critical value

When I first stepped into the bright hall, I actually felt a little creepy and uncomfortable, but the corridor was even more creepy and uncomfortable, so I didn't have the desire to return.

In order to alleviate this feeling, I still talked to Zhang Haoran in the same way as when I was in the corridor, usually talking nonsense, no matter whether it is deep or shallow, the kind of words that have no meaning, he probably I also felt bored, the same as when I was in the corridor, I responded to me one after another, I ran around in the whole hall, bouncing around and letting myself go, Zhang Haoran sometimes stood still, sometimes Shi also followed me who was jumping, and walked a few steps very calmly.

I have been reluctant to go up the stairs, and my intuition tells me that there is something terrible hidden there.

That's even more strange, since I already sensed that there was something hidden in that dark door, but I still let him hide there, watching me condescendingly, lurking and ready to jump out like a cheetah at any time to bite me hard …

In fact, after careful consideration, I decided to overcome my fear of horror games, and took Zhang Haoran back to the corridor to continue groping, but just as I was walking along the corner to the door, I suddenly felt that my feet were empty—it was a very subtle feeling. In the air, I stepped on something, but it seemed that I just stepped on something that was floating in the air due to pseudo-physics. It couldn't bear my gravity and immediately sank, as if it was going to drag me into the ground.

But it doesn't seem to be the case, I seem to be dragged into the sky.

After that, there was a "buzz" in my mind, and a bunch of black, gray or white snowflakes flashed in front of my eyes, and everything I saw after that was like a dream.

To be precise, I basically didn’t see anything, it was just a bunch of figures dangling around, and I couldn’t make out anything blocked by the snowflakes on that screen, it was just a bunch of indistinguishable black shadows, A black figure fell, and other black figures jumped up and down near him, I don't know what they were busy with-seeing this scene, I felt inexplicably distraught.

There was no sound in the dream, it was just the "humming" sound that I imagined in my head.There was only one sound, which could be identified as coming from the outside world. It was very close but seemed very far away—it was the sound of gunfire.Obviously I can't even tell where it came from, but the moment I heard that, I suddenly felt that the sky seemed to have collapsed, and the whole world covered with snowflakes turned red inexplicably, and the snowflakes also became red and dazzling.

In the end, I vaguely saw Zhang Haoran staring at me in the bright red world with resentful eyes.

Then it landed on the ground for some unknown reason. The bright red gradually dissipated a lot, and the snowflakes also faded a little. I vaguely saw a few black shadows jumping into the darkness. Into the darkness, but was caught off guard by something and tripped to the ground.

Maybe those few seconds passed extremely slowly, or maybe it really took a long time.During the whole process of falling down, and even after I fell down, I didn’t know whether it was a few seconds, a few minutes or more than ten minutes. I didn’t feel anything, and naturally I didn’t have time consciousness. hours, and hours seemed numb in pain to mere seconds...

In short, I don’t know how long it took, maybe it was a long time, maybe it was only a few seconds, anyway, when I woke up again, I was no longer dizzy, the snowflakes were no longer flashing in front of my eyes, the black shadows no longer existed, and the sky and the earth became the original color , but because it was the time of sunset, it still had a strange red color—as if nothing had happened, it was just that I accidentally fell in the corner of the wall just now.

But it’s not like this. Some sense of touch reminds me, something other than the blood red reflected by the setting sun reminds me that all this is true, and I have nowhere to escape.

I tripped over the dead Zhang Haoran.

What I felt right afterward was despair, and the last comfort I had in the first 20 years of my life left me.

The person I have loved deeply for a long time, the person whom I have had countless fantasies about, even if I love Zhang Haoran deeply, I have never had time to say "I love you" even in fantasies.

What is the feeling in my heart, I can only understand it but cannot express it in words. It is probably the feeling of seeing the person I have been in love with for a long time in front of others. It was drained clean, but not only that, the blood in the whole body seemed to be drained, gradually being swallowed up from the heart, and finally tensed, but I couldn't feel myself anymore.

Attention can only be concentrated on one point, but that point is illusory and blurred, and no entity can be found.

There is nowhere to vent your attention, just like there is nowhere to vent your sadness and despair. In the end, it is all piled up on yourself, so that you can't even find yourself.

It takes a long time to calm down, and that moment means numbness, calm to the point where there is no wave in the heart, but not strong enough to be able to laugh at sadness, despair, and parting, just numbness.

I carefully propped up Zhang Haoran who had completely become like a doll. He was still beautiful despite his lack of strength. Looking at him like that, his deep eyes became cloudy, his beautiful forehead was stained by a blood hole, and everything else was gone. Exactly the same as this morning, surprisingly beautiful, but will soon turn into a handful of dust.

Thinking of this, I feel very hopeless, thinking of the secret promise in my heart this morning - "If, just if, if time can stop at this moment, then I am willing to keep watching Zhang Haoran."

Thinking of this, my heart felt turbulent again, as if I could vaguely see a glimmer of hope, maybe this way I could watch him forever, at least in my last memory, I was watching him—slowly from He took out a pistol from his arms, loaded it, and pressed it against his temple...

But he never had the courage to pull the trigger.

At that moment, I cried, crying for my cowardice, crying that I didn’t love Zhang Haoran deeply enough, crying that I failed this person...

I cry a lot, but I don’t shed a lot of tears, because more of it is anger, annoyed by the same things I cry, angry that I can’t achieve many ifs, angry that I’m small and powerless, angry that I’m self-righteous and pretentious but can’t Resist any, any harm to the most important person around me.

After that, I felt scared again.Of course, it took a long time to calm down before I felt it—if one day I have the most important person again, will I repeat the same mistakes.Then I thought of Zhang Haoran again, and felt despair and pain again—if, one day, I want to taste this feeling again... I am willing to immerse myself in the grief of losing Zhang Haoran for a long time, of course, this is also a reason .

Later, when I carried Zhang Haoran on my back and didn't know where to go, my love for him kept flashing in my mind, torturing me in vain, but I didn't have the courage to go to hell with him, so I swore secretly in my heart, I am willing to live alone and suffer in loneliness for Zhang Haoran.This is the second reason.

Besides, "Once the sea was too difficult to find water"...

This is the third reason.

The fourth reason may be realized from the very beginning, or it may be realized through Zhang Weiran's sentence "it is your fault that he will die". In fact, as he said, it is all my fault that he will die Wrong, so, at least three years of mourning and self-punishment-the residence has changed, and the wine and meat have been cut off.Be an old widower for at least three years and never love anyone again.

Also, I'm afraid that I have the kind of physique that I was born with, and I finally fell in love with someone after a lot of effort, but I have to face a farewell. - The fifth reason.

There are many, many reasons, but in the end they were all washed away by time. One day, I no longer cared so much about Zhang Haoran's affairs, so I fell in love with another person again.But as long as he thinks of Zhang Haoran, his heart will still feel a dull pain. Maybe this matter will not change in the end.

It’s okay to say I’m unfaithful or whatever, because the facts are right in front of my eyes, but at least for now, I’m still desperate because I lost Zhang Haoran.

In fact, not long after, I saw Zhang Haoran, he was sitting on the edge of a cliff waiting for me to run past him - he said that I don't need him, he said that I will always meet someone who coincides with me in the right world , He said that I am absolutely fine, one day I will unload all the burdens, and my life is not the same as before or now, but looks like a long-ago childhood.

Although I don't believe in ghosts and gods, but I remember what he said on the edge of the cliff that time, every time I think about it, I feel like I'm about to cry...

That night, I carried Zhang Haoran on my back, and I didn't know where I went. Anyway, I went around to the entrance where I came in. For some reason, the people in charge of the reception disappeared, leaving the night alone.That night, I walked back to Nanjing city step by step wearing the stars and carrying Zhang Haoran on my back. There were no pedestrians in the middle of the night.

——Walk back to the BOSS branch in Jiangnan smoothly all the way, and found the supervisor of this mission.

He said: "Shi Xiaofeng, it seems that you are the only one left." Then he showed me many photos.

They are all the same, dead bodies hanging all over the room.

Count the number of people, it happens to be the number of people who came out this time -2

The author has something to say:

I feel that I didn't write Zhang Haoran's death so abruptly. After all, I have already explicitly hinted at the ending of his death before. Of course, I have to write the death first, otherwise he will become a big villain. Gong returned to the villain Mary Su who was a small Gong.I feel sorry for my character...