miss a useless name

34.

In the taxi at 03:30 in the morning, Yu Yan and Cheng Shen took each side.Yu Yan didn't want to spend the night in the hospital and asked Cheng Shen to take him away.

They were silent, looking out the window tacitly, seeing the huge city was empty and silent, not knowing how to approach each other.

Yu Yan waited downstairs for Cheng Shen to go home to pick up his things, wrapped his coat tightly, and was still precariously blown by the north wind.His heartbeat was a little faster, and the surrounding environment had not changed, but he resisted this familiarity.He was afraid. This place called "home" left him with a memory that he dared not recall.

Cheng Shen was on his bed with others...

Yu Yan stomped his foot hard. The wound on his foot was treated in the hospital, and it was quite deep.The physical pain overwhelmed the physical, and he used it to drive away uncontrollable thoughts.

He promised that the process will be deep, that he will not think about it, or mention it again. The prerequisite for them to live a good life is that he must forget everything about tonight.

Yu Yan took a deep breath of cool air, suppressing all the broken emotions.

Ten minutes later, Cheng Shen came down with Yu Yan's bag, and brought him a thicker coat by the way.

"Put it on, it's cold."

Yu Yan draped it over his shoulders, and went to the garage with Cheng Shen to pick up the car.After getting into the car, he grabbed the cuff of his jacket and asked in a low voice, "Where are we going?"

Cheng Shen said: "Central, the house I rented to Yu Wen last time is due in two months, let's live there for a while."

Yu Yan let go of his uneasy heart.At that time, Yu Wen was pregnant, so he thought he would live in Beicheng for a long time, and the lease of the house was signed until the end of the year.

Cheng Shen stared ahead, and patted the steering wheel with his fingers unintentionally: "I... will look at the house tomorrow." He paused again, hesitating and probing: "Let's look at it together, shall we?"

He intends to improve this deviating relationship, as long as Yu Yan still intends to be with him, he must bear the guilt and guilt and always be good to him.The road to healing Yuyan will be long, tiring, and hard. The first thing is to rebuild trust. This is very difficult, but it must be done.

Yu Yan nodded and said "OK" in a very soft voice.

The house in Central has been around for quite some time. It has a good location and is in the city center, so the condition is not as good as that of their apartment. However, the house has been refurbished and has all the facilities. It is small but warm.

There was no one living there for a while, and Cheng Shen opened the window to ventilate the room as soon as he entered the house, and simply tidied up the sofa for Yu Yan to sit on first, and went to the kitchen to boil water by himself.

The cool breeze penetrated the living room, sweeping away the stale air.Yu Yan was forced to sleep just now, and now he feels more refreshed with the wind blowing.He wanted to help Cheng Shen with something, so he rolled up his sleeves and started cleaning.

After Cheng Shen boiled the water, he began to wring out the rag. When he heard the movement ahead, he ran out to watch, and stopped him, "Don't do anything, I'll do it."

Yu Yan held a mop in his hand: "I... mop the floor."

Cheng Shen frowned and saw a bruise on the back of Yu Yan's hand: "Just sit and wait for me, I'll clean it up soon."

"Cheng Shen," Yu Yan gripped the mop tightly and refused to let go, "We used to be like this..." He lowered his eyes again, and said desolately: "I mop the floor, you wipe the table."

Cheng Shen felt that he had been poked lightly and harshly, and what Yu Yan said was when they had just graduated.He didn't argue anymore, he instinctively wanted to rub Yu Yan's hair, but he just raised his hand but felt uncomfortable, so he retracted it halfway.

Alienation, rules, he pushed himself to a distance that made Yu Yan feel safe.

"Okay, you procrastinate, I'll make the sheets."

Two people are busy much faster than one person, the house is quickly cleaned up, and Yu Yan is watched drinking a glass of water.

It was equivalent to staying up all night. Cheng Shen was a little tired, but he still found the medicine box in the cabinet and took out a tube of ointment.

He hooked his hand at Yu Yan, and the other party obediently put down the cup and put his hand in his palm.

Cheng Shen didn't ask how it happened, and he probably guessed that the reason must be very bad, he didn't want to add salt to Yu Yan's wound.Dip a little with a cotton swab and apply it gently, I don't want Yu Yan to feel any more pain.

In the past, Yu Yan was always more silent, but now Cheng Shen joined the ranks, and redundant nonsense was omitted, as if he didn't have the energy to think about something.

Yu Yan squeezed Cheng Shen's hand, and said slowly, "I don't want to go to today's signing event."

Cheng Shen raised his eyes, slightly surprised.He knows that Yu Yan loves his work, and he regards the signing event as a reward for readers.Now that everything is well arranged, he pushes it as soon as he says, which is too irresponsible, unlike his style.What's more, behind this move, readers and organizers will definitely feel dissatisfied. The writer's reputation is very important, and it should not be used to pay for last night's absurdity.

"Why didn't you go?" Cheng Shen asked.

Yu Yan pursed his lips, avoiding habitually, his long eyelashes swept over his eyes, making him look extremely helpless.

Cheng Shen said: "Speak, don't make me guess, tell me what you're thinking."

This is a problem between them, one doesn't say anything, the other guesses wildly, and misunderstandings arise from this.Now if you want to turn around, you must first solve this ailment.

Yu Yan struggled for a while, and understood Cheng Shen's intentions. He opened his long-closed heart with difficulty, and tried to express his thoughts: "I don't want to be separated from you."

Cheng Shen gritted his teeth and almost surrendered to this sentence.He had longed to be needed by Yu Yan countless times, but now that he got it, he felt so sad that he wanted to cry.

He still stretched out his hand, wanting to touch Yu Yan's face.But when he felt his approach, Yu Yan flinched suddenly, not particularly obvious, Cheng Shen noticed it.

He paused, put his hand on Yu Yan's shoulder, and patted it twice: "You won't be separated from me, we talk on the phone every night, if you want to watch me, we can also video. The schedule and related arrangements are in place, and I know you are not a person who takes things for granted."

It was true that Yu Yan was not in the past, but it is hard to say after today.

Yu Yan suddenly regretted holding this signing event.But after several considerations, he understood the seriousness of the relationship, so he could only bite the bullet.

Cheng Shen asked him, "What time does the bus go to Hangzhou?"

Yu Yan said the time: "Someone will pick you up at the place."

Cheng Shen replied, thinking about the purpose of Yu Yan's sudden return, he felt a dull pain in his heart, fearing that Yu Yan would leave a shadow on Mid-Autumn Festival from now on.

"It's getting late, go take a shower and sleep, I'll take you to the station tomorrow."

Yu Yan didn't feel sleepy at all, he just wanted to stay with Cheng Shen, even if he didn't talk, he could just look at him.But seeing Cheng Shen's tired look, he had to make a concession.

He went to take a shower first, and after leaving Cheng Shen's sight, he began to collapse uncontrollably.In front of Cheng Shen, he restrained himself very well and tried his best to pretend that nothing happened, but in fact he couldn't calm his mind at all.

As Cheng Shen said, every minute and every second from now on, he will live in grief and suffering, either let go or die, otherwise he will not be able to escape.

The hot water kept rinsing, Yu Yan hugged his knees and squatted on the ground, those hurting tentacles drilled into his body from every pore, the dark room, the entangled panting enlarged at this moment.

Yu Yan closed his eyes, covered his ears in pain, and shook his head to shake off those scenes that shouldn't be there.He was extremely chaotic, but also extremely sober, seeing himself so lowly soberly, and blinded himself with chaotic eyes.He felt suffocated again, wailing silently in the empty bathroom.

When he adjusted his mood and went out, he looked normal on the surface, but his eyes were red.

Cheng Shen glanced at him when he passed by, but didn't say anything, but when he entered the room after taking a shower, he had an extra hot towel in his hand.

"Yu Yan," he was dressed very neatly, he didn't look like he was going to sleep, sat on the edge of the bed, patted his leg to let Yu Yan lie down: "Come here."

Yu Yan obediently crawled under the quilt and lay on his back.Cheng Shen was afraid that he would be cold, so he pulled the quilt to wrap him tightly, and then put a hot towel on Yu Yan's eyes.

The moment he fell into the darkness, Yu Yan felt his nose sore, his throat trembled uncontrollably, he didn't dare to breathe, as if he would choke out if he tried hard.

Wet tears smeared on the towel and disappeared with the heat.

Cheng Shen looked down at Yu Yan and felt his sadness and forbearance, but he didn't expose it, he just joked when he took off the towel: "I've been pressed into three eyelids."

Yu Yan smiled cooperatively.

Cheng Shen was stunned, clutching the cold towel, and pulled back the quilt to let Yu Yan sleep well.

Yu Yan finally noticed what he was wearing, stretched out his hand and grabbed the hem of Cheng Shen's clothes, and asked nervously, "Where are you going?"

Cheng Shen touched his hand: "There are two bedrooms here, I'll sleep next door."

In the end, it was Cheng Shen who was guilty, afraid that Yu Yan would not be able to accept him lingering on two beds within a few hours.He felt dirty and didn't want to dirty Yu Yan.

Yu Yan couldn't let him go.

Cheng Shen had no choice but to sit down again, and said accommodatingly, "Then I'll wait until you fall asleep before leaving."

Yu Yan buried half of his face in the quilt, only showing a pair of eyes staring at Cheng Shen.

That gaze is full of dependence and nostalgia, warm like a cluster of flowers.Cheng Shen raised his hand and closed Yu Yan's eyes, leaned down and kissed him across the palm of his hand: "Sleep."

Yu Yan couldn't sleep at all, and when he closed his eyes, various things would appear.He really couldn't accept Cheng Shen's approach at this time, but he also didn't want Cheng Shen to find out his uneasiness.He tried his best to breathe steadily, pretending to be asleep.

After a while, the hand covering the eyes was removed, and another panic of being watched surged.

Yu Yan didn't dare to move, his body was stiff and his acting skills were clumsy.

But Cheng Shen didn't notice that he was very tired, and this kind of exhaustion intensified after he thought Yu Yan fell asleep.He is rarely at a loss, but he often stumbles over Yu Yan.

He guarded Yu Yan by the bed for a long time before leaving, and then sent a message to Qin Yun: "Don't contact me anymore, I will take care of it with my parents."

After posting, Cheng Shen neatly blacklisted all of Qin Yun's contact information.

·

Yu Yan couldn't fall asleep, curled up, and felt a little bit of white light in the sky.He was suddenly afraid of such a light, as if it could cut open his body and reveal the hidden darkness.

He felt like he was being molested.

Overnight, faith collapsed, and what was scattered all over the ground was a piece of sincerity.He was torn apart, shattered, and crushed into powder and dregs. The air inhaled into his body was no longer life-sustaining oxygen. They had thorns and blades, and executed him along every inch of flesh and blood.

Yu Yan began to be out of breath again, limp like mud, and looked at the world in a daze, as if a night passed, and he couldn't understand anymore.All his cognitions of love are completely subverted, like a peace lover who accidentally falls into the cruel world, is killed and conquered by war, and struggles in the troubled world.

It was dawn, and Yu Yan couldn't lie down anymore.He got up and looked at the time, it was still early.Today's Mid-Autumn Festival, Cheng Shen didn't tell him whether he should go to work or not.

After Yu Yan washed up, he came to Cheng Shen's door and stood there for a while.He had lingering fears, and his head started to think about it again. His physical instinct forced him to leave, and countless voices told him, hurry up and don't open the door.

He seemed to be back in the dark night yesterday, in the bedroom across the door, and his man was sleeping with someone else.

Yu Yan froze, his face turned pale, and his back was drenched in cold sweat.He wanted to leave here, to escape, but his legs and feet seemed to be filled with lead.It seemed that someone pressed his shoulders, forced him, straightened his face forcefully, made him face the cruel reality, and let him see those fantasies clearly.

"Click-"

The door opened from the inside.

Yu Yan withdrew his hand in horror and met Cheng Shen's eyes.

Cheng Shen was obviously taken aback, he didn't know how long Yu Yan had been standing outside, and he didn't even know there was anyone outside.

But soon he frowned, stretched out his hand to pinch Yu Yan's chin, and said in a deep voice, "Shut up."

Yu Yan subconsciously followed his orders, and belatedly tasted the smell of blood.

Cheng Shen probably guessed what Yu Yan was thinking at the door, felt his tense body, and saw tension and anxiety in the other person's eyes.

He knew that Yu Yan was afraid of asking himself why he stood outside the door and why he had such a strong reaction.

He wiped the sweat off Yu Yan's cheeks with his palm, pinched the back of his neck in a comforting way, and asked in a soft voice, "Come to wake me up?"

Yu Yan took advantage of the slope to get off the donkey, and heaved a sigh of relief: "I don't know if you want to go to work."

"Today is a holiday, a holiday." Cheng Shen opened the door as wide as possible: "I won't close the door next time when I go to sleep, you just come in."

Yu Yan's eyes suddenly became hot, he quickly turned around, and asked as he walked towards the living room: "What do you want for breakfast? I'll go buy it."

Cheng Shen looked at his back, as if his back hadn't been straightened since last night.

"Wait for me a while," Cheng Shen said, "I'll go with you."

So Yu Yan obediently sat on the sofa and waited.

He was wearing a navy blue thick sweater today, which Cheng Shen brought out from home last night.Yu Yan came back in a hurry, because he didn't plan to stay for a long time, so he only stuffed a pair of underwear and a pair of socks in his bag.

After Cheng Shen finished washing, he passed by the living room and saw Yu Yan. He felt that the sweater was so dark in color, and the lining was so white that it was almost transparent, as if it would melt under the light.

He was so distressed that he walked behind Yu Yan and wanted to hug him.

Hearing the sound of footsteps, Yu Yan turned his head, and was caught off guard by his broad chest. He was stiff for a moment, and realized that where the corner of his mouth touched, there was still an ambiguous red mark on the skin covered by his clothes.

The redness pierced Yu Yan's eyes through the clothes, like a needle prick.

Yu Yan clenched his hands tightly, and pinched a few small marks on the back of his hands with his fingertips, as if he could resist the urge to push Cheng Shen away.

Cheng Shen was not greedy, and let go after hugging him: "Let's go, I'm fine."

Yu Yan seemed to be pardoned.

The area in Central is very lively and full of fireworks. There are old men and women doing Tai Chi in the square of the community early in the morning. There is a street 5 minutes walk from the main entrance. It sells breakfast in the morning and restaurants at noon and evening.There is a vegetable market at the end of this street, which is very convenient.

Cheng Shen asked Yu Yan what he wanted to eat.

Yu Yan wasn't hungry at all, so he thought for a while and said, "Steamed stuffed bun with soy milk."

Cheng Shen took him to buy buns, and the two sat down in the old breakfast shop, and ordered a drawer of steamed buns, a drawer of pot stickers, a cup of soy milk, and a cup of soy brains.

Yu Yan took out a paper towel to wipe the spoon and chopsticks, and handed it to Cheng Shen: "Let's have spicy fish for lunch, I'll cook."

Cheng Shen had no objection, but he strictly controlled the peppers.

Yu Yan held the warm soy milk to warm his hands: "Then don't make spicy fish, change it to sauerkraut fish."

Cheng Shen thought it was okay.

The surroundings are noisy and noisy, and they seldom eat on such occasions. It seems that back in high school, at the snack street after evening self-study, each of them had a bowl of small wontons while eating and having fun.

Yu Yan put down his chopsticks as soon as he ate two small steamed buns, and took small sips of soy milk.

Cheng Shen watched his movements and said dissatisfiedly, "How much do you eat?"

Yu Yan raised his eyes nervously: "I'm not too hungry."

Cheng Shen also stopped chopsticks: "What time did the plane fly yesterday, what did you have for dinner?"

The soy milk was hot and hot, and Yu Yan was sweating from the warmth.He swallowed silently, and answered honestly: "I ate airplane food, chicken rice."

Everyone knows the weight of an airplane meal. After running around like that, and experiencing ups and downs of emotions, if you are not hungry at this time, you cannot eat.

Cheng Shen's heart was astringent, and he coaxed helplessly: "Eat two more, just two, otherwise there will be so much waste left."

Yu Yan liked this set very much, he obediently picked up the chopsticks, and he ate each bite of the steamed buns for a long time, it seemed that he really lost his appetite.

Cheng Shen didn't force him any more, paid for the meal, and led Yu Yan to the vegetable market to buy fish.

Cheng Shen is very good at grocery shopping. When he just graduated, he lived together and cooked at home to save money.At that time, Cheng Shen felt that Yu Yan was already suffering by following him, and he didn't want him to be in the sun again, taking care of the kitchen all by himself, and taking it as fun to go to the vegetable market to bargain for prices.

As time passed, Yu Yan followed behind Cheng Shen.He has seen the other party fight in the shopping mall, how confident and dazzling he is, and he has not forgotten the appearance of Cheng Shen working among the vegetable vendors, grinding his mouth for a few cents.He felt that this kind of Cheng Shen was very familiar, so he couldn't figure out how people change, why the person who once loved so much, and said that he must be you, slept in someone else's bed in a blink of an eye.

Yu Yan felt that there was a reason why he couldn't do without Cheng Shen.

Here in Cheng Shen, he had the best love, experienced the most ardent embrace, heard the most beautiful love words, and was regarded as the most precious person.He left too many unforgettable memories for Yu Yan, thinking about it this way, those heartbreaking pains seem to be bearable.