Death Beliefs

What I didn't know was that when I went back to the countryside to live in isolation from the world, Shen Nuo finally chose a hospital decisively after a series of struggles, just like I was suffering from a toothache at the time. In the end, she found out that it was wisdom teeth inflammation and she walked into a private hospital just like finding a hospital for tooth extraction.

Despair, resentment, like a turbid current washed her drowsy head alternately, and she was about to be unable to hold on.

Before she came to the hospital, she held an appointment with the instigator with a glimmer of hope, but as she expected, the instigator ran away and did not dare to come to see her. She ordered a glass of water in the tea restaurant and waited for more than an hour. I was so disappointed that I endured the nausea and took a taxi to the hospital.

Sitting in the taxi, the figure of the bustling city flashed by, silently beating on the bright red heart, and her tears immediately fell like a flood that broke the embankment.

She had seen the high tide in spring by the river before, which was far beyond the usual water level. She felt that now she seemed to be full of spring water, and her tears were surging.

The indifferent ice sculpture nurse in the hospital flipped through the medical records, writing and drawing on the medical records, pointing to the empty space with a finger without raising her eyes, and said, "I'm here to get some materials. Doctor Yuan should Be back soon. Just a moment."

Then, the nurse, who seemed so busy that she bowed her head and swiped her pen to sign all the time, finally found the required documents, and left the small studio briskly filled with the smell of disinfectant.

Dr. Yuan is a mature woman in her 30s. If she hadn't finished a 10-minute self-introduction with a smile on her face, Shen Nuo must have thought that this kind-hearted woman in front of her was actually approaching menopause. due.

Dr. Yuan briefly talked about the process of abortion. Of course, when she said the word "abortion", she almost picked up the expression of a Buddhist who knocked on a wooden fish. She said: "This is very harmful to women. We usually I don't agree with that."

Shen Nuo thought, if there were no women who were willing to bear the harm and rush forward to the abortion road, the gate of your gynecology hospital would never be as luxuriously decorated as it is now.They are food and clothing parents.

However, Shen Nuo just said firmly with a pale and sickly face, "I want to take it off."

After graduating, we spent time together. When we were busy, we didn’t say hello to each other for a month. Even if we kept refreshing the news records with WeChat, we didn’t have time to say to each other, “How are you doing recently?” Sample".

We felt that nonsense would look silly and contrived if it appeared in each other's dialog boxes, because we thought our friendship would stand the test of time and not need to rely on boring greetings to get by.

Le Yan always complains that I never take the initiative to contact her, and every time she calls me, I either miss it or my mother picks it up. She doesn't like this kind of operation very much.

Although I know that it is a blessing to be missed by someone, she can always remember me, which makes me happy. After all, I am just like Xi Xiang said, desperately lacking in love.

However, I can't bear the fact that we waste all our time on chatting with nothing to achieve. Besides, after graduation, I can be called a negative energy induction box.

Once, Le Yan chatted with me on WeChat, blaming me as always for not thinking of her.To be honest, it's not that I didn't think of her, but that my negative energy piled up to make me collapse.

At that time, I yelled at her and said, "Do you want me to talk to you about my negative energy? Do you want me to scold you XX?"

She didn't reply to me, probably because she was frightened by my "You XX".

I know that I have always been a person full of negative energy. In addition, I am also very easy to involve other people with my out-of-control anger. After entering the society, the only thing I have learned is to gradually hide all emotions, and maybe vent them sometimes For people around me, but at least for my good friends who are thousands of miles apart, I have never instilled any negative energy in them again.

Thousands of changes in the world have smoothed the edges and corners of our youth, but they have also sharpened the minions of some people. They have thrown their teeth and claws into chaos, and they confidently admit that one day they will become the masters of the great world , but forget that the frail body will eventually be submerged in the flooded world, like a boat, alone and helpless, reaching out to grab the person who is walking with him, but the latter has turned into foam in thousands of waves, passing by brilliantly, It reflects the warmth of the sun and the brackish seawater.

There are actually a lot of things that I didn’t expect. Not only did I make up my mind from the day I graduated that I would never have anything to do with anything related to the university, but also whether I really have to go all the way alone in my life.

The time in college flies by so fast. When I forced myself to smile at the camera the day I took the graduation photo, I vaguely felt that I was taking the final photo of the military training.

Probably because we are getting older and have a kind of paranoid emotion about keeping the beautiful, so our graduation photos were taken again and again, and finally it was finalized. It didn't satisfy all of us, but just because of graduation The time is running out.

Whether it's my elementary school, junior high school, high school, or university, I don't care much about taking pictures.

When I was graduating, I saw my classmates crying and their eyes were red, and I almost hugged my head to continue the heart-piercing, but I was so calm that I couldn’t fit in, and I didn’t even hide my contempt bursting out from the inside out, yeah, This is not a farewell, no matter whether we really see each other or we will meet again in the future, our feelings will slowly be exhausted with the passage of time.

But what we can do to be sober is to let nature take its course, let everything go according to fate, and don't force everything.

Le Yan asked me more than once, "Will we still keep in touch after graduation? Will we be friends for life?"

Because of my approachability in school, no matter how much I dislike her words, I will still say with conscience: "Of course, none of my classmates in junior high and high school have contacted each other, so if I still cut off contact with you , then I’m really alone.”

Lu Qin agreed with both hands, because in some respects she and I are simply carved out of the same mold.

But the fact is that we can conclude that I am completely different from her even without superficial analysis.

Speaking of which, any one of them and I are more or less similar in some respects, and we are not close friends at all, and I am also good at superficial skills, and I have maintained a deep friendship with them for four years, but As soon as I graduated and went my separate ways, I immediately left them behind. What's more, I often dismissed their greetings and even felt irritable.

Of course, my irritability is not entirely without reason. I admit that I am the eccentric person in Le Yan's mouth, but my aversion to them comes from them to a large extent.

I thought that even if we didn't have a bright future after graduation, we shouldn't be compared to each other, so I couldn't accept the status quo of our existence. No eligibility for transfer.

I've heard enough of their miserable experiences, which are not really miserable at all, but they have learned to exaggerate, so I can't wait to let my sympathy overflow.

Really, sometimes, no matter how miserable I am, I can get inspiration from them to live.

At that moment, I really didn't know whether to thank them or continue to hate them.They are really powerful to me.

Shen Nuo used to be my best partner, my buddy in the university dormitory, if you want to ask me who is the one who can accompany me crazy, then I will definitely say Shen Nuo, I have a lot of happiness because of her brought to me.

However, as people who have gone through half of our lives, we all know that people will definitely change, some people will get better and better, but some people will only make people feel chilling, such as Shen Nuo.

When we first settled under the same roof, Le Yan commented on Shen Nuo - "She is really a simple person".

Shen Nuo was indeed a simple person when she first entered university, but later, because of her experiences and her own transformation, she gradually lost her original outline.

"Who said that the protagonist is the first to be caught by the camera at the beginning of a TV series? It may also be the protagonist's mother or father, and seven aunts and eight aunts. Don't the protagonists have to maintain a sense of mystery?"

"Okay, you will be poor."

"Tch, not only will I be poor, but I will also be able to write. I was the one who aspired to be a screenwriter back then."

"Fortunately, it wasn't taken as a prequel, otherwise there would have been a prequel to the show, focusing on his father and his mother."

Everyone says that Shen Nuo and I are suitable for forming a double reed, and we really have this idea, but we are like a delayed joker, there is no place to display our talent, we are just in the dormitory Bickering boredly.

For example, one time, she was making the bed, and I was really bored, so I just stared at her concentrating on making the quilt, and then she got off the bed, and I watched her hang there like a gecko and pat the bed, Suddenly an idea popped up.

I yelled at her: "Don't come down, just get down and shoot with machine guns."

She was stunned for a few seconds, but she couldn't hold back her laughter.

When we were laughing together, the rest of the people in the dormitory looked at the two of us silently. After turning our eyes away, the two of us could also feel the strange atmosphere, because after the whole thing came to an end, For me and Shen Nuo, it was a joke, but for them, it was simply extremely boring.

Of course, I never criticize them for not being supportive, because this is indeed a boring episode, even when some two of them keep laughing because of a joke, I will have a feeling of indifference, not only me , the rest of us kind of made an appointment to pretend to be deaf and dumb, and afterward they would ask why you didn't laugh, and we usually just laughed it off, and for our own reasons.

Yes, sometimes, the relationship that you regard as the most important may not have some honor with the other owner of this relationship.

Things like this frequently patronize our group of sisters who are giggling and seemingly indestructible on the surface, and we have a change in our hearts. Although we are desperately trying to maintain the calm, the fact is that we all know that our feelings are flawed. There are a lot of things, just to cope with an era.

I remember that we took videos in the dormitory as souvenirs. Lu Qin took the camera and let us into the mirror one by one. Although we were all smiling at the camera, although we were all talking other hypocritical things, although we were all reluctant to part with us. But in the end we still just laughed it off, and didn't even bother to leave too much nonsense to the camera.

Probably because we know that this era will create our mutual love, and we can see each other's face every day with the help of a cold machine.Therefore, we did not cry because of the momentary separation.

My communication with Shen Nuo after graduation was basically done through video.She's madly in love with this thing, and even dresses herself up when she's streaming with me, and I never suspect that she's in our video as a live broadcast room.

As I said before, Shen Nuo's ordinary life of more than 20 years finally started at the moment she stepped into the workplace. Not only did she step on high heels and become a veritable white-collar family, but she also had countless suitors. .

"Actually, I'm quite annoying, especially like this. I don't want to fall in love, and I think falling in love is very troublesome."

One of the expressions she puts on the most is looking at me sadly in the video, and then holding her forehead, that kind of hypocrisy, she always does it so naturally.

But the last time she confides this to me in a worried video, she told me a big secret.

I was so scared that I covered my mouth tightly. After a second of precipitation, I put down my hands and said very calmly: "Stop making trouble, I don't know you yet. If you are willing to sleep with the leader, how many jobs have you changed?" ?"

"I'm telling the truth." She frowned even deeper, but in fact, she always liked to tease me with such a face.

"But I don't believe it."

"What do you think I should do now?"

"What should I do? You are trying to lie to me again. Last time Lu Qin announced that he had a boyfriend in Tibet and took the lead in stepping out of our single ranks, so you just make a son to surpass her, right? Don't make trouble, you You have the guts, but you definitely don't have the heart." I said with a playful smile.

Shen Nuo's face immediately collapsed: "Meng Xuan, I told you because I trust you, you can help me with my idea. What should I do?"

I was dumbfounded for a moment, and asked her confirmingly, "Is what you just said true?"

"Yeah." She turned her face away irritably, "It's true. Why should I lie to you?"