the Tsochin Hall, they escaped from the threat of the Mongolian army, and the crowd gradually became orderly.It was also at this time that I found Tsangyang Gyatso surrounded by several monks and soldiers.He was facing away from me, looking at the long steps with searching eyes, stopped in place for a while, and then walked out.The lama next to him was taken aback, and hurriedly pulled him back, "His lord, you..."

I paused, anxiously zigzag through the crowd, managed to shake off the two monk soldiers who tried to stop me, stretched out my arms and hugged him from behind, "I'm here..." Pasting it on his cassock, tears flowed from the bottom of his eyes, "Cangyang Gyatso, I am here..."

Hearing my voice, he turned around in a hurry, and touched my wet cheek with his slightly cool palm. After a while, the rapid breathing by his ear gradually calmed down.Leaning over to wrap his arms around his waist, Tsangyang Gyatso stretched out his hand and pressed my head into his embrace, hugging each other tightly, the fragrance of Buddha came from his cassock, and a wave of warmth slowly poured in heart.

There was no sound around us for a while, and the monks, laymen and believers looked at us without saying a word.Tsangyang Gyatso pulled me a few steps, and stepped into the main hall of Tsochen, his sight suddenly went dark.The crowd behind them followed in tacitly, forming a loose half circle.

Manjushri Bodhisattva enshrined in the main hall is looking at all living beings in the world with a solemn expression.The densely packed thangkas, prayer flags, and square pillars obscured the light of the butter lamp.

Cangyang Gyatso looked around the hall, took my hand, and led me to kneel down slowly.The surrounding monks and laymen immediately gasped, "Master!" Cangyang Gyatso waved his hand and stopped the lamas who were coming to help him. The one closest to him couldn't stop him, so he simply He also knelt down with a "boom".

Almost at the same time, the surrounding crowd dwindled layer by layer like a tide.Looking at the pious believers kneeling on the ground, their bodies were almost prostrate on the ground, and my eyes gradually became hot.Knowing that it would be useless to stop him, Cangyang Gyatso withdrew his hand and hung it to one side, while the other hand was still firmly on my wrist.

"I'm sorry, I... am not a good Da Lai..." Tsangyang Gyatso said in a hoarse voice, and the surrounding believers raised their heads in surprise when they heard the words, "I know that I am a monk. , I shouldn’t be entangled by emotions and desires, but I still fall in love with someone I shouldn’t love…”

Speaking of this, Tsangyang Gyatso paused, held my hand tightly, and then slowly lowered his upper body.I stared blankly at him kowtowing to the believers around him, the sound of his forehead touching the ground was heard, and I couldn't explain how I felt, and my body also became shorter.

He kowtowed earnestly and solemnly, and when he straightened his upper body, Tsangyang Gyatso's hoarse voice sounded again, "It is my duty to protect all living beings in Tibet, but I have not fulfilled it. The world of mortals violated the wishes of the predecessors in the previous life, and failed Diba's careful cultivation. Now, you are required to die for me..."

There was a slight weeping sound from the crowd, and the purple-red faces were covered with tears.I swallowed the fishy sweetness in my throat, and silently kowtowed to the believers seriously, "I'm sorry, I'm the one who's really sorry for you, but I'm the one who really sorry for you."

Feeling that the hand on my wrist was a little bit harder, I raised my eyes and smiled at Cangyang Gyatso, and said in a steady voice, "I love him, there is respect and love, and there is also love between men and women that shouldn't be there. Just like him, I knew it was impossible, but I still fell in love... I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I know that because we fell in love, many innocent believers were affected. But now, no matter how I apologize, it's useless... But, it's not his fault, it's me who struggled with each other, please don't blame him..."

The upper body trembled slightly and then bent down again. As soon as my forehead touched the icy Aga land, the hands clasped around my wrists gently pulled me up.Looking up and looking around, almost all the Tibetans covered their faces and wept, and the lamas in crimson cassocks were also doing Namaste with moving expressions.I knew they wanted to speak at one point, but their throats were so choked that they couldn't speak until a man's high-pitched chant suddenly came from outside the hall.

"I went to a good lama, and begged him to show me a clear path. Because I couldn't change my mind, I stumbled and went to my lover..." The long ending sound came in, and the believers in the hall followed in twos and threes. When I got up, the sound echoed over and over again, slowly converging from the initial miscellaneous to a Hongquan.

I stared at them blankly, my throat fluttered, and the tears in my eyes slid down again along the dry tear stains.Tsangyang Gyatso hugged me and stood up slowly, his warm fingers gently touched my cheek.The surrounding monks and laymen also stood up, looking at us with tender faces.

My eyes were hot and sore, I took a deep breath to suppress the excitement in my heart.Turning to look at Tsangyang Gyatso, I held his hand and clasped my fingers tightly, "I never told you, I really hope that one day I can stand beside you in a fair manner, just like today ..."

Cangyang Gyatso smiled and rubbed my forehead, his black eyes were a little wet...

After staying in the main hall of Tsochin for about half an hour, the Mongolian soldiers outside surrounded him from the mountain road and tried to attack the gate of the temple several times, but they were stubbornly resisted by the monks and soldiers.After getting the news, Lhazang rushed to Drepung Monastery and dispatched the Mongolian army stationed in Damu area.When repeated verbal threats were ineffective, he simply let go of his harsh words, "This king will give you three more days, if you don't hand over the false Dalai Lama within three days, this king will definitely wash Drepung Monastery with blood!"

The monks and lay believers were not at all shocked when they heard the words. Instead, they became more courageous and even prepared to shed blood and die for the Dalai Lama at all times.In fact, with the elite of the Mongolian army, it would be easy to capture a temple.Lhazang didn't make any real moves for a long time, but he didn't want to get into a complete stalemate with the Gelug faction.However, this concern is only temporary. The public anger is certainly formidable, but no matter how formidable it is, it cannot be compared with the words "resisting the order and disrespecting"...

I sat blankly on the soft pulu mattress, looking up at the bluish-white skylight coming in from the raised skylight, passing through the darkness in a small beam, and shining on the solemn Buddha statue.Slowly shifting his gaze to the outside of the hall, the crimson figure was still standing motionless on the gray-white steps, his gaze was fixed on the direction of the temple gate.

It has been three days and three nights, and the Mongolian army is almost unscathed, but the monks and soldiers in Drepung Monastery are all tired and wounded.I silently turned my gaze to the wounded soldiers who were lying or sitting on the pulu mats, their faces in pain were covered with sweat and blood, that scene was like a sharp needle, piercing deeply into my heart without bleeding , but the pain has been unbearable.

I couldn't help standing up, and I walked out of the hall slowly.The sky has turned pale, and the mountains in the distance are indistinct, giving people inexplicable depression and loneliness.Walking to Cangyang Gyatso softly, following his gaze, countless crimson figures were struggling to fight against the Mongolian army, shouting loudly.The bright red blood kept spilling on the long gray steps and the earthy yellow mountain, and the intertwined corpses almost collapsed the ancient gate of the temple.

I stood there for a long time, and I kept taking deep breaths.The few times I felt the gaze of the people around me, I lowered my eyes pretending to be ignorant.Until my hand was gently held, knowing that I could no longer hide, I held back my tears and slowly turned my head to look at Cangyang Gyatso.He was looking at me steadfastly, his dark eyes covered with a layer of mist.I saw a sweetness in my throat, avoiding his gaze, and nodded lightly, the tears in my eyes slipped down to my lips, and a smell of saltiness slowly melted away in my mouth.

The slightly cool palm rubbed my cheek, gently wiping away the slippery tear stains.I lowered my head and wept, the crimson cassock suddenly flashed from the corner of my eye, and when I raised my head again, I saw Tsangyang Gyatso's slender back.The familiar touch still seemed to stay on my cheeks, I just felt the blood rushing all over my body, I raised my feet and chased after him for a few steps, and before I could speak, my fingers tightly grasped his cassock.

"Cangyang Gyatso, can you hug me again?" I said tremblingly, and the crimson back was quickly blurred in the water.He felt the breath of the person in front of him move, and his body was suddenly hugged tightly.The head was pressed into the soft embrace, and I put my arms around his waist, inhaling the sweet breath in his embrace for the last time.

I know, I really shouldn't be so selfish, for you, I've got enough.But until just now, I still couldn't accept the fact that I was about to lose you.I am cowardly and ordinary, but like all women in the world, I long to spend my life with the one I love.

Between love and the overall situation, my choice has always been love, like moths to a flame, never changing.The only person who can influence me is you.So, during those three days, I avoided seeing the scenes of innocent believers shedding blood and dying.But when I met your gaze, I still chose to nod.

Facing the confused road ahead, I will be afraid and helpless, but as long as I follow your decision, all fears and worries will cease to exist.I love you, and I am loved by you. This kind of love has supported me through many difficulties.

But until now, there is no possibility of turning back, and we still cannot escape karma after all.Whether I am obsessed with obsession or I have to blame myself, that is my choice, I have no complaints or regrets... because... I looked up at Cangyang Gyatso with a smile, and held his cheek with trembling hands, "Before loving you, I know the end."

The person in front of him was startled, and his hands were folded and pulled down.Tsangyang Gyatso leaned down, and gently kissed me on my forehead, "Ban, Zen master is waiting for you in Ganden Phodrang, and he will send you back."

I was taken aback, and looked at him almost in disbelief, "You know everything?!" Cangyang Gyatso rubbed my cheek with a smile, his voice was a little hoarse, "You think you can hide it from me without telling me? gone?"

He took a deep breath unconsciously, and the tears in his eyes fell again, "Do you have to go back? There is no you in that time and space..."

Tsangyang Gyatso held my hand, put it on his lips and kissed it gently. Seeing that I was still sobbing for a long time, he couldn't help but lowered his head and leaned towards me. His warm thin lips kissed my face off one by one. teardrops on her face, "Be obedient, don't cry anymore, don't you know the ending..."

I froze, my chest was so cold that I could no longer let out a trace of heat, yes, I knew it all, I always knew it.I always wait for the ending alone in fear, and even have a little luck, a little fantasy, maybe after today, I finally don't have to worry about gains and losses.I still can't let you go, but I can't say no to you...

Raising my hand to wipe my tears, I took a deep breath, looked at Cangyang Gyatso with a smile, "I see, I will do as you said, and I will be fine..." I was hugged tightly again. Stopping, a warm breath rushed to my ear, "Dolma, if I see today, I will be the same as before."

Throat suddenly tightened, tens of thousands of words moved like a sea tide, trembling for a while but still choked in his throat.One last look at that handsome face, I held back my tears and slowly loosened my fingers.

He turned back in silence and tried hard to walk, but couldn't move his legs for a long time.There was a slight sound of footsteps behind him, and the warm breath gradually faded away, and slowly there was only a star and a half left.

"Don't fight any more, I'll go down the mountain with you." The calm and clear voice came, and it seemed that thousands of mountains and rivers had been separated in the middle.I looked at the dark blue sky and the white clouds floating quietly, and then I dared to say softly in a volume that only I could hear, "I love you, whether you are by my side or not, I will continue to love you... "

All of a sudden there were no killing shouts around, and it was silent, and I don't know how long it took, the crowd began to gather, and countless believers flocked behind me.There were ups and downs of crying and choking in my ears, and the sound of holding on, I walked forward as if I had never heard of it, and turned against everyone...

When the majestic white shadow of Ganden Pozhang gradually came into view, my body was almost numb and I lost consciousness.The thick liquid in the blood vessels seemed to have completely turned into winter sea water, dragging his feet deep and heavy.

After walking a few steps in a daze, something the size of a palm suddenly fell out of the sleeve. I lowered my head to pick it up. It was the booklet that accompanied me day and night.A gust of wind blew by, blowing away the yellowed pages, and when I stretched out my hand to press it, I had already turned to the last page.

"Firstly, it's best not to meet each other, so that you can't fall in love; second, it's best not to know each other, so that you can't love each other."

The handwriting of the pen and dragon is like a chain of fire, quickly attacking my heart.There was a dull pain in my chest, and my legs were so weak that I could no longer support it. My body swayed and I suddenly fell to the stone floor.

I caught a glimpse of the corner of the crimson cassock from the corner of my eye, and I couldn't lift my head, only to hear my hoarse voice, "We just love each other, isn't that wrong... He is the King of Dharma, the faith of all Tibetans." , but he is also a human being, capable of love and pain. Is it wrong to have emotions and desires? Isn’t that human instinct..."

"Om Mani Padme Hum." The deep Buddha's name came, but it couldn't hide the oldness in the voice, "If hundreds of thousands of kalpas, the work does not perish, and when the karma meets, the retribution will be repaid. All living beings have love, love There is nothing wrong with it at all, it is just attachment to the five desires, and the heart of love is born, greed arises from itself, and love has become desire."

I paused, reached out to wipe away the tears on my face, raised my eyes to look at Luosang Yeshe who was a few steps away, and my voice gradually calmed down, "I understand all these principles, but how easy is it to really do it? Love in the world There are thousands of kinds, if you haven’t empathized with them, how can you understand the inseparability?”

Luosang Yixi stared at me firmly, his bright black eyes shone with wisdom, "Miao Se Wang seeks the Dharma, as it is said in the verse, from love comes sorrow, from love comes fear, if you are separated from the lover, there is no There is no fear of worry. When you are deeply in love with desire, you will always experience the word worry and fear. In the end, you are unwilling to give up, just because it is not painful enough." He sighed slightly, showing regret, "You and His fate in this life has already come to an end, and he insisted on not letting go, which brought disaster in this life."

I was stunned, the air sucked into my throat cut my flesh like a blade, and I struggled for a long time before I could speak, "It turns out...all of this is really because of me..."

Luosang Yeshe sighed again, his eyes showed a trace of kindness, "Now you have already figured out what to do." I bent my legs, kneeled stiffly in front of him, kowtowed respectfully, He straightened up again, "Don't think about it, he wants me to go back, I'll listen to him."

Luosang Yixi nodded with a complex expression, and slowly touched the top of my head with his hand.A ray of white light lightly pressed down, and I knelt on the spot dumbly, and suddenly a heavy Buddha's chant came to my ears, "People are in the midst of love and desire, they live and die alone, go and come alone, suffer and enjoy themselves, and have nothing. Substitute..."

I looked around carefully again, white walls, gray scales, yellowish mountains, sparse green trees... I slowly closed my eyelids, in this time and space, there is no one I care about, no more...