look at you bend you

Sleeping until his mouth was dry, Li Yan groped for the water glass on the bedside cabinet and took a sip. When he lay down again, he felt that the place next to him was empty, so he turned on the bedside lamp. Sure enough, there was only a quilt spread at the foot of the bed beside him...

He propped himself up and squinted his eyes to see the time at 3:15 in the morning. The light in the bathroom was on. After waiting for a while but no one came back, Li Yan lifted the quilt and walked over to knock on the door, "South?..."

"..." No one responded.

"...Are you inside?" Li Yan knocked on the door again, but there was no response as well, he turned the handle and pushed the door open, there was only one room with light so there was no one there.

Li Yan put on his clothes and went to the yard to find someone. It snowed all night. At this time, a row of footprints stretched all the way to the door on the glistening white snow in the yard.

……

At this time, Nanfang was sitting on the bus, his coat was buttoned on his head to cover most of his face, his head was leaning on the car window, his eyes were looking at the deserted street outside the window, covered in silver?Really, this first snow seems to be for the lovers in the world to have more romantic time, it has been falling for a long time...

The car gets off the highway, the first rays of the morning sun break through the clouds, no matter what happened the night before

Dawn will come as promised, sweeping the entire city.

Nanfang Hangmou turned on the phone that he had been holding all the time, swiped open WeChat to find Li Yan's profile picture, clicked on the dialog box and looked at it for a long time, the black screen flickered on, and the black screen flickered on again...

Kacha~ Nanfang took a picture facing the sun and sent it, with words attached

——sunrise~

Surprisingly, Li Yan replied almost instantly.

--good

--woke up?Why didn't you get more sleep?

- just woke up

——Ask for leave for a few days

- not allowed

—…What about human nature?

-taken away by dogs

Nanfang smiled and dialed the phone~

"Who is the dog?" Nanfang opened his mouth and asked.

"..." Li Yan chuckled lightly and did not speak.

"..." Nanfang's eyes fell out of the window again, "You sleep a little longer, let Dongzi drive when you go back, he didn't drink, I... will be back in a few days!"

"Um……"

"..." Hearing Li Yan's plain voice, Nanfang suddenly felt a strong sense of loss, "Aren't you going to ask me where I am going?"

"You want to say?" Li Yan asked back.

"..." Nanfang sighed, it was really hard to talk about such an insult, "You should be busy, I will call you when I get to the place."

"it is good."

……

I come here twice a year to pay respects to my mother, once a memorial day and once a birthday. The cemetery is already so cold that it looks extraordinarily bleak on a winter morning. I bent down and put a bunch of lily of the valley that my mother liked most during her lifetime in front of the tomb, and swept the snow on the tombstone. Looking at the gentle smiling face in the black and white photo, Nanfang reached out and touched it.Then I sat on the next step, put my hands in my pockets, fixed my eyes on the person in the photo, and my thoughts drifted back to that night many years ago...

On my birthday, Nanfang and my classmates were singing K outside, and when I received a call from my mother, I was still a little impatient, "Mom, can you stop rushing me, I will have to finish this in a while."

"Son, don't blame Mom," Mom's voice was choked up, "No matter what, you can't doubt Mom's love for you..."

"Mom, what are you talking about?" Nan Nan heard the car horn on the phone, "Where are you?"

"Did Mom really do something wrong? Xiao Nan, did Mom make a mistake?" Mom's voice choked up.

"Mom, where are you? What's the matter? Where's my dad?" Nan Nan went back to the private room, grabbed his clothes and left without even thinking about saying hello to his classmates.

"Your father? Hehe~ Xiaonan, the worst thing I did in my life is that I shouldn't marry your father. If I hurt him, I hurt myself..."

"mom?"

"I'm really determined to go my own way...hehe~"

Then a loud bang from the phone made Nanfang stop...

"Mom?" Nanfang tried to call out.

There are screams on the phone, there are chaotic footsteps, but there is no mother's voice...

When I saw my mother again, it was outside the operating room of the hospital. The mother who was covered with a white cloth was pushed out of the operating room by the doctor. I said sorry, we did our best, please forgive me, and made him a child without a mother...

For a long time, he didn't understand what happened that day to make his mother, who had always been gentle and strong, say such words. Until a month after his mother's accident, he received a courier with a card and a letter. letter……

The letter was written by my mother, with no beginning or end and only a few sentences: Everything I can give you is here, the password is your birthday, don't blame mom...

Without any explanation, he was forced to accept the fact that he lost his mother, and what he got from his father was more simple and rude. I don't know, the three words are cold-blooded and outrageous...

Then he took his mother's... inheritance, finished his studies, mixed with society, and mixed up to the present.

"I knew you were here..."

Nanfang looked up at the person who came, Nan Fei stood in front of the monument with a bouquet of flowers in his arms, bowed to the tombstone and placed the flowers beside the monument.

Nanfang still looked at him, Nanfei sighed and sat beside him, "Don't look at me like that, if you still want to fight, let's go down and fight again, don't disturb Auntie here..."

Nanfang stood up and bowed to his mother, then left without looking back.

After getting off the mountain, Nanfang got into Nanfei's car, "Take me to dinner, I'm hungry!"

"Is there anyone like you?" Nan Fei said with a smile.

"Only two months old, what kind of brother?" Nanfang pushed down the car window, lit a cigarette and smoked.

Nan Fei was stunned for a moment before he burst out laughing, "You have to be called brother even after 2 minutes, seniors and young are in order..."

Nanfang didn't say a word, took out his mobile phone and sent Li Yan a WeChat message: Returning?

"Tell me, what do you want to eat?" Nan Fei asked.

"casual……"

"Mengniu?"

"...OK!" Nan Nan kept his eyes on the phone.

"..."

--Ok!

Nanfang sat up straight and poked the screen with his fingers quickly

—Did you not sleep well last night?You squint for a while.

--it is good

——Does Dongzi drive a car?tell him to slow down

--it is good

- I'll be back in two days

--Ok

Nanfang frowned and watched the conversation between the two of them several times, and felt something was wrong. Are you angry?

— are you angry?

--without

This is not angry yet?The screen full of resentment can't be stopped, okay?Nanfang hurriedly called

"Huh?" Li Yan's voice hit Nanfang's eardrum.

"You're angry!" Not a question but an affirmation.

Nan Fei turned his head and looked at his elder brother who was sitting upright.

"Brother, I'll explain this to you when I go back, don't be angry." Nan Nan scratched his head.

Nan Fei: His brother's brother?brother?

"No, I'm a little confused right now, I want to sleep." Li Yan's voice sounded quite nasal.

Just as Nanfang was about to answer the call, Xiao Rui's voice came from over there, "Give me the phone, and I'll tell him... Nanfang, you're really good at playing and disappearing without saying a word, right? Do you know that Li Yan found you?" How long? You’re still running a fever right now, don’t come back, I’ll beat you up...your brother doesn’t even know you!"

"Have a fever?" Nan Nan shouted, but he was answered with a beeping busy tone, and the phone was hung up.

……

Here Li Yan looked helplessly at Xiao Rui, "Why are you talking about this?"

"Why didn't I say it? Is it reasonable for him to disappear for no reason?"

"Don't blame him, he does this every year..." Lin Dong looked at the two of them through the rearview mirror, "The whole person is in a daze..."

"It's okay to go, can you leave a message? Make a phone call? How old are you and still run away from home?" The more Xiao Rui said, the more angry he became, "I thought I was in the second grade? If I were his mother, I would be so angry Jump out and kick him twice..."

"Xiao Rui..." Li Yan interrupted him, "Let me sleep for a while!"

"All right, all right, I'll shut up..."

……

When Li Yan woke up, the car had already driven off the highway.

"Let's go to the hospital." Lin Dong said worriedly

"No, it's much better after a good night's sleep!" Li Yan sat up straight and said to Xiao Rui, "Go back to the company and have a look..."

"Well, if you don't go to the hospital, let Dongzi go up to accompany you..." Xiao Rui said.

"I'm going back to sleep, why did you let him go up? □□?"

"I can satisfy you with this skill..." Xiao Rui put his arm around Li Yan's shoulder and winked.

"Thank you..." Li Yan shook off his arm.

……

Back home, Li Yan fell into a deep sleep on the bed without changing his clothes.

After sleeping for an unknown amount of time, one hand touched his forehead, and then clamped the thermometer under his armpit. Li Yan opened his eyes and slowly focused...

"Did it wake you up?" Nan Nan sat on the edge of the bed with worry in his eyes.

"Why are you back?" Li Yan asked hoarsely

"I'm sorry, I should say hello to you before leaving..." Nanfang took out a thermometer, 38.2°C!

"It's okay, I'm going to sleep for a while!" Li Yan smiled.

"Drink some water before going to sleep!" Nanfang leaned against the head of the bed and let Li Yan lean on him, brought the water glass to his lips, and then helped him to lie down slowly.

After Li Yan breathed evenly, he gently took a basin of warm water to help him wipe his body, over and over again...

When Li Yan woke up again, he was smothered awake, the air conditioner was turned on in the room, his body was covered tightly by the quilt, and only his head was exposed. Li Yan felt his sticky hairs standing on end when he moved his body. Struggling to prop up his upper body and trying to sit up, he found that Nanfang was lying on the edge of the bed and fell asleep, with a basin of water and towels beside him...

Li Yan sat up and leaned against the head of the bed, touching Nan Nan's head with his legs through the quilt...

"Huh?" Nanfang straightened up and squinted his eyes at him for a while before blinking and said, "Are you awake?" Then he reached out and touched his forehead, "It's not burning..."

"Why are you back?" Li Yan pulled his hand.

"You have a fever and I dare not go back?" Nanfang poured a glass of water and handed it to him. "Are you hungry, I cooked porridge..."

"Well... I'll take a shower first..." Li Yan lifted the quilt and was about to get out of bed.

"No," Nan Nan pushed him back on the bed, "wash up after eating..."

"...won't you let me eat in bed?"

"If you're already like this, don't be so particular about it, okay?" Nan Nan went to the kitchen and came back with a bowl of porridge.

"I'll do it myself..." Li Yan stretched out his hand.

"No, I'll feed you..." Nanfang brought a spoonful of porridge to his mouth, "Ah~"

Li Yan frowned, "Can it be different?"

"No..." Nan Nan said with a smile, "How about I feed you mouth to mouth?"

Li Yan rubbed his temples, opened his mouth...

……

After taking a shower and returning to the room, Nanfang was already lying on his bed.

"Go back to your room and sleep!"

"I'll warm your bed," Nanfang patted the quilt, "Come on, it's warm~"

Li Yan is now looking at him in place.

"No, what's your expression?" Nan Nan laughed, "You make me feel like a pervert..."

"A pervert with a criminal record..." Li Yan corrected.

"Okay," Nan Nan said helplessly, "I promise not to touch you, just talk to you..."

Li Yan ran errands and sat at the end of the bed, facing Nanfang, "Let's get started! Let me tell you why you left without saying hello... If you want to practice Tai Chi, you can get out now~"

"Don't fight, don't fight," Nanfang shook his head quickly, then pouted his buttocks and covered Li Yan's lap with the quilt, "I'm just used to it. In the past, no matter where I went alone, I would just go as soon as I wanted, and I didn't even think about it." I am not used to explaining to anyone... This is my fault, I apologize to you, but I really didn't mean it, so please don't be angry with me... How many years have I not celebrated my birthday, I don’t even remember myself,” Nanfang hugged his legs and rested his chin on his knees.

"The last time my mother celebrated her birthday...she asked me to spend it at home, but I didn't agree. At that time, she always felt that she was annoying and wanted to control me. I couldn't touch this, and I couldn't touch that. I'm not a child, and she tied me up every day. I can’t stand it on the waistband…” Nanfang pulled the corners of his mouth and lowered his eyes, “I’m against you. If she won’t let me smoke, I will smoke. If she won’t let me drink, I will drink. If she won’t let me I celebrated my birthday outside, and I even found a bunch of classmates to sing K... It's really~heh, the second stage of cancer!"

"Then..." Nanfang rubbed her nose, "Something happened to her at night, a car accident, drunk driving, she never drank, and I don't know what kind of stimulation... Oh! When I saw her again, she was covered with a white cloth I was pushed out of the operating room... and then, not long after that, I received the inheritance she left me, it should be, and a letter, she said that everything she could give me was in that card, all... I found out at that time that she wanted to die by herself, so I went to my dad, and I wanted to find out what was going on, but what did he say? He said, I don’t know, haha, he doesn’t know? The simple three words are Send me away, the matter is obviously related to him, how can he not know?"

Nan Nan's tone was very flat and his eyes were calm, as if he was talking about other people's stories that had nothing to do with him, but his huddled body confessed how painful he was at this time...

Li Yan lifted the quilt and crawled over, hugged Nanfang into his arms and patted gently, "It's okay, it's all over!"

"My mother said that everything she can give me is in that card. What is all she said? Is it just the money? But who cares about those so-called everything? Who the hell cares about it? She is so ruthless, die She also gave me a live connection when I was there, and I still remember that voice clearly...she is really ruthless..."

"Okay, stop talking!" Li Yan felt his shoulders get wet.

"In the past, I always thought they were very nice. They didn't quarrel or quarrel and respected each other as guests. I thought that feelings were just that. I didn't expect my dad to catch up with the fashion and raise a third son, and even got me a younger brother. I'm two months old, my mother left to make room for their family, do you think she's stupid? Haha... she's like Lei Feng!"

Li Yan pushed Nanfang away from his arms, put his hands on his face, and looked at him with his eyes, "Whether their life is right or wrong, it is their own choice, even if it is your parents, you should not put them You are right, there is no need to torture yourself, and there is no need to punish yourself with other people's mistakes..."

"I...not!" Nanfang lowered his head.

"You think that if you stayed at home and guarded your mother that day, she would be fine, but can you be by her side all the time?" Li Yan forced him to look up at himself, "I don't know what's going on between your parents Question, I only know that whether your father cheated or your mother...whether you choose to give up, it's not your fault, listen to Nanfang, you are right, you are fine..."

The author has something to say:

There is a problem in the south. He has been immersed in the pain of losing his mother, and he can't get out because he can't understand why a person who is usually gentle and strong chooses to end his life in that way, let alone the upright person in his heart. The father would betray the family, and apparently the time of extramarital affairs is quite historical...  

Everyone's ability to bear pain is different. Nanfang belongs to the kind of people who are tough on the outside and weak on the inside. If they don't talk about it, they will only crush themselves in the end...