critical value

That's how I silently mingled around Ishibe.

In fact, at the beginning, when I finally made a little progress, I was very afraid that my seniors would throw me out to take charge of it alone. In this case, I would go to Shi Xiaofeng to get the task by myself, and then hand in the report... I was really scared , afraid that I would die in shame in front of him.

I try my best to avoid him, try not to look at him, but occasionally two people will meet their eyes.

Occasionally, because I worked too hard, it became only one such experience. Now when I think of that moment, my heart is in a mess and I don’t know what it feels like. I don’t know if it’s regret. Eyes, or now feel ashamed of peeping and being peeped at that time...

That day was no different from usual, the senior was writing the mission report, I was just bored, and then wandered around, probably because the heat wave emanating from the minions was too terrible, I couldn't bear it, and then I ran away I went to another place, the inside of the corridor looks a little darker, maybe I can cool down a little by staying here, I should be thinking so, and walked to the end of the corridor silently.

In fact, I didn't expect Shi Xiaofeng to see me at the time, because he usually closes the door, and the weird layout of his office, if you don't turn your head 90 degrees, you can't see me.

And I don't go to see him either, so even if he sees me, I don't feel it.

But I don’t know why, Shi Xiaofeng opened the door abnormally that day; I don’t know why, my self-control was so bad that day, I subconsciously turned my head to take a look; I don’t know why, Shi Xiaofeng was so sensitive to other people’s gaze that day, I just glanced at him lightly like that. He was writing furiously, but suddenly turned around very sensitively, stared at me twice, and finally left his door mechanically step by step under my feet. , how cool is it to stay at the end of the corridor...

To this day, I still can't forget his glance at that time. I am really different from others. Others will never forget the "affectionate glance", but I can't forget his slightly angry glance at that time.

It's just an angry face, I don't remember if the eyebrows are slightly wrinkled, but I feel that his eyes are staring aggressively. This feeling is different from the small drooping eyes that he deliberately widened when he was acting cute. At that time, the eyes didn't have the slightest affinity, it felt like, really like cutting people open.Cold, ice-like knife.

At that time, the bridge of his nose looked more restrained than usual, and his lips seemed to be slightly pursed, which was different from his previous silly and cute opening, and the jade-like tips of his teeth would not be exposed...

I always feel that his appearance that day made me feel a little uncomfortable. Maybe he is like this, but I don’t know him well enough, or we used to have a good relationship, and he was hindered by expression. It's nothing, that's why it shows its true nature.

This is just a conjecture, let alone a conjecture that even I don't believe.

I still remember that day I was wearing a fluffy white coat, very fat beggar pants, and a pair of dark blue lace-up leather shoes. It should be the same as usual, passing by his door with a cute and harmless face. .....

There may also be elements that are really good to wear like this. In short, I especially like to wear like this from now on.

I hope that in his heart, I will be like this in the future, with white as the main color, unkempt appearance, and a pure and harmless me. If he can see such a person in the future, I hope he can think of me like this.

I have become more and more hypocritical recently, because I know that I am no longer this kind of person.

In fact, during that time, I really wanted to see him, but due to various reasons, no matter what happened, I seemed to be going crazy.A pair of fragile nerves, back to the Middle Ages will become a patient of "female hysteria".

In fact, during that time, I never had the opportunity to face Shi Xiaofeng directly. Every time I came into contact with Shi Xiaofeng, I was done by my seniors, even if it was just a phone call.At this point, I feel that they are particularly considerate, but they are not like this. The real reason is not that they are considerate, but because I am Zhili from the eldest sister, not from Shibu, so Only such treatment.

At this time, I am quite fortunate that I am the Zhili of the eldest sister, because of this, now I don't have to face Shi Xiaofeng directly.But if you think about it carefully, you will find that facing him faceless now is also because Zhili, who has become the head of the eldest sister, has gradually become what he is now under her instigation.

But I have no chance to regret it, let alone any reason.Because I know clearly in my heart that the reason why I follow the route laid out by her so easily is because I have this tendency myself.So even if I didn't become her Zhili, I was just like this, and I was alone in an environment where I couldn't rely on Shi Xiaofeng, and one day I would definitely become the same as now, or worse.

Moreover, I really think so in my heart. In the shame, the only thing that supports me alive is numbness, and there should be a little comfort that is hard to understand-because I have already stood under the conditions that ordinary people can't imagine, with the burden in my hands. One or two dead people made me breathless, but I kept deepening my sins.What's even more sad is that even I don't know why I did it.

The reason for my consolation is because, I don’t know why, I always feel that Shi Xiaofeng should also be in this situation...

I can finally stand in the same world as him, and I must be able to feel his pain... In this way, the two of us seem to be getting closer...

Even though I know it's useless.

In fact, sometimes I have inexplicable doubts. I don’t know when, and Shi Xiaofeng gradually alienated, probably because I am no longer in the same world with him, and I can’t share his pain, but I want him to protect me in this environment. Life, and kindness, things that can easily collapse...

He is tired.

It's easy to understand isn't it?If it was me, doing this and that every day for a person who can't share the pain for me, I must have wanted to run away...

But now we are finally standing in the same world, probably the same world; finally, we should be able to share his pain, probably not; but because of my increasingly serious sins, he once wanted to protect me for a moment. , But now the kindness that has long been lost, and pain, and shame, can only suffer silently in the corner alone.

In fact, until now, I still feel that between me and him, I owe him more. In fact, I don’t know exactly what I owe, but that’s how I feel.

I feel that if I have been suffering in the corner alone, suffering uninterruptedly, I may be able to repay it.

In fact, there is no such thing, just because I have been suffering all the time, I want to find another reason to make my pain meaningful.

The author has something to say:

The exam is coming soon. After the exam, I want to lose weight this summer, and then I want to go to Xi'an with my friends...