critical value

I sit there almost every day, sometimes I eat Oden and play with my mobile phone, sometimes I eat Oden and drink a can of Coke while playing with my mobile phone. When a large number of people pass by, I will look up at the narrow road , expecting something unexpected to happen.

Seeing junior high school students or high school students bouncing and creaking to go home together, the happy appearance is almost perfect just singing and dancing. A large group of them pass by, sometimes boys ride The electric car bought with money is dragging with a female ticket, sometimes a lot of bad friends are running around the street, sometimes two good girlfriends are walking and chatting about something, and suddenly they don’t care about their image The "ah ha ha ha" laugh can be heard all over the street.Occasionally I see a person, even though he is alone but not alone, he secretly lowers his head and smiles as he walks...

Every time I see them, I always have a very strange feeling in my heart. There is a warm current that makes people want to smile comfortingly for a long time, but there is also a dull pain, which makes the whole person feel a little hopeless and powerless.For a long time, I didn't understand what this feeling meant.Then I thought about it for a while, and one day it suddenly dawned on me

——This seems to be youth.

You can fool around with your friends carefree, you can smirk regardless of your image, you can proudly race with a female ticket even if you are riding a motorcycle, even if you are alone, you will not be lost and hopeless, and you will secretly hide your unknown longing in your heart ...This seems to be a normal youth, but in retrospect, I don't seem to have experienced such an ordinary feeling.

I have never fought hard for my dreams, I have never had the joy of overcoming setbacks, I have never worked hard with others "collectively and collectively" because of a little bit of trivial matter, and I have never burst into tears because of the final success. Afterwards, I entered a world where there were no living things, and no matter how late I got home, all the lights were turned off——for a long time.

I often turn off the lights and look at the opposite police station with 5.3 eyesight. I see them gathering together to work overtime, celebrate, and make fun of themselves.

When my peers were experiencing youth, I was killing, drinking, and dying; when my peers were fighting for various exams until midnight or early in the morning, I lay on the three-foot-frozen street and fell asleep drunk; It’s hard for me to be the number one student in high school, and the road gets wider and wider. When I cherish more and more things, I’m still the same as I was at the beginning, and even more and more empty. In the end, there is nothing left except this life—— Now that I have lost Zhang Haoran, this is indeed the only life left for me.

Because of this, I often feel that living like this is meaningless, but I don’t have the courage to kill myself, so I can only numb day by day...

When I was in middle school, I remembered it as if it happened yesterday, but somehow it felt like a long time had passed.

Thinking about it carefully, if I hadn’t been picked up by the eldest sister a long time ago and could still stay in Shi’s house, maybe everything would be different; if grandpa hadn’t left so early, maybe my brother wouldn’t be a snake, and maybe I would I won't be stabbed; if I can be a precocious child, like the male protagonist in an idol drama, and take care of the overall situation at a young age, maybe those who were by my side won't leave me.

Although thinking of my brother now, my heart still hurts, and I can't help but pull a mocking smile on my face, but if I can choose, I really hope that everything that has left me can come back to me again, even my brother is the same .

But absolutely impossible.

Sometimes when I see middle school students walking past me, these thoughts flash through my mind inexplicably, and then I feel sad, and I really want to leave, but I am really too lazy to go back to the place where I live temporarily. Don't bother to do simple things.

So I ate a few mouthfuls of Kanto boiled in a daze, looking forward to the car accident.

Watching people coming and going in the misty rain outside the umbrella, I don't think about anything but just sit.I never thought about how to change the status quo, and never thought about getting rid of loneliness and really owning it.I feel that even if I have always been alone, I still recognize it. Anyway, even if I don’t have close friends, at least there is no shortage of people to pass the time, such as dating, hooking up with girls, sexually harassing little boys, or torturing and torturing Ishibe’s little ones. Lai, baahahahahahahaha~~~~ When I think about torturing them, I feel inexplicably refreshed~

Then at this time, a junior high school blue boy suddenly ran over and slapped my table with a "pia", which made the table tremble, the Kanto boiled twice, and the Coke almost fell on the table. I was so shocked that I trembled three times, and my whole body tensed up—according to the development of the TV series, this is to seek revenge?Or does he have superpowers like mind reading, knowing that I am here expecting a car accident, and came here to pour me chicken soup?No!I’ve watched TV dramas for so many years, and I’ve never had a character who scares the male protagonist by slapping the table for the first time...

So what is this all about?

I saw that he calmly took a rag that was casually placed on the branch, wiped the plastic chair opposite that was soaked because the umbrella was too small, and sat on it with a look of despair. When it rained, he had to put away the small broken transparent plastic umbrella that he carried with him for only a few dollars. He put the ribs on his head and leaned on the handle with his shoulders. He spread his hands and started talking to me casually. chat.

Shizhengtai (refer to the pitch of V Kagami’s voice) has ups and downs and ups and downs. I thought he would have an elated expression like Zhang Weiran, but the expression didn’t change at all, no matter where he said it or in what tone he used , has always been a very innocent look, with a pair of cat eyes widened, which makes people feel that he may be very dark... Maybe it's just pure cuteness, or is there a lack of simple expressions?

In short, I was quite confused at that time. After all, I was suddenly patted on the table by a junior high school student I didn’t know at all, and then he sat in front of me calmly and seemed to be very familiar. Oden!Based on my experience of watching so many TV shows, killing so many people, and drinking so much alcohol, I can't explain what's going on now...

But maybe the stalk in SM's novels where they met each other and then fell on the bed can be explained? (touches chin)

Because I was very ignorant at that time, and I was still thinking about messy things like a middle-aged uncle, while wondering "How does he know that I can be both male and female?", so I basically didn't listen to a word he said. .Anyway, it’s nothing more than a little boy like my wife Yuno’s house with strict censorship. Because he didn’t study well, he was caught by the head teacher and fed a lot of chicken soup, and then he missed the time limit to go home. I really can’t think of anything good. The reason, anyway, even if I think of Mama, I won’t believe it, so I’m very confused about how to go home today. It’s too miserable to have a home and not be able to go home. I’m really the most pitiful person in the world

——It’s almost like this.

It's one thing to hear it or not, Whocares?But after a long time, when he suddenly became dull one day, without saying a word or making a face, I began to regret not listening to his cadenced nonsense at that time... I always felt that I My life is full of regrets.

At that time, I kept thinking about hooking up with a junior high school boy who didn't know much about the world to pass the time I was staying in Anhui. It seemed that because Emperor Zhang Hao ran Shan Gao was far away from them and no one cared about them, the local Zhangbu and those minions They are too weak, the preliminary work has been delayed for a long time, and they conservatively estimate that it will take about four months-it is so boring that it collapses.

The horoscopes on the Internet say that Leo is a constellation with a special appearance association. If you are ugly, it is basically useless to hook up with a lion-but horoscopes are very accurate for me.So at that time, he kept staring at the face of the Lun family.

He is not particularly good-looking, let alone that amazing feeling, but after all, I have seen Zhang Haoran's face, "Once the sea was too difficult for water"~ So I took a closer look, and changed the standard at this time, Maybe it's because I've been watching it for a long time, and I suddenly found that his face is so cute that I can't say anything. He is obviously a boy, and he looks like a kitten.

The eyebrows are light, but very flat and smooth, with a pair of cat eyes with half-drooped single eyelids. The big eyes stare at me cutely. The whole person seems to be very well-behaved. The nose is small and nothing special, and the shape of the lips is very similar. The lips of a porcelain doll in a traditional craft shop, but he is a light pink series, and his face is a round face with a pointed chin. The cute and soft girls in anime generally have this face shape.He knew at a glance that since he was a child, he has been particularly popular with the elders, the kind of person who collects the most New Year's money every year, unlike me, who is obviously handsome, but the elders always feel that the eyes are drooping and lethargic, and stare at them hatefully. ...and because of the reddish-brown eyes inherited from the family, there is also a sense of déjà vu.

I know even if they don't tell!It was clearly written on the face and in the red envelope!

Let’s not mention this first, but I also want to complain about him, “Sao Nian, your hair is unqualified!”——The long, broken bangs hang down tightly, covering the eyebrows and part of the upper eyelid, almost poking In the eyes, several pinches hang down on both sides of the face. He uses the same tricks as the cute girls in the anime to cover up the disadvantage of his round face.The hair is a little messy, but it feels fluffy and cute like this.

After we got acquainted, I even asked him: "Sao Nian, your hair is unqualified, right?" He said that it would be all right to tell the teacher that his uncle can't cut his hair after he died, and I said, "Have you ever considered your uncle's feelings! ", he told me that he has been using this trick since he was in elementary school. He told his uncle that he was ignorant of the world, and the old man still laughed like a clack...

What?

Of course, these are all things for later. At that time, I just confirmed his good looks and decided to start flirting~