Death Beliefs

After graduation, Le Yan always talked to me on the phone about her various dissatisfaction with her current life, but most of all she hoped that she would go to Korea as a trainee instead of going to university.She always felt that the kind of life without trying must be another world.

However, I am a realist. Maybe I was not realistic at the beginning, but was forced by life. No matter what, I can only comfort her now by "accepting fate". After all, life has passed a lot. Halfway through, what hope is there to talk about?Unless you cast a good tire in your next life.

I often said to her earnestly and earnestly: "You said that you are an old man now, and you still want to sing and dance like those young people? But please don't, your life is guaranteed. It's just your body, not me. You, you have to go on a diet. Otherwise, you won’t even pass the first pose of yoga.”

She is also optimistic, every time I hit her in a disguised form, she thinks I am comforting her, and immediately starts to fantasize, "Look, if I made my debut in Korea before, it would be pretty good. Although I don’t know you, I’m sure I’m happier than I am now. Don’t you want to do what you like? You see that you like writing so much. If you can write without distraction every day, you still feel that every day is so boring. Are you sad?"

Me: "..." Thank you so much.

Hobbies and jobs have to be separated. I don’t know which kind-hearted person told me that when your hobbies become a tool for you to make money, the last trace of your interest will be wiped out, and your life will be even more unpleasant.

To be honest, I am a coward, so I dare not take the huge risk of turning my only drive to survive into a grabbing hook that drags me into the abyss.

I know that Le Yan dreams of standing on the stage like those glamorous and dancing girl groups, enchanting or playful, shining brightly, changing costumes again and again, and the makeup on her face is more amazing every time.

Of course, more importantly, your life will be recorded on stage and recorded in short but storable videos one after another.

When you are very old, you turn them all out, see your beautiful face and figure when you were young, and the overwhelming cheers, your voice is remembered, the fans who were with you The cries of will also be sealed, it is indeed very beautiful.

But the harsh reality tells us that's not realistic—because our lives are almost over.

And even if you really get what you want, the hardships you have to go through will always torture you to death, and finally you stand at the top, and the stars will be full of silence.

At that time, how much you would wish that you were just an ordinary person, not standing on the peak with flowers and tears, but spending your life in an ordinary way.

Yes, we are not satisfied, we can see from before we analyze the ideal and reality, our dissatisfaction is based on the status quo, once the status quo is changed, what is waiting for us will be another dissatisfaction.

Humans are inherently greedy higher animals.

Le Yan stayed at home and waited for the grades of civil servants. She has always been a person who does not fight or grab. The company is obviously not suitable for her. After graduation, she returned to her hometown county and took the civil servant exam there.

Before that, she stayed in the city where we graduated and fought side by side with me for a month or two. Later, she couldn't stand the cultural inheritance of the company, so she packed her bags, just like when she came to this bustling city to study. Like the university, he resolutely left.

Before leaving, I will see her off.To be honest, I didn't feel too sad when I watched them leave one by one, maybe because I still had Le Yan who was with me to send them away.

When I helped Le Yan carry all the luggage into the taxi, and she and I were left on the spot, my heart was sore, and I finally felt the sadness of parting.

Le Yan took my hand and said, "Oh, my aunt is here, we will definitely see each other in the future. And my home is not very far from here, I come to City B when I have time, and I will come to you."

I let out a soft "hmm", tears rolling in circles, which would make me fall down without any hope at any time and hit the hot ground in summer.

My eye sockets were swollen and painful, and an indescribable feeling enveloped me. I refused to say a word, just lowered my head, then turned around and waved goodbye to her. I don’t want to see her get in the car. If we meet again, we will only be in the cold and numb video machine. In real life, we will probably never see each other again.

What a luxury meeting will become, even if we meet, the living environment we live in has already undergone earth-shaking changes, will we still be the same as before?No more, our three views will gradually drift away, and finally we can’t speak, let alone chat like little sisters.

I'm actually very afraid that something like that will happen to us, but I know that something like that will definitely happen to us.Because we are powerless against the strangeness caused by time.

In the few months after finishing the civil service exam, Le Yan endured quite a hard time. During the period of preparing for the exam, she not only had to endure her father's sarcastic comments, but also was picked up by her mother to scold her from time to time. She had a good time as one can imagine.

The most irritating thing is that her father asked her to go on a blind date while making insinuations, but refused to recommend a suitable partner for her, which made her feel that she was superfluous at home, and felt extremely ashamed of her communication skills.

Really, the current society has revealed a truth to everyone, that is, people who don’t even have a boyfriend or girlfriend in college have absolutely poor communication skills.

Fortunately, she still has a hobby, she can sing with a microphone, and she can be high when she puts on headphones. On her birthday, she became popular in the square at their house, so she sang a song on the big screen. , her voice was already very sweet, and the people passing by stopped at that time. Although she was timid, she managed to stabilize at that moment, but after she finished singing, she kept silent in front of a few boys who praised her on the street. Yan, fled in desperation.

When she told me about it, she still thought those boys were bad boys.I have to mention that she has another advantage, that is, she has a bigger brain than me, and the paranoia of persecution should not be too late.

Of course, her singing voice is not a natural sound that suits the tastes of a group of people, just like I often feel that her voice is too sweet, and I really don’t suit to sing those explosive songs of boy groups, but she doesn’t listen to it, and the more Singing Yueyong, I almost didn't cover my ears.

After singing a few songs bravely in that square, Le Yan tasted the sweetness, so she ran over to order a few songs from time to time, danced and cheered alone, and didn't care much about the eyes of others, because she made up her mind—— — Nobody recognizes her anyway, so she's a little brazen.

It wasn't until one day that when she opened her mouth, a group of children playing together scattered as if frightened, that she realized that her singing was so magical.

After she passed the No.1 exam, she and her mother were surprised and delighted by the interviews that followed, and finally decided to go through the back door.

However, fate always surprises her. Before she can relax in the joy of No.1, she announced that the exam questions were leaked, and the interview might be postponed. As for when the delay will be, no specific notice was given. .

Le Yan chose to take the driver's license test during this period. During the driver's license test, a coach probably wanted to introduce her to a partner. All in all, their topic touched on marriage, but Le Yan was very good at talking, so she answered immediately. He said: "Marriage is a tomb."

The coach who usually seldom talked to her was completely speechless, but Leyan was so serious and said it without adulteration at all, one can imagine the coach's mood.

Of course, during her driver's license test, in addition to meeting such a coach who was like a matchmaker who worried about other people's marriages, she also saw what it means to be human.

I can't believe that the word "human face and animal heart" came out of her mouth. God knows if she has received some other kind of literary influence in the past few months, and she can come up with it at her fingertips.

"Meng Xuan, let me tell you, that man is also here to practice driving. He looks like he is in his 40s. I call him Uncle. Because you know me, sometimes I will send a message to remind him to come on time. It turned out that he thought I was the kind of girl who was not that special. He said he wanted to treat me to dinner, and it was only on weekends. I didn’t think it was strange at first, and my mother also said why I Others asked me to go out to play, but I didn’t go. But later, when he was practicing, he made some moves towards me, which was disgusting. I’m very glad that I didn’t go out to dinner with him, otherwise something might happen.”

"Could it be that you are too sensitive?"

I was immediately curious, I do know that Le Yan is kind-hearted, so kind-hearted that I once thought she was nosy, but then again, she was also sensitive and exaggerated to the point that I wondered if she was delusional. "Can you tell me exactly what he did?"

"Don't I like listening to music? I wear earphones to watch those MVs every day, and then this uncle keeps coming over and asking me what I'm doing? I didn't think much of it at first, but after I told my brother that day, my brother If you want me to be careful with him, I feel a little uncomfortable. Why do you say he is so lenient? And he also said that he invited me to dinner because I always remind him to go to practice. Let’s put it this way, if I change someone, I will I will do the same. Why do people like them always misinterpret other people's meanings? Oh, there is another one that makes me uncomfortable. I went to pick up my cousin's new wife last week. I didn't just follow him Did you mention it? In the end, he asked me if my bride was pretty, and I said of course, and then he replied that you are more beautiful than the bride. God, how can there be such a person. "

My head was full of black lines, and I didn't dare to put a word indiscriminately.Then I spent a messy night in her bombardment, several times I wanted to interrupt her, I wanted to change the subject with her, I really didn't intend to keep tangling with her about that strange uncle , but she seemed to know that I wanted to transfer, so she trapped me in her adventures with that uncle.

To be honest, I haven't experienced such a strange encounter like her. Just in the first week of my graduation and working in the firm, I bumped into a shirtless girl while avoiding the elevator and crossing the corridor. strange man.

He was humming a song, obviously just took a shower from somewhere, he was refreshed, swaggered past me with his arms swung, and when he passed me awkwardly, he even proudly showed off to me Looking at his muscles, to be honest, I only saw meat, and I was quite nauseated, the ghost knows how much psychological shadow I was at that time.

Of course, compared to what happened to me, the various experiences of my other friend Shen Nuo in the company are worth mentioning.

Yes, a species like me possesses a special skill in school that can make men within a radius afraid to come forward. Even after entering the society, it still maintains such fine traditions, and my good sister Shen Nuo, don't look at her being unknown and quiet in school, at most she sang oboe with me occasionally, and besides our four other single sisters, she was accompanied by hundreds of miles around her, she never lacked the care of men.

However, today is not what it used to be. As soon as she joined the company, she was taken care of by leaders and peers. When she was on a business trip, not only were her peers eagerly sent to her door to let her pick, if she wanted, her A good story must be passed on one by one.

Of course, she may also be known as "Water-borne Flowers".But these are not important. The most important thing is that her leader also joined the ranks of her rose flower to please her. At midnight, although the two of them are far apart, they still have to send caring greetings. Show me the screenshot of the discourse sent over, I saw the "attempt"!

Later, she really couldn't bear this kind of friendly relationship that surpassed her boss and subordinates, so she decided to resign, even though her leader tried to keep her with various reasons, and even said that if she resigned because the company clearly stipulates that office romances are not allowed, she The leader is willing to take a step back and let her stay and fly with her favorite lover.

Shen Nuo still refused, and not long after, she also broke up with her first boyfriend.The reason is very simple. Shen Nuo's original words are like this - "I think it's troublesome for the two of us to chat every day."

Shen Nuo's next company still has unhealthy trends, so a week after she entered, she sent me the news that she was harassed by a certain project manager.

At that moment, I realized that it wasn't that Shen Nuo didn't have good luck, but that he was all concentrated in the unfathomable atmosphere with the leader.

As for me, no one wanted, no one chased, not even a harasser.It can be seen how miserable I am, not to mention that I generally dismiss men, the key is that people also dismiss me.