critical value

After that, many things happened. After I brought Zhang Haoran back to the headquarters, the funeral was held as scheduled, but it was just a tomb of clothes, and Zhang Haoran was secretly hidden by Zhang Weiran.Therefore, Zhang Weiran didn't attend that day, but he was even happier, because at the funeral, the one beside me was Zhang Haoran's clothes, at most a lock of hair, and Zhang Haoran was indeed beside him.

After that, the family that wiped out our army before came to the meeting alone, and gave a speech in front of the whole gang. It seemed to be asking for peace, but in fact they were forcing us to make peace-but they were indeed It is right to have the ability to persecute us.

After that, I found out that the person who went to the meeting alone was the third lady of the other party's family. The boss of our family sued for peace very cowardly, but he said that he was an alliance with us.A few years later, I heard that the third lady had graduated from college and was really bored and came to our place to take over as the head of the squirrel department. She said that young people need more experience.

Afterwards, I solved the pile of trivial matters in the Shi family and returned to the headquarters, and she left accordingly.The last time I saw her was in a video, epilepsy showed me a video of her wedding, I saw her wearing a revealing wedding dress, holding a bouquet of dark blue roses in the dark In the middle of the day, with the light on, he slowly walked towards the person he loved.

——At that moment, I suddenly felt that all the things she said before going to the meeting alone were correct.It's just that I was too frivolous at the time to understand.After comprehension, my heart was suddenly empty... But fortunately, I still have epilepsy around me. It is one of the many comforts after the 20th year of my life, and it is also the first among them.

That emptiness seemed to be filled, and a warm feeling rose in my heart.

After that, nothing major happened.

Calm, like the "child" Zhang Haoran said in his dream.

Of course, there is still a long, long way to go until then...

When Zhang Haoran just left, I was in a mess and I didn’t know what state I was in. It was completely chaotic, not just the state of being unable to distinguish between day and night, years and months, reality and illusion, but even more messy. Too late to be sad, chaotic to a little excited

——At that time, I couldn’t sleep every night, and some things that happened a long time ago or always felt that they would happen in the future flashed in my mind, all of which were vague. Sitting on the seat, the blackboard that was close at hand always felt farther and farther away. Hearing the teacher chanting nonsense, he lay crookedly on the table and fell asleep.

At that time, the days and nights felt like when I fell asleep in class when I was a student. Although it was a short time, it seemed like a long time, and it was a long time, but it seemed to happen in a flash. Sometimes You will suddenly feel that a very strange thing has happened in the distant past.

A vague voice echoed in my ears as if I was in the vast sea and sky, and I also recalled some things I had learned in my mind-"Chirp and chirp, Mulan is weaving at home...", "The first emperor did not start a business before he started a business." Half way down...", "The peacock flies southeast, ten miles? No, it seems to be five miles away...", "Annie, I'malittlenervous..." "y=..."

insomnia.

Although I can't sleep all night, I am still full of energy during the day, and even have a bit of a snake-like excitement, but it is not the same as the excitement I usually show. I won't force those gangsters to kneel down and call me "My Lady Queen".Just a person burning in vain, immersed in his own world.

For example, when I have nothing to do, I like to pace up and down the room like a caged beast, and from time to time, I hold my head and howl for a while like those very aggressive snake spirits in horror games, and then suddenly die It turned into holding my head and laughing wildly, and sometimes I would be a little more awake, forcing myself to sit quietly on the stool, but at this time my legs would shake uncontrollably.

Anyway, it is restless day and night, but it is often in a state of chaos.

It was only when Zhang Haoran was buried that I suddenly realized what had happened. At that moment, the whole world seemed to pull away from me... I lost my last consolation in the 20 years before my life. At that time , At the age of 19, I thought desperately that maybe I would spend the remaining years of my life in solitude... So I collapsed into a dizziness, as if I was about to fall down.But in the end it was just right to stand firm.

Some hot, but actually still some cold fingers caressed the upper abdomen, and lightly touched the scar that had already healed. I knew that I was not that fragile, but I always wanted to show that I was vulnerable. On the black coffin, a professional mourner danced an exaggerated dance while shouting "I'm a dick—" There were already people around who laughed because of her exaggerated performance, but they still covered their mouths and tried to pretend Seriously, blushing...

Now the whole world is not just moving away from me, but completely distorted and collapsed—the whole world seems to be the only one who is sad, as if the protagonist has suffered a great misfortune, but the sky above his head is still bright and sunny. , without the slightest cloudy to showery feeling, as if the whole world was rejecting me and mocking me.

At that moment, it was really sad, and I really wanted to cry loudly, using my n years of Latin dance skills to dance with the mourners, lying next to the coffin and shouting "I'm a baby—"... ..Thinking about it like this, it seems that I really have a sore nose and I am about to cry, but suddenly I thought of a sentence that was very inconvenient. When I just brought Zhang Haoran back, Zhang Weiran cried and said to me One sentence: "It's your fault that he died!"

At that moment, it suddenly felt like this was true, so the crying sound was choked in my throat, and I couldn't cry again for a long time.

After Zhang Haoran was buried, I collapsed alone in the headquarters for a few days, sitting silently in the stone department during the day, neither reading documents nor beating and scolding my subordinates, pretending that nothing happened, and indeed nothing happened during the whole day Do.At night, I went to bed early, closed my eyes, and my mind was full of memories of the past with Zhang Haoran, and then fell into a drowsy sleep. The sleep was not deep, and I squinted for a while, feeling dizzy and sleepy. It's just a meeting, at that time, it seemed that taking a piece of paper from my side would wake me up.

After that, when it was almost midnight, I sat up from the bed like a corpse, looked at the digital watch on the screen lock of the mobile phone, and inexplicably felt a long-lost joy. I always felt that there was something I had been waiting for for a long time. Now is the best time to implement it—but flipping through the contacts on the phone, just about to poke the familiar number habitually...so I choked up again.

Afterwards, he couldn't sleep anymore, and kept thinking about those things with Zhang Haoran, and the more he thought about it, the more sad and desperate he became, so he writhed tensely on the bed, grabbed his hair and gritted his teeth, with angry eyes wide open, I was also choked up all the time, and almost burst into tears, but remembered the phrase "It's all your fault" and locked them in my eyeballs abruptly.So I wanted to change another method—for example, let out a roar, but the wailing that should have been heard for hundreds of miles was blocked in the throat, as if the vocal cords had been cut off, leaving only a weak "hiss" Voice.

He writhed like a psychopath all night, made a hideous expression, pulled his hair and smashed the bed, and made some self-injurious behaviors from time to time.

- Take pleasure in this.

Or it's atonement, or self-punishment, or just to pass the boring long night.

Thinking back to my actions and feelings at that time, maybe I can understand my brother a little bit...

But at that time, he was just immersed in his own sadness.He tried his best to avoid things about his brother and his hometown.

Not long after, Zhang Weiran hid Zhang Haoran, and came back alone from somewhere deep in the mountains and old forests. He also haggarded for several days, and then he was in a state of madness with disheveled hair. From time to time, he would imitate Zhang Haoran and glance at me, He gave a small smile and walked away, using it as a sarcasm.It often makes my heart tremble, as if I really saw Zhang Haoran, and then I feel the pain of despair.

After that, we adjusted our state a little bit, Zhang Weiran and I ran back to the old villa in the mountains with the boss, and became a little calmer. At least we can return to normal during the day, and we can follow the boss to be a loyal minister and assistant He is sitting in the mountains and rivers, but he is still crazy at night, basically unable to sleep at all.

Zhang Weiran's situation is even worse. After he came back here, he became more and more insane. He was in a state of disheveled hair and running around wildly. Ran—that seems to be a past that is very close, but also very far away, and can't be touched no matter what.

Afterwards, the BOSS convened the heads of various departments in the old villa in the forest for a long time, discussing the issue of hunting down the next head of the department, and whether to remove Zhang Weiran and appoint a new head of the black history department.

He sat in the first place as it should be, and I sat in the first chair on his right hand in the order of left, right, and right. The eldest sister has always been sleeping on the second floor with nothing to do with her, so the BOSS No one came to guard behind him, Zhang Weiran did not come because he was crazy, so the first chair on his left was also vacant.

At that time, seeing the well-dressed so-and-so and so-and-so sitting in the conference room, my mind suddenly drifted away, and I suddenly remembered that when Zhang Haoran was still there, because the hunting department and the anti-hunting department were originally the same In the same country, the status of the two chief executives is equal, so the BOSS approved the two of us to sit in the same position with a rotten face.At that time, I was leaning on the back of the chair, holding Zhang Haoran in my arms, and the two of them flirted with each other as if no one was watching. Of course, the other chief executives were too busy watching pornography to pay attention to us, but Zhang Weiran, who was across the long table, was furious.. .....

Thinking of this, the corners of his mouth gradually curled up unconsciously, but his heart felt dull pain.