Death Beliefs

It wasn't until that moment that I fully woke up. My best friend, Shen Nuo, was pregnant with the child quietly, and asked me to give her advice, but what advice could I give her? The little life had to be taken away no matter what, so could it be that she was expected to give birth to it?

However, at the end of our conversation, I still remained silent. I didn't have the courage to make such a big decision for her. There was a life in her stomach.

So, our conversation came to an end, and Shen Nuo never took the initiative to contact me again, which made me feel a little lost, as if something had been lost.

But this kind of emotion did not continue to bother me, because I also encountered troubles, and the negative energy I had accumulated burst out in an instant, destroying all my reason, and I hid in the countryside in desperation, resolutely passed Even Zhang Mianyang, I didn't notify Zhang Mianyang of the day when he was in harmony with the world.

"Meng Xuan, do you think we will keep in touch?" Le Yan often asked me in our subsequent calls.

To be honest, if this question is really answered with my heart, then I am sorry, it will only get a very disappointing result.

then.I tried my best to say to her tactfully: "Let it take its course, you will meet some people at a certain stage, and you are destined to lose some people at a certain stage. How should I put it, anyway, you have to get used to being alone."

Maybe it's because of the popularity of "Buddhism" recently, and I have followed the trend a lot.

"Oh, but I really hope that we can always keep in touch, we will always be good friends, and the relationship will not fade." She sighed on the other end of the phone.

If she could hear my heart at this moment, she would definitely explode her lungs, because my inner OS is——Dream you, that's impossible.

The entanglement of memories is like a dense spider web, impenetrable.It's also only in the middle of the night that I let myself be distracted.

Speaking of which, you can be as hypocritical as you want. If it were me, I would despise him even if I foamed at the mouth, and would keep my mouth shut.

Nights in the country are surprisingly quiet, especially in winter.Maybe it's because the Chinese New Year is coming, and the street not far ahead is very full of New Year's flavor. After dinner, my father's new son clamored for me to take him for a stroll. If my father hadn't threatened him, I would have been killed His little child desires to blackmail to the brim.

"Sister, let's set off firecrackers, shall we?" The son my father got when he was old, looks very strong, but his actual age is only six years old. Apart from running around every day and not being able to get home, he also likes all kinds of adventures Son.

When I was a child, I didn't like things that exploded and the sound was particularly loud. Firecrackers are undoubtedly my most hated. I can even shed warm tears in the deafening noise. Of course, I was either scared to cry, or With the explosion of the firecrackers, I couldn't close my eyes or open them, not to mention how uncomfortable it was.

"Sister can't play." Auntie glanced at me and interrupted her son's unreasonable request.

"You follow your sister upstairs to watch TV, and watch the bald head, can you?" The aunt tried to persuade this noisy little guy to accompany me to relieve my boredom.I'm grateful, but I want to say one more thing - thank you so much, I don't like being alone with a child, I'm afraid I'll murder him.

"No, I want my sister to play firecrackers with me." He couldn't speak clearly, but he was very stubborn. He stared at me with big, black eyes, and even sneaked over to grab my hand. She smiled shyly.

I:"……"

"Sister, come with me, okay?" He giggled, took my little hand and began to shake it back and forth.

I:"……"

I squatted down and looked at him, those obsidian-like eyes stared at me closely, they were too pure to look like, sure enough, it was best when I was a child, carefree, even my eyes were still pure The color of black is not like ours, because of the growth of age, the eyes slowly change color.

When my mother was still living with us in the country, I remember one time when I stood behind her and watched her wash her face, my mother said to me at that time: "Children, please don't drink so much tea, or you will have yellow eyes. of."

Yellow eyes also have another meaning in our country, that is, a person is "ungrateful". I believe it, and I will not drink a drop of tea from then on, but when I look in the mirror later, the pupils in the mirror are still changed in color.

"My sister just came back today, and I have more time in the future. Don't go out to play with firecrackers today. Let my sister go to bed early." My father touched the back of his son's head, and turned his head to signal that I should ignore this little guy.

I saw their family of three enjoying themselves happily, and I couldn’t help but regret living here because I was too impulsive. I could have gone to my grandpa’s house, but because I was afraid that they would tell me about my mother because I was afraid that they wouldn’t be able to open any pot. , so I settled for the next best thing, even though I knew that my father's new daughter-in-law was quite critical of me, but I still showed her eyes.

"When will I go to work next year?" Auntie chatted nervously with me, and I could see that she was deliberately trying to find something to say to me for the sake of my father's face.

"I resigned at the end of the year, and I still want to relax before looking for a job. I may have to live here until the Lantern Festival."

I paid attention to her expression and observed whether she would directly express her displeasure on her face, but I made a mistake. She just smiled and even showed a bit of love and affection. To my situation and encounters.

"That's right. Your father often talks about you, and I said it's useless to talk about it, and you can't see you, and you are too. Auntie said something bad. If you follow a rich mother, you forget that you don't have money." Dear father, has your father asked you to come and live with us in recent years? Have you ever heard of it? Xiaomeng, although your father can’t get along with your mother, you somewhat hate him, we can understand , but he is your father after all. You can't blame him for everything, your mother can't be right. "

Holding the tea that the little guy brought over slowly, I knew in my heart that this auntie was going to settle an old dispute with me, and she was still picking on my father to go out.

I said, "I know all of this. Auntie, I'm actually quite relieved that I have you by my dad's side, so my dad won't be lonely."

"Whether there is an aunt in front of your father or not, you should come back to see your father more often. It is not easy for your father."

Auntie lowered her eyes, hugged the little guy who was squeezed into her arms, buried her head in his chest and rubbed it, which made the little guy giggle.

He stared at the night sky with howling cold wind blowing outside, and the occasional explosion of fireworks made him clap his hands excitedly. Suddenly, he shouted, "Look, sister, it's snowing."

With the sound of firecrackers, the year is gone, and the spring breeze brings warmth into Tusu.Ever since I was a child, I liked a blizzard to set off the atmosphere on the New Year’s day. This year, the heavy snow arrived as promised. When I opened the window in the morning, it was covered with snow and the sound of firecrackers was endless.

My dad's youngest son was bouncing around on the ground downstairs, not to mention how happy he was.I was just like him when I was young, even more troublesome than him.

My dad knocked on my door while talking to me: "Xiao Xie, your cousin and sister-in-law are down, talk to your cousin."

My cousin sister-in-law is my classmate in junior high school, and the relationship between the two of us was quite harmonious when we were in high school, but later on we became a little tit for tat.We didn't contact each other for a whole university, and I didn't know how she fell in love with my cousin in the end. I still don't understand how they got together.

I responded in the room: "I have nothing to say to her, forget it. I want to be quiet."

My dad stood silently at the door of the room for a while, and then quietly went downstairs. I heard their laughter downstairs, and the childish voice of my dad's youngest son happily calling me "sister", I slightly bent the corner of my mouth , then opened the door and walked down.

They seemed surprised when they saw me, especially my junior high school classmate, who is already a mother of a child. Her daughter is being held in her arms at the moment, biting her finger and smiling foolishly, but she looks cute. It's really like my brother, not good-looking at all, so I don't even have the desire to reach out and hug her.

Instead, I bent down and picked up the little brother who was as heavy as a thousand catties.I actually really regret my decision, what did this little guy eat to grow up!

Because they came to my father's house to pay New Year's greetings, of course, my aunt prepared a table of dishes to entertain them, and called me to greet them very neatly.

A group of us sat in the living room, as if we were forced to play mahjong together, we chatted helplessly, with countless embarrassments for each other.

Especially my cousin who is out of tune. I once heard the news about his [-]% discount in the chat between my dad and my uncle. It is said that he applied for a credit card outside, because it feels so good to swipe it or something. , anyway, he only cared about brushing and didn't care about repaying the loan.

So the bank found my uncle. My uncle was not very educated. He almost died of fright when he received the phone call, because he thought my brother had a terminal illness.

Although I found out later that it was an oolong, my uncle still wanted to say from the bottom of his heart: "It would be better if the call was indeed from the hospital."

Don't people say that the father pays the son's debt?But for my cousin, it is clear that the son owes the father to pay, and he is a man in his thirties. Not only does he have no sense of family responsibility, but he has been supported by two old parents many times. I admire him very much. The grown-ups actually have the nerve to ask the family for money!

I sat across from him, and he asked me two irrelevant words from time to time, and I responded accordingly. As for my junior high school classmate, I really didn’t know how to talk to her, because what she said was full of experience from someone who had experienced it. She and my aunt can talk speculatively, especially when it comes to having children.

We tried our best to confront each other awkwardly, and finally a phone call saved me, but when I saw the caller ID on the phone screen, I was not so happy. I'm sure Zhang Mianyang would have nothing good to look for me, sir. It's Chinese New Year, I don't believe he came to say Happy New Year to me.

Sure enough, as soon as I got on the phone, his 360-degree obsessive mode with no dead ends was turned on. I supported my forehead with a headache, and I heard him say in a very helpless way: "Meng Chen, I asked your mother The address of your hometown, I should be near your home now, but I don't know how to get there..."

Me: "...WHAT? What did you say? You came near my house? You mean my house in city B, right?"

This is the countryside, why did he come here just like that?For the Chinese New Year, thousands of miles away, there is no hindrance in the wind and snow.

"Ouch, it's not your home in City B, it's your hometown." I can imagine the cute and silly look of him frowning and looking around.

My heart suddenly softened, and I said softly: "It snowed so much last night, how did you come here? Oh, let's not talk about it, I will go to pick you up now, and you can tell me where you are. I really don't know What are you doing here..."

While scolding him, I ran upstairs to change clothes.My dad stood at the corner of the stairs with the dishes to be served and looked at me, then stood outside the house when I changed my clothes and went downstairs, meaning that he wanted to go out with me.

"Dad, why don't you ask me who I'm going to pick up?" I asked tentatively.

My dad smiled amiably and said, "It's your boyfriend. You are so old, you really want to fall in love. Dad is still waiting to drink your wedding wine, hahaha."

Me: "...hehehe."

Zhang Mianyang was waiting in the lobby of the station with two big boxes in hand. When I saw his battle, I was really glad that my dad came out with me to greet him, otherwise how would I get through this.

"Hello, uncle."

He stood at attention and took a rest, and bowed to my dad with a [-]-degree innocent big bow. My dad was so flattered that he almost returned such a big gift to him, but he couldn't bend down, and I was supporting him hard. Wanting not to let him do this great gift, my dad gave up embarrassingly.But my dad was still not reconciled, and finally gave Zhang Mianyang a friendly handshake with enthusiasm.

I glared at Zhang Mianyang: "Who told you to come here?"

Zhang Mianyang smiled embarrassedly, and said, "Well, it's not convenient to talk about it now, we'll talk about it after we go to your house..."

Me: "... What else is there to say? You don't have to celebrate the New Year with your family, do you?"

Zhang Mianyang scratched his head, feeling very embarrassed, his face was flushed with dryness, I thought to myself, let's forget it, everyone is here, and I still wonder why he came here.So my dad and I prepared one person and one box to welcome the Buddha back.

As a result, when I was about to carry the heavy box, he pulled my hand away, "I'll come, if you come to pick me up, I'll be very happy."

My dad coughed softly, then strode out decisively with the box on his shoulders, as if we were in his sight.Zhang Mianyang and I quickly followed without talking.

However, when the three of us returned home with neat steps, first the little brother rushed over to hug the handsome brother, and then my aunt stared at Zhang Mianyang with naked eyes, as if she couldn't accept it for a while With my temperament, I was able to find such an excellent boyfriend.

In the end, of course, it was my junior high school classmates and my cousin who couldn't believe it. They were about to write "unacceptable" on their faces.I pretended not to see them at all, and calmly introduced Zhang Mianyang to them, and instructed Zhang Mianyang how to address them.

I can see that my father, who has always been silent, is optimistic about Zhang Mianyang. I can read the approval from his eyes, which makes me very happy.

My junior high school classmate spoke, and although her smiling face made me particularly uncomfortable, I seemed to be affected by the disgusting things she did to me in high school.

She said: "What I said before, Meng Xuan will definitely find a very special boyfriend, sure enough. I told your cousin yesterday that you came back this time after all, and we will give it to you. Find a marriage, see, this is unnecessary."

My cousin echoed and said, "How did I get back to you that day? Meng Xuan is a college student and works in the city. How can he think of the poor guy here. Fortunately, you didn't ask for it, otherwise he might not be sure." Thank you."

Zhang Mianyang looked at me in bewilderment, and I said to eat your food, so I grabbed two chopsticks of lean meat for him, and went to battle in person.

I first lowered my head and smiled like a madman, and then slowly raised my head and looked at the two people in front of me and said, "How can I not appreciate what my cousin said? You have to be conscientious in everything. But my sister-in-law , Cousin is right about one point, I will definitely look down on you for all the information you have given me, but it is really hard to say with the way you look at people."

My dad winked at me, I knew I was exaggerating, so I shut up quickly, so I had to eat in silence.The two of them finally calmed down and didn't talk about me anymore. In the end, only the aunt's voice of laying vegetables and the younger brother's milky voice of sticking to Zhang Mianyang were left on the table.

Someone once asked Xi Xiang a question on her live broadcast—what do you think of Cao fans?

She brushed her hair and said, "Probably because I'm a conservative person, I don't recommend messing around."

After half a year, Xi Xiang, who doesn't recommend messing around, not only killed someone, but almost put most of his life in prison.

After escaping from the tiger's mouth, she seemed to know how to be stable, or she became a good person.It took less than a month for her to tell me that she was going to get married. It was not long after Xie Zeyuan got married. I was shocked, I couldn't believe that she found a permanent next family so quickly.

I asked her, "When are you getting married?"

She smiled, not to mention how moist she was, and her voice was lazy: "You tell me first whether you will come to be a bridesmaid. If you come to be a bridesmaid, I will tell you when I will get married."

I resisted the urge not to hang up the phone directly, and said patiently: "It's okay if I come to have a wedding drink, but if I'm a bridesmaid, then forget it."

"why?"

"There is no reason. Xi Xiang, you have to tell me first, who is your groom?"

"He, you know him."

"I know you? There are so many men around you, how can I recognize them? I think you should be honest. I guessed and guessed, but I couldn't figure it out. It wouldn't be the underworld man who had already gone to the [-]th floor of hell. Bar."

"Meng Xuan, if your mouth is more poisonous, I really want to kill you."

"Thank you, I always knew you wanted to kill me, but you have to have the ability."

"Okay, let me tell you." Xi Xiang said compromisingly, "The groom is the one who believed that I was really a couple with him just because I acted as a couple."

Me: "..." Life is really full of drama.

In the end, I still couldn't go to Cheng Xixiang's wedding, and Zhang Mianyang and I spent the Lantern Festival in the countryside ecstatically.

Lantern Festival is my childhood memory. I like the thousands of lights that night, and I also like the excitement of lighting them up one by one myself, so I took Zhang Mianyang to experience the fun of childhood again without hesitation.

That night, I asked Zhang Mianyang: "Why do you like me?"

He smiled and replied, "You have asked this question before."

So, I asked in a different way: "Then, do I have the look you like?"

He shook his head, pretending to be profound: "No, you didn't."

Me: "...I'm heartbroken."

He quickly bent down and kissed my forehead, and then whispered something in my ear.

But unfortunately, I didn't hear clearly, "What are you talking about?" Probably the sound of firecrackers in the distance was so loud that it was deafening.

He said: "I said you are ugly." He seemed to cover up the sound of firecrackers, and almost yelled out my ears.

I rolled my eyes directly, "Say it as if you are so beautiful."

I also yelled back at the top of my lungs, and then we turned our faces together, and saw the younger brother looking at the two of us with a blank face. The eyes were so simple that they would appear on the face of a six-year-old child. Like watching idiots.

I admit that in the last half month of my life, I was very happy, not because I had someone by my side, alleviating the loneliness I have always felt, but also because I accomplished many things, such as going back to my hometown Visit Dad and spend some time in the mountains with the people you like.

In short, enough.

Back in City B, my mother and Uncle Xie have both gone on a trip. I can see their rising love coefficient in Moments almost every day. My mother smiles very happily, and Uncle Xie is holding a camera to take pictures of her He will always show half of his face unwilling to be buried, and also smile happily.

As for Xie Zeyuan and Luo Qiang, they also chose a scenic spot to successfully pass the honeymoon period, but I rarely see them show their affection, as if affection does not exist, even their marriage ends quietly Understand.

I didn't contact Xi Xiang anymore, and I didn't communicate with other little sisters in the university. I seemed to want to evaporate myself silently.

And it was true, I stayed in that empty house for three days, and finally decided to go to Iceland, and I thought, I probably won't come back here again.

I am a person who yearns for beauty, and knows that the tenderness imagined by all kinds of things is rare in the world, but I just want to bet on winning or losing... In the end, I lost, and I lost in a mess. I love her, I don’t know how long I will love her, But I know I love her for sure longer than she loves me...  

The water in the lake is very cold, as if ice has been crushed in the stagnant water, and it cannot touch the bottom, but it is so blue that it is fascinating.Without Xi Xiang, without Zhang Mianyang, at the end of the water curtain, I only saw the back of Wen Ling turning and leaving, and the last time she looked at me, after a long river of time, she was really a different person.

I always stubbornly think that I will meet you when the flowers fall. At that time, Qionghua broken jade covers my eyebrows and eyes. The moment I open my eyes, the magnificent world is full of colors. You and I stand on the small point of the horizon and walk through a long journey. We stopped in front of each other, tears blurred our eyes, and then we said to each other cherishedly: Long time no see.