miss a useless name

20.

This dream has been going on for too long.

The hot breath of the young man, the trembling lips, and even the humid temperature brought by the river in the evening wind.That green and unfamiliar kiss constituted all of Yu Yan's memories of the 17-year-old.

He slowly opened his eyes, and was the first to see a dazzlingly white wall.

"Yanyan," someone leaned down slightly to block the light for him: "Are you awake?"

Yu Yan sank into a dream ten years ago, dazed and confused, and felt that Cheng Shen in front of him was very familiar.Gradually, he remembered the cold war and disputes before, and the bad words at each other made him feel like he had been pricked by needles.The boy who once said he liked and protected him, and was willing to give up everything for him, became so strange.

His mind was dazed, his throat was hard, and his brows were tightened uncomfortably: "What's wrong with me?"

A straw was brought to his lips, and Yu Yan took two sips of water from Cheng Shen's hand.

"You have a fever." Cheng Shen gently wiped the water stains from the corners of Yu Yan's mouth, and laughed at him: "Drinking water always leaks, and it's still the same after so many years." As he spoke, he pressed Yu Yan's restless hand again: " Don't move, it's hanging on the water."

Yu Yan blinked his sore eyes, looked down, the plaster on his right hand was replaced with a new one, and the left hand was stuck with a needle.

"How is Wenwen?"

Cheng Shen sat by the bed, the air-conditioning in the ward was very strong, and the heat on Yu Yan's body had not completely subsided.Afraid that he would be cold, Cheng Shen held up a corner of the quilt and tucked him in: "Wenwen is born, a boy, six catties and six taels."

Yu Yan heaved a sigh of relief, the breath he exhaled was scorching hot.

"Don't worry, look at you, are you worried that you can't sleep well, and you woke up in only an hour." Cheng Shen lowered his head, rubbed his forehead against Yu Yan's face, and heaved a sigh of relief: "It really scared me Jump, if you say dizzy, you will faint, and I still haven't slowed down."

Yu Yan obediently let him rub it, feeling tired and lacking any strength.

Cheng Shen touched Yu Yan's puffy lips, and gently stroked his brow bone to apologize to him: "Yanyan, I'm sorry, it's my fault. If I give you a gift, you won't get sick in the rain."

The ends of Yu Yan's eyes trembled almost invisible, and his head leaned deeper into the pillow, as if he didn't want to hear this.

An overdue apology is actually worthless, because things have already happened and cannot be undone, but usually people will choose to forgive, not to comfort the other party, but to reach a reconciliation with themselves.

Yu Yan tilted his head to avoid Cheng Shen's kiss: "Don't mention this, where are my parents? Why are they in Beicheng?"

Cheng Shen still pecked the corner of his mouth a few times before getting up a little: "Your parents came to Beicheng for a meeting. The little girl should have contacted them early in the morning, but she didn't tell you. The amniotic fluid suddenly broke last night. She was afraid by herself, so I will give it to you." They all called."

It turned out to be like this, although the old couple were angry with Yu Wen, they were their own daughters after all.It is said that when a woman gives birth to a child, she has stepped into the gate of hell, and no matter how angry she is, she can't live and die.What's more, Yu Wen's behavior of having a child out of wedlock went too far, but after all, he followed the path of a normal person. Unlike himself, if he got together with a man, he would be stabbed in the spine if it was spread out.

Cheng Shen knew so clearly, he must have met Yu Wen, and he must have met his parents.Yu Yan became worried, afraid that they would hurt Cheng Shen.

"Have you seen them?" Yu Yan was a little nervous: "Did they scold you?"

——Thinking of Lin Qiuhua's fierce questioning in the corridor before: "Do you think I dare not hit you?"

Ask again: "Did my mother beat you?"

Cheng Shen smiled, it seemed that he hadn't been nervous by Yu Yan for a long time, it felt familiar and fresh.He squeezed Yu Yan's face, and comforted him: "You don't know who your parents are? You need to save face in public, how could you beat me and scold me, at most you just ignore me with a cold face."

He took out his phone, swiped to the photo album, twisted his body and gently embraced Yu Yan to his chest: "Do you want your eldest nephew to read it?"

Yu Yanqiang cheered up, leaned on Cheng Shen's shoulder, and stared at the photo intently.

Cheng Shen stroked and said, "It's not that I hurt people. You two are so beautiful. How come your child is so ugly, monkey-like, and wrinkled."

This sounds so strange, as if the child was born by their siblings.Yu Yan explained helplessly: "Newborns are like this, and they will be beautiful after two months."

Cheng Shen was full of suspicion: "You have never had a child, how do you know?"

Yu Yan coughed twice: "When my sister was first born, she was uglier than this."

Cheng Shen put away the phone, and tightly held Yu Yan's hand: "Is it cold?"

"It's not cold." Yu Yan was wrapped in his arms, and being wrapped in the man's strong hormonal breath made him feel a little uncomfortable: "Don't hug me so tightly, I can't breathe."

Cheng Shen relaxed a little, and looked at Yu Yan's eyes from a close distance, they were as clean as when he was 17 years old.His mind moved, and he didn't know what he thought of, so he asked casually, "Do you like children?"

Yu Yan was a little puzzled: "Why do you ask this, I can't give birth."

Cheng Shen raised the corner of his mouth, stretched his warm palm into the quilt, and touched Yu Yan's stomach through his clothes: "Just say whether you like it or not."

Both of Yu Yan's hands are occupied, and he can't hide or escape, so he can only lie there and let others take advantage of him, and he has to answer nonsensical questions: "It's okay, I don't hate it."

Cheng Shen was shameless, he remembered that Yu Yan had bruises on his waist, and his movements were light and light, and he whispered to Yu Yan like an obscene child: "Yanyan, if you want, we can adopt, our own child, wait We are too old to walk, let him die for us."

"But..." Cheng Shen chuckled in his ear: "You have so many sons hidden in your little belly, if you can give birth, I will be a father at the age of 18."

Yu Yan blushed and listened to Cheng Shen's rambunctious nonsense, uncontrollably feeling an embarrassing sense of immorality.

When Cheng Shen's phone rang, Yu Yan was being kissed by him on the white hospital bed.

He propped up his upper body, pressed the answer button, and thoughtfully stretched out his finger to wipe the glistening saliva from Yu Yan's mouth.

"Okay, come right away."

After Cheng Shen said a few words, he hung up the phone, and turned around to see Yu Yan clutching the bed sheet and looking at him nervously.

Yu Yan asked calmly, "Do you want to go back to the company?"

He is not usually like this. His dependence and reluctance are all wrapped in a plain shell, and what he reveals is generosity, reason, and even connivance.It makes him look like he doesn't care.

But now, probably because of illness, those indifferent attitudes are so hard to maintain, he doesn't want to be left behind at this moment, he needs someone to accompany him.

Cheng Shen's heart felt hot from Yu Yan's eyes.

In the past few years, the company has grown bigger and bigger, and he has become more and more busy. Yu Yan never asked him for anything, gave him money, he said he had it, gave him a gift, and would pay him back the next day.In addition to love, there seems to be an almost perfect balance between them.Sometimes Cheng Shen even wonders why Yu Yan refuses to rely on him after being together for so many years, and why he trusts him unconditionally.

Just like Yu Yan would never take the initiative to ask him who he had dinner with, whether he met new friends or had new partners.Only in the middle of the night when returning home late, when the hearty drinking party was coming to an end, would Cheng Shen receive a non-disturbing message.The content is always the same, Yu Yan's mouth has never been able to speak beautiful words since he was a child.

—— "What time do you come back, I'll pick you up."

In the beginning, Cheng Shen was indeed picked up by Yu Yan by car, but later on, he didn't know whether he didn't want Yu Yan to wait, or because he had a high status and was praised by others. Anyway, there was a special person to pick him up. Gone.

It seems that they haven't talked to each other for a long time, Cheng Shen always feels that Yu Yan doesn't care about him, and refuses to say anything to him, whether he is angry or angry, when he comes back to his senses, Yu Yan has given him the maximum So much freedom and respect that he enjoys this tolerance and indulgence with peace of mind, almost forgetting that Yu Yan also needs company.

"I'm not leaving, did you forget that I asked for leave?" Cheng Shen touched the top of Yu Yan's head, obviously feeling that after he said this, Yu Yan's tense body immediately softened: "I ordered you to leave when you were sleeping." I ordered takeaway, but the hospital wouldn’t let me take it upstairs, so I went down to get it.”

He kissed Yu Yan's pale lips: "Wait for me to come back soon."

·

The door of the single room closed with a "click".

Yu Yan lowered his shoulders, raised his arm with needles, and rubbed his sore forehead.

The troubles of my student days were really simple, did I make progress in the monthly exam, what to eat for lunch, I didn’t get the new sneakers, and the girl I had a crush on had a boyfriend.

But the world of adults is much more complicated, with endless jobs, intriguing interpersonal relationships, whether the salary is enough to pay off the mortgage, and whether the people sleeping next to them are still the same as before.

Yu Yan may have more troubles than ordinary people, after all, his love has not yet been recognized by the mainstream society.

It is said that a marriage certificate is a guarantee of love and marriage, like the ultimate insurance for a relationship, and a moral label on people, so that they will wake up when they are tempted, attracted, and about to make mistakes, and rein in the precipice.Family and children are the ultimate belonging that everyone dreams of.

But in this day and age, even a marriage letter can be considered a trifling matter.Where should they go to find the sense of security they crave without the constraints of family and children?

It would be fine if it was a woman, Yu Yan thought, if he were a girl, he could justly marry Cheng Shen, they could hold hands and kiss in a dignified way, and they could accept blessings from relatives and friends generously.

It's not like now, wearing expensive clothes, tidying up glamorously, in fact, it's vain, and can only hide in a dark corner and can't see people, there is not even a single thing that can prove this feeling.

After so many years, they are still not recognized.

·

After a while, Cheng Shen came back with takeaway.

Yu Yan has a bad stomach, so he can't eat too much oil or salt. In fact, he can't eat too much spicy food, but he likes it greedily, and Cheng Shen likes it, so let him go.

"What are you thinking about, with such a serious expression?" Cheng Shen put down the small table on the hospital bed, opened the bag and took out the lunch box: "Ham shredded chicken porridge or egg and shrimp porridge, which one do you want?"

Yu Yan sat up and smelled the aroma: "Shrimp."

"Okay." Cheng Shen unwrapped the wrapping paper, stirred it in the bowl with a spoon, and the hot air hit his face.He scooped up a spoonful, put it near his mouth and blew it warm, so careful that he tasted the temperature before feeding it to Yu Yan: "Open your mouth, be careful it's hot."

Yu Yan opened his mouth obediently, and ate shrimp meat and soft glutinous rice.He looked at the other two bags: "What else did you buy?"

"I want a drawer of steamed buns and a box of pan fried." Cheng Shen peeled off the seal: "Which one should I eat first?"

"Let's fry it raw."

Cheng Shen took a fried bun, found the vinegar box from the bottom of the bag, opened it and dipped it in: "We talk tricky, and don't eat raw fried buns that don't dip in vinegar." He lifted it up, holding his hand underneath: " Come on, watch out for the soup to flow out."

Yu Yan hadn't been taken care of for a long time, he took a bite and sucked out the soup, the delicious taste flowed into his heart, and he felt a trace of warmth that he hadn't seen for a long time.

Cheng Shen smiled and asked: "Do you still remember, when I was a freshman, I went to your school to look for you, and the next morning after the two of us, I bought you breakfast, and what I bought at that time was fried."

How could Yu Yan forget, and even clearly remember what month and date it was, it was their first time, even though they had made sufficient preparations in advance, Yu Yan still had bleeding.Cheng Shen loved him so much at that time, his heart ached and he felt guilty. When he heard Yu Yan that he wanted to eat raw pan fried, he ran two kilometers foolishly to buy it if it wasn't sold nearby.

Yu Yan lowered his eyes and said, "I remember."

Cheng Shen said with emotion: "Eight years have passed." He fed Yu Yan a mouthful of porridge: "At that time, did you think that we could be together for so many years?"

Yu Yan swallowed the porridge slowly, Cheng Shen wouldn't know, since the beginning of his relationship, he didn't reserve the option of "separation".

"For so many years..." Yu Yan smacked a bit of umami: "It's not easy."

"Idiot." Cheng Shen scolded with a smile. After so many years, they have come from nothing to today. No matter what they have gone through, poverty and hardship have not separated them, and the people around him have always been Yu Yan.

After Yu Yan ate half a bowl of porridge, his body gradually recovered.He remembered that Cheng Shen didn't move his chopsticks much last night, and urged the other party: "You can eat too, I can do it with this hand."

"Don't move around, I'll tie you for a while." Cheng Shen didn't listen to him, and willingly fed and served: "You tell me, what do you eat every day when I'm not at home? When I hug you, I feel like you've lost weight again. How can such a grown-up person not take care of himself? He only knows how to write manuscripts and novels, and forgets to eat when he is busy. Why do you make so much money? It’s not that I don’t support you.”

Yu Yan also hadn't been scolded for a long time, and he actually felt kind, his brows and eyes finally soaked up a little warmth.He smiled at Cheng Shen, and the haze that lasted for half a month dissipated: "I can support you, too."

Cheng Shen finally got the smile he wanted, and the previous unwillingness and anger disappeared.He shook his head helplessly, and stuffed the last spoonful of porridge into Yu Yan's mouth: "Come on, who wants you to raise it. You, just do what you like with peace of mind, and leave the rest to me."

·

After breakfast, Cheng Shen quickly cleaned up the mess.

After a while, Yu Yan finished his bottle of water, and the nurse came in to give him another bottle.

Yu Yan asked, "Excuse me, how many more bottles do I need?"

The nurse took out the record book, signed and ticked it: "This is the last bottle today. You have a fever, and there is an open wound on your broken arm. You need to eliminate the inflammation, and you are in the rain, and the infection will be troublesome. So tomorrow I will drink it again. Come here, hang three more bottles."

"Don't be so troublesome," Yu Yan frowned, "Can't I just take some anti-inflammatory medicine?"

The nurse stuffed the notebook into the bedside bag, and said to Cheng Shen who had finished throwing out the trash and entered the door: "If you don't want to, ask your family members if they agree."

"What's wrong?" Cheng Shen asked.

"He doesn't want to continue hanging water tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, nurse," Cheng Shen put on a polite smile, "I'll persuade him to report on time tomorrow."

After the nurse left, Cheng Shen sat back on the bed and held the back of Yu Yan's needled hand: "Your body is still very hot. When the doctor changed the plaster for you, the wound on your arm was so long. If you didn't see it with your own eyes, you wouldn't know it at all." tell me."

Yu Yan was timid, sighed and said, "I don't, I just don't want you to worry."

"You still know that I will be worried?" Cheng Shen rubbed the skin and muscles on the back of his hand: "Be good, come to the hospital for an infusion tomorrow, and treat you to Western food tonight, how about it?"

"You won't work overtime tomorrow night?"

"You are sick and I still have the mind to work overtime?" Cheng Shen said: "I will ask Zhao Fei to come over to accompany you during the day tomorrow, and at night, let her take you to the restaurant door directly. I will book a seat in advance."

Yu Yan let out a "puchi" laugh, and defended Zhao Fei: "It's miserable to be your assistant. It's fine to work overtime with the boss on business trips, and I have to be the driver for the boss's boyfriend."

Knowing that Yu Yan agreed, Cheng Shen felt relieved: "Feifei will take care of people, and I promise to take good care of you. She must be better than me."

Yu Yan was much happier, and took the initiative to stretch out his hand to grab Cheng Shen's nose: "Isn't it, I think you are good at taking care of people..."

It's been a long time since they had such light-hearted jokes, and it seemed like they were back in college, or even earlier.

"Knock, knock." There was a knock on the door of the ward.

Yu Yan immediately stopped speaking and signaled Cheng Shen to open the door.

Cheng Shen paused when he opened the door, the smile on the corner of his mouth froze a little bit, and was finally covered with a layer of cold and sharp armor.

He took a step back and let Lin Qiuhua in.

Lin Qiuhua walked into the ward in high heels, and her make-up was not spoiled after a lot of tossing late at night.She was wearing an elegant and decent navy blue dress, and she was carrying a red leather bag in her hand.

Yu Yan didn't expect Lin Qiuhua to come to him on his own initiative, maybe because he heard that he was sick, so he came here to visit him?He didn't dare to take it too seriously, but he was still pleasantly surprised: "Mom? Why are you here?"

Lin Qiuhua stood still in front of the hospital bed, with a slight glance at the end of his eyes where no fine lines could be seen.That was by no means a friendly gesture, full of indifference, disgust and condescension.

Standing behind her, Cheng Shen took the initiative to say, "You guys talk, I'll go out first."

"No need." Lin Qiuhua said coldly, "I will only stay for one minute."

After speaking, she opened the zipper of the purse.The well-maintained fingers are white, tender and translucent. She took out a bank card with that hand, and threw it at Yu Yan with disdain: "The card is the money you have sent to the family over the years, and you haven't moved a single cent."

Yu Yan was hit by the bank card on the shoulder, and it didn't hurt at all, but at that moment his expression showed fine cracks, as if the card that flew from his mother mercilessly severed the last bond between them. the bond.

"Mom?" Yu Yan asked puzzled.

Lin Qiuhua met Shang Yuyan's hurt eyes, and his heart didn't fluctuate at all: "I said, if you don't correct this problem, you don't want to come back one day. Don't send any more money in the future, and don't send things home. You handled it. stuff, makes me sick."

Yu Yan's shoulders loosened, as if he suddenly became shorter.

Cheng Shen couldn't listen anymore, walked quickly between the two, and said in the same cold voice: "Auntie, don't be so heartless, Yanyan is your own son."

Lin Qiuhua sneered, and said flatly: "Your mother can't teach her son, but it doesn't mean I can't. Yu Yan could have had a perfect life and a happy family. He originally had a family, but because of you, you The appearance of him caused today's situation, and it was you who ruined him."