miss a useless name

35.

Because they had to catch the train, their lunch had to be brought forward.

This Mid-Autumn Festival is in a hurry and awkward.

Cheng Shen poured oil into the pot, turned on a small fire and waited for the oil to heat up.Yu Yan was washing vegetables beside him, with his head down, his cuffs were a bit long, and they always fell down, rubbing against his waist after two washes.

Cheng Shen stood up, wrapped his arms around him from behind, picked up his hands, and rolled up his sleeves little by little.

Yu Yan's fingers were dripping with water, one hand was propped on the marble countertop, his back was resting on Cheng Shen's chest, and he could clearly feel the powerful heartbeat from the other party.He tensed uncontrollably, and slowly relaxed after a few seconds.

Cheng Shen naturally leaned close to his neck, smiled softly in his ear, and said nonchalantly, "You can call me."

Yu Yan avoided his breath, tilted his head and did not speak, but exposed his red ears.

Cheng Shen wanted to bite him very much, but in the end he didn't, so he rolled up his sleeves and returned to his original position in a proper manner.

The pot was hot, but the phone rang like a curse, shattering the short-lived peace in an instant.

Yu Yan trembled nervously, then looked at Cheng Shen suddenly.

Cheng Shen took out his mobile phone, saw the incoming call, and handed the pot to Yu Yan: "I'll answer the call, you look at the pot."

Yu Yan nodded with difficulty, and stood stiffly in front of the stove.The small fire was turned up at some point, and the surging flames burned all the way to the eyes.The boiling oil pan was crackling and frying.Yu Yan held the handle of the pot indifferently, as if still, like a sculpture.

He couldn't help but think, who is calling Cheng Shen?What are you looking for?Cheng Shen said he was going to break up, did he really break up?A few months ago, Cheng Shen stopped letting himself look at his mobile phone. How long has this secret relationship existed?

He was frightened into a cold sweat by himself, and found that it was impossible to achieve the calmness and calmness he imagined. He wanted to know all the answers, when did it start, who was the other party, what he looked like, and what was so special about him.He is like a cat ready to steal, fearfully guarding against all potential threats.

A drop of boiling oil splashed on the back of his hand, Yu Yan seemed unconscious, he did not hide, but stared at the drop of transparent liquid, watching how it burned his skin.What if it doesn't break?What if Cheng Shen lied to him again?Will he leave as soon as he answered the phone like last time?Who did you meet after you left?

If the opponent is a man like him, maybe there is still a chance.But that was a woman, and the fact that she could carry on the family line alone made Yu Yan a complete failure.

Yu Yan felt that he was going crazy.

Cheng Shen was right:

——You will be in fear all day long, will be restless, and will constantly doubt whether I am still loyal.

To shut up.

Yu Yan said in his heart.

——More than that, work, overtime, business trips, dinners, as long as you are not with you every minute and every second, you will suffer pain, you will question all the truth in life, how much you loved me before, and you will be in the future How distrustful of me would be.

Enough is enough, stop talking.

——When you look at me and listen to me, you can't help but judge whether it's true or not.I will hug you, kiss you, want you, and entangle you with the body that has touched others. You love clean people so much, don't you feel uncomfortable?

"Yu Yan! What are you doing?!"

A hand appeared in front of him, the fire was turned off, oil stars were still flying out, and choking white smoke rose from the pot.

Yu Yan was grabbed by the shoulder and pulled over——

"I told you to shut up!"

Yu Yan roared unbearably, blushing and panting, looking extremely fierce.

Cheng Shen on the opposite side was stunned.

——This will become an unhealed scar for the rest of our lives. No matter how silent you are or how you avoid it, you can't turn a blind eye to it.

Yu Yan knelt down, covered his ears, and said in a broken voice, "Stop it, please stop it..."

Cheng Shen never denied the mistakes he made, but if he was given another chance to do it all over again, he would not choose to go back half a year ago, he wanted to go back before everything started, and when he met himself in this life, he would be Yu Yan Biggest mistake.

My heart is so stuffy, heavy and oppressive.Cheng Shen slowly squatted in front of Yu Yan, wanted to hug him but didn't dare, finally just handed the phone in front of him, not daring to speak too loudly, for fear of shocking Yu Yan.

"It's my mother," Cheng Shen said, "My mother called me during the Mid-Autumn Festival to see if I was okay."

Yu Yan raised his head from between his arms, looking for the bright light on the screen with a pair of hazy tearful eyes.He struggled to focus for a long time before he could vaguely make out the words on the phone.

With a loosening of the heartstrings, Yu Yan staggered and fell to the ground.He was so out of control, that roar, with uncontrollable tears on his face, he hated himself for being so sensitive and fragile.

"I'm sorry," Yu Yan wiped away tears in a panic, his lips trembled, and he pulled out a far-fetched smile crookedly: "I...I just, just..."

He found that he couldn't find a proper reason for his behavior just now, so he was even more annoyed.

Cheng Shen seemed to hear the sound of his heart breaking, Yu Yan cast a sharp dagger with such a heartbroken smile, and stabbed straight at his heart.

"It's okay." Cheng Shen pulled Yu Yan's hand, saw the scalded blisters on the back of the hand, it seemed that the same place on his body also felt the scorching heat: "It's my fault, I should tell you."

Yu Yan was pulled up by Cheng Shen, took his hands back to the living room, and settled on the soft sofa instead.

Cheng Shen scratched his nose, put the medicine kit in front of Yu Yan, and confessed, "Get some burn ointment and apply it yourself, and I'll cook."

Yu Yan nodded in agreement.

Cheng Shen pulled out two pieces of paper from the coffee table and gently ran over Yu Yan's face.He tried his best to appear sincere and reliable. If he could tell the truth from the truth, he would not hesitate.

"Don't think about it," Cheng Shen said as he wiped Yu Yan's sharp chin with a tissue, "I've already broken up, and I won't be in touch again."

Yu Yan felt that he was seen through and got a positive answer, but he didn't relax at all.

Cheng Shen pressed the back of his neck and pressed it close to Yu Yan's forehead.You can touch the other's lips if you just press down a little, but neither of them moves.

Cheng Shen took a deep breath, and kissed Yu Yan's nose: "Trust me again, Yu Yan."

"I won't lie to you again, please, trust me one last time."

·

The last meal was cooked by Cheng Shen. Although there was no Yu Yan's beloved spicy fish, the pickled fish was also very much to his liking.

Yu Yan smelled it, and seemed to have some appetite.He popped the blisters on his hands, applied the medicine, let it dry for a while, and put on a Band-Aid.

Then he turned to the kitchen, the previous turbulent emotions had been cleaned up by himself, and a gentle smile appeared on his face at this time.

Cheng Shen was serving the plate, turned his head and raised an eyebrow at Yu Yan: "Okay?"

Yu Yan showed him his hand.

Cheng Shen just put the plate in Yu Yan's hand: "Then serve the food, I'll serve the rice."

Yu Yan needs love, but not excessive attention.He can be Cheng Shen's true love, but first he must be an independent man.Cheng loves him deeply, so he doesn't want to treat him like fragile porcelain.He knew that Yu Yan had endured a lot, and he knew that the other party needed a complete catharsis. Today's roar was a good start, but it was not enough.He is willing to wait, and the process of waiting is the price he pays for this mistake.

When the food was on the table, Cheng Shen sat across from Yu Yan, first took a piece of fish and handed it to the bowl opposite.

"Try it."

Yu Yan swallowed it in one gulp, sucking it hot: "It's delicious."

Only then did Cheng Shen laugh, and said, "In the next few days, remember to eat well. Last time, the little assistant was called Ann..."

Yu Yan reminded him: "An Ning."

"Yes, I have her number, I will ask her to supervise you."

The crystal clear and plump rice was on the tip of the chopsticks, and Yu Yan chewed it slowly in his mouth, promising: "I will eat well."

"Yesterday, I asked Zhao Fei to sort out a house type information, and I will send it to you in the afternoon. You can choose it on the way. If you don't like it, let's look at it again."

Yu Yan became interested and wished he could watch it now.Cheng Shen asked him to eat well, and there must be no rice left in the bowl of rice, otherwise the document would be directly put into the recycle bin.

Yu Yan was threatened, twisted his waist and finished the meal, his stomach was swollen.Cheng Shen asked to wash the dishes after the meal, and Cheng Shen went to clean up for him.

He stuffed the burn ointment and wound medicine into Yu Yan's bag, put away a pair of underwear, and when he opened the outer zipper, he found a box inside.

Cheng Shen put away all the things, took the box in his hand, and felt a little agitated in his heart. He didn't open it without authorization, which was the most basic etiquette and respect, but he already had a vague feeling that it was for him.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, Yu Yan came out wiping the water and saw Cheng Shen standing in front of the sofa with a box in his hand in a daze, and his footsteps stopped suddenly.

Cheng Shen turned around and raised his hand at him: "Is it for me?"

This gift was brought back from Haicheng by Yu Yan, and it was supposed to be given out last night, but I forgot about it after some twists and turns.

Yu Yan responded.

Cheng Shen asked, "What is it?"

He smiled and started unpacking the box without hearing the answer.

Yu Yan stroked the hair on the back of his head, walked over, nervous and apprehensive, afraid that Cheng Shen would not like it.

"I bought it casually when I was shopping."

Cheng Shen had already opened it and took out the black tie inside.His eyes are bright, the style looks very low-key, but with dark twill, it is elegant and refined.

"Thank you," Cheng Shen said, "I like it very much."

He took out the tie and gestured according to the position of the neckline, Yu Yan took it from him, and moved closer to help him put it on.

Cheng Shen happened to be wearing a black shirt today, Yu Yan turned up the collar, put on the tie, dexterously turned his fingers, fastened it, and then gently pushed it up.

He looked so serious, and reminded Cheng Shen of the year when he fumbled at his desk to change the budget, and then talked generously in front of investors.He was not only attracted by the 17-year-old Yu Yan's literary talents, but also fascinated by the fans of rising stars on the financial street.

Whether Yu Yan likes it or not, as long as he wants to, he can leave his own brilliance in that field.

It's been too long, and he almost forgot that this person is not only a mysterious writer who hides his true face behind the computer, but also Yu Yan who was once a high-achieving financial student who received much attention.

But soon, the joy in Cheng Shen's heart dissipated.

He saw the indelible cracks in Yu Yan's eyes, saw the bruises and wounds on the back of his hands, and felt his careful breathing.Once again, Cheng Shen felt ashamed of himself. If he hadn't done those absurd things, they could have been happy forever, but now, he personally knocked down the former proud son of heaven, leaving Yu Yan in the dust. Dust, crushed his self-esteem, whipped his spine.

It was he who screwed up everything.

"Yanyan," Cheng Shen suddenly grabbed Yu Yan's moving hand, and there were waves in his eyes.He stared at Yu Yan with deep eyes, hiding the boundless pain, leaving deep desire: "Does it look good?"

Yu Yan was pulled, and his chest collided with Cheng Shen.Because of his height, he had to raise his head to look up at the other party, feeling the scorching breath.

"It's beautiful," Yu Yan said honestly, "This is...a Mid-Autumn Festival gift."

Cheng Shen really wanted to kiss him, but he just hugged him and said restrainedly, "Go, I'll take you to the station."

·

Yu Yan bought a pack of cigarettes, hid in the smoking room of the train station and lit them.

Four or five middle-aged men around were puffing, the smell was very strong, and Yu Yan's eyes were sour from the smoke.He looked at the flame between his fingers, like the love he was unwilling to give up.

The filter is sent to the mouth, and the choking smoke is inhaled through the sponge head.The spark grew bigger and burned a bit forward, Yu Yan squinted his eyes lightly, and exhaled a long wisp of white smoke as if relieved.

He looks very skilled, and he doesn't look like he can smoke at all.But this is indeed not the first time Yu Yan has smoked. When he just graduated, he was under a lot of work pressure, and he smoked a lot behind Cheng Shen's back. Later, he was discovered and forced to quit.

Yu Yan was obsessed with the taste of nicotine, and poured into his heart at that moment, dazed, confused, unwilling, resentful, angry, painful, all negative emotions were tightly wrapped.The time he gets a cigarette is used to relieve himself, the effect is brief but useful.

Not long ago, Cheng Shen sent him to the station, and said to him: "Call me, any time."

Yu Yan seems to have obtained a pass for free entry and exit, and he can be forgiven for doing whatever he wants.He felt that he was blackmailing Cheng Shen with pain in exchange for an equal amount of guilt, thus gaining the qualification to do whatever he wanted.

In front of Cheng Shen, he was obedient, nervous and sensitive.But in places Cheng Shen couldn't see, Yu Yan seemed to be a different person.There was a bit of hostility between the brows that were always light and gentle, and he was restless and restless, with sharp thorns erected all over his body, hurting himself as well.

After smoking three in one breath, Yu Yan came out of the smoking room with a strong smell of tobacco.He consciously stood away from the crowd, looking down at the cracks in the bricks under his feet.

The phone vibrated in my pocket, first a message and then a call.He didn't move, didn't want to see or answer, and resisted all communication.Yu Yan knew that the initiative he had exchanged for his dignity was actually worthless, as long as he spoke, Cheng Shen would leave him without hesitation.

And he was exhausted, torturing himself and torturing the other party. When Cheng Shen's patience was worn out by him, and the love of so many years was washed away by endless doubts, he no longer had the leverage to tie Cheng Shen.Yu Yan felt like he was split, one was humble and the other was contemptuous, neither could persuade the other, and neither looked down on the other.

On the high-speed train to Hangzhou, Yu Yan received a document from Cheng Shen.The document lists dozens of high-end real estate properties in the whole northern city, including the environment, services, details of pros and cons, and house types.

After Yu Yan read them one by one, he didn't have any particular preferences.These properties have been carefully selected earlier, and the disadvantages are all innocuous, and the house payment is not considered.Yu Yan couldn't pick any thorns, and turned back to Cheng Shen: "I think it's all good, you can see."

After a while Cheng Shen replied: "That is, I don't like it."

Yu Yan's eyes wandered between the words.

He can't find faults, and it doesn't count as satisfaction.Those properties are high-end, expensive, and without exception, big and empty. Just looking at the pictures makes me feel lonely.

Cheng Shen said: "It's okay, don't let Feifei look for him, he doesn't know you."

Yu Yan became dazed, "understand" is such a terrible word.Use time to pile up and exchange for sincerity.He also thought that he knew Cheng Shen very well, but the reality slapped him hard.