Death Beliefs

I stood downstairs in the company and waited for him for a long time that day before he came late. Seeing me waiting for him like a fool, his expression softened a bit.

"Who told you to wait here in such a cold day?" Although he yelled aggressively, I felt warm inexplicably.

I said: "I am here to wait for you. Some questions in the company are rather abrupt, and I don't know where to find you. If I ask you out, you may not agree. So I can only Try your luck here."

"Then, even if you're dying of cold, you still insist on waiting until I come out?" His eyes widened in disbelief.

"Otherwise. You are such a fast-tracked person. If I go to the mall, I will definitely miss you. I managed to catch such an opportunity. Maybe you won't come to work tomorrow. If you don't say goodbye to me , can't I just beg for nothing and strike first?" My teeth were chattering with cold, but I managed to snatch him away.

His face looked extremely pale, and his eyes widened because of it, as if I was a repulsive stalker, and he said: "Then you don't have to stand in the snow like Cheng Men Lixue to suffer." Just wait for me for so long."

"I won't see you if I don't wait so long."

The corner of his mouth twitched: "Your words are ambiguous. You said it as if I was going to die soon." He looked serious, "What do you want to ask me?"

"Why did you suddenly resign?"

"Did my resignation affect you a lot?" He asked me back, even teasingly.

I:"……"

Yes, his resignation actually has nothing to do with me. I just changed a boss that I can follow. It's very inappropriate for me to ask in such a big way.

"You are the most incomprehensible partner I have ever seen." He said, "However, if you persist on this road, there is still hope in the future. In everything, you must know how to stand up for yourself, and don't always think about relying on others. You Think for yourself, how much trouble you have caused me during the time you have been out of the project with me. If you came to me today, just want to verbally express some gratitude, then don't say it. You have time to rack your brains If you are grateful to me, you might as well think about how to let yourself stand alone earlier."

Me: "..." Is it so easy for others to see through my little thoughts?What a failure.

He patted the top of my hair, and the tears I was moved were already brewing and were about to burst out of my eyes, especially the moment he patted the top of my hair, he reminded me of a good teacher and a good friend.

Of course, I was actually more of a nymphomaniac with his face, and I was deeply moved by the wonderful fantasy of having such a handsome guy carefully teach me.

Then his shocked voice cascaded from the top of my head, tinged with panic, "Wow, you haven't washed your hair in days."

Me: "...shut up, I just washed it yesterday."

"Then did you offend someone, that's why you were splashed with oil and water?"

Me: "...Go to hell."

I reached out and pushed him hard.He laughed and was pushed into a private car around the corner by me. I said, "Your little Fengfeng has been waiting for you for a long time. Get out of here."

He rolled down the car window and waved to me, "See you next time by chance."

I nodded cautiously.When he turned around, his face was icy cold by the blowing cold wind.I was really reluctant, as if I had lost a wall that could withstand the wind and rain.

A cup of steaming coffee was placed on Manager He’s glass low table, and the sugar bag was placed aside. I heard from colleagues who served Manager He tea and water that Manager He likes coffee that is too sweet, and the sugar The amount is decided by Manager He himself. They can only prepare the sugar packets there, and they can't advocate pouring enough sugar into the cup filled with coffee without authorization, otherwise Manager He will be furious.

After I noticed the extra cup of coffee on the table, I stared blankly at the thing in my hand, and shrank the hand pushing the door.Then I despised myself deeply from the bottom of my heart. I really enshrined her as a god. Back then, Yan Zheng didn't receive this kind of treatment. Is she too strong, or am I too weak?

Manager He is like a beautiful rose with thorns. Of course, he is also like an ugly sea monster making waves, ambitiously coveting the fresh lives of the sailors on the passing ships.She can gently guide your inexperience in business, and of course she can completely overrule your ability when you make your first mistake, and spit out her poisonous letter, making you suspect that you are a burden to the company, and even Make you feel that once you leave the company, you will be completely unemployed.

Beautiful woman with long curly hair holds her head up on the sofa, elegant but pretentious.She seemed tired, "Are you Meng Xuan?"

I nodded and said yes, I don't know whether it was out of awe or rejection of her, but I could feel the depression that was higher than the next when we stayed in the same space all the time.

When I reported to her family on the first day, I still remember the way she looked at me. Her scrutiny was no less than that of the nobles who selected slaves with good teeth during the Civil War.

A glamorous person deserves to be admired by others. My first impression of Manager He was pretty good, even though the way she looked at me made me want to fight her for [-] rounds every minute.

"You seem to be afraid of me." She gestured for me to hand her the coffee in my hand, but I was staring at the coffee on the table in a daze.If you don't pay attention, it will be half a beat slower.

"You don't need to be so afraid of me, I won't do anything to you? Your previous boss was much more irritable than me, I think you are still alive and well." She took a sip of coffee lightly, the smell low The pleasing expression is simply a pirated version of Xi Xiang.

Me: "...I'm not afraid of you, I just respect you too much."

"Respect? Interesting. I'm flattered by your respect." She put down her cup, her nails were inlaid with diamonds, and she rubbed her forehead, saying, "If you maintain this kind of respect for a long time, I'm really It's hard to imagine the day when you'll stand on top of the pyramid, oh no, you won't have that day at all. Know what I mean?"

I clasped my hands, my palms were sweating, and it took me a long time to say a word, and I said, "I know what you mean."

"Oh, you know what I mean, then do you want to change it a little bit? I don't want my subordinates to bring me some trouble all day long, but think about how to solve the problem for me so that I can sit back and relax. I'm not Yan Zheng, treat your subordinates like a joke. You are too bad. Could it be that Yan Zheng didn't teach you well?"

"It's none of his business, it's my own."

"Your own reasons?" She sneered, "Do you know what your reasons are? I'm not talking about you, you are in your twenties, and you have graduated for half a year. Your business ability is not as good as that of an intern. Forget it, there is no point in burying you, you can do it yourself. If it really doesn't work, resign."

I don't know how I walked out of her noble and elegant office, surrounded by busy figures of colleagues, and I walked in it, out of place, I looked like an extra who went to the wrong set.Enduring the soreness of the tears that came out of my eyes, I went to the bathroom in a daze, and then washed my face with cold water.

I know that I have always been poor. Without Yan Zheng's tolerance, I would not be able to live a barely working life in the six months after graduation, let alone make my life continue to be colorful.

I don't have talent, I'm just an ordinary person, and the major I chose didn't highlight my strengths, instead it made me walk through the world of the living like a walking dead.

I don't have the ability of my mother to call the wind and call the rain. I live at the bottom. Even if I am surrounded by her and rise to the sky together, it still can't change the fact that I am a mortal without fairy skills.

I have all kinds of sorrows, don't look at the days I usually live like a dog, but the truth is, I live a different life every day, but I can't give it an exact definition, because I am too Incompetent, that's why they live at the bottom of society.

My miserable face was reflected in the mirror.The nausea surging inside my body seemed to be ignited by someone with sparks. I saw my firm gaze in the mirror again, ashamed like an old and dilapidated wall. I pulled out a smile and let the self inside see It's even more embarrassing to go up.

The phone in the bag was vibrating, I took it out, and when I saw the caller ID on the phone screen, I covered my mouth and cried "Woo".

My good friend Wen Ling asked me to have dinner with me in a nearby restaurant after get off work. These days, she is exceptionally abnormal and invites me on a regular basis every day. Despite my numerous rejections, she still maintains this frequency. It even made me think for a while that she was chasing me.

I met her in a restaurant with old music playing, she looked so good, it seemed like something big was going to happen, let me think, could it be the guy who straightened her up who proposed to her?

"Tell me, what is your happy event?"

I seem to be used to not showing my emotions too much. Even if the negative energy is superimposed to make me tear my scalp and cry alone in the room, I will not pour bitterness on my good friends on WeChat , let alone ask me to invite them out, order drinks, and cry with contorted faces while pouring myself into a drunkard who uses alcohol to drown his sorrows.

Wen Ling seldom smiles like a fool in front of me. Today she sat across from me, the corners of her mouth widened. I felt that her heart was about to bloom all over the mountains and plains. This is really unusual.

I said: "What kind of happy event is it? It makes you an idiot. Don't just laugh, tell me, and I will be happy too."

I originally wanted to mention the inhuman life I have lived recently, but I bit down on the words, and I was silent for a while abnormally.

She smiled even more happily, and her shy look made me suspect that she was newly married.But the truth is, apart from Xie Zeyuan and Xi Xiang, no one else has notified me to attend the wedding.

I knocked on her bowl with a spoon, "Hey, tell me what you have to say. Don't keep it up. If you do this again, I'll have to call the police."

"Meng Xuan, I have to introduce you to my boyfriend."

She closed her eyes, she was happy, she opened her right hand and held it up, and then I looked up along her hand, and saw a well-dressed man standing next to her, in a suit and leather shoes, with an extraordinary bearing.

He met my gaze, nodded at me, and sat down.

"Let me introduce myself first, my name is He Xi. Hello." He stretched out his hand to me, which made me give him a slight shake to express my heart in embarrassment.

"Meng Xuan, this is my boyfriend."

Wen Ling turned red with a girlish heart, like a little girl who has never been in love. Of course, this is not enough to shock me enough to doubt her mind. The next second, she bit her lower lip and said very shyly: "Why? Xi, this is my girlfriend."

I:"!!!!"

He Xi: "..."

He gestured for me to explain what was going on with his eyes. Although I thought that the person he should question was Wen Ling, but after thinking about it, Wen Ling probably hadn’t touched Fanxin for many years. Next, I had no choice but to come out to smooth things over.

I said very lamely: "Uh, what she meant was the wording of girlfriends. But female friends, referred to as girlfriends for short, there's nothing wrong with that. Lawyer He, have you supplemented with some bad things? "

"How do you know I'm a lawyer." He alertly missed the point.

Me: "... Wen Ling mentioned it to me before."

He Xi was shocked: "I just met her yesterday."

I:"!!"

The speed of clarifying the relationship is quite fast, you dare to come to me to show off, right?I poked Wen Ling with my eyes, and complained silently: You are not imitating Zhang Mianyang and me, saying, where did you get the match.

Wen Ling stuffed potato shreds into his mouth calmly, and returned my gaze with his eyes: You think everyone is like you, so loyal to love at first sight.In fact, I have been chasing him secretly for a long time, but he doesn't know it.

I:! ! ! !I can't see that you are so brave and fearless that you even used women to chase men.

Wen Ling: I'm overwhelmed, I'm just a little bit invincible in front of true love, besides, it's not like I haven't chased people before.

He Xi clenched his hands into fists and pressed them against his lips. His ears were blushing, and he seemed to be unable to speak. Finally, he gave it up. He said, "How long are you going to flirt with each other. Why don't we just open our mouths and talk?"

I:"……"

Wen Ling: "...Sorry, I used my mouth to eat."

If you stay in one place for a long time, you will get bored, tired of the same layer of numb life, tired of all kinds of things on the track of fate, longing for freshness, so you want to break through, so you want to pursue another life.

After I resigned, I stayed at home for two days, and then I bought a plane ticket to the countryside on my own initiative.This year's winter is very cold. In previous years, I almost traveled lightly when I went to the countryside. This year, I had to choose a few down jackets to go with me on the road.

As a result, my small and easy-to-carry suitcase was stuffed to the brim, and I couldn't even fit the food and food I bought for my dad.

My mother rolled her eyes angrily when she saw me packing my luggage in the bedroom, "When did you quit your job? Can you stop being so self-willed? Since I was a child, I have really spoiled you. You don't discuss anything with me, Are you treating me as your mother? Where are you going? Back to your father? "

"I had a hard time staying in the previous company, and I want to change jobs. It's not that I don't go to work anymore. Besides, I haven't seen my dad for a long time, so I took the opportunity to go back and see him."

"Did you have a hard time in the previous company?" My mother was about to pop her eyes out, because she couldn't believe that I, who was as motivated as if I was going to conquer the world in the workplace, could be so silent retired.

In fact, not only she couldn't believe it, but I couldn't believe it either, but I really had enough of being in that company, and I have no doubt that if I stay any longer, I will directly commit suicide.

"Yes, very uncomfortable." I nodded firmly.

"You've only been working for a long time, and you feel uncomfortable. Xiao Xie, it's not that your mother wants to talk about you. Why don't you discuss such a big matter with your mother first. Also, why do you want to go to your father's place?"

"What are you discussing with you? Are you discussing with you how I can continue to persevere? Mom, you are a successful person, but I am different. What am I? I always live under your halo. Since I grew up, how can I It’s not about trying my best to do it well, but I’m afraid that you will compare me with other children. I don’t dare to embarrass you. I will do whatever you want me to do. I will do my best. I only think about it. The better you do, the happier you will be. As for why you want to go to my dad, of course it’s because I miss him. Mom, don’t forget, I’ve been with my dad for a long time.”

My eyes were a little blurry, and I wiped them with the back of my hand, only to realize that tears were streaming down my face.I choked up and continued: "Mom, I actually have the life I want to live. I like to write. How did you tell me that interest and work should not be confused? I will do as you said. I I chose a major that I don’t like, and I’ve studied it for so many years, do you think I’m happy now? I’m dying of pain, I don’t like this major at all, but I have to deal with it constantly.”

"I'm all here for your own good."

My mother looked at me in disbelief, her voice trembled a few steps, and her eyes were swollen and red. It seemed that disbelief was still written in her tearful eyes, because I had never disobeyed since I was a child. She, and even the quarrel with her, seemed childish, instead of asking sharp questions like today, which made her suffer as if the sky was falling.

"Yes, you are doing it for my own good. I'm afraid you haven't seen how uncomfortable it is for me to get good at something I don't like. When I was in college, I had to use it to pass the exam. Now that I am working, I just use it Gotta use it for work."

"Okay, okay, okay, it's my mother's fault. Mom shouldn't let you choose a major or a job just to follow my advice. But Xiao Xie, don't you think that if you don't have a mother, you will be a fool if you follow your father?" What's the end?"

"I don't know." I really don't know, maybe I will be more uncomfortable than now.But who knows, it's just a hypothetical question.

I turned my head and exhaled heavily, "Mom, I'm going to spend the Spring Festival in the countryside this year, and I won't be coming back."

"Okay, I see."

I looked back against the light, and her back looked blurry. The moment she was about to close the door, I couldn't hold back and called out to her: "I wish you and Uncle Xie a happy New Year's trip to France this year."

She nodded, but didn't turn her head to say anything to me, and then the door was gently closed.I stopped crying, and carefully folded the last piece of clothing and put it in the suitcase, which I bought for my dad after walking around the mall for a long time.

The process of returning to the countryside is long. Every time I go back, it seems that the bones are dismantled and reassembled. When I arrive at the destination, the portrait seems to be falling apart.

I leaned against the bus, swiped my phone, and waited for my dad to pick me up. This year, I finally came to his house to celebrate the new year. He was as happy as winning a big lottery, and his whole face was beaming. To be honest, the more I saw him like this , I feel more uncomfortable.

He saw me from a long distance, waved his hand, and quickly walked up to me, picked up my luggage, and asked me: "Are you hungry? Is it the same as before, afraid of motion sickness and not daring to eat?"

I nodded, followed him, and said, "I packed something when I went out in the morning, and I'm not particularly hungry now."

"That's good." My dad smiled very happily, and his voice was very loud.However, he no longer left me with a tall and straight back, which made my eyes sore.

How I wish he could rub the top of my hair like he did when I was a child, or lead me along. I haven't walked with him so slowly for a long time.

The country seems to have snowed the day before yesterday, and the slightly muddy roads are not easy to walk through. My dad is carrying a suitcase and walking in front of the head, while turning around from time to time to tell me, telling me to be careful not to mess with my shoes. Dirty and wet.

"Dad, do you miss me?"

I avoided one after another of the little mud gangs. I don’t know if it’s because I’m in love with the scene, or because I thought of my purpose this time. My heart is very heavy, but I don’t want our little time together to end in silence. I Try to pick some topics, although it is a bit hypocritical, but for a person like my father who is not good at words, I should chat with him like this.

"I'm definitely thinking about it." My dad said shyly, "But you live better with your mother than with your father. In fact, your father doesn't want you. You, I still have to come back and see more in the future."

"Well, I see."