Death Beliefs

Because it was a family banquet with a clear purpose, Xie Zeyuan and Luo Qiang stood up and toasted us one by one.

Although we are not flattered, embarrassment has emerged, especially for me, I really don't want to stick to this form, and let people eat in peace.

Xie Zeyuan made a toast to my mother and his father with a glass of wine. First, he thanked his father for raising him so well, and then counted my mother’s kindness to him. I almost got goosebumps when I heard it. He still didn’t let us go and continued to talk , to be honest, it was the first time I saw him so eloquent.

Just when I was about to give him a thumbs up, he raised his head and gulped it down. It was as if he was a different person. Then, his eyes locked on me and the person sitting next to me. Zhang Mianyang.

He said: "Meng Xuan, don't talk too much, I wish you to get married as soon as possible."

I:"……"

Zhang Mianyang: "..."

In the end, he looked at Wen Ling tremblingly. Wen Ling didn't look at him, and just ate his food. In the end, he had to wave his hand to let him sit down. Don't engage in these formalisms, she is about to collapse. Don't mention how affectionate the eyes are, as if looking at his ex-girlfriend.

He was not reconciled, looked straight at Wen Ling, and said, "Wen Ling, you are the same."

Wen Ling: "...This...I have to have a boyfriend first, right?"

Xie Zeyuan finally shut up.

After dinner, Zhang Mianyang originally wanted to follow me into my room for a tour, but Xie Zeyuan dragged him away before I could hold his hand.

When I was glaring, Xie Zeyuan said to me very embarrassedly: "Your boyfriend will lend it to me first, I think his creativity is quite good, I want to communicate with him."

Me: "Are you two getting married, or are you and Luo Qiang married? Shouldn't you ask Luo Qiang's opinion on creativity?"

The virtuous Luo Qiang went to help clean up the mess at this moment, Xie Zeyuan glanced over there, dejected, it was obvious that Luo Qiang let him mess around.

Zhang Mianyang said, "Meng Xuan, how about I..."

I waved my hands with a headache: "Okay, you go, I will make it possible for you two to live and fly together."

At this time, Wen Ling leaned against my neck affectionately, and looked at Zhang Mianyang proudly: "Then I will take your wife away."

Zhang Mianyang suddenly burst into a big smile, I really doubt that he is a rotten boy, he is so happy: "Ah, you two want to play with me again."

Me: "..." He is really retarded like this.

Wen Ling: "..."

Wen Ling and I sat in the room for a while without speaking. I was still immersed in Zhang Mianyang's magical joy. As for Wen Ling, I don't know what she was thinking.

In the end, she broke the silence and said, "Didn't you always want to know why Xi Xiang and I broke up? I'll tell you today, do you want to hear it?"

I still remembered what she said in the elevator, and I said, "Did you find the right opportunity so quickly?"

She smiled: "Of course."

Their breakup didn't happen overnight. Before they broke up completely, Wen Ling had done a lot of begging for nothing to keep her. Even though she went to see Xi Xiang again and again, the other man would always be with different men. The action is intimate and the expression is ambiguous.

"I've always wanted to ask you, why did you propose to break up in the first place?"

That should be the last time Wen Ling went to see Xi Xiang, and he couldn't bear the other party's indifference, so he questioned him.

"It's been so long since we broke up. Is there any point in asking again? Why don't you ask yourself why you agreed to break up in the first place? Do you just want to know the answer? Then I'll tell you, because I'm tired."

"Don't say you're tired, I'm tired too, but I'm still willing to love you all the time, why can't you? Your boyfriend changes faster than clothes, what right do you have to tell me you're tired?"

"Yeah, my boyfriend changes faster than clothes. What about you, you have a deep love and a special liking. I'm afraid you made a mistake, and you don't even think about who you give your affection to. I You're not a fool, can't I see it?"

"Xi Xiang, you can turn a blind eye to my liking, but how should I put it, please don't trample on it... Otherwise, I won't even be able to keep any good memories, and I will really regret taking so long to like you. In the end, I just realized it wasn't worth it at all..."

"You only know now that it's not worth it. In fact, it's not too late. Can't you get out of your body? Wen Ling, do you know the two kinds of people I dislike the most in my life? One is like you, on the surface you can't forget it, but in reality Now, I just want to send you two words—hehe; there is another kind, like Meng Xuan, you are really a pair, don’t you feel pleasure when you work together to torture me? Because the two of us will be mourning after the end, isn't it because of Meng Xuan? I can promise you, Meng Xuan and I will be friends for life, as for the two of us, we should never communicate with each other."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

After that, they really didn't contact each other again, and of course, they didn't meet each other again. It was like a farce, after which it was silent, and there was no disconnection.

Reminiscing about the past seems to need some necessary additives, otherwise you will lose weight. When Wen Ling was about to ask me about Xi Xiang's recent situation, Xi Xiang's phone call came in suddenly. She looked at me, and I looked at She didn't know whether to press answer or not.

However, this didn't bother me for long, because Wen Ling decisively cut off the noisy it for me, and my male god's singing voice actually made me feel noisy one day.

I complained dissatisfied: "Why are you doing this?"

I snatched back the phone, and had no time to take care of Luo Qiang, whom Xie Zeyuan was busy exchanging ideas with Zhang Mianyang, and ignored. Even though she was standing at the door of my room, I still patiently reasoned with the order. Not really, Wen Ling just chose me between strangers and acquaintances.

Wen Ling obviously also saw Luo Qiang who was standing at the door and was neither entering nor retreating. He smiled slightly as a greeting, then took my hand, and together they fell comfortably on the small sofa I bought for one person. .

She said: "I'm not like her. I can love others after turning around, and in turn accuse me aggressively. I'm a narrow-minded person. It's not the first day you know me."

I pushed her: "Get up, I'm almost flattened by you."

I actually wanted to relieve the inexplicable embarrassment surging between the three of us, but I ignored that I was sitting on Wen Ling's lap.

As I said before, Luo Qiang is my mother's standard for a daughter. Why, it is because of Luo Qiang's quietness and virtuousness.

But Luo Qiang has a fatal shortcoming, that is, she is too introverted, like now she is standing at the door of my room, even if I signal her to come in with my eyes, she still has to get my verbal approval, she is really good at it I always regard myself as an outsider, even though my mother can't wait to treat her as her own daughter, she stays among us, still tied.

"Oh, Luo Qiang, I've said it many times, my home is your home, you don't have to be so out of touch."

I dragged her in with a headache, and then arranged for her to sit on my bed. During the whole process that I performed in one go and was quite natural, she was obviously hesitant and stunned for a moment.

She still looked a little bit at a loss, sitting quite neatly.I didn't have anything to say: "How are you and Xie Zeyuan's wedding preparations going?"

She said, "It's okay."

It can be seen that she didn't have any particularly high expectations for this wedding. I don't know if it's my illusion, but I feel that she has no feelings for Xie Zeyuan.She always had that indifferent look, as if nothing could stir up a single ripple around her.

"What were you talking about just now? Did I come at the wrong time?"

Luo Qiang stared nervously at the door twice, meaning that we had an excited chat just now and the door was not locked, so her appearance became very abrupt.

She has always been like this. During the two summer vacations when I lived in my house, I watched her walk through the living room and bedroom like walking on eggshells. I felt a headache for her sensitive mind. , I can also find that she has reservations, she is not a person who can have a hot fight with others.

"No, no, of course not. I just wanted to go to the living room and call you over. Are Zhang Mianyang and Xie Zeyuan talking about the wedding scene? What about my mother and Uncle Xie?"

"Aunt Meng and Uncle are in the kitchen." Luo Qiang reported to me as if performing official duties, and Wen Ling and I looked at each other tacitly, and listened to her quietly, "I just found out, so you I have a boyfriend. I always heard your mother say that you are on a blind date, and you have been on a blind date many times. However, your boyfriend is quite good-looking. Moreover, I also feel that he knows a lot. Now Zeyuan I was talking to him about the layout of the wedding venue. They got so involved in the conversation that I lost my presence and then I came to you guys."

In fact, she really didn't need to explain so much to me.I had no choice but to take the opportunity to get rid of the embarrassment, and held her little hand pretending to be intimate, and I said, "I'm going to be a bride soon, will you be nervous?"

"It's a bit too much to say I'm nervous." She pursed her lips, "Marriage is not a big deal."

Me: "..." Looking pitifully at Wen Ling for help, Wen Ling turned his face away with an arrogant expression of "don't look at me anymore".

And so, what was supposed to be a very pleasant conversation between us came to an abrupt end.

Because the year is approaching, the atmosphere in the company has been distorted into a tense state. We are dizzy and busy as usual. Similarly, we don't know what we do in our busy working hours every day.

One thing we do know, however, is that our impregnable whole is falling apart with great force.

Some people were busy handing in their resignations at the last minute, and quickly left this place where they had endured a year of right and wrong with their year-end awards. As a result, there were more chickens and dogs jumping around. They made the company's supposedly serious atmosphere suddenly seem to be caught in the excitement of the upcoming Chinese New Year, which seemed very abrupt.

And some people are desperately trying to get a good performance at the end of the year, so that when next year comes, their rank can be raised to a higher level, and they don't have to be yelled at by others anymore, and yelled at others like a relay.

As one of them, I heard many plans of my colleagues in the tea room, and my originally high-spirited heart gradually sank into the sea. It was not the confusion of the future, but the feeling of the tasteless but continuous life. Tired.

Yes, in the life of people like us, even if we have changed countless companies and had countless beginnings, we can only receive one piece of "boredom" in the end, and it goes back and forth again and again.

You think you are moving forward, and what you are polishing is yourself, but in fact, you are just circling in circles within a hundred miles of the ghost hitting the wall, and you are torturing yourself with the same hatred you treat your enemies.

You've been played around by fate, you're stupid to think you've got a new life.

In the past, no matter how busy Le Yan was at work, she would conscientiously complain to me through long phone calls about the ordinary life that could not be fulfilled. In her influence, I would more or less feel sorry for the current state of life. Dissatisfaction arises, but so what?We can only barely live for food and clothing, let alone being able to do what we like to do.

Probably also experienced the thorough baptism of work. As a civil servant, in addition to going to the mountains and the countryside, she also has to deal with interpersonal relationships, and she is not as excited as before to chat with me.

In fact, it’s not really a chat, because she often talks about her daydreams, such words as Korea and trainees, which really give me a headache.

With the participation of time in all things, don't think about being able to start over again, but she seems to have made up her mind. No matter what I say at that time, she is unwilling to open her eyes to see clear reality.

So, later I didn't bother to hit her anymore, so I let her fall into a deep sleep.However, to my surprise, she woke up by herself.However, I did not seldom comfort her, using the literary tone that even I despised.

I remember comforting her like this: "May we have a next life where we will not be disturbed by the world, and we can do what we like wholeheartedly."

I thought she would be moved, or agree, but she said: "Meng Chen, I want to be a tree in my next life, even a bird. Anyway, I don't want to be a human anymore. Being a human is exhausting. This life is enough for me. I can't even think about my next life. It's too scary."

Me: "...you don't want to go to Korea to be a trainee?" Isn't that her ultimate dream?Give up so easily?

She panted heavily on the phone: "I don't want to, I don't want to at all. Let me be a tree. A bird is also fine! Although I am still a person who is willing to believe in beauty, if God doesn't If you are willing to give generously, then forget it. I have always thought that I am an open-minded person, but it also depends on what you are doing." She finally concluded, "Life is too bad."

I silently drank cup after cup of coffee, then brought another cup along.My boss recently resigned for reasons I don't know, and I was assigned another boss shortly thereafter.

This boss is definitely not as attractive to me as Yan Zheng, because she is a woman. Of course, it's not all because of gender incompatibility, but because she is too elegant and delicate, which reminds me of Xi Xiang.

I haven't been in touch with Xi Xiang for a while, she is always around me, when I miss her, she won't appear, as if she is deliberately against me, and I almost forget her When it was time, she was born again.

In fact, I really wanted to erase all the imprints she left in my mind, only to find that unless the rare amnesia in a century suddenly happened to me, I would never be able to get rid of her, even though my concern for her I am a kind of torture. I want to watch her fall from the peak with no bones left, but I also think that whether she is dead or alive has nothing to do with me?

I once defined Xi Xiang's personality, and I think she lived a contradictory and three-dimensional life.On the other hand, looking at my true feelings for her, I am also contradictory and three-dimensional.

After caring about someone with genuine affection, it is really difficult to really forget about her completely. Although I say I am relieved, in my heart, I care about her more than anyone else.I know that I have always left room for our previous intermittent friendship, so that later on, it is difficult for me to treat another friend so attentively. Pay, it's already empty inside.

However, most of the time, I miss the days when I was with Yan Zheng. Although Yan Zheng was always cruel to me, I never felt any real malice towards me from him. At least I stayed with him When working together, I was not in pain, even a little excited, although my passion all came from the pursuit of his appearance.

And getting along with this new boss, my whole body seems to be hollowed out, and I can't deal with her with all my strength.She was scarier than a ghost.

Yan Zheng resigned suddenly. If anyone was caught off guard by him, it was definitely not our immediate boss, nor his other colleagues, but me, a little guy who was only controlled by him.

Speaking of which, before my ignorant college days, including college days, I thought I was born destined to be extraordinary. I didn't know how confident I was at the time, and I could actually hold my aspirations so high Pan, in short, my dream is great, and in this great dream, I live equally great.

Then today, I suddenly realized that I am not great, and even my dreams are nonsense.

How unattainable I was in my dreams, how low I am in the dirt now.

Yan Zheng is one of the few people I admire a lot.He is actually the kind of person I dreamed of becoming many years ago.